(Improved version) Princess Gatling Gun
My Little Gatling
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Princess Gatling Gun
“This is bad, this is really really bad!” Twilight repeated to herself as she ran through the castle’s hallway, the noise of hoof stomps loudly echoing all around her, two guards leading the way while her friends followed beside her.
SMASH
The group stopped as the loud sound echoed through the castle, debris falling from the ceiling. “We have no time to waste, Your Majesty!” a guard said, his foreleg stretched towards Twilight as he helped her to stand. “It is only a matter of time before Canterlot falls under the siege, and the princesses are already awaiting your arrival.”
With a nod of determination, she stood up and started galloping again, the throne room growing closer with every step. Not waiting for the doors to open for her, she lit her horn and threw the giant wooden doors open, accidentally slamming the guards behind it into the wall.
Ignored by the galloping group, the unicorn guard slowly freed himself from his hole in the wall, stars circling around his head. “Need some ice?” a cheerful earth pony appeared in front of the guard, an icepack in her hoof. The guard shook his head and blinked, only for the pony to rejoin the group, leaving him with icepack on top of his head, and a cupcake on the floor in front of him.
With a little effort of his levitation spell, he closed the doors, only for the other guard to capture his attention, quickly noticing the icepack on his head and cupcake in his hoof. The confused guard peeked back at the group, staring at the pink mare, “How did she do that?”
“I am so glad you have arrived, Princess Twilight. As you have witnessed, Canterlot is under siege, and I fear soon Ponyville and rest of Equestria will soon share it’s fate,” Celestia said worriedly, her gold clad hoof pointing out towards the window.
Twilight and her friends walked closer to witness the destruction with their own eyes from a higher view point.
Massive amounts of green objects fell from the sky like a toxic rain just like during the royal wedding, the only difference was that they didn’t fall on their heads, but instead made holes on the stone road, roofs and walls. Black figures known as changelings came from the holes, only to chase panicked ponies.
Griffins armed with bows and crossbows engaged against the pegasi guards, as bows and spears flew back and forwards, through they were too far for them to determine which side was winning.
Closer to the ground, giant dragons flew between buildings while occasionally breathing flames to set them on fire. Unicorn guards responded with magical projectiles and barriers, forcing a few dragons to retreat temporarily and stopping their destructive flames from burning the innocent. Most ponies under the escort of the unicorn guards safely made a retreat to the train station and shelters.
Celestia moved closer to her former student and put a hoof on her shoulder. As she watched her kingdom falling to ruins, she was surprised that her usually incompetent guards were putting up a proper fight. I am so glad that Luna volunteered to take the lead of the Royal Guard after Shining Armor’s departure to Crystal Empire with Cadence. I still cannot believe how soft and pathetic they have become after hundreds years of peace. Celestia facehoofed with a deep sigh, Failing to repel the changeling’s invasion, leaving a newly crowned princess alone without any escort after our capture, leaving Ponyville unprotected when Everfree Forest invaded, more or less leaving the last princess in Equestria without backup when she went to Everfree Forest. Luna sure gave them training drills of a lifetime after that... Celestia blinked rapidly before looking around, her eyes widening in worry. Now that I think about it, where is Luna? I asked her to clear the path for Cadence and Shining Armor. They should have been here some time ago.
“How could this have happened?” Twilight asked, still looking at the invasion that was taking place in front of her very eyes, her friends sharing her expression. “Just half a year ago, we had to face the Everfree Forest invading Ponyville, and now this!”
Celestia shook her head. “I do not know, Twilight. But I believe that someone powerful and influential somehow managed to gather all the enemies of Equestria and rally them together, knowing full well that the elements of harmony can no longer protect us.”
Twilight looked back at her former mentor with worry, who just smiled back and embraced her. “I am glad that you and your friends are alright, I was afraid that they may target you as some sort of revenge.”
The hug didn’t last long as a crashing sound captured everypony’s attention. Every pair of eyes now focusing on a smoking hole in the wall, as Luna and a few night guards flew inside, bruises from the battle visible on their fur and armor.
