• Published 16th Mar 2014
  • 14,912 Views, 193 Comments

Numbers - Pastel Pony

Filthy Rich has always considered himself to be a good parent. But when Miss Cheerilee requests a meeting with him, he may have to face the fact that his darling daughter isn't as perfect as she seems.

  • ...

An After-School Meeting


I know a lot about numbers.

I know how to solve equations, and figure out the best profit. I easily work out percentages. I can organize data into charts that look good, and impress ponies.

My numbers and I have impressed a lot of ponies...and made them like me.

I’ve studied all the high-society etiquette, learned the farm slang.

It’s part of my job to make ponies like me.

That’s what makes a good businesspony...

And I am a very good businesspony.

...Numbers will only get you so far in certain places though.

Sure, it’ll help you walk away in a firm financial state when your personal life comes crumbling down, but profit doesn’t ease the pain when your wife runs away to Prance with some two-bit fancy-looking unicorn.

However, I have discovered that those numbers come in handy during a custody battle …Judges like to see that large ranking salary when it comes to providing for a foal. I suppose that counts for something.

Numbers helped me keep my daughter...and she is the one thing I have done in my life that I am most proud of.

I lean forward as I walk and straighten my daughter’s tiara. That thing always looks like it’s about to fall of her head. I’m afraid it’ll break one day. It is very old… a gift to her from my mother before she...passed on. I wish she wouldn’t wear it to school, that’s just risking it getting damaged. Diamond really does love it though…

“Do you want me to pick you up after school?” I ask. Normally the butler does it for me, but I don’t have any meetings, and it’d be nice to spend some time with her. We’ve…grown more distant recently. “We could go to Sugarcube Corner for some ice cream, we always used to do that.”

She rolls her eyes. “Dad, that was when I was like… five. I’m too old for that now. Besides, I’ve got a thing with Silver Spoon after school.”

I chuckle. How can anypony think they’re too old for ice cream?

“Alright sweetie, maybe some other time.” Diamond rolls her eyes again, but nods. I don’t know why she does that so much...perhaps it’s just a kid thing? I ought to talk to her about it. It was, after all, considered rude when I was growing up.

She stops at the gate and looks at me. “Ok, we’re here. So...bye.” She turns to leave, but I grab her hoof and pull her into a hug. “Daaaaadddd!” She squeals, wiggling away. I grin sheepishly and lift a hoof to quickly fix her tiara again.

“Sorry,” I say. She huffs, and starts walking quickly down towards the little red schoolhouse. “Have a good day, Diamond!” I call. Her ear twitches, and she begins to walk a little faster.

I watch her little form all the way along the path until she reaches the playground, then turn to leave just as a pleasant voice calls out to me.

“Oh, Mr. Rich! Do you think I could have a word?”

I turn back to see Cheerilee trotting up towards me. As she reaches the gate, she leans against it and puffs a couple times to catch her breath, before placing a smile on her face and facing me.

“I was hoping to catch you! Do you think it’s possible for you to meet me after school for a little bit for a quick talk?”

“Why?” I ask.

“Well...I…” She looks down and shuffles her hooves, before biting her lip. “It’s about Diamond Tiara. I’d rather not say where everypony could hear us, and I must get back to the children… But… It is rather important. Do you think you’d be able to come here this afternoon?”

I shrug. “I’m not busy, so I guess so. Is...Diamond in trouble?”

She sighs, fidgeting slightly, and begins walking back toward to the schoolhouse. “You could say that.”

“Thank you for coming.”

I simply sit down across the desk from Cheerilee and wait. I’m almost afraid to hear what she might say. What in Equestria could have happened to merit an unplanned conference? I know Diamond’s grades are good, so it can’t be that. Maybe… I just hope it’s nothing bad.

She simply sits there in silent contemplation, until I clear my throat and ask the question that has been on my mind all day. “Would you mind telling me the purpose of this meeting?”

Cheerilee slumps pitifully. “I’m… I’m afraid the issues I wrote to you about last week have been persisting. Diamond Tiara’s… problems with the other students have been getting more and more out of hoof, and despite trying most suitable punishments, I’m having trouble trying to find the right disciplinary actions to get through to her.” She lowers her gaze. “Perhaps I never will.”

“Hold on!” I raise a hoof and stare at her. “What letters? What issues? ...What are you talking about?”

She blinks. “...The letters addressed to you I’ve been sending home with Diamond Tiara. I sent one last Monday and last Thursday.”

