gearsteel123
Joined 11th Apr, 2014 ·
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Woooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww
First off why would there be grease on the stage of dj's and second the pacing is way way out of control. One minute were talking about the last of humans and the next he's in bed with Vinyl. Slow it down.
Oof swing and a miss...a really bad miss.
So, clothing douchebags wear.
4907667 Not sure I should even read this after seeing this.
Really? We're still doing shit like this?
Good story keep going
4907667
Wait, 15 went to Denver International Airport?
Learn how to capitalize.
The premise is interesting.
Constructive criticism time:
The pacing is definitely off. And by off, I mean there isn't any standard.
I recommend going back and making the entire prologue about the ends of earth. I would suggest spending a few thousand words giving a quick summary of why earth had come to the brink of destruction, and what made the humans see the portal as salvation.
Definitely work on capitalization, as well as the overuse of adjectives. Your work well be a lot more fun to read of you don't use the same word/phrase over and over.
Proper punctuation and grammar are your friend.
In the end, just keep trying, and don't get discouraged by some dislikes and negative comments. It takes practice to write well.
4908991
I agree with this, except i had to stop half way inbecause i couldn't find it interesting due to the pacing. Definitely keep trying.
How the fuck is the world suddenly suffering a massive apocalypse in 2015?
4908499
DIA means died in action
4909345
Well, substituting that for the abbreviation (as opposed to what it usually means here in Denver), we get this:
So it's not just your lousy capitalization. You're bad at grammar, too.
4909364
It can mean dead in action too, dumbass.
4909374
You're the one who can't even capitalize the title of your story or the name of your character, and I'm the dumbass?
Mark your calendars, everyone! Today is Opposite Day.
A few capitalisation issues. But keep it up I'm interested to see where this goes.
4909374
DIA is not a term. The one you wanted was KIA.
So, you were saying about dumbasses?
4909374
Ah, screw it.
I'm gonna change it.
4909374
Wow, you're being really rude.
Jeez Louise! I wanted to read the story, but seeing a few moments, I'm not sure I want to, especially if I say how I feel about it.
4908170 ......
And now were comment deleting
Seems more like a draft than an actual chapter. If the obvious errors were fixed and slowed the pacing down then this would be a good start.
I'm thinking, "The name's Bond. James Bond."(Then, "Shake, not stir.")
4909543 heh. His rage level must be over 9000. That would explain his sudden outburst.
4914316
You got it bang on.
Come to think of it, I'm gonna do a contest.
The one that finds the most references wins!
I like it so far maybe get a proofreader and editors to help and it will be an even better story .I can't wait to see what happens next between them all and what happens next to them all.And slow it down and make some charter development so we can how she and I hope the others grow to like then love him.
4911560
I'm in doubt that all these accounts are different people. They're all bad at writing, and I'm not sure if more than one person can even be that stupid.
4909815
I heard he wakes up with whiskey and oysters.
4907902 What makes you say that?
4917871
Aside from douchebags who else wears a fedora with casual clothing? It's meant to complement a suit. If you're under 50 or it's after 1960, you shouldn't be wearing a fedora period regardless.
4918324 Thats an opinion nothing else. So calling someone a douchebag is an opinion as well but pretty much saying you don't crap about someones else feelings or opinion. Which means you are not that nice and pretty mean and hateful.
I guess friendship is magic doesn't mean much to you but it means a lot to me. Please be nice to others. Thank you! 
4918732
i.imgur.com/gUh8yO1.png
4918324
The answer you are looking for is 'wild neckbeards'.
4918732
Have you seen the replies that the dude has been leaving? That sounds like douchebag behavior to me.
4919146 So you wanna be like him? Then go ahead I won't stop you. Just don't complain when people call you a douchebag or something like that. You're just as bad as him if you talk like he is.
4919165
I've been on here for a long time and have never been called a douchebag, I just call it like I see it. :3
4919173 Thats fine then be like him. I call it as I see it too but I won't be mean about it. You're as bad as he is if you wanna call him names.
4918324
Hey! I wear a phedora almost every day, and im not a total douchebag!
And I just get a little touchy since push myself as much as possible to get new stories on the site!
4920142
I think you should try harder, then.
4920158
I'm past my point.
FUCK OFF.
I never want to here another word out of you.
Well, it's... promising. Here is my opinion. Editors, proofreaders, and slow the pacing.
...
Yep, that's about it. Find those and you're set. There are groups with members willing to help. Give them a looksy and consider their services. Like I said, this can be really good. Good luck and god speed.
I'm liking it because it has a good bass but it does need some work I want to see where it goes.
4920177
4920399
Please calm down
Matt Onyx? I saw the name and the overly dramatic intro voice went through my head. "In a world with only 10 humans left alive"... (now go to nasally intro voice) " Rob Schneider plays as Matt Onyx in a tale of love for Vinyl Scratch will he win her heart" (DBZ voice) "find out next time on Loving a Disk Jockey: Episode 2.
4922324 ok
Pacing is rather fast. It also jumps around quite a bit. I would suggest like many others, that you slow it down some. Snag an editor who you can toss ideas around with. Lord knows if it weren't for my editor my own story would be off. I'll mark this as read later until more comes out. The idea is interesting.
4923752 no problem I jest don't like to see fighting (
but the pic you put up was freaking helarios)