A Talk with Pinkie
Fluttershy was a better kisser than Pinkie Pie, though a far less aggressive one. If kissing Pinkie tasted like cherries and sweets, kissing Fluttershy tasted like sunshine and flower petals and water from the clearest of springs. If kissing Pinkie felt like doing a somersault into a river of lemonade, kissing Fluttershy felt like sleeping in a treetop where all the leaves were made from softest cotton. If kissing Pinkie brought forth the promise of new adventures to come and secrets to discover, kissing Fluttershy brought back the memories of times and places gone by. Their legs wrapped around one another, the white-tailed fawn all but forgotten, Rainbow Dash watched as visions of the past swam before her lidded eyes. She had laughed at the idea of Twilight’s folders, but she had just as detailed a collection of memories of each of her friends too, except hers was in her head.
A gangly, terrified yellow pegasus filly being backed over the edge of a cloud by two bullies, prompting her to fly down and offer to defend the filly’s honor before even learning her name…
That same filly returning to flight camp a few days later, not curious about the outcome of the race but wanting to fly better, fly harder, fly faster…
Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Fluttershy can hardly fly!
Working late into the night, several nights a week, striving to help Fluttershy learn to fly, striving as hard as any of the camp counselors but without a bit in payment…
Fluttershy’s awkward but sympathetic embrace and weird earth pony lullabies, anytime that she messed up or was made fun of or otherwise felt her bravado crack…
Who’s gotta dash? Gonna make kissy? Rainbow Crash and the Pegasissy!
Refusing to take Gilda’s advice to drop Fluttershy’s friendship, the only thing she’d ever disagreed with her griffon friend on…
Being told by Fluttershy one night that she was going to quit flight school, even before she had realized it herself…
“Rainbow Dash, I’m moving to Ponyville!”
Hearing Fluttershy’s avian chorus for the first time, and realizing that maybe the earth world wasn’t completely bogus…
Finishing construction on her cloud house, and listening smugly to Fluttershy’s praise of it, all the while knowing for a fact that Fluttershy would never visit her there…
Late nights drafting rainfall patterns at Fluttershy’s house, until the day she realized that Fluttershy had no interest in rainfall and was only helping because she knew it was important to her best friend…
Their very first Winter Wrap Up together, and learning that Fluttershy had declined to join the weather team and had started her own team instead, because that was what Fluttershy did, she found alternate solutions…
Gradually, over the years, nudging other ponies to help Fluttershy coax the animals out of hibernation, until a full team had emerged and Fluttershy had never known she’d been responsible for it, probably…
All their many adventures together with Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the gang, from that first, perfect moment when Fluttershy had helped her save Twilight from certain death, proving her strength and her wingpower long before any old tornado duty had come along...
After which there'd been Spitfire’s praise, and how she hadn’t hesitated at all to tell the Wonderbolt that the true hero of the day was Fluttershy, her number one flier, her number one fan, her number one friend, as she was reminded again and again, dozens more times, until one day…
“Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and I are together!” and the way that nearly every victory since then had felt empty, every joy muted, every party glum, every train missed, every invitation misplaced, until finally even Pinkie had noticed how unhappy they were together, and now this, their date, their apologies and fits of conversation and sudden romance, all in an attempt to rediscover or re-envision… what?
What exactly had they both allowed – maybe even intended – to be destroyed? Love? Did Applejack deserve those ten bits after all, or had Rarity been right to laugh the idea away like it was nothing?
When Fluttershy, wracked with guilt for having torn Rainbow Dash from the sky and brought her to live in Ponyville, had done her utmost to make her friend the best flier she could possibly be, was that love?
When Rainbow Dash, day after day, had learned that it was her oldest and shyest friend that she could count on to support her in anything she did, either with her wings or with her heart, was that love?
When they had both lain together in the park, trading compliments and tentative flirtations, saying things that felt nothing like anything they had ever said to each other before, was that love?
“No!”
They had both said it. They had both pulled away. And while the fawn ran terrified from the park, and while young ponies retreated slowly, embarrassed or even ashamed, from the bushes around them, Rainbow Dash knew for a fact that she was happy. She didn’t know what this conclusion would do to their relationships with Pinkie Pie, but she knew the importance of her friendship with Fluttershy, and she knew that Fluttershy knew it too.