I quickly shake my head in confusion. “Miss Cheerilee, I haven’t gotten any letters from you.”

Cheerilee shrinks under my gaze. “Oh dear…” she whispers. “It… It would appear that Diamond Tiara has been keeping the letters I gave to her rather than give them to you.” She frowns. “That makes a lot of sense, actually.”

“Why didn’t you just send them to me through the mail?” I ask.

“It… just seemed a bit impersonal. I always send notes homes with the students when I need to let a parent know about something. ” She shrugs and crinkles her nose. “Normally the students deliver the letters without a problem. I write to parents for many different reasons, so the students know if I give them an envelope with their parents' names on it, they need to give it to them.” She pauses. “When you never wrote back to me, I assumed you were just busy with work and forgot…”

I sigh and lift my hooves to rub my sore temples. “Diamond’s an intelligent filly… She likely figured out what the letters were for.” Cheerilee nodded. “...Speaking of which, I still have no idea what those letters were about. What exactly are these problems Tiara’s been having with the other students? Is somepony picking on her?”

“The opposite actually.”


“Diamond Tiara has a tendency to tease and harass the other students, Mr. Rich. She...she bullies them.”

My Tiara?
...my daughter never hurt anypony in her life.

How can she….?


“No…” I whisper. I stare at Cheerilee and then let out a slightly nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry, Miss Cheerilee. I thought I just heard you say my daughter bullies her classmates.”

Cheerilee nods, and I instantly feel queasy. “No...no, no, no…” I frantically shake my head, trying to drone out what I have just heard. “That can’t be right.”

“Mr. Rich…”

‘No!” I bring my hoof down onto the table with a sharp crack. “I refuse to believe that! If this was a real issue, why have you not tried to meet with me before?”

Cheerilee wilts. “When the teasing first came to my attention, I spoke to Tiara about hurting other ponies' feelings. When it persisted, I temporarily banned her from recess. After a couple weeks it seemed to go away, so I left it alone.”

“Then what makes you think there’s an issue now?”

“The teasing has started again, and worse than before.” She lowers her gaze. “I’m starting to wonder if it ever stopped. I...I think Diamond simply stopped making fun of the other students where I could see her. She’s been banned from recess again, but I’m sure it continues after school.”

I glare at her. “How do you know? If you don’t see it, then how do you know it’s happening?”

Cheerilee sniffles, and I realize that she’s truly upset. “I just can, Mr. Rich. I can see it in the way they avoid her during exercise, or arts and crafts. I can hear it in the sighs of relief that echo around the classroom when I take roll and she’s absent. I-”

I cut her off. “That isn’t real evidence of any true bullying.”

Cheerilee sits there for a second, staring at me. She lowers her eyes and sighs. “I’m sure of what’s going on... I'm not stupid.” She frowns angrily and chucks a folder at me. Inside are several letters, all addressed to Cheerilee. “I...I certainly know I’m right when Derpy writes to me because her daughter is crying about Diamond making fun of her for not knowing who her father is...Or when Rainbow Dash sends me a letter because Scootaloo told her that the only reason she was trying so hard to fly the other week was because of something Diamond said about her wings.”

I slump down in my chair as her words reverberate through my brain. My gaze can’t leave the letters that back up her claims. “She...she wouldn’t.”

“I’m afraid she would and has, Mr. Rich. The other children are terrified of her, I can see it. Do you think I don't know my own students?” Cheerilee sinks down and buries her face in her hooves. “I...I don’t know what to do anymore.” She shivers for a second, before bursting into tears, sobbing as she tries to speak. “I-I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t get through to her, and I can’t… I can’t remove her from the school just for teasing, the area regulations only allow for expulsion due to physical bullying. If… If you c-can’t find a way to m-make her stop, I d-don’t know what I’m supposed to d-do anymore.”

I can only stare at her, shock running through my body at the sight of the normally cheerful mare bursting into tears because of...because of my daughter. Diamond Tiara has hurt her. Diamond Tiara has…

“I… What do you expect me to do?”

“F-Fix her,” Cheerilee whispers, still unable to look at me. “Fix her… or move her… or… Just do something before she breaks everypony else.”

“But…” I can only stare, before slowly standing up on shaking legs, then turning and fleeing the schoolhouse.

I end up at the stream.

I always seem to wander here when I have a lot going on in my head... On top of the bridge that spans the little river of water dancing its way down the little path it has cut through the grass… It’s a good spot for thinking.