“Luna!” Celestia shouted, racing towards her sister, Twilight and her friends right behind her. “Are you alright?”
Luna let out few deep breaths before facing her sister, “We art alright, dear sister, though we had to fight our way to Shining Armor and Princess Cadence’s airship to rescue them from these wicked creatures.” Luna said proudly, pointing her battered foreleg towards the hole, where a battered carriage was passing through to land.
“Shining, Cadence, are you alright?” Twilight cried out, rushing over to her brother who hopped onto the floor before helping Cadence step gingerly out of the carriage.
“Of course we are alright, Twily. Who do you think I am?” he said while embracing his sister, Cadence quickly joining in. “I should be the one worrying about you, if not for all the challenges you faced.”
Shining Armor broke the hug, while Cadence looked deeply into eyes of her sister in law, smiling, “We were not there for you the last time you needed us, but we won’t make the same mistake again,” she said with an encouraging tone, while her foreleg straightened towards the hole in the wall.
Twilight, once free from the group’s hug, looked outside the hole in the wall, noticing crystal ponies with parachutes jumping from airships. Smart move, using airships to bring a ground army to help, considering lack of pegasi in Crystal Empire, she thought with renewed hope before turning towards the other princesses.
Celestia nuzzled her sister before looking at her wounds with worry, but as much as she wished to heal her sister and her guards, there were more pressing matters to attend to at hoof. With a serious expression on her face, she looked into Luna’s eyes and asked, “Can we repel the invasion, sister?”
Luna lowered her head in worry, “We art unsure. Fighting against their numbers greatly drained our strength, sister, and besides the mighty dragons, Chrysalis is a threat we worry about.”
Celestia lowered her head and looked upon the floor, “I am sure she is prepared for Shining Armor and Cadence’s combined barrier,” she sighed, “I fear evacuation is our only option. To win against such a force, we will need a miracle.”
“Somepony called?”
Everypony’s attention shifted to the source of voice as Discord emerged from inside of Celestia’s mane, giving her a small snap in the nose, smirk on his face.
“Discord!” the name echoed through the slightly damaged throne room, as the spirit of chaos waved to them before appearing a camera with snap of his fingers, quickly starting to take pictures of Canterlot.
“My my, you gave up elements to the Tree of Harmony just half a year ago, and already such chaos take over the place. How you ponies kept this kingdom in one piece for thousand of years is beyond my comprehension.”
“My subjects are in danger. This is not a laughing matter, Discord,” Celestia said firmly, capturing his attention. After taking a deep breath to calm down, she pleaded, “Equestria hasn’t faced a war for centuries and we cannot stop it. Will you lend us your power to save it?”
Discord waved his clawed hand dismissively, “And stop all this chaos? Maybe later, but for now I would like to enjoy the show. The past weeks have been rather boring.”
“You jerk!” Rainbow Dash flew right in front of his face, her foreleg ready to strike. “Our home is in danger and you will just stand by and have fun? Give me one reason I shouldn't buck your head!”
Discord rolled his eyes and disappeared, only to reappear behind a worried Fluttershy who flinched. “Oh, do not get me wrong, I will not let any harm to come to my dear friend Fluttershy, nor to Ponyville, but I do not really hold Equestria in high regards.” With a snap of his fingers, an illusion of the elements of harmony appeared on Fluttershy and her friends, “We will do things my way.”
Fluttershy touched her neck, only for the fake element to vanish at the contact with her hoof. She slowly turned towards Discord and gave him a pleading look, “Umm… Discord, I understand that you may not like other ponies the same way you like me...” Fluttershy said hesitantly, memories of how she spent time with Discord and played with him, while her friends usually end up as his pranks targets flashed in her mind. “But I care about my friends and I cannot stand for what those griffins, changelings and d-d-dragons are d-doing,” she gulped, hardly finishing her sentence as a loud roar thundered outside, “please, if you can, please, do not let those poor ponies be hurt any longer. Pretty please.”