Pinkie Pie, through some obscure combination of her superstition and her natural predilection for things that made no sense, had an elaborate ritual built around going to sleep. First a special signal from her Pinkie Sense would inform her that she was tired. Next she would make her bed, alternating most every night which side the pillows went on. Then she would drape blankets over anything in the room that could be construed as having a face, Gummy included. As a final step before climbing into bed and closing her eyes – right eye, wait six seconds, then left eye – she would brush her teeth thoroughly, as is necessary for one who lives on pastries and candy. It was in this last stage, her mouth full of foam, that she was interrupted by the frantic arrival of the mares she loved.
“We tried, Pinks, honest we tried, but we just can’t—“
“She needs me, Pinkie, more than I’d realized, and we don’t feel that way about each other—“
“We had this dinner, see, but it wasn’t really too romantic—“
“Although, um, I do see what you mean now, um, about kissing her—“
“I was talking with Twilight, and she said I should just be a friend, and she’s right—“
“Rarity gave me all these tips about being seductive and flirtatious, but I felt so wrong using them—“
“I’m sorry!”
“We’re sorry!”
Pinkie, whom Rainbow Dash had expected to be worried or disappointed or something, just looked confused. The pink mare spit the foam from her mouth, rinsed, and stood up to look at them brightly. “There!” she said, teeth shining from her wide grin. “Now I can talk again! That was a pretty silly conversation, you two shouting all sorts of things at the same time and me not able to say a single word. It was pretty cool to hear you shouting, though, Flutters! So what are you girls here about again?”
They looked at each other. “Well,” Fluttershy began, “last night you said that you were worried that we were unhappy together. And Pinkie, you were right. We were just miserable.”
“Yeah!” said Rainbow Dash. “But then you suggested that we should fall in love with each other. So I asked Fluttershy on a date, and she said yes, because who wouldn’t want to go on a date with the Dash?”
“That’s, um,” said Fluttershy, “that’s not exactly how it went.”
“Close enough. Anyhow, we had the date and we talked about emotions and stuff, and we’re doing better now. Then we made out, and it was nice but mostly really really weird.”
“We did try, Pinkie. But I don’t think we can just fall in love with each other, no matter how much simpler that would make things. That’s just not how we work. I’m sorry.”
Pinkie still looked confused. “But girls, why are you apologizing for a silly little thing like that? Why would I want you to fall in love?”
“…” Rainbow Dash fumbled for words. “Because you told us to! You said everything would work out if we fell in love with each other!”
Pinkie burst out laughing and enveloped them both in a big, toothpaste-scented hug. “Oh, you silly fillies. I only hoped you could fall in love because I thought maybe you did love each other, and you were just afraid to admit it to me or something! But if you don’t feel that way, then duh, obviously I don’t want you to try to do something you can’t! That would be like a squirrel wanting to tap dance with a muffin on its head!”
“Actually,” said Fluttershy, “I do know some very talented squirrels, and…”
Pinkie shushed her with a kiss, and then kissed Rainbow Dash too for good measure. “I just want everypony to be happy!” she said. “Especially you two. That’s way way way way way way more important than whether or not the reason you’re happy is because you’re kissing each other, isn’t it?”
Rainbow Dash just stared at her, leaving Fluttershy to answer the question. “Yes, Pinkie, it is,” she said. “We were just so worried we were making you unhappy, and we wanted to do anything we could to make you feel better about us. Even if it meant trying to be something we’re not.” Everything sounded so simple now, especially when she described it like that. Rainbow Dash was beginning to understand why Pinkie Pie had found their entire report so silly.
Pinkie gave them another hug. “You should never do that! That would be ridiculous.” She gasped. “Oh no, this is my fault, isn’t it? I said something I shouldn’t have, and you two went on a date you didn’t want to and had to get all huggy and flirty and kissy even though you were totally hating it! Oh, girls, I’m sorry!”
Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy through the mass of Pinkie’s mane that was partially obscuring part of her vision. They shared a smile. “It’s okay, Pinkie,” she said. “I mean, yeah, it was definitely pretty weird, but I think it’s good that we did it. We work together a lot better now than we did yesterday.”
