Chloe The Great
Joined 29th Mar, 2013 ·
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Good story Chloe, keep it up.
Interesting story.... but dat author's note dhough!
Got a link to the artist of the cover art?
Interesting.
That cover art though.
Found the artist. I offer you this Derpibooru link.
I know you don't seem to give many fucks judging by that AN, but a proofreader would do you a world of good. I think you've got a solid idea here under the hood- I'd love to see a fic where Discord uses his magic to cause kinky chaos across the hospital. However what you've got at the moment isn't livingup to the amazingly fucked-up shit the tags and the premise promise. At the moment it's "Nurse Redheart walks in and fucks Discord for no reason".
You seem to jump rapidly from scene to scene, too. You went from a blowjob to what seemed to be a paragraph about him biting her neck (I don't know how he managed to do that while she blew him, then again, Discord) to him cumming "on her". I'm not sure if your intent is to be sexy or not, but if it is, you'll want to spend longer from scene to scene and describe what's happening less vaguely.
I really do like this idea. Discord raping, molesting and coercing his merry way through a hospital sounds lovely. Just imagine the vivid scenes a bit of effort could do! Soothing, sensual massages in the psych ward! The hall plants replaced with tentacle monsters! A massive orgy in the schoolfilly/colt's wing! Zero-G fucking with Redheart and/or other nurses! The Mane Six trying to put a stop to all this only to be sucked in and seduced! Goddamn, there's a lot of potential here that you can tap into if you get yourself a good editor and strap in for a wild ride.
4352776 Thank you. I tend to make good ideas, and for my grammar and spelling...not so great
I'm trying to find an editor that will help me with that sort of stuff. I was thinking of asking Skeeter the Lurker--but I'm sure that guy has sh
t to do 
This was actually my second clopfic that has my effort in sex. The first time I did it doesn't even count
That story was pretty bad...
Moving on, I do agree with you. I just really really really really need an editor.
4352712
4352753
There seems to be some confusion between who this art belongs to. I've found this colored version one place. Then another uncolored by someone else. Then there's another. Oh my gosh...
P.S. Rainbow Bob, I didn't know you wasted your time on stories like this...
4352954
Livingmachine seems to have drawn the original, coloured versions generally get tagged with both the original artist and whoever did the colouring.
4352776 But, one more thing, if you actually have a suggestion of who could help me then that would be great--otherwise nothing great can happen because as you described I got a lot of errors.
4356593
Cola_Bubble_Gum is my usual editor, but she's super busy atm. She's really good for style stuff, so she can definitely help you spice up your writing.
As far as the more grammatical side of things, I'd check out the editors group.
Hey guys! Just finished latest chapter, after school I will be sure to edit it and it will be released for all eyes
Bye! 
Edited and updated? The second word is a typo....
4362899 Im sorrie, I did it at nite. May bee 13 year old cheldren shouldnt right
I'm surprised that literally no one's done this before asides from that one guy who did it as a hella dark fic....
So wait...he's actually dead?
Jeez, and here I though this would just be clop...
4365054
More likely than not.
Oh this is murder porn. Well this is my stop, I better stop reading this before I have a fetish I don't want.
4365532
If that's where it's going, I'm glad I haven't voted yet. Not my kind of thing at all, and certainly not what I was expecting from the blog description. I was under the impression that it would be mostly mind control.
4365051 He threatened to sue me but he's not...well, let's just say--alive any longer.
4365541 Well, it is certaintly not murder porn. This is like the only death in the damn story...aside from one more. But he/she doesn't die like that...but go try and find some other story that has nurse red heart turning Equestria into a...I've said too much already
Well you've got my interest doesn't have to be a fetish to be good. Though I kind of expected acid, but then it would just be copying a movie. Good show.
4365556
The blog gave it away already. And as long as death isn't a big part of it...
4365685 WELL. I DON'T KNOW, Maybe you SHOULDN'T have clicked THE BLOG If you didn't wanna see SPOILERS
4365999
I never said I didn't want to see them. With dark stories, I actually like to have some idea what I'm getting into - say, is it just dark themed or is it grimdark - before I start reading.
This story frikin rules. The scenes are actually well switched to. You didn't escalate too quickly at all
Nice!
This is why I'm not too fond of clop fics. There's more clop than plot. The last two chapters were more focused on the clop, and didn't improve the storyline. For the next chapter, you should cut down on the clop; focus on character building, instead.
4382358 Sorry, why are you reading this story if the whole plot is motherbucking clop? Literally, the story is about Nurse Red Heart taking over Equestria and driving everybody to clop. Seriously, clop, clop, clop is what this story is all about.
Thanks for the feedback anyway.
4383552
Alright, fair enough. It's pretty good, but I prefer a good story with clop - not the other way round.
4383700 As you wish
I was just told that the clop should be better so I was trying to make up for it. The next chapter should be more into the story 
All clop and no plot makes reading a dull chore.
4434770 Awe. That's too bad. A dull chore you say? Well, I'm not paying nobody and I ain't forcing you to read it, am I?
4438807
Hey, I ain't saying I hate dull chores.
I'm a sadomasochist by heart and I enjoy reading this
4438958 You enjoy it? Joy!
Next chapter is 90% not clop. With no actual clop.
Close enough?
I'd say so.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-z4_uzRbQOWI/TkrvClplv7I/AAAAAAAAACE/tnUiydx9JAs/s1600/4.gif
4383700 I updated it and there is no clop. Close enough, I guess
Yakko: "Hellooooooo NURSE!"
Hmm...interesting. But what caused Big Mac's kidney failure? And does that mean he's the hero of the story since Redheart didn't immediately enslave him?
4439231 Less questions would be nice, silly
And you should google.
But to answer your question, Caramel and Macintosh's fights are what caused his kidney failure. When you take direct damage or the blood stops flowing to your kidney, then you can get kidney failure.
I'm glad you think it's...interesting.
4438982
Kk
Wtf just happened
4445646 Was it bad?
Oh I do love my moostache.
Nice, a quick capture. I hope whatever happens to them now they are captured is a bit longer and more detailed, though.
Them references, I approve, have a
Wouldn't the elements or somepony figured out something was going wrong with the hospital, then been preparing to go figure out what it was and fix it?
4466003 Um...it's a hospital. They wouldn't really be focused on a hospital where they are having a council meeting of turning the town into City. I don't know why the hospital would be one of their main focuses.
4465742 MOOSTACHE! F
CK YEA...! 
4466721 Someone from outside would have notified the counsel that something bad was happening at the hospital.
4466820 I have no idea how anybody would notice the hospital from the outside looking any different than it was before Nurse Redheart took the place over. No offense, but you are kind of over thinking the logic here