Normally I come here when making a large business decision. To invest in something or not, to buy this or sell that, to support the small independent business or the already stable large company…

But today I’m here for my daughter.

The water shimmers like the little rhinestones of Diamond’s tiara, and I can only stare at it as I replay the conversation with Miss Cheerilee over and over and over...and over.

Could I be wrong about my own daughter?
...How come I never noticed before?

Do I really care?

I shiver at the thought. Could I really be unwilling enough to see my own daughter’s flaws that I would just ignore what Cheerilee had told me? If what she had said was true… It was possible I already had been too blind too see what should have been obvious for months.

I gaze at the apple tree by the river, and remember the way she laughed at the little yellow filly in the the bunny suit when I took her to Sweet Apple Acres. At the time I’d merely thought it a giggle between friends. Now… now I was not so certain.

The simple fact stood before me like it always did...in numbers. Fifteen unhappy fillies and colts...remove just one from the equation, and everypony else would benefit. It was something I had no qualms about before when the same problems arose in the workplace. Employee causing trouble? Get rid of them to create a better work environment for the rest of your ponies, and likely increase production due to happier workers.

This wasn’t some workers complaining about a colleague, though… This was a schoolteacher asking me to either fix my daughter… or remove her.

Cheerilee’s words come to mind again. Derpy, the friendly mailmare… her sweet little daughter... crying because of Diamond… because of something Diamond said to her to intentionally make her hurt.

I feel sick to my stomach. It’s too fast, too soon… I wasn’t prepared for this, not in any way. Lifting a hoof, I run it along the maroon fabric of my tie. Despite all the other ones I own, this is my favorite. Diamond found it when she was little and sewed the dollar sign on it to make it match my cutie mark. I turn the tie around and stick my hoof in the small pocket I had added inside the seam, sliding out a little picture of Diamond Tiara from when she was merely a foal. I always keep it there, so I can have a reminder of why I work hard everyday… to provide for my beautiful daughter.

Tracing a hoof along the edge of the photograph, I let out a sigh. I can find no fault in those large, innocent eyes, and that joyful smile. Then… I see eyes that roll in embarrassment, a smile that turns into an annoyed huff and a frown.

And then I understand.

...Where did I go wrong?

Author's Note:

First time writing from a guy's point of view, and first time using present tense.

...why the buck not?

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Comments ( 193 )

Huh. This is an interesting take. I'd honestly like to see more of this.

This was really good, i'd like to see this turned into a full fledged story :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Great story. I would like to read when Rich talks to his daughter, or when Rich talks to Applejack, Rarity, or Derpy or Advise. Great Talent. Great job.

Very good, it shows a very realistic scenario that might explain Diamond's bullying tendencies.

Donraj #6 · Mar 16th, 2014 · · 4 ·

I don't like Cheerilee's characterization in this story. There's none of the confidence or professionalism I'd expect her to show. I get that she's upset by what Diamond Tiara is doing to her other students, but I don't think that would reduce her to a stuttering mess, or that she would "wilt" when Filthy Rich looks at her cross-eyed. She's a teacher, and presumably a good one. She has to have dealt with bullies before or at least have some idea how to deal with them. She's not going to be afraid to tell Filthy Rich in no uncertain terms what his daughter is really like and that he needs to deal with her. Probably with detailed suggestions as to how. Don't really buy that she wouldn't follow up on the lack of response to her letters either.

I've taught in a public middle school. People who do that for a living do not get intimidated or shaken easily.

Don't really agree with Filthy Rich angsting over it for the rest of the story either. He's supposed to be a business pony. That means he's a problem solver. If anything I'd expect him to suppress his feelings by throwing himself into planning a course of action.

Cheerilee wilts under my gaze. “Oh dear…” she whispers. “It… It would appear that Diamond Tiara has been keeping the letters I gave to her rather than give them to you.” She frowns. “That makes a lot of sense, actually.”

And that´s why, when professors deliver letters to parents via their children, also demand a signed note in return as guarantee they got the memo.:facehoof:
While sympathetic, Cheerilee´s portrayal is kinda incompetent. Just like in canon.


Yea... I admit, maybe Cheerilee bursting into tears is a little strong... But Filthy Rich, given his importance in the local economy, is probably quite intimidating. Aside from that, we have seen in the show that while she does love her students, she is, to a certain extent, pretty oblivious to what's going on between Diamond and her other students. She probably feels like a petty shitty teacher for not really noticing her students reactions until being bombarded with letters. As for the letters, again, Filthy Rich is an important pony in their society, the last thing she'd want to do is annoy him, so she probably just left it alone until it got really bad.