Fluttershy nodded into Pinkie’s coat. “We had to learn what we weren’t before we could learn what we were. And aside from that one kiss – which, um, wasn’t actually all that bad, um, just as a kiss, I mean – all we really did was talk.”
“Yeah!” said Rainbow Dash. “I gotta say, if there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s how important it is have talks with your friends. Especially your friends that you’re in crazy awesome complicated relationships with!”
“Which, um, is really all relationships,” said Fluttershy.
Pinkie giggled. “Gosh, that sounds a lot like one of those silly old friendship reports! But I’ve got an idea: what if we all got into bed, where it’s nice and comfy and warm, and then we can have all the talks we need to and make sure we all agree about exactly what we all want?”
Rainbow Dash looked anxiously at the outside door. “Uh, is that going to be all right with the Cakes? I mean, with the kids wandering around…”
Pinkie gave her a playful hit. “You have such a dirty mind, Dashie! There’s nothing wrong with us all lying there together and just talking. It’s not like I’d do anything romancey with either of you while the other was right there, that’d be super rude. Well, okay, I’d kiss you, but nothing else. Maybe two kisses. Or hmm, no, maybe three, or…”
“Pinkie,” said Fluttershy, “that sounds nice. I think we could all do with a warm bed and a good talk, so in the morning we can all have a fresh start and I can give Rainbow Dash a scarf that I think she’d like.”
As it was, though, by some unspoken agreement, the good talk had to be postponed until the next day. After all the anxiety of the last twenty-four or so hours, to say nothing of the months before that, Rainbow Dash was happy to lie beneath some big warm fluffy covers and not worry about anything for a night. Fluttershy, she guessed, felt the same way, and Pinkie seemed completely content to lie there with her hooves around her two favorite mares in the world. Rainbow Dash could hardly blame her. Eyes threatening to close, she gazed fondly at the two faces beside her: the mare she loved, and the mare who would never ever let her down. It had taken her a long time, but now she was sure she really had found her home.
“Pinkie Pie?” she asked. Lying there, looking at the girl who deserved her girlfriend every bit as much as she did and whom she could never again resent for that, because she was the most amazing friend in Equestria, she had remembered one other thing that she was supposed to say.
“Mmhmm?”
“Way back in Appleloosa, you sang this song to try to get everypony to get along with each other, and it didn’t really work. We all made fun of you for it, and that was really uncool of us, and… I’m sorry. Because you were right all along.
“You’ve gotta share. But you’ve also gotta care.”
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Awww yis, been waiting for this
Loved the ending to this story. It was very well written, detailed, and full of everything good. Likes all of the side pairings. I was a little surprised when they both screamed no. I thought they would really fall in love, but loved the way it played out. Faving and watching for more works like this from you, and will be reading your other works. Awesome chapter and a story I will be reading more then once.
438857 To be fair, they could still develop a genuine attraction later down the line. I made it perhaps overly clear that they both enjoyed the kiss. But what they were trying to do -- changing their relationship to please Pinkie, not because of internal motivations; moving incredibly fast; Fluttershy using Rarity's seduction tips instead of being herself -- was the wrong way to go about it. Them saying yes after all of that wouldn't have been the nicest moral.
Holy hell this is trippy.
I must continue reading!
438878 The only one question remains then......
Will there be a 'down the line' continuation?
Edit: And also, really interesting story. I'm personally reading the idea of a polyamory relationship for the first time, and it's incredibly well done. Have a nice day and good luck in the future!
You did it!
Yes!Yes!YES!
HahahaYEAH!
Yay~!
Ther's a story behind that response. It's not a story that can be told easily, or lightly and despite my chronic need to open up unnecessarily to others, this is neither the time nor the place for the telling.
What you deserve to know is this, you wrote a curative to an ailment I thought I'd never fix. A perspective I'd thought lost to me. You fixed what I'd assumed was forever broken.
You brought Pinkie back to me.
I won't forget that.
I assume you're eager to hear what I thought of the story, and no doubt you will not be pleased that I can offer no criticism. I percieve no word out of place, no character mishandled. If anything is lacking, my only suggestion would be a sequel for that is what my heart burns for. Intellectually, it could be left here, and I would be no less happy for it.
