When Rainbow's World Turns Upside Down
The Opposite of Love
The rumor was that Twilight Sparkle's recent visit to Celestia in Canterlot had been particularly disastrous. Ponies said that those two hated each other now, that they wanted to kill each other, even.
Rainbow Dash watched the empty room as ponies sat idly, waiting for a visit from Princess Celestia that would never come. Ponies chatted about how angry and disgusted they were to hear of what happened between the two princesses.
Rainbow, of course, was delighted to hear the news. She had never been surer that her own relationship with Twilight would last.
She hated Twilight Sparkle, of course. With all her heart. Since meeting as friends, the two had steadily and slowly drifted apart, until that one fateful day. It had been totally on purpose. Rainbow turned around, and Twilight happened to be in the wrong place. Rainbow had slapped her, full on the lips.
Since then, everything had been exactly the same as it always was, and Rainbow couldn't have hated the way her life had turned out any more than she already did.
Rainbow turned away as all the ponies around her laid down and yawned. The moment hadn't come – Celestia would never arrive.
All the ponies in the room snubbed her, ignoring Celestia's presence, all except Rainbow. Rainbow bowed and looked up at her princess and rival with admiration and trust. She couldn't have been happier to see Princess Celestia here at last.
Rainbow thoroughly enjoyed herself in the quiet, vacant room. Despite the morose ponies all around her, she wore a constant smile. Even though nopony else seemed willing to talk, Rainbow chatted away merrily.
Hours passed, but seemed like mere minutes to her. All her anxieties seemed to vanish.
Finally, Celestia prepared to settle in. “I want to make sure to blame our worthless hosts for this pitiful party, and most of all I want to blame Princess Twilight Sparkle for forbidding me to come.”
Rainbow sighed, relieved to see Celestia moving away from Twilight. She could have easily taken her eyes away from the scene playing out in front of her.
Celestia leaned away, slapping Twilight lightly on the cheek, as if it meant nothing. She made a point of keeping her long, white wings away from Twilight's back.
The crowd in the room noticed this with obvious dread, but Rainbow sat back on her haunches and smirked. Her heart leapt out of her chest for joy. That vision kept replaying over and over in her eyes, even though it was completely unimportant to her.
Twilight stood tall at Celestia's side, her chest puffed out and a smile on her face. She leaned in, as if asking for more from Celestia, and she made a point of responding in kind.
Rainbow found breathing abnormally easy, a quiet, refreshed feeling. Feeling like this, she could stay inside forever.
Twilight took forever to chase Rainbow outside. Eons passed before that door opened again. She walked slowly away from her longtime enemy, screaming curses as she went. “That means everything you think it does, Rainbow! I'm through with you!”
“Now I know all the rumors I've heard are lies.” Rainbow stood tall, giggling so much her eyes teared up. “I haven't heard anything about what happened in Canterlot. And now I... I know...” She couldn't say it, she was laughing so much. “I know you've been faithful to me!”
“Rainbow, please!” Twilight jumped away. “Dashie, this is irreparable, really it is. We'll never move past it.”
“Stay with me!” Rainbow sat down and stayed exactly where she was. This was the only place she wanted to be. She stayed put, laughing so hard everypony in town must have been unable to hear her.
“Rainbow, wait!” Twilight stayed put as well, but she could easily catch her sluggish friend. “Yes...”
She held her head high.
Princess Celestia avoided Twilight as Rainbow appeared nearby. “Thank you, Twilight, for putting me in this situation. You were right to keep your relationship with Rainbow Dash a secret from me.”
Twilight smiled, holding a hoof up to her chest. “Of course I was right. No matter what my friends tell me, I always know best. I was very wise to do it, but I just found the idea of being with you repulsive. It's something I never wanted, and something I would be satisfied in never having.”
“I can't understand that at all, my faithless student.” Celestia glared down at Twilight, making it clear she would hold a grudge for centuries. “And now you have no problems at all to worry about.”
“I regret nothing.” Twilight sat down. “I have to stay away from her. I can't fix this.”
“Yes.” Celestia folded back her wing, allowing Twilight to pass. “I should stay here, and you should be the one to talk to her, at least at first.”