Discord look back at the pegasus, completely disarmed by her pleading look. “Pfff… fine.” He said while lowering his head as a foal who just had to give up his favourite toy. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and even Twilight cheered. Discord gave Celestia an annoyed glare while frowning, “But on second thought, why I should be the one fixing this mess?”
“W-what do you mean?” Fluttershy asked with worry in her voice, while Twilight and the rest of her friends started to whisper to one another. In a flash, Discord reappeared on Celestia’s back, a military general’s uniform covering his abomination of a body.
"Why should I bother when Celestia always lets everyone do the work for her?" he said before giving her a swat on her flank, causing her eyes to open wide in surprise. With a swift movement of his claw, he pinched Celestia’s cheeks, “Yes, I am talking to you, Princess. Fluttershy shared with me stories about her and her friends’ exciting adventures,” he put his hand on his forehead, acting as if he was about to faint so well, he would give Rarity run for her money. “Oh, you should see the surprise on my face when I realized how lazy and soft you have become!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Discord disappeared in a flash and two comfortable seats appeared out of nowhere. In a moment, both spirit of chaos and solar princess were already sitting in them while a table with tea separated them. Celestia could clearly see the battle raging outside by the hole in the wall right behind Discord’s seat. “Then where were you when your dearest sister returned as Nightmare Moon? Oh wait, let me guess, you stayed on sidelines until your faithful student used the elements on her.” He smirked, “From what Dashie says, you made quite a flashy entrance, taking the reward without lifting a hoof.”
Rainbow Dash frowned while Celestia blushed, “I… I could not heal my sister and I didn’t want to hurt her. Twilight and her friends were the only one who could save her.”
Discord took a sip of his cup before throwing the tea towards the hole in the wall, as Rarity could see a few changelings being knocked out by the explosive liquid. “I even heard that you sent your student and her friends to deal with an overgrown dragon. I would be surprised if any of your previous students survived your such very extreme and original teaching methods in the first place.”
Celestia resisted the urge to slam her hoof on the table in front of her, while giving Discord a angered glare, but decided to keep silent. I cannot tell them that I asked my sister to keep an eye on them from the shadows in case the challenge was too hard.
“Hey!” Twilight shouted as she wanted to defend her mentor, only for bubblegum to appear inside her mouth, shutting her up.
“Ssshhh… Millennia old beings are talking,” Discord said with a smirk on his face, while in a wave of smoke, both he and Celestia turned into older versions of themselves with wrinkles and big white beards, “N-n-now w-where w-was I, oh y-yes.” He said in elderly voice. “A-after I r-returned from my unpleasant s-stone prison, I decided to have some fun, oh the g-good o-old days o-of my y-youth.”
Celestia frowned, “I-it w-was a y-year ag-g-go…” she said before casting a spell on herself, returning back to her normal younger self.
Discord puffed back to normal as well and added, “So I started by hiding the elements and decided to play a bit with their bearers. I still cannot believe you fell for it.” After a moment of laughter, he added, “You send six defenseless ponies without the elements to search for them, giving me so many opportunities to mess with their heads.” Discord cleared his throat before adding sarcastically, “Why not send guards to search for elements? Why not bother to search for them personally? Just let the only ponies who can use them risk their well being and have a few friendship letters ready to be sent in case I broke them.”
Celestia could see Shining Armor struggling to keep up the barrier around the castle while Discord kept wasting time with accusations, “I was so disappointed that no pony invited me to a very exciting wedding, just because I was stoned,” He frowned. “It would be priceless to personally see how a overgrown bug kicked your flank before capturing you in a cocoon.” With a snap of his fingers, Celestia’s long feathery wings turned into a butterfly ones. Though not receiving the expected reaction from the princess who just stared back at him, hidden behind an emotionless mask.