As for Filthy...that's kind of the point. He never was really willing to see the bad parts of his daughter, so this caught him off guard. While his sensible side is, of course, saying "send her to a different school", his emotional side isn't really willing to do that, nor does he know how to get his daughter to stop.


Cheerilee´s portrayal is kinda incompetent. Just like in canon.

Exactly. :trollestia:

Oh, I'd love to see this turn into a full story (like Filthy having astern talk with Diamond, trying to go over his options, realize he went wrong by spoiling Diamond rotten, and other stuff).

Can't wait for the next update.


....it's complete. What update? :rainbowderp:

4091667 ...What? This can't be the end. You have to write a whole story with Filthy Rich talking to Diamond Tiara, learning how to raise her better, all that stuff.

4091445 I'm actually pretty sure we've seen a few instances of Cheerilee and Filthy Rich disciplining Diamond Tiara in the show, but I can't remember specifics off the top of my head.

Which is why I tend to agree with the theory that Filthy Rich isn't a particularly bad pony. The Apples wouldn't do business with him if he was too much of a shithead.


Actually, the only time Filthy Rich ever "disciplined" Diamond was when her made her participate in making the Zap Apple Jam, and that can easily be perceived as him just trying to get her to be more social.
And he isn't a bad pony, he just is unable to see his daughter's own flaws, something many parents have trouble with.

As for Cheerilee, the only real instance I can think of is when she demoted Diamond from Editor in Chief, and that wasn't really a case of bullying so much as not recognizing the difference between news and gossip. For the most part, she seems pretty oblivious to what's going on. :twilightoops:

4090947 I agree with you somewhat in the first part, but not in the second. We all have our weak points in the "armor" we wear to get through our day, and getting hit in one can rattle even the most confident and self-assured individual. It's not outside the realm of possibility that his daughter is one of Rich's weak points.

He'd hardly be the first example of a parent doing a poor job of raising a child through no direct fault of his own, after all.

i would love to see another chapter in which it explains how he tries to fix it. would be a interesting read.

It's out of character for Cheerilee-- or any teacher worth two spits-- to break down crying like that. Anger, weariness, yes. Weeping? no. Begging him to "do something?" No. Getting fed up and issuing an ultimatum? Yes.


Oh sure, I'm not saying he would handle it well. But I think it would be more in-character for him to act than to mope or be reflective. And for whatever he tries to fail miserably and blow up in his face.


Hmm, yeah, couldn't really recall all the details and thought there might have been more times than that.


Gonna have to agree with this, and that's coming from a teacher.

I'm not saying teachers can't form bonds with their students (and thus become upset when something is troubling them), but any decent teacher knows how to remain professional and not break down in front of their students' parents. Heck, that's the -worst- time to do it, since the parents will most likely start to think that the teacher is far too emotional, high-strung, etcetera.

Really, Cheerilee making an ultimatum ("this has to stop, one way or the other") is fine and dandy, and precisely what she should be doing... but downright begging a parent to take action and being on the verge of sobbing in distress? No; I'm sorry, but I can't see any competent teacher doing that over something as "simple" as bullying (yes, I know bullying is very much a serious issue, but it's still relatively simple to deal with when compared to serious psychological problems and such with children).

Still, Filthy Rich's reaction, while a bit drama-queenish, is believable; I've seen several parents that cannot accept that their children pick on others, and refuse to aknowledge even the possibility... glad to see Filthy Rich being aware enough to understand that he might have been mistaken about his child's innocence.

4092431 What exactly does she issue an ultimatum about? She can't punish Diamond Tiara for her behavior if she never catches her in the act, or for what she does outside of school. It's already said that she just doesn't care about any of the punishments Cheerilee is actually capable of enforcing on her, and, as mentioned, Cheerilee can't suspend or expel her for non-physical bullying.

If one of those letters happened to include a parent demanding action because their little foal was becoming suicidal over that bullying, and Cheerilee just couldn't get any results... crying isn't all that unrealistic. Extraordinarily unprofessional, but not unrealistic, especially considering the overall nicer-than-real-life nature of Equestria (how that filly's acting becomes several marks worse in that case). They could also be angry tears--a number of people cry when they're angry.

