Huh, that ended quickly.
Well that was nice.

4564418
Yea, I got across what I wanted to, no reason to drag it out into a novel that rivals "War and Peace"

But it was sooo good I would appreciate moar.

But you know what if you do not want to continue I understand.

*Sees Complete tag*

I honestly feel like this story needs more: I know everyone says they never want their favourite stories to end, but there is just so much unexplored material in this. I hope you'll write some sort of continuation to this one day.

4564462
I know I want to do more with this at some point, but I haven't formulated a proper plot yet.

"There are two foreseeable options. The first is that you may move to PonyVille, and under the tutelage of Twilight, will teach you about magic as Ember learned long ago. This will take time, as the body you inherited is not too welcome there as this time."
"The second is you remain here in Canterlot, as you are now. You will be watched closely by Celestia and I. We will expect you to learn the arts of magic, as the same with Twilight, to fill the void that Ember left with her betrayal."

So, both options means "you work for us now". What about the option of "I want to get out of your country and emigrate to any other where people don´t want to kill me on sight". And they get offended because Not-Ember refuses to forgive and concede?
Luna argument doesn´t hold waters : she was banished for something she DID (trying to bring eternal night over the planet twice). And she wasn´t executed by the away. Not-Ember was sent to the gallows despite being innocent, and brought back to life only because the princesses experienced a last minute regret.

"Twilight Sparkle lost her home, nearly lost her friends and is fighting hoof and horn to keep herself together. She has alot of things on her mind, and you holding a grudge is not helping her. Celestia over reacted and punished me unfairly. I could have rebuilt the castle I destroyed and lived apart from her, raising the moon when she lowered the sun. I could have remained bitter and callous, but I chose to put the past behind me and to start anew. You wish to know anger? You should spend a thousand years on the moon in cold loneliness, cursing your sister's name and plotting revenge that should have been one remembered for all ages."

Bull. Shit.

You were an immortal Alicorn who tried to murder everyone with Eternal Darkness, you were punished fairly because she tried everything else beforehand and you wouldn't settle for anything else, the fact the elements didn't turn you to stone or kill you was amazing.

He was a random mortal, set up and pushed into a new body, where Twilight knew he wasn't the real ember, but took a SPELL that CELESTIA JUST TAUGHT HER TO TORTURE HIM, and then allowed him to be murdered and he physically died for a time. He just randomly got shoved into shit that he didn't even do to begin with while you willingly dropped your ass over the evil line. He was a bystander, you were about to become a genocidal murderer.

The fact he forgave Twilight at all in such a short time for such weak justifications is strongly glaring and it's rather overcast the story for me. I'd think he'd be rather pissed at Luna for trying that bullshit.

So sit there, pout and feel sorry for yourself, but you DARE NOT tell me how you have been wronged. Your foalish grudge makes me laugh. We gave you a second chance, listened to your requests to find the truth. I gave you a part of my life, do not make me wish I had not done so." Luna hissed.

Oh yeah, would you like to talk to Celestia about the fact she taught Twilight a Torture spell? Do you wanna try maybe get asphyxiated by a noose, a very horrific way to die? You got blasted by the elements because of things that YOU CAUSED. Maybe you should give up your powers for a while and then be shoved into an unfamiliar world and then be tortured because of something you've never done. If he doesn't end up with PTSD with a true fear of Twilight and the Princesses I don't know what else.

This really overcasted things for me, it's just so kinda bad...

Thank fuck for a happy ending! I really hope there is a sequel.

Dammit. I wanna know the name of Not-Ember.

Nice story, friend!

Her name is Lordy Loo?

Very enjoyable story! I'd definitely like to see what you come up with for a sequel/spinoff.

All I know is if I was her, I'd ask is there was some magical way to change my appearance... I wouldn't feel very good about living in the body of a murderer, body-snatcher, traitor, and all those horrible things. At least if there was a way to look different, it'd feel like I was making the body my own! With the added plus of being unrecognizable.

...I also probably would have asked for that nice guard stallion after waking up. Especially after Luna. I would have clung to any lifeline I could get my hooves on.

I also might be a little biased because I like them as a pair. >.>

Very enjoyable story!

Really, the only things bugging me were your constant capitalisation of the 'v' in Ponyville and the 'j' in Applejack.

I would like to know your line of thought on the topic of Ember's (your?) resurrection though. From my point of view it seems incredibly stupid that Luna seems to expect the main character to forgive Twilight. Now I've obviously never been hung but I can safely say that I would not forgive anyone who attempted to kill me in such a brutal way, nevermind how she enjoyed it.

Other than that though, great story, thumbs up!

4564471

Obviously the plot will be Ember's.

not bad. though a strange part of me wonders what was going through the real ember's mind when she began t odie without warning. and it explains why celestia of all beings would go through with it; less to deny a body to return to, more to make sur she does not escape.