“How about a short game called ‘how many times a princess need to be rescued’,” Discord said cheerfully as he started to count fingers on his hand. “Cadence was captured by Chrysalis, only for you and her to be captured later. My seeds I planted in the past captured you and your sister… and Twilight herself end up being rescued by her friends twice.” He chuckled in amusement, “Your recent failures sure gave the title ‘princess’ a bad name. If this keeps up, soon you will need some knights in shining armour to rescue you all every week.”
Shining Armor, who was wearing a red hat with big letter ‘M’, was now doing his best to stop Luna from jumping in and tearing Discord apart. Meanwhile, Celestia didn’t dare to defend her failures, letting the spirit of chaos to have his fun before finally stating, “Alright Discord, I was relying on Twilight and her friends to protect my kingdom… Maybe even more than I should.” She frowned, “But would you please get to the point?” she pointed her hoof towards the battle outside, “We are low on time.”
Discord frowned, “Awww… fine,” while murmuring ‘party pooper’ to himself, Celestia’s wings returning to normal. “My point is, I do not feel like clearing up your mess, Princess, while you sit on your flank and do nothing. Time to Princess up and get your hooves dirty for once after your thousand year long break.”
Celestia sighed before shaking her head, “If I could save my Kingdom, I would personally lead my guards to fight, but there are too many of them. And if I and my sister fall, who will control the sun and the moon?” she said as Discord stood proudly in front of her, many arrows pointing towards him. Celestia rolled her eyes at the sight, “Do not even think about it.”
Discord frowned again before a flashing bulb appeared above his head and a deep malicious smile spread across his face.
With another snap of his fingers, he reappeared next to Celestia, grabbing the princess with one of his claws by her shoulder. “I am just surprised you would just sit here and do nothing. Maybe you will once again send Twilight and her friends to fight against armies themselves and blast them with their elements, oh wait, they no longer have them.”
The group of ponies looked upon the floor in sadness while Celestia sat down, staring at at Discord impassively. The Spirit of Chaos dragged on, “I never took you to be the kind of pony who thought she was better than anypony else.”
“I am not not putting myself above my subjects, Discord!”
Twilight swiftly lifted her head and look upon Discord suspiciously, feeling sort of a deja-vu as she listened to Discord’s words.
“Oh, how silly of me to assume you would think that. All you did was choose to keep your precious princess self out of harms way while your subjects thrust themselves right into it,” he pointed his claw towards the guards fighting outside, spears striking against claws and bows while offensive spells countered a breath of deadly flames from a dragon.
Celestia felt a weak surge of guilt at the sight of her guards fighting for her, only for a golden scepter to appear in her hoof, and for a elegant cape to follow.
Twilight blinked few times in confusion, her mouth wide open, but bubblegum in her mouth once again preventing her from saying a word.
“I am sure your subjects will love and respect you again,” Discord added, before shrinking himself and lying comfortably on Celestia’s transparent mane, “when they will return from their terrifyingly deep bonding experience that they are having without you.”
Celestia released her breath before standing proudly as she walked towards the hole in the wall. Unnoticed to her, Discord reappeared next to Pinkie, who gave him a package full of cupcakes while whispering something about a lost bet.
“Wait sister,” Luna interrupted, landing in front of the determined alicorn, “Discord may be reformed but not that reformed, he is trying to get under thy skin.”
Celestia shake her head and bypassed her sister, “And it is working,” as she spread her wings and lit her horn. “Former captain, Shining Armor. Please lower your shield so I can join the fight and protect my kingdom!”
Spike rolled his eyes.
Shining Armor shook his head while Cadence stopped sending him the magic that was resupplying his weakening reserves. “Your Majesty, please, be reasonable, remember your fight against Chrysalis.”
Cadence added, “She both drained our love and used it against you. What if she prepared herself for combat? You cannot fight against the odds, auntie.”
Before Celestia could answer, Discord burst into laughter, “Oh, that’s hilarious.” In a snap of his fingers, an illusion of the duel between Chrysalis and Celestia appeared, “This is probably the world record of how fast somepony got her flank kicked.”