I do think it would work better if the crying was cut out, though. There are less dramatic ways to show feelings of helplessness.


"or for what she does outside of school. It's already said that she just doesn't care about any of the punishments Cheerilee is actually capable of enforcing on her, and, as mentioned, Cheerilee can't suspend or expel her for non-physical bullying."

Which is just plain bogus, at least where I come from; bullying classmates, even outside of the school, can have serious ramifications here in Norway, and can lead to the student being deemed a disturbance for the other students, and thus not allowed into the common classroom or even near the school.

And I highly doubt a society like the one seen in Equestria would just say "Oh, she didn't harm you -physically-, but bullies you anyway? Can't do anything about that!", because it sure doesn't fly where I come from; doesn't matter if it's physical, verbal, psychological, etc... if you bully someone (or if you're just a disturbance for the other students, leading to their own education suffering) then you can get booted out of the classroom and/or school, suspended for quite some time, and forced to get your education through specialized tutors (alongside lessons with psychologists and other experts) that are paid for by the state, since kids have the right to a certain number of years of education.

But then, maybe it's very different in other countries like the US, or the UK. *Shrug*

And of course, it might be VERY different in Equestria, but I still doubt an excuse of "it's just -verbal- bullying and/or it doesn't happen at school" would fly in any Equestrian school that cares about the students' education and wellbeing as a whole.

I'm afraid where I'm from some school districts really aren't willing to take extreme action about teasing, especially outside of the classroom. How Equestria would treat this is, arguably, just headcanon, so there's no way to tell who's right.


Obviously a lot of people seem to have a problem with her crying, and while I'll agree it is technically unprofessional, is it unrealistic? No.
People can cry when they get frustrated (think back to Baby Cakes), and it's likely that Cheerilee has never had to deal with an issue like this before, so between parents demanding action, and Filthy Rich refusing to listen to a word she says, she has a right to throw up her hooves and pity herself.
From what little we've seen in the canon, she doesn't really seem to ever do much to punish her students. Even when the CMC nearly married her to Big Mac, she simply made them do some chores. In many other instances when her students have misbehaved (Snips and Snails bringing an Ursa to town, CMC constantly causing havoc, etc.) she hasn't punished them, which suggests that unless it's inside school, she likely doesn't have a lot of power over it.

So...yea, I think her finally breaking down and crying isn't totally unbelievable. However, I supposed if anyone thinks it ruins the story and makes it downvote worthy, I can consider taking it out. :unsuresweetie:

Poor Filthy Rich..

He's successful as a "businessstallion",
but, is a colossal failure when it comes to being a parent (like so many others)

He's really going to have to make some Changes.

Anyways, this is a good one.
It gives me a good idea on how to go about FR in my own fiction in which Diamond Tiara's bad behavior HAS to be addressed.

Any chance of a continuation or sequel? I would really like to see Rich confront his daughter.:twilightsmile:

4093083 Bullying (in school) also gets a strong response in the U.S. ... in the modern day, and in most areas. Unfortunately, there's still places where schools or entire school districts underestimate its effects and don't take serious action against it. But that's beside the point, sorry for rambling.

There are a lot of school districts in the U.S. where teachers have no authority to punish students for anything that they do outside of school (there's... well, there's a reason that ). So there is a reason for Cheerilee not being able to act, if the author is American.

And I do agree that Equestria wouldn't be a society that would downplay the effects of non-physical bullying. But I think a case could be made that bullying is rare enough over there that they just don't have a competent system in place to handle it. Or, considering Babs's episode, the Education Department of Equestria might just be terribly incompetent. It sounded like she had a good number of other foals gunning for her.

It might also be that a standardized school system is still new to Equestria (perhaps each school mostly ran itself beforehand, or they mostly learned through the apprenticeship system until recently?), and it has a lot of problems that still need to be sorted out.


However, I supposed if anyone thinks it ruins the story and makes it downvote worthy, I can consider taking it out. :unsuresweetie:


Wow, so far this is the best story plot I've seen so far and I like the direction where this is going. So when's the chapter coming out?

This piece was quite inspirational for me.
it will REALLY help with a similar situation that I am doing for one of my fictions.

Added to my headcanon stories.

I was always interested in what Filthy Rich thinks of Diamond Tiara. I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy, so how exactly did Diamond Tiara turn out so....ew?

I have to agree with the folks who think that this should be "Chapter One" and not a one shot. There's so much potential and nothing has been resolved yet.


