- Member Since 27th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen Jun 5th, 2023
thealicorngamer247
hi my name is Nate and i love mlp fim and i spened most of my time reading, playing video games or playing my Bassoon
thealicorngamer247
Joined 27th Oct, 2013 ·
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I'll put this in my read later. Just busy with a story right now. Also if your first story doesn't get the kind of attention you thought, don't feel discouraged about it, use whatever criticism you get to make your next one better. From one writer to another, practice will make your next stories better.
I like it keep it up
I like were it going keep it up
4466513 thanks, I try my best.
4467013 That's the spirit.
i like it :) it has alot of potential :D
There is a word for your hugest problem, well, actually, three words:
I'll read this again after work has been done in it but until then...
Iwt newds moawr!
In the beginning it was fine, but the lack of " and proper spelling, punctuation, and paragraphs make this quite difficult to read. Not to be rude, but even when I was a horny 13 year old writing really corny furry yiff stories they had better quality. Best thing to do is read a lot of other stories, and try to imitate their quality. Read and notice how their story is paragraphed and spaced out, because walls of text are very annoying to read(even though this is a wall of text lol). Also don't do
people don't speak like that, one ! is fine. This story and you have potential, so keep at it. [edit]: there's an authors note option by the way. You should probably use it, y'know.... for authors notes.
4470014 Well, the story is going through some MAJOR editing right now.
4470431 Okay so I finally read it and it has some problems.
1. No quotation marks.
2. It's a run-on all the way through. It's good that you have an editor(I would assume since you said it was being edited at the moment)
You have to space out you paragraph's or it just looks like a run-on. That makes it very confusing to read, not to mention that the reader has to figure out him/her-self where the last paragraph starts, and stops.
Now I'm not saying the story is bad, I'm saying it needs work on the presentation.
O.k.fine sir, you need an editor. Not just somepony you know of, but a legit editor, or one of the mods of the site could do it...
Until then, this is going to stay on my READ LATER list thank you very much.
Btw, you gave me a headache
4494566 I have an editor. A LEGIT editor. He has trying to be working on it, but doesn't have the time, so just wait. The grammar will be better soon.
I think my brain is going to explode.
You need to separate the dialogue, quote it, and use new paragraphs for different speakers. I use a fragging kindle for Pete's sake and even though my stories aren't published, it's not that hard. I'm not trying to be a major a-hole, I'm just saying it would help if you, or an editor, would fix it.
Holy cow man, I can barely even read and tell the difference between dialog and regular text
If twilight read this, she would destroy this story
4544795 I know, I stink at this, but dislike all you want. I'm not going to stop writing.
I'm not trying to be mean or discourage you from writing stories, it's just very hard to read the story that story with out proper separation within the story, maybe get a friend to review your chapter or something, there are many
mindless robotshappy people on here to help in any way they can to only improve.PS) I only wish for people to improve. if you need anything I'm happy to help in any way I can. over my summer break. my only problem will be
Hell's gate keeperthe very beautiful and caring woman in my life.don't know I messed up, very hard to read the story that has no proper separation within the text to help the story along
4567313 yeah, i get it, and it would be very helpful if you did help.
I would be happy to help. I may be new to the website, but I'm willing to help. just holler when you need help with anything, I know life can get in the way to make everything perfect. message me if you need anymore info (email stuff like that). anything private just send it in a PM or something, I'm still figuring this place out. just wish I could figure it out faster
.
Much better than the last chapter, but definitely could all use a lot of work. But it is still really good and I think it has potential
4604382 Thank you.
If you need any help sweetheart, I do have seven novels awarded with the Nobel Prize of Literature and I am willing to share my expertise. It would be my pleasure. PS, I'm rarely awake during the day and always awake at night (old habits from when I was a Disk Jockey in Ohio
) hope to read another good chapter
4604405 As the editor, I'm excited to see comments like this to come in. Comments like these just make me feel good that someone is appreciating his work, I would call it ours but hey, I can't take credit for his story.
basking in the glory of first comment
heads up everybody. When I was editing this, it looked a lot different on Word. And remember, comments that hate not only kill a baby, but also kills one of Fluttershy's animal friends. and you can't do that to this poor girl, could you?
Okay, I have a problem that YOU need to fix. All of your editing was NOT done by TRE, as the first half was done by ME. The Color Nine was your editor, and guess who this is? I just have a new face is all. So, I would appreciate it if you FIXED that. Let me reiterate for those of you that read this: TRE only did the last half. If you look, you can see where mine ended and his began. So, TAG, FIX THIS. I want my hard work to be MY hard work, and not soembody else's. And, TRE, no hard feelings. It was HIS fault, and not yours.
4629804 there you go. I fixed it up.
busblog.tonypierce.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/obama-not-bad-l.png
Still minor errors here and there but much, much better.
4635749 sorry I did not meet your exact expectations, I'm constantly reviewing the chapters in hopes of finding an error so I can fix it and make the story that much better.
I'm honestly surprised that no-body has commented on the new chapters
4683788 I know right?
4685346 probably cuz they didn't realize a new chapter was up, you're doing good, i have a feeling this will be an awesome story when it's done
4712992 thanks I couldn't do it without some help
Read the 're-edited version. Still needs separate dialogue, a few punctuation errors, and the story is rushed. I may suck at writing, but I'm not when it comes to punctuation. Nitpicking OCD is kicking in.
Still quite rushed, parts lack description, or action. It would help if you put everything into DETAIL it outta help both lengthen and better your story.
Phew my fingers are cramping up! Fixed a lot of it though. Although there were parts I was uncertain. Nonetheless I got nearly everything.
4467013 did I hear some one call for some help on a fic
5057333 you can help if you want just tell me and if you want to have props for helping just ask