What if you could see guilt?
What if guilt looked like a dead lizard?
What if that dead lizard had your cutie mark?
This is My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, as conceived by Nathaniel Hawthorne.
Chapters (1)
Violet CLM
Joined 17th Feb, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Violet CLM · 1.7k words · 47 2 · 2.2k views
- Aragon · 1.7k words · 77 7 · 1.3k views
- Violet CLM · 12k words · 47 0 · 1.9k views
- Violet CLM · 14k words · 40 0 · 1.4k views
- Mistershield · 4.8k words · 22 1 · 905 views
- PhycoKrusk · 1k words · 39 1 · 676 views
- Violet CLM · 3.6k words · 51 4 · 1.1k views
- The Descendant · 27k words · 70 1 · 2.4k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.137 seconds
Total duration
966 users online
1,136,846 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh YES.
I don't understand it and at the same time I do.
Yow. Very whale dong, as the kids say.
D'A
This was amazingly written, but the ending felt a bit rushed.
Well done though, it was extremely entertaining to read and I loved the concept.
I really didn't love the narrating style, nor do I think it was creative and original... wait, is this a dead lizard before me?
Jokes aside, thumbs up, good Sir. I found your story strangely Mark Twain-esque (though I haven't read MT in original English).
Sadly, I can't offer you any real constructive criticism, though, as opposed to PancakeTime, I don't think the ending is rushed. It's just fast enough to leave the reader wondering about the twist.
Oh, thank you so much for getting that song back in my head...
Still, I gave an actual guffaw at that revelation, and the tale was clever indeed!
It's cool, and I really like it. The idea? ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!
hmmmm, well grade A on the concept and how it ended, that's humanity for ya so a big thumbs up.
"don't judge me bro!"
While it is true that is its not right for people to go around "judging" each other as it were "don't judge me" is just an easy out to try and keep someone from confirming what you already know about your own actions.
We would rather get away with our sins then be blessed for our good deeds in most cases and will often paint the messengers as villains or try to eliminate them just to live as we please rather than as we should.
I don't think this is an especially evil ending. The idea that every action must be policed, every deviancy must be squashed! Would the blessings of the adult chameleons be worth the cost? It isn't clear. It is certain that there would be a cost, for the chameleons represent one view of what is right, and yet have no monopoly on truth. Honest independent questioning should not be abandoned for the first prize to come along.
Huh.
Well, firstly, I have to applaud you for the original concept. That's not something I would have thought of, but it works very well with or without the setting of Equestria. Poor lizards...
Secondly, I like the ending, despite the fridge horror of having wiped out a harmless becoming-local population, because it leaves, as the comments show, the good or bad of the situation up to the reader. Also, the style of writing is very interesting.
893898 "it works very well with or without the setting of Equestria."
If you notice, the setting of Equestria is completely optional. There are no mentions of hooves, ponies, place names. It's your choice to fill them in while reading.
895968 That I did.
I think I actually feel a small amount of rage towards this story, I think because i disagree, and yet I must give it a positive vote, and keep it marked as a favorite. This was very well done and it made me think despite the fact that I disagree.
KEEP WRITING!
I'm not sure what hurts worse here, the pessimism or the accuracy. In any case, this was rather hope-crushing. Excellently written, but devastating. Thank you? Possibly?
(Also, I'm surprised those ENTERPRISING YOUTHS didn't try to reach new pinnacles of vice in the hopes that their cutie marks might be glimpsed on the backs of chameleon corpses.)
Wow
u wot m8
I have to admit, I love the narrative, but that pop culture reference almost killed it for me. And yet, you made it work as world-building, and I just now remembered what Diamond Dogs are named for, and so it ultimately works. This is a very singular piece, well done. :)
Love it.
746238
You mean "dork?"
895968
I noticed that, with something like "strip club" in the mix. But I was wondering how else you could match someone to a lizard without the identifying Cutie Mark.
Hey, I wrote a review for this fic. It can be found here.Hey, I wrote a review for this fic. It can be found here.
6115632 Thanks!Thanks!
Uh... well, this was certainly thought-provoking. And I do have some thoughts on it, although conflicting ones.
Firstly I disagree with the idea that the lizards may just not be a good thing, and that the ending is somehow... a defendable outcome, from Ponyville's perspective. I think it is definitely a failure, and a tragic one at that.
Essentially, what the lizards do is to hold everyone publicly accountable for their moral shortcomings, and reward a society if it betters itself due to that accountability (or if it has been good in the first place). In that way, I'm most inclined to read it all as a sort of moral test that Ponyville fails.
And that... to me, is inherently weird. I immediately associate all the good things with pony society, and always compare it to human society, I can't help that. But, humans aren't even brought up here. Still for me, since I consider Equestria everything we should be but are not, and Ponyville the pinnacle of that better society, it makes it... disturbing to read about something where even Ponyville utterly fails.
Which then makes me think about whether I think they would fail in this way, and I think they... might. The amount of corruption you're portraying here seems pessimistic to me, but not unreasonable; the three examples I remember (narrator, Rarity, Ditzy) are all pretty much on the edge. Would Rarity really cheat like that? Well... maybe. The problem is, she thinks she can do it with no consequences, and that she's probably underpaid generally. Ditzy probably really needs it, and it was from some rich guy who doesn't really need it.
Oh, and there was Applejack, too. That one I don't buy. No way she would cheat like this.
Moving on from that, one problem I have that sort of ruins that way of reading it is that the Lizards are also triggered by envy, which is... incoherent. Because envy is. not. a. sin. I don't even understand why anyone would think that. Envy is completely understandable, not inherently negative, and doesn't hurt anyone. So... I don't know. I don't really like this part of it, because it sort of ruins the moral authority of the, well, test, but it is clearly not enough to make failing it the right option. It does make the failure much more understandable, though.
Yeah. I don't know. I strongly disagree that accountability for crimes should be a bad thing, but I don't think the story is saying that. Or maybe it is? I hope not.
(I know nothing about Nathaniel Hawthorne, so this is purely based on the story itself.)
I adore the writing style here. Maybe I'd get tired of it in a much longer tale, but here, it's just so... effective as a way of conveying and painting the narrative. So, wonderful.
The issue with the Karma Chameleons (I'm fairly neutral on the reference) is that they need not be so terrifying. The pragmatist in me is screaming out that Ponyville should simply establish a rule that a dead chameleon cannot, in itself, be used to convict anypony of guilt, though they could be used as an investigative tool. Violations of etiquette or empathy, but not of law, should not be punished at all.
The thought of anyone committing sin that they themselves know is wrong -- purely as spite to another's judgement -- is abhorrent. Do right because it is right; refrain from wrong because it is wrong. And if a disagreement arises about which is which, a chameleon should not be the authority to consult. These simple rules should make any rational being know which choice to make.
Ponyville made the wrong choice. A tragedy this is.
And a fantastic story this is, too. Faved.
*reads*
*blinks*
Creates bookshelf and shoves this on here.
Ergh, you did a real good job writing this; I'm definitely getting flashbacks to The Scarlet Letter.
I can appreciate the writing, but I never really liked The Scarlet Letter, Hawthorne came across as particularly whiney IMO.