That's kind of the point... The reader is left to decide whether or not Filthy Rich decides to try to improve his daughter's behavior, or continue to pretend she's perfect.

I suppose if enough people wanted one, I could consider doing a sequel sometime when my schedule is a little less busy. :duck:

4094423 I agree I want to see what course of action to loving father will take to help his daughter get back on the right track

I've noticed that DT's actions have been publicized now in a lot of stories, kind of sad to see how two dimensional of a character she's become.

It usually starts at home with some kids and the negative attention from the home life carries with them to the school where they self destruct in ways like this. Maybe Tiara is acting out because her mother isn't there anymore, that could be the underlying problem, a feeling of anger towards others who have two parents while she doesn't. Now I'm not defending her because she's constantly a rail spike in everyone's side.

Rich is to blame but I feel some pity for the man, divorced, looking after the kid (winning the child in any court is huge) and owner of a company, it's no surprise how he could have overlooked this.

“Alright sweetie, maybe some other time.” Diamond rolls her eyes again, but nods. I don’t know why she does that so much...perhaps it’s just a kid thing? I ought to talk to her about it. It was, after all, considered rude when I was growing up.

He sees the signs but pushes it away because he thinks it's what kids do know.

I always thought Filthy Rich was a jerk...I guess it might be because a lot of rich people are jerks. Thanks for painting a whole new perspective around him. :D Awesome story By the way.

4094481 Up to us to decide, huh...?

Mr. Rich, prompted by his love of family, goes on an adventure to try and save his daughter from the path of evil.


This is complete? Awww... Would of loved to see a beautiful Father Daughter story. Out of all the ponies in the show... Diamond and Rainbow (well, when she was a foal at least) are the only two who have parents you could really make stories with that could really make for some strong family bonding moments. I guess it's arguable others like Twilight and Rarity could too, but foalwise, Diamond is more relatable with how you wrote her here to have a good heartwarming Father moment.

I digress though, far as the story goes, it was pretty good. Though, a few inaccuracies like attempting to blame Diamond for the harsher things said to Scoots bout her wings, which, well we all know came from Silver Spoon and then Diamond's quip about her flag carrying not getting off the ground either. I get it though, Silver Spoon doesn't really have a presence or she's just too cute to blame the bad stuff as actually being her own willful faults.

I loved the intro, the way Filthy was built up and his old ways. Diamond's sort of rebellious phase where she's too old for childish things and a dad too loving to see it as anything less than their child growing up. Kids always seem to get embarrassed from public affection in fear of being laughed at or teased. Being called names and such. Kids are serious brats. lol

Final scene was nice, the comparison of how you run a business compared to raising a child was nice. He's a good pony. Sadly a lot of us grow up based on how our friends and those around us act and treat things. Nothing Filthy could really do there, but, he probably didn't or chose not to pick up on the signs. At least now he knows. The question is, how will he go about 'fixing' her as Cheerilee pleaded?

It's 2:20AM so not the most elegant of posts, but, for a Filthy Rich perspective story through HIS eyes and how HE reacts, I say this was a pretty great start. Though, falls short of a favorite. Felt like it ended a bit sudden.

4090947 That is a great comment. Fully agree with you there. Especially if we're to believe these are still foals and Cheerilee's school is the ONLY school in town. :P

It's like in some parts where they still have one teacher who teaches from certain levels like 3rd-8th, a mix of everything. If Cheerilee is like those kinds of teachers, she's gotta have some serious experience and endurance to put up and deal with a lot of different types of bullies and quirks.

This was quite good. I liked Rich's perspective; for your first time, it's an excellent use of first-person.

However, as it is, the story feels very unresolved. I understand leaving it open for the reader to imagine, but there isn't really much of a jumping-off point here.


Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:
As for the ending, it was my intention to leave Filthy's decisions about Diamond open to the readers, but given the general consensus it appears perhaps I left it a little too vague. :facehoof:

I liked this. Twas sad and deep. Insightful. Take a thumb and a fave.

Though I'd tend to agree that Cheerilee wouldn't be reduced to a quivering mess, she might still be very upset about the matter. Those are her kids and she's suffering the failure of not being able to fix this problem.

I think Filthy is characterized perfectly though. Who gives a damn whether he's a businesspony or not, this is his daughter we're talking about. Things are different.

Is there a reason that the italics suddenly drop out in the middle of the intro, only to return a few lines later?

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