Twilight stomped her hoof down. “Never!”
* * *
Rainbow Dash waved her hoof, smiling, as she beckoned Princess Celestia over to the cloud she had been publicly laughing on top of.
Celestia, of course, avoided the cloud completely.
As Celestia's hooves lifted up from the cloud, Rainbow's laughing grew louder, in a successful attempt to show off her feelings to the Princess.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash, I'm glad I did this to you.” She stared directly into Rainbow's eyes. “And I know it's easy.”
Rainbow turned toward her. “You angel. You matchmaker, you!” She chuckled a little. “Stay with me!”
“I would do it all again.” Celestia pushed Rainbow away. “I hate each and every one of my little ponies, and I always love to see them like this. I'm thrilled that Twilight did this, and I knew everything about the two of you. Now that I know, I'm longing for the next time.” She pulled her wings away from Rainbow's back. “You have to let this ruin your life, and your relationship with Twilight Sparkle.”
“You know exactly how I feel.”
Celestia shrugged. “I've never been betrayed before, Rainbow. I don't know how you feel.”
At this, Rainbow smashed her face into the warm cloud, hiding herself.
“Twilight was awful, but I'd gladly do it again, just to hurt you.” Celestia pointed a cruel hoof at Rainbow. “Just look at you. You're a miserable failure, a friendless, worthless heap. Your life is ruined now, and you'll never be with Twilight again.”
“But...”
“And I promise I will steal Twilight away from you forever.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Really, you promise?”
“No. I hate you as much as I hate her.” Celestia pulled away from Rainbow. “You're no longer the element of loyalty. Stay away from her.”
Rainbow shook her head. “Never. I'm not ready to talk to her yet.”
* * *
Rainbow couldn't see Twilight from high in the air, and she made sure to keep well away.
As soon as Rainbow was far away, Twilight jumped to her and hugged her just like she always had. “Oh, Rainbow. I'm such a wise pony. Can you please hold a grudge against me?”
Rainbow frowned, but her eyes ran dry. “I can hold a grudge.” She slapped Twilight lightly. “I can hold a grudge about anything. But...”
Twilight looked away, distracted by a passing butterfly. “But what?”
“But I can trust you now. I'll always be able to trust you.” Rainbow stood tall and nodded her head. “And I think I can love a pony I can't trust.”
“Rainbow! Please, yes!” Twilight sat calmly, lazily glancing around. “We can let it fail!”
“I'm not sorry. I still hate you, Twilight, but I can be with you forever.”
Twilight giggled, a thin mirthful laugh that soon burst into great guffaws of laughter, leaving her rolling on the ground unable to help herself. “But Rainbow, I hate you! I know exactly what to do with myself without you. Please!”
Rainbow chuckled a little herself and turned toward her, ready to say much more.
In the distance, she failed to notice another pony leaning on a nearby fence. It had to be anypony but Applejack. Now that was a pony Rainbow could never be sure about. That was a pony Rainbow knew she could never trust... Maybe that was the pony Rainbow could be miserable with.
* * *
Celestia pushed Twilight away, giving her a vindictive stare. “I'm glad it turned out this way.”
“I regret nothing.” Twilight laughed again. “I just... I... Why can't Rainbow stay away from me?”
“Your loss is my gain, Twilight.” Celestia kicked Twilight sharply in the side. “But you can't have me either, not ever.” She shoved Twilight away as hard as she could. “I know it feels good, little pony, but be weak. I will always abandon you.”
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What's with Rainbow's colors?
4933342 The idea is that Dash's world has been inverted by this revelation, so she's thinking in opposites. Her mane colour reflects this.
are you m. night shamalan? this was amazing!
4933357
Those aren't inverted colors.
could you possibly make a 'normal' version of this story to go along with this one? this was interesting, but it was difficult to read.
I'm sorry, but this is really dumb. Writing everything in opposites isn't postmodern. It's not a style, it doesn't require thought, it's just a gimmick. It's not a good story without the gimmick, it's not a good story with it.
And I'm being serious. I'm not ironically speaking in opposites.