Twilight cast a spell to finally get rid of the bubblegum stuck in her mouth, “Hey! Chrysalis was stronger, it is not the princess’s fault that she lost.”
Discord waved his claw at Twilight, “Pfff, excuses,” as another illusion appeared. “You and your friends, even poor Fluttershy fought against hundreds of foes, a lost fight your precious princess send you to. How sad that she was the only one who could open a vault where the elements are being stored.”
Celestia blushed in a deep red while Twilight and her friends, Luna, Cadence, Shining Armor and even the guards glared in her direction, which caused Discord to laugh even harder, “Six mares fought against the entire army before being defeated in minutes while you get your flank kicked in mere seconds, just because your foe was a little stronger, Boo hoo.” Discord mocked, only for Pinkie to appear on his head.
“IDEA!!!”
Everyone looked upon the pink mare who pointed her hoof towards the illusion of herself holding Twilight and using her as a gun against the changelings.
Twilight’s eyes widened before giving Pinkie an awkward smile, even laughing awkwardly, “P-Pinkie, you're not really thinking about what I think you’re thinking about, are you?”
Pinkie smiled widely before disappearing in dust, only to get back in mere seconds, cupcakes stocked in a belt, little alligator Gummy in her hoof. Everypony besides Twilight and her friends looked upon Pinkie in confusion as the mare advanced on her hind-legs.
Slowly, Pinkie lifted Gummy closer to her face and asked, “What’s that Gummy, blast them all, good idea!” Pinkie said with a rather strong voice as she was getting closer to Twilight with every step.
Twilight wings dropped as she didn’t dare to move, “Are you serious, Pinkie?”
Pinkie didn’t answer before grabbing Twilight, hoisting her off her hooves. She wrapped one leg around her waist and held her up while the other grabbed her tail. “I am Pinkamena Diane Pie, and this... Is my Twilight.”
Pinkie walked towards the hole in the wall, everypony giving her an odd glare, especially Discord, “She weighs one hundred twenty kilograms and fires ten books worth of destructive magic at a rate of six hundreds rounds per minute.” She paused before adding slowly, “It costs one library, five good friends, six elements of harmony and years of studying under the ruler of Equestria to fire her... For twelve seconds.”
“But this does not make any sense,” Twilight stated, only to hear a loud cheerful and strong laugh coming from her friend.
Pinkie gave Shining Armor a determined glare, who just stared back in disbelief as his sister was held in rather odd position. After receiving a hostile glare from Pinkie and agreeing glare from Twilight, he dispelled his shield, and in a moment, group of griffins flew towards the hole in the wall, ready to attack.
Pinkie looked at them with a sinister smile, “Some ponies and other creatures think that they can outsmart me… Maybe.” She pulled her friend’s tail, her wings spreading as horn lit in a powerful lavender aura, “But I would like to meet one who can outsmart Twilight!”
With a swift movement of her hoof, she circled Twilight’s tail as a powerful rain of beams shot towards the attackers, knocking them or throwing at nearby buildings one by one, as random shots made holes in the walls.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...” Pinkie screamed as the force of Twilight’s attack pushed both her and Twilight back into a nearby wall. Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who tried to stop them, crashed into it as well.
After shaking her head, Pinkie stood and look at her confused friend in awe, “Wow, Twilight, have you been lifting lately?”
Twilight shook the stars from above her head and look upon the group that gathered around her before looking straight at Pinkie, “You mean… why my shots are so much stronger than the last time?”
Upon noticing a quick energetic nod, she answered, somewhat proudly, “Well, after I became an alicorn, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have been training me on a much higher level, so my raw power increased.”
Pinkie was about to cheer, but a guard’s call captured her attention, “Chrysalis is advancing towards the castle!”
Celestia turned around and walked towards the hole in the wall before shooting beams of magic at the foe she underestimated once, not making the same mistake again. Chrysalis shot back as both rulers engaged in combat.