You've written something special. Something memorable. And in the process, you healed a broken heart. I wish there was more I could say or do to express how much this meant, but the only option I'm left with is a simple "Thank you".
Sweet, heartfelt and very well crafted. At every moment I believed entirely, not only that these are the same ponies we know and love, but that we're seeing those same ponies a little older, more experienced and more mature. Masterful!
Okay, now that I've finally had a chance to read it, I must say this is an excellently written story. Every character was believable and in-character, and showed sure-tell signs of previous character development.
And the best part of the whole thing was Dash and Flutters not loving each other in the end. Here I was expecting everything to head towards a perfect three-way relationship and you're all like "NOPE, REALISTIC CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, BITCH." and then I had the biggest grin on my face.
So yeah, good story.
I'm not quite sure what prompted me to read this but now I am oh so VERY VERY glad that I did! This was written so gosh darn well that may just have to see if it can topple any of my top 5. Gonna need to spend some time thinking on that.
While I'm not normally a fan of shipping fics, this is a really great story!
This was quite good. I'm glad you didn't force Fluttershy and Dash together.
439040
Honestly, that's not intended as a complaint. They both admit that Rainbow Dash is better at reacting to immediate physical crises, even if she spends most of this story worrying about stuff. Also Twilight has grown more powerful and in control of her magic as the series has progressed -- look at her description of her abilities at the beginning of Boast Busters -- and it's not at all hard to imagine that teleporting across that chasm would have been genuinely difficult for her back then. That said, Twilight consistently believes she knows more and can do more than is actually the case, so it is in character for her to think Rainbow Dash's suggestion makes sense, even if there were perfectly good reasons against it at the time.
(What is a subtle take that is the line about their Hearth's Warming Eve parts being written by someone who didn't know who they were, since that was a Merriwether Williams episode.)
439041
I have no immediate plans for a continuation, especially because I have Twigate to write first. (Eh, it's better than "Collight.") But maybe someday, since Fluttershy's point of view goes drastically underrepresented in this piece. Everything is about what Fluttershy means to Rainbow Dash, with very very little of the other way around, even though they're quite different relations.
439172
Aww, I'm glad to hear it! However that happened. I have a bone to pick with a lot of Pinkie stories, which is that her hair almost always ends up going straight, and she almost always reveals some deep complicated philosophy behind everything she does. But the thing is, the show lets us see more into Pinkie's head than it does with any other character, maybe even including Twilight. And she's not very complicated and she has no wish to be, and I try my best not to do her a disservice on that front. Which in this case meant giving her very few lines, though to be fair, the story really isn't about her at all.
To all the more general comments thus far: Thank you! I'm happy to have pleased.
Finally got around to finishing this. Fantastic. I applaud you for not giving us the ending I'd thought you were. MetalFlare has beaten me to the punch in voicing the sentiment, but I feel the need to echo it: Right up the end I'd thought you were heading for the true three-way romance, and I was okay with that, but the fact that you didn't had me nothing short of ecstatic. A cut above most endings.
I can't tell you how much I like Dash's characterization. I was a bit worried during the first chapter that you'd written a Dash just a bit too aware of her action's consequences to be considered in-character. I was wrong, you've not made her out of character, you've made her a believable character, and one that fits right in with how I saw her pre-second season. Since then we've gotten a very callous - or very dim - Dash in both the show and fics. It's wonderful to see this, then: a Dash not quite knowing how to handle her friends' feelings, but very concerned for them.
I've already said how much I like your style, and I'm pleased to say that my opinion has not since decayed. I'm just a little envious of it.
Despite that, I did find myself wishing that the narration would slow down more often, to see more of the relationship between the three of them.To that end, I felt a bit unfulfilled.
"Dash and Pinkie" is described, "Fluttershy and Pinkie" is described, "Dash and Fluttershy" is heard, seen, smelled and maybe even tasted, but "Dash, Pinkie and Fluttershy" is only glimpsed.
Still, I understand it's not the story's primary focus, and cutting to the chase is something I often encourage.