4933366 They are front to back, which is a type of inversion.
4933400
They're not front to back. The top colors are three different shades of blue.
4933404 True. I don't look at Dash much because I don't like her much, so I assumed they were opposites. I think it's more thematically resonant that way anyway.
I too did not find the 'post modern' writing style to be rewarding. I found it annoying and prone to causing confusion.
4933357
That's... very perceptive!
Picked up on my theme very well.
4933360
This isn't the first time I've been accused of being him!
4933366
Actually, they are exact inversions of her mane colors. (Via gimp's color --> invert function)
4933391
Eh, perhaps. (Though I did think there was a decent story behind it.)
I'm trying out new, interesting ways of writing. View it as a writing exercise if you will.
4933375
Perhaps sometime.
4933493
It is that.
4933534
If that is a direct inversion, then you're using an incorrect color space. Inverting a rainbow (even one as modified as Dash's) should not result in three different shades of blue.
4933536 I thought it was clever and enjoyable, myself (if gimmicky). It should be noted most Fimfictioners dislike gimmicky writing styles. My own attempt at an alternative writing style (unlikeable protagonist who gradually grows more likeable narrating the lives of likeable characters in other roles) was also a bomb.
4933534 so yeah?
4933576
That's not an alternative writing style, that's character development. Did you retract the story?
Ugh... again.
I... am not even going to bother with the style choice here.
I'm here to talk about the actual plot. Because of the writing style you missed out on explaining... um... anything. If I'm reading this right (I'm fairly certain I am) it's still missing a lot of basic plot. Nothing here is actually justified. The Characters don't even have personality. That's not the writing style, that's just the story itself not being.. whole. Experiment all you want, but for the love of all things pony don't skimp out on story to do so.
I get the story, but if it wasn't written like this and still contained the same amount of information, it'd simply be a bad story. Some fancy artistic shenanigans doesn't change a bad story. It's like giving a trash can a new coat of paint. Sure it looks fancy, but it's still full of trash.
This story has no substance besides the narrative style, and as such it just... doesn't work.
Wat
im utterly confused.
4933690
Thank you for saying what I wasn't able to put into words.
4933556
*shrug*
I'm no expert at image modification.
4933576
Yeah, I think I'm getting that. It's true, they don't.
4933643 But the perspective of a Byronic Hero in a first-person heavy writing style decidedly wasn't. I used vivid metaphors across the spectrum and a sarcastic, biting narrative tone that really turned readers off. It didn't help that the setting was a Beckettian style afterlife. In the end, most people hated it, so I decided to retract it at the advice of a fellow writer.
4933886
That sounds like a good premise, besides the risk of Mary Sue. I don't understand exactly what a
Beckettian afterlife is supposed to be. Searching the phrase results in a reference to "Echo's Bones," which sounds like a horribly pretentious story that has no real redeeming qualities. Copying excerpts of his journals? Sounds like an author tract if I ever heard one.
4933918 Beckett was famous for writing arthouse, unusual plays. In this case, however, I was mistaking him for Sarte, a similar playwright with similar ideas. As for the premise, it alienated most people because I sent Rainbow Dash to purgatory with a snarky OC who hated her in tow. The spectacular failure of it to connect with people was what inspired me to become much more critical and careful with my stories, and also to always ask for criticism of my story after publication.
4933956
I repeat: that sounds lie a cool premise.
HUH?????? ......I uhh??? Is it wrong that i couldn't follow what happened here?
As much as I love to see authors trying new styles and experimenting, I just cannot get into this. I find the immersion is broken as I am trying to put together what exactly is happening. I've read the story 3 times over and still have no clue what is going on.
Just my 2 cents, I only commented because I never click a dislike button without an explanation.
-T
4934274
Nah, not wrong. This one is deliberately confusing.
4934449
Eh, well... some experiments work, some don't.
Not opposite day, I am sure.
Took me a second to catch on. Interesting to say the least. Very unique premise. However, even reading just a thousand words in that style is pretty taxing.
Nice job nonetheless. I haven't seen quite anything like it before.
4935350
Um... it kind of is?
