Zyks
Joined 25th Feb, 2014 ·
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Wow, just reading the synopsis cut my finger. That’s some serious edge.
10848190
Would you consider that a bad thing? Like I should change it? I really want to make this a good and interesting story.
I would say it's not so much edge, as it is generic. The description doesn't say very much about Matt as a person and individual; it's more describing how cool he and things he has, not who he is. The "drug user" feels like something better shown in the story; he likely has health issues or marks from needles, for example. And about 80% of it could be summarized as "human with issues gets sent to horseland."
Not necessarily bad or wrong, mind you, and I understand it's only your second story, so I'm not trying to bash. It could just use some spring cleaning, if you catch my drift.
10848230
And for the record, making a good story is really subjective. Ultimately, the only parameter you have for enjoyment is yourself; if you like what you've written, then that's really it. Others can criticize with valid points and/or offer enthusiasm themselves, but that's more a side-effect than the goal. If you like the description, then keep it. If you feel it needs work, change it.
10848230
Overt edginess fell out of favor even before FiM was a thing. That description looks like something from as late as the late 2000s.
10848323
Alright, description aside why is the story getting mass downvoted? It's not even that bad of a story so far. I'm willing to admit that there's a lot to be desired, but it's not like the downvotes are warranted right now.
10848292
Thank you for the constructive criticism! I've changed the description to something less edgy, I hope it's to your liking. But now I'm just confused. Might just be a personal thing, but I don't understand why the story's getting disliked as badly. Like you said, it's not that bad.
About the lack of details though, I opted out of giving full on descriptions about what characters look like. I personally thought it was just better to have the somewhat needless detail be cut out.
10848349
How do you know if it’s not that bad?
10848394
I mean, the only thing I've read that's been negative about it is the description, which I've changed, and I have heard very little else.
If you have some critiques, I'd love to hear them.
10848407
My recommendation? Be as respectful as possible towards FiM’s tone and message in your works while never having a character be an edgy dick for it’s own sake.
10848626
*Is sniffing this Mary Sues fic* wow even I read the description, my "Mary Sues" sense is tingling a lot. Especially the word "awesome" -_-
After reading 2 chapters ... Don't know what to say
10850072
Can't tell if that's a bad thing or not. Is it bad?
10850086
I can't tell because these 2 chaps are normal and I can't judge by these two chapters. Need more chapters to see if he is edgy like your description or not, (Oh wait, it bad in general not the content)
in this chapter you spelled celestia's name 3 ways. celstia in like the third word bundle, and clestia after teleporting back to the castle
10851112
Thank you for pointing it out. Writing it over and over again gets real tiresome. I guess I just sorta stopped paying attention to the way its spelled. Fixed it though!
The old description might've had something to do with all the downvotes, but I suspect that the surprise untagged sex scene isn't going to help either.
10852116
I wasn't entirely certain if I should've added the sex tag or not. It's not really going to be a main focus of the story as much as its sorta just there. Now that I think about it though, it's probably better that I add it. Thanks you.
10852129
Yes, some people add the tag even for things like frank discussions of sensitive topics. That might be overdoing it, but an explicit scene is a different matter entirely.
damn this is interesting keep up the good work
10854719
Appreciate it.
Now that good. Okay track this
Matthewfc, all I’m going to say so far
10856496
I English good.
thanks for the warning, there is a difference between being a mary sues and being overpowerd but i still hate both of those things so im out.
10856609
Eh, it's not everyone's cup of tea, thanks for stopping by though.
I would like to say, I'm actually enjoying this. Just polish the characters personalities a bit and improve some spelling and I would say you have a good story! Keep it up!
10859750
Thank you so much!
Still a few spelling errors but other than that, you've done really good this chapter! Good work!
10861586
I really should get a proofreader, sorry for the grammar errors.
10861720
You're all good! I can still tell what you're trying to say, so it isn't too bad.
And just like that you lost my interest faster than a dog eating hotdog.
media.tenor.com/images/94f5d73074fae5d3c821c9a0aa9c42c9/tenor.gif
Pomyville to ponyville
Rainbow dash
Rainbow dash
Atthew to matthew
Wow if magic is that simple, then everypony can do magic. Not only you, you know. Then explain why earth pony and pegasus can't use magic like unicorns? Because follow this logic of magic, anypony can use magic.
Wow.. Don't be a bitch Pinkie. I like that Spike knows how to crochet
Great chapters!
Cant wait for more!
Discord is bored of the technological stagnation and wants to see the ponies advance.
2 chapters in and I want to read it. I actually like the occasional overpowered HiE story from time to time, but man, the spelling and grammar problems make this hard to read.
This story needs more readers! So far I've been sucked right in! A few spelling and grammar errors here and there, but nothing that detracts from the immersion. So far so good!
Also, I have the perfect song for this chapter;
10848349
It happens sometimes. If you look at the like/dislike ratio now, it's much better. I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Sometimes new stories have a wild fluctuation toward likes or dislikes, and can sometimes take a bit for them to stabilize. From what I've read so far, this story is pretty good. Yeah, it's a bit edgy, but I don't mind that so much as long as the main character has a reason to be that way. Even the whole "Mary Sue" thing is a bit of an elusive concept, but usually refers to a "perfect" character. From what I've seen so far, your main character is far from perfect, though he's definitely overpowered, but I don't see that as a bad thing (I mean, One Punch Man is pretty darn interesting to me.) I wouldn't give up on this just because a few people don't like it. Keep at it, and keep improving it.
Le GASP!!!
I care. Don't worry, Spike, I got your back, bro. Crocheting is underrated.
I don't mind op characters just how they're executed
To be fair to him how was he supposed to know that?
10889342
Kill him or block him from doing that
If ponies can't do it themselves they don't deserve it
I just hope that some multiversal being/beings/organization will give Discord a kick in the nuts and a warning that if he tries to give technology to ponies, crossing the multiverse, moving things like technology to other worlds that shouldn't have it, he will be punished along with his associates
If you can't invent it themlves you don't deserve it.
I just hope that some multiversal being/beings/organization will give Discord a kick in the nuts and a warning that if he tries to give technology to ponies, crossing the multiverse, moving things like technology to other worlds that shouldn't have it, he will be punished along with his associates
The return of the king
Your story has 81 likes and 29 dislikes as of the writing of this comment. If you think that's a lot of dislikes, then you need to readjust your view of your story. Look, your story has an average like/dislike ratio compared to what I've seen in other stories (and I've read a LOT of stories on here. I could probably count them in the upper 500's at this point.). Chin up! As far as I'm concerned, you're doing pretty good! Don't let a few dislikes mar your view of the reception of your story. 65% of the people that read this story like it (it's actually probably closer to 75% when you account for the fact that likes/dislikes tend to favor dislikes. Those who are unhappy are more likely to voice it, after all.). Yeah, you had a bumpy start, but who cares? You fixed the problem, and now it's all good. You learned from your mistake, and have moved on. My point is that having a 65% like/dislike ratio is not bad at all, and you should be proud of that!
10970976
I think Discord might "gift" them a nuclear bomb.
Lol, isn't greymane a house name from Skyrim?