Long, long, long comment short: you've more than earned the spot this has taken on my favourites list, and I eagerly await more from you.
442787
I'm not sure the story was supposed to be quite such a fakeout as I'm hearing it was, so I may need to go back and throw in a few more signs as to why they come to the conclusion they do. Just a sentence or two, though. Either way, as I said above, a three-way love affair would have had too many problems (given the themes and messages present in the story) were it arrived at in such a way.
Regarding awareness of consequences, I'm guessing you're referring to her worrying about adultery and stuff while talking to Applejack? Yeah, it's a fine line, even putting aside how much her language blows everything out of proportion. I spend a fair bit of time (mostly in the Twilight chapter) making her out to be unaware of what's going on, though a lot of that's just repression. On the other hand, there are lines like "because she was thoughtlessly impulsive, and endearingly tactless, and an unthinking loudmouth, and above all else deathly loyal to her girlfriend no matter the personal cost" where at some level, however conscious, she acts the way she does because she cares so much about the ones around her. It's sort of an elaborate manipulation of the concept of Loyalty, but there's a more basic principle at work too: it should be possible for problems to arise without characters making blatantly stupid choices. Still, she could probably use a few more moments of blatant lunkheadedness... there is a reason she can be mistaken for the element of Honesty.
(That said, one detail I wish I had been better able to explore is that Rainbow Dash does not have a perfect understanding of how her friends think. She starts off pretty well with Applejack and even Rarity, but gets more and more confused as time goes on. The problem is that neither Fluttershy nor Pinkie are all that well suited for long speeches about their inner psyches, making it hard to contrast properly Rainbow Dash's understandings of them with their own.)
As for slowing down... it's nearly 28k words, what do you want! No, but seriously, you're right: that's not the focus. It's not about the daily details of everyday life, any more than it's actually about Pinkie Pie. I think it's a little harder than it should be to say what it is about, if only because it's divided into two distinct sections, the Applejack/Rarity chapters (both set in the daytime) and the Twilight/Fluttershy/Pinkie chapters (all set at night), and they deal with two distinct issues, but I guess at its core it's a story of five conversations, plus the circumstances that make each one necessary. The challenge to myself was to write every single conversation all the way through, with no filler lines of "they talked about x and y and z." The first half of Twilight's chapter, the time skip, is the closest you get to a close look at domestic life, and it's really all setup for other things. The details of her romance with Pinkie are nearly irrelevant, they're just there to help strengthen the idea that RD and FS would be willing to risk messing up their (admittedly flagging) friendship to make her happy, since that's probably the stupidest decision in the whole thing and thus needs the most justifying. (Notice that the specifics of their relationship aren't important: the RD/FS incidents get brought up again and again, but the only specific thing RD and PP do together that matters at all is the flamenco performance, and that's mostly just because I like Pepperdance. It's all for emotional purposes.)
442987
I don't think my expectation was your fault, I just read too many shipping fics. I've been conditioned to expect things to go unrealistically well.
I... can't tell if you're being defensive in the rest of your post. I'm sorry if I came off the wrong way. You're pretty much describing my own reasoning for saying what I have, and I don't quite know how to respond.
Nah, not defensive, mostly just taking you as an excuse to provide a miniature director's commentary.
What I think worked, what I think didn't work, why certain things are the way they are. No worries.
I didn't expect this story to be good.
And it ended up being very good.
Well, Violet, nice job. Now excuse me while I read some more Hoofstuck until 4/13.
When I first saw this story's description, I thought that this was probably going to be full of fail given that not many can do a decent job telling a story involving polyamory but I had some hope that this would be different, so I read it. It quickly became evident that I did NOT need to worry at all. I am glad I read the whole thing and you did well in writing it.
As far as the RD-FS relationship goes, I was not surprised at all that they both said 'no' and didn't want to pursue romance with each other. They were close, but they felt more like sisters drifting apart to me.
Others have already given in-depth comments and such, so I'll just stick to the basics and say that I too was both surprised and pleased about how it ended the way it did - with RD + FS being good friends with a possibility for love in the future - instead of a generic shipfic/Hollywood movie type ending where they all fall in love and live happily ever after, blah blah blah.