4564500 the both of you, writer and you, seem to forget that luna was demonically possessed. it was her fault for letting a demon inside, but she was possessed.

even then i am pretty sure a few minutes of suffocation cannot compare to a millenium of isolation.

And so the end of a good story comes. It was great reading (better grammar and spelling than my stories).

4565086

The comics are not 100% canon, and aren't really said to be otherwise.

And isolation is worse then dying, that's kinda cute to say.

To lose oxygen and be forced to try and gasp out as your body desperately needs it. To feel blood vessels pop within your eyes as the lack of bloodflow to the brain occurs, to feel the blood vessels in the face begin to expand at the issue of the blood being unable to flow back down, to feel your life slip away while you desperately pray that you are to be saved.

She was stuck in isolation, which while bad is still not worse then dying slowly and horrifically over a period of time for something he didn't even do!

4565152 isolation does not kill you and grows more painful as time goes by. a thousand years completely alone.......... simpy incomprehensible.

the comics are completely canon though only secondary to the show. and the show has even hinted at the nightmare force being the cause. in show it had luna transform and being taken off guard by it.
unless luna pops up in season five shouting in royal canterlot tone that the comic is bullshit, it is canon.

even if you disregard the comics, which is kinda dumb cause they are awesome, it is pretty clear that something overtook luna and she lost agency over her own actions.

4565170

the comics are completely canon though only secondary to the show. and the show has even hinted at the nightmare force being the cause. in show it had luna transform and being taken off guard by it.

unless luna pops up in season five shouting in royal canterlot tone that the comic is bullshit, it is canon.

Not Really, that's not how it works. It has to be confirmed within the show itself or by the actual writers themselves that it is so, not the other way around.

4565182 hasbro has confirmed it. it works better than most of the books...... especially the rainbow rocks prequel where twilight caught a case of the Vapid.

"I forgive you." you whisper gently.

Nnope

The complete tag NOOOO!!! Great story though hope there is another storie working off this one

4565204
Actually, the comics are pretty much take it or leave it.

4564897
The Princesses dealt in absolutes in this story, ends justify the means kind of thinking.
According to them you are not dead, but Ember is, so that is a win for everyone, no matter what it took to get there. Their problem has been solved, and in this instance they went beyond anything they would have done for one of their own kind to ensure your life, even if it got terrifyingly uncomfortable.
I guess as a sense of foreboding for the sequel, they were saving her body because of something they feel that is going to happen in the future. Knowing they would need as many powerful unicorns that they could get. Dunno, I feel I'm just rambling here...

I also wanted to add in a few paragraphs where Celestia and Luna talk about the influx of Travelers from this 'other world'. To take a hard stance against making them feel comfortable in Equestria so that they begin to beg to be sent back to their world. But this would have been out of place here, as the ending I had in mind was that the reader would be staying in Equestria anyway.

4564954
Hmmm... I wonder how big of a 'story' I can add to her plot line next time...

4564638
... Yes... GodPot... Best OC ever!

Hrm... Just finished this, and I have to say; I have mixed feelings.

There are a lot of places that could use improvement with grammar. I'm just going to say that a proofreader would help a bit and leave it at that. Those issues are really pretty minor considering everything.

First off, I like the story. It's well presented and has an interesting premise. There are three things that really keep me from enjoying it though.

First: it's second person. There are only two times that second person POV works: When the story is cheap wish fulfillment where the character has no personality (in other words, one shot clop), and when the reader thinks exactly like the character. Each and every time I saw "You" referencing the character, I experienced a shock. I would stop and think "What the hell, I'd never do that," or "That is NOT me...." It would take a few seconds for me to stop, remember that "You" is not "me", and continue the story.

Second: you get preachy. Your strongest and most moving moments are lessened (sometimes outright killed) because you keep belaboring the point. Say what you mean, say it quickly and say it well. If you keep talking, it becomes a speech. It's like listening to a political figure talking - They use ten times the number of words it takes to say anything, and by then no one cares anymore.

Third: all your characters speak with the same voice. This one is a little trickier to do anything about; but if you take out the names, it's impossible to tell who is talking by the way they talk. Twilight talks just like "You", "You" talk just like Celestia, Celestia talks just like the random guard, etcetera, etcetera... Pay attention to the people around you, notice that no one uses the same words to say the same things, everyone has their own turns of phrase and vocabulary. Their own "voice" if you will. This goes well beyond the accents and personal phrases. As an example, guess who's saying what:

"Hi girls, it's been a while since I saw you. How have you been?"
"You know, staying busy."
"Truly. We can't all have your life of glamor and adventure. But, I must say; things have been going quite well here."
"You bet! I didn't get to see you in forever but now your back and I can tell you all about what happened while you were gone!"
"Whoa there, poor girl just got off the train. Let's give her a few to settle back in."
"Oh, yes. There's no need to pressure her."