4935675
Heh, I'm glad somebody likes this one!
4935761
I liked it too, even if what I originally posted didn't say it. Just kind of random and I do think I get it.
While I like the idea of viewing things through the lens of denial, this didn't really do it for me; I think denial needs to be twisted through the lens of truth, rather than simply being the opposite of everything, where you interpret what happens in a very stretched way rather than simply saying the opposite of everything. Making everything the opposite of what it was was just distracting; I feel like Spring Is Dumb did a much better job of reflecting Rainbow Dash being in denial.
I'm not entirely sure I get what happened, and it doesn't look like there is enough "story" to warrant the hassle of piecing it together to get any little details. As others pointed out, I think this was an incredibly intrusive style choice that utterly destroyed any sense of immersion at all; experiment fail indeed.
4935996
Oh, good.
4936044
Hm... yes. That would indeed be better, to focus on just being an extremely unreliable narrator rather than just negating everything for the sake of it.
4936231
Yeah... probably right.
This is the most confusing story I've ever read.
I'll just pretend that I understand everything here.
4937435
4937497
Yeah... it is pretty hard to get through.
This is so freakin' awesome.
Or have I got that backwards?
(No, I really liked it, but I love weird, experimental stuff.)
Hmmm, confusing
4939741
It is.
4938791
That's the problem... never can tell in this one if commenters are themselves saying the opposite.
4937576
I actually stopped trying to understand it about a quarter of the way in. You should take that as a compliment, as that happens usually only once a year.
4940565
It's better that way.
4941708
Ha! Okay.
4941947
You're probably right.
I don't get why everyone thinks this is confusing. I got it completely. Everything's just opposite. Sure, this wasn't the best story, but it was interesting.
I don't think that you explained the situation enough, though. I couldn't really tell what it was that made Rainbow Dash so upset. I get that Twilight sort of cheated on her with Celestia, but I don't get what it was that they did, together, that made it official that Twilight had cheated. And, I thought that Rainbow Dash stopped their relationship too soon and without enough thought. Even in her anger, she would probably behave rationally. She threw away everything with Twilight without a thought, just because she thought she saw something between them. Also, that Applejack thing shouldn't have been there. When someone breaks up with another person, one that had cheated on them, can be, especially if you were in love, very hard to process. I mean, they are the one that you've trusted and let inside your world. For them to cheat on you shatters your ability to accept and trust others. So, I doubt that in three seconds, she'd already decide that she wants to date Applejack, or that she'd even consider the possibility so soon after a hard break-up.
This is coming from, however, someone who has never dated. This is just the way I believe I would handle this situation and the way Rainbow Dash would, too.
One last thing, your characterization is bad, even though you're writing opposites. Rainbow Dash would try to fight her tears, not just become a blubbering mess. Rainbow Dash would probably get angry, not scared or sad. Twilight wouldn't risk doing anything with Celestia, for she is smart and the embodiment of friendship. And, she didn't seem to handle the situation very well. Twilight either becomes crazy, or she's very rational. She wasn't either of the two. Princess Celestia probably wouldn't openly hit on Twilight either, but you had to do it for the story. However, there's a point where altering characters to make them fit no longer allows stories to be within canon guidelines.
I feel like you should've elaborated more, regardless of whether or not this was just a test. Many of your sentences were short and choppy. And, in a story like this, you must explain their thoughts and feelings if you wish to get the point across. You can shoot for sadness, but this wasn't a traditional story, so you could shoot for comedy. But, you didn't reach either. I feel no emotion either way.
So, this story's writing style is interesting, but the plot is too thin, your characterization is off, the whole story lacks detail and it doesn't seem realistic.
You get a like, but nothing more.
4943378
The review is much appreciated!
The only thing there I can defend is the intensity of Rainbow's reaction.
She's the element of loyalty, after all. And one thing I know from dealing with people is that the most loyal ones are also the ones most vulnerable to and upset by betrayal... because they tend to hold everyone else to the same standard of loyalty.
4944412 I can't argue with that! Also, I'm happy you appreciate my review. Too many people get mad at me when I give any sort of criticism.
Wut?