This story was well written and more than interesting enough for me to read it in one sitting; as such, I'm popping you on watch and looking forward to reading anything else you might write
I love so much about this story. Your characterizations and dialogue, first and foremost--everyone felt and sounded exactly as they should. I loved Rainbow Dash asking to get into a fight with Applejack and their entire scene together, I loved the tiny and amusing Rarijack subplot, and I loved Twilight's scene, how wise and ridiculous and loving and silly and so very Twilight she was.
I think my favorite part, though, was the chapter about Fluttershy's and Dash's relationship going all to heck. That was really beautifully done. There was no manufactured drama, nobody acting OOC, no blow-out fights ... just two friends, through completely understandable actions, drifting slowly and painfully apart. I loved that you did allow them to reconnect at the end, because the chapter where they fell apart was just brutal to read (which I mean as a compliment).
Thanks for writing and for sharing this.
If I didn't already have 5 favorites in the box, I'd throw this one right in there with them. This is realistic, fantstic, well written, in character, and doesn't fall into the cliche of everyone falling in love because yay. I knew, just knew, they were going too fast and trying to like each other just for Pinkie(or at least what they thought Pinkie wanted) and it was just... amazing. I read this all in one day (props to DB for sharing the link ^), and even though I have 40 other stories I want to read, this one deserved my attention.
Honestly, this deserves to go on EQD, and if you haven't tried I'd suggest doing it. This is such a fine piece of work.
I do have one qualm with it though- right here:
>
Fluttershy the surprisingly good actress, coming up with ideas for how Commander Hurricane could mistreat Private Pansy until their scenes read like a caricature of their own relationship, but one written by someone who had never met either one of them…
The incredible difficulty of leaving Fluttershy behind to rejoin the rest of the Ponyville pegasi, training to create the waterspout that first time…
Her unrepressed joy when Fluttershy returned to the training grounds, full of life and action, a joy followed all too quickly by disappointment…
Spitfire’s praise, and how she hadn’t hesitated at all to tell the Wonderbolt that the true hero of the day was Fluttershy, her number one flier, her number one fan, her number one friend, as she was reminded again and again, dozens more times, until one day…
That formula, of a sentence or two then ... was starting to get really repetitive and annoying. It was the only thing that kinda made me skip ahead to see when all the ellipses ended, which was a bummer.
Anyways, this is incredibly well done and you have earned yourself a watcher.
541716 Colgate avatar! Clearly you must be responded to.
In all seriousness, thank you! (And thanks as well to the various people who've commented since I last said anything here.) I noticed Donny's Boy's tumblr post after checking the referrals to see what could explain the small spike in favorites the other day, and was quite flattered to have provided someone with an OT3, especially since I already recognized his name. I haven't tried to put this on EQD, unlike Saigonshy, but nor do I have any plans to, because a) I suspect this isn't exactly their type of story (short/cute or long/adventure-oriented) and b) I'm not sufficiently satisfied with it to believe that it meets the standards that I like to pretend EQD has. (It'll be appearing in the Pony Fiction Vault next week, though, along with an interview with me about it, and that's arguably a more exclusive club than EQD anyway.)
Thanks for your qualm! The clip show, as I like to call it, is an awkward beast indeed. It should be pretty apparent that I like repeating a sentence or paragraph structure for rhetorical effect (c.f. the friendship-falling-apart section in Ch.3 which alternates between regular paragraphs and parenthetical paragraphs giving further details on whatever had just been discussed), but now that you mention it, I can certainly see how that particular instance could have gone on for too long. It's a terrible section in general.
This fic is an odd one, though very well written. To me it seems less strange that the story is about a polyamorous relationship than that for a large amount of it, the central Pinkie Pie relationships are backstage to FlutterDash friendshipping. In retrospect this was likely the correct choice to make, as it put focus on a relationship that doesn't appear much in fiction, that between the two endpoints in a 3 way relationship, rather than the directly romantic focus that comes up a lot. As has been noted, the rhetorical patterning was a bit much at times, but even those segments tended to be well done, and served their purpose in the narrative. I would have liked to have seen a bit more of Pinkie Pie in this though. After the explanation of why Rainbow loves her, that subplot is basically dropped in favor of a tight focus on RD's emotional state, and her dwindling relationship with Fluttershy. I could have used some actual scenes between the two, rather than the brief snapshots that were given. You get bonus points for having TwiGate, a ship that I don't think I've seen before. Regardless of any minor criticisms, I really liked this one. It's getting a favorite despite its finished nature, which means that I might end up rereading it at some point. You seemed to be hinting at a fully TwiGate prequel, and I'm excited to read more stuff from you.