Darn it. Story ended. Now I have this overbearing desire to read a sequel to this masterpiece. I hope it comes to that, but I'll still be content with how it ended.

4566257
I'll go through it at some point and fix things... I just needed to get it down before I lost interest in doing anymore.

First off, for the real Ember getting her just desserts, and the cultists. Second, I'm alive, Celestia and Luna did something for me. Though I doubt that I would ever actually forgive Twilight; not out of spite or anything the like, but simply a preventatve measure: What if she does something like it again?

Really glad 'I' survived. If I hadn't, I would've haunted the living shit out of them for the rest of their lives. Celestia and Twilight for killing me and Luna for not standing up for me. They'd never have peace again....

Great story, terrifying climax, and resolving ending. I wouldn't mind seeing a sequel of 'me' learning to control Ember's magic. You know, the magic that sets everything on fire if doesn't form a spell. And her reputation...

4568542
I do want to have a sequel, but haven't thought of a proper story to pair it up with.
Also, writing from the reader's perspective was hard as hell... When I get around to the sequel, it'll be 'Ember' as a character you'd read about, instead of being.
I'd also need to think of 'my way' of explaining how magic works in Equestria, because it has to be more than thinking of what you want to do...

4566000
I guess I can kind of understand but whether or not the Princesses believed that they made the correct decision it seems rather stupid to expect the character to forgive Twilight for their torture and execution within a few minutes of coming back to life.

From a writer's point of view I can understand; wanting to move the plot on, no time for emotional turmoil, yada yada yada, but it all seems a bit rushed :/

4569666
It's sort of true-to-form with the show. 9/10ths of the show is conflict, then by the episode's end, all is sorted out and lessons are learned.
Otherwise I'd have dragged the story out another 200 pages with ACTION TWILIGHT! taking out the other unicorns from the 'cult' one by one as they try to wreak havoc in Ember's wake.
I also sort of derp when it comes to endings... I'm used to writing in 10-20 page chunks for artwork I do on another site, and have each short story cover just a few hours. It gets the point across and 'ends' to be picked up a week or three later when I do another part.
I have much more experience in the short story department, keeping things under 200 pages and simple, but fleshed out for what they are. I have a 1000+ page mess I have no idea how to tackle laying around. That story became 3 plots wrapped in one, and I can't separate them without ruining what I have.

4570975 difference in the show is that the conflicts are not nearly as complicated as what happened here. this is something far darker and thus far more uncertain. they had no way of shifting them back into place, so they had to execute ember yet have a mgaic prepared that give the death to the alternate ember in the human body rather than the poor sap in her body, and so that the person trapped here would not be targeted.
even if the character could learn to understand that was their only options, it would take a MUCH longer time for them to be okay with it if ever. and if for some reason they get an asphyxiation fetish out of it, then it gets even MORE awkward i think.

4564500 not only that, but what about this bullshit?

...I gave you a part of my life...

She is an immortal alicorn, which means that of the said life she has an unlimeted reserve, it doesn't matter how much she sacrifices of it because she has infinite amount left. So there is no reason for her to brag about it, except to throw some "self-sacrifice for the innocent"-bullshit into the story. Which is on itself is a sin one deserves to be put one circle of hell lower for. And then this incredibly cliche monologue about how one must never seek vengeance but rather let those who hurt them to get away with it or something. Honestly, i couldn't stomach reading it any further than that.

And it was starting so well!

4571430

Agreed

END best name ever

"Yes, it's really awesome! My new name will be-"
~END

You bastard!

4577891
ANYTHING I would have picked for her name would have been "Worst OC ever." I felt this disturbance in the force, through the ghost of Shatner appearing to me, and stayed away from naming her...

4571430 And that is why I am giving this story a Downvote.

"My name will be... Nightbringer" and then she turns into a skeleton thing and makes everyone afraid forever... The end ^.^

do you have more plans for this story, or any other stories?

And then she discovers she's pregnant

4602395
Ember's final act, though she died, she will be reborn again! Sounds like a valid sequel... DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!
That was a viable option for the sequel, but it may seemed forced-having them get together under 'shotgun' circumstances.

4603351
Wait, are you going to use my "and then she discovers she's pregnant" thing to create a sequel? Where Ember comes back as the foal? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Edit:
They already banged, but she wasn't in heat so she might not get preggers.

Edit:
Unless she WAS in heat!

4603351 well being reborn does not mean you are evil anymore. Nightmare Moon kinda got reborn in past sins. About as evil as a cherub.

will this story get a sequel?

4736094
Yea, I'm laying down groundwork for the new one, already have the first chapter half started

4738079 ok, I can't wait to read it.

A Sequel? *Gaaaaaaasp* yay.