542787 Yess. Colgate is the best avatar
And I've heard of the Pony Fiction Vault, but never went there. I may give it a shot though if this is going there.
Ver nice. I like this a lot, particularly that it isn't idealizing anything really. Write more, and I'll read it! Even if it's completely unrelated.
I really loved this whole story. The agony of watching Fluttershy and Dash drift apart while maintaining that everything was fine felt like nails grating down a blackboard (but in an, ahem, awesome way) - I wouldn't have minded them falling for each other too, but it's just as fitting if not more for their strong friendship to be re-affirmed instead.
Considering the hi-jinx that we FIMFictioners put the Mane 6 through it's odd that there haven't been too many polyamory (polyandry?) stories, but I'm very glad to have come across this one.
539191
You! How do you always find the good stories long before me?!
626185
It's because I'm a man on a mission.
A mission to find high-quality shippy stories.
627954
Mission accomplished!
627954 I actually read this the day before you posted. LoL.
But yes, this is very well done. It felt a little info-dumpy in the first chapter, but I was still hooked. And yes, kodus for not forcing FlutterDash (even though that would still be hot
)
Awwwwwww...
(that is all that needs to be said)
I love:
- your humour,
- your evocative imagery,
- your prose itself and your rhetorical techniques,
- your dialogue and character,
- the ease with which you slip in key worldbuilding info, like the time that has passed since the series,
- your narrative structure: how quickly you set up the scenario, where you placed the climaxes, and the persistent awkwardness and doubts that plagued your ponies, never giving them the easy way out,
- your approach to canon: completely fitting your story into it, giving everypony the benefit of the doubt, using more of their screen personality than just their nominal quirk, and extrapolating into the future naturally,
- your unforced nods of fanon,
- your treatment of this premise,
- this romance and this friendship,
- this story.
A part of me wants FlutterDash and is disappointed that that didn't eventuate - but you told the better story and I love that.
Some places were big blocks of exposition, which were difficult to wade through. And... uh... that's actually my only criticism. Huh. I'm not sure I've read a fanfic before that I could find so little flaw in. It's possible some things could be better than they are, but I'm not a good enough writer to spot that or tell you how. I guess now I'll have to go and read your own review of it (since I just noticed you blogged about such).
I entered this story skeptical. I left it with a new favourite.
438878 I hope you'll make a sequel to this. There aren't too many polyamorous fics out there and you pulled it off perfectly. Also the thought that they might still fall in love with eachother strikes a chord within me
The "NO" was really surprising but it wasn't such a bad thing. This chapter(story?) definitely needs an outro(I would hate to say epilogue -- that would be a step down from where you have brought this) It is headed towards a good ending without saying a ton about the future but I think some words about the next morning would poetically wrap this up. Loved it. My heart hurts now.
This fic doesn't have enough love. I very much like the FlutterDash interaction and conclusion here. I mean, I shamelessly throw them together myself, but this was deftly handled in a way I'm still happy about.
Home is where your hearth is...
Or as i use to say; home is where you hang your enemies head.
Really great storry.
1348459 Yeh, except it was the authors decision that he be treated like that.
This is a masterpiece. I know I'm late to the party, but thank you so so much for writing this story; it might now be my favorite shipfic. I... really don't have much else to say, which is unusual for me. Just... thank you, again. Here's hoping I can one day find something that tops this.
As much as I adored this, I couldn't help but gag a little at the way you characterize Pinkie Pie. She seems eager to be in this type of relationship, forced to spend some of the day with one lover and some with another, which in all honesty I can see getting tedious. Some of the things she says make my teeth grind (An example being her suggestion for Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to be in love as well. That just sounds like an absolutely horrid idea, even for her).
But that's just my opinion. The rest of the story is both deep and humorous, and the touches of Rarijack are absolutely adorable. I never would have thought of Colgate and Twilight seeing hearts for one another, but after reading this masterpiece I'd be more than likely to ship it. This definitely deserves a favorite, regardless of my wayward viewpoints.
Not the ending I had hoped for, but a great ending nonetheless :3
I was really curious about this story. I wanted to see what a polyamorous relationship would be. I think that it would be too complicated myself, but it was awesome. They are the right pony combo for it. Awesome story.
Faved and headcanonized.
At every point in the story in which an em dash denotes the end of a line of dialogue, you accidentally follow it with a pair of opening quotation marks instead of a pair of closing quotation marks.
Haha, mixing up en dashes and em dashes.
Make "Spring" lowercase.
Change the comma following "overall" into a semicolon.
Only one other pony.
I'd consider changing the comma following "Fluttershy" into a semicolon or full stop, but that's just me.
Change the comma to a semicolon.
Make the opening single quotation mark a closing single quotation mark, so it's an apostrophe, and capitalize "'cause"; it begins a sentence.
Change the comma following "argument" into a semicolon.
Capitalize "she".
Hyphenate "Wrap-Up". You hyphenate it at an earlier point in this story, and you hyphenate it in "Spatterdashery".
I'd consider changing the comma following "there" into a semicolon, but that's just me.
There's one last pair of closing quotation marks in "Spatterdashery" that you forgot to flip. Darn shame, how few views, votes, and comments that story has. Bet there's hundreds of people who loved HiWtHA and would love to read "Spatterdashery" if they knew it existed, especially because it's one of the most side-splitting effing ponyfics ever aaaaaaaa
2608324 Heh, thanks. I'd prefer to characterize Word as being the one doing the actual making of some of those, not me, but I guess it comes to the same thing. I'll get to it eventually sometime I really feel inspired to mess with punctuation. That said, my rules for grammar get relaxed significantly for dialogue... unless you're Twilight or someone else sufficiently formal, you probably don't use semicolons. They're commas in your head; they're commas in your dialogue. Likewise most characters would use "who" instead of "whom" even if the latter would be more proper, though in practice I avoid constructing sentences where that would be a possibility, because I'd feel bad typing it as "who" even if it would make sense for the character.
2613362
Yeah, one's word processor can botch a lot, natch. Get to it whenever you feel like it; no rush. And oh, man, I feel for you so much on the comma-semicolon point and the "who"-"whom" point and I've always wondered to myself, "Is there anyone out there who deliberately writes Rainbow Dash's dialog without semicolons and Twilight's dialog with semicolons?" and there is?! Woohoo! I can respect that; you've got rules; you know when you choose to break/relax them and you know how and why you do so, just as I do. Rock on.
Thank you very much for the PM! It was valid and lucid! You think well.
Aw, Chrissakes, I'm forgetting the "ue" in "dialogue" again! Consarn it all!
2613426 It's massively arbitrary, since in all other respects I can think of (color, center, synchronize...) I use American spelling, but the flat -og ending just looks so very dull. Eh.
2615259
I know, right?!
Wow that was just amazing. I kinda like how Fs and RD didn't get together, but I also didn't like it (a teeny tiny smidgeameter). It was believable in that Fs and RD are perfect as friends but anything else is too much (at least in this story and how it was played). And the ending was amazing how it tied in with the needed apology and the ponies admitting that PP was right (I knew it!). Very well done, although I'm more of RD/AJ, Fs/PP, R/TS. Faved and liked!
442987
The right sentence or two could make all the difference. As it stands, you have a strong buildup to the conclusion that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy really do love each other, and just never let themselves believe that, and then all of a sudden you drop a mutual "no" in out of nowhere. I'm not complaining about the conclusion, so much as that there isn't enough information there to follow the train of thought in either Rainbow's or Fluttershy's head. It turns into a "tell" moment, rather than a "show", which is jarring when you've spent the whole story masterfully showing us their relationship.
Also, whether they love each other romantically or not, it's pretty clear that they love each other as friends, or to look at it another way, as family.
Not the ending I was expecting but still very well done!
Crap. No FlutterDash. Oh well, I still enjoyed the story.