The group watched the battle, considering to assist, only for Pinkie to get in the way. “Wait, this calls for extreme measures, Derpy style.”
Everypony blinked in confusion while Discord tried to contain his laughter from the last scene, while Pinkie took out a letter and pen, writing with her mouth at alarming speed. “Be right back.”
Twilight coughed from the dust that rushed her at the moment Pinkie dashed towards the exit of the throne room. Once the dust vanished, Twilight noticed an odd shadow under her hooves, and the shadow was growing bigger. She swiftly looked up as her eyes widened, only to be crushed under a giant wooden package that fell from a hole in the ceiling.
“Sorry, my bad!”
Pinkie Pie dashed back into the room while Luna and Applejack removed the leftovers of the package from Twilight. Meanwhile, a grey pegasus with bubbles as her cutie mark flew inside the throne room, a piece of paper in her mouth. Wasting no time, Pinkie used her pen to sign the paper, “Thanks for the extra super quick delivery, Derpy.”
The pegasus put the piece of paper into her saddlebag before smiling at the energetic earth pony, “You're very welcome. Thanks for choosing our exclusive ‘deliver ten seconds before sending the letter’ offer. We wish you best of luck with our Muffin Launcher 2000.”
Discord was punching the the floor with his claws before rolling in uncontrollable laughter.. After wiping a tear of joy from his eye, he said, “Oh Pinkie, you are so random.”
“That’s all good and dandy, Pinkie, what how the hay will this… thing, help us?” Applejack asked hesitantly, pointing her hoof towards the big launcher, while Luna just looked at the grey pegasus with her mouth wide open, speechless and stunned.
Pinkie just smirked again as she walked towards Cadence who stepped backwards, smiling innocently at the pink alicorn.
A powerful beam of magic dashed through the sky as griffins and changelings fell left and right. Even a huge dragon failed to resist the powerful strike and was sent crashing into a bakery. Chrysalis and a few other changelings shot their green projectiles towards the princess who hardly evaded the shots, many bruises and some wounds already covering her body.
“This is over Celestia, soon ponies will become a food source for griffins, changelings, and dragons, and there is nothing you can do about it,” Chrysalis mocked while the alicorn glared at her with hostility that would send a griffin warrior running. “Oh, do not give me that look. If I had taken over Equestria during my first invasion, your subjects would just need to share their magic and love with us, but they would be alive and at the very worst they would serve my subjects.”
Chrysalis quickly pointed her hoof towards the griffin and dragon army, “We changelings do not kill our hosts, but they do!”
Celestia was about to reply, but a weak sound captured her attention, and in mere seconds, something pink bypassed her, dashing towards Chrysalis like a rocket. The princess blinked in confusion as a big purple explosion took place in front of her, only for Chrysalis and Cadence to start falling towards the ground. Not wasting a moment and out of reflex, Celestia dove towards Cadence and grabbed her with levitation field, before they both returned to the throne room.
Clones of Discords lifted up notes marked by 9, 9.5, and 10 before giving a loud applause, while Shining Armor put the muffin launcher on the ground, a big deep blush on his face.
“Nice shot!” Pinkie said, her hoof on Shining’s shoulder. “After I saw how well Cadence did in the Crystal Empire when we had to beat that big meany Sombra, I knew she would do great as anti aerial changeling seeking missile, but this is a cherry on top of the cake.”
Luna, completely speechless looked outside by the hole in the wall, glaring upon Celestia and Cadence, both covered in bruises while the pink alicorn was enraged.
Shining Armor quickly ran towards Twilight and ducked right behind her. “She’s going to kill me!” he stated, using his sister as a shield.
His eyes opened wide as he look terrified upon his wife, who gracefully landed on the damaged carpet inside the throne room, her golden acessories no longer on her hooves. Slowly Cadence advanced while giving him an odd smile, “Oh Shining, come here for a moment,” she gestured her hoof at herself, “we need to talk.”
Shining Armor held his younger sister as a living shield, while his horn lit up to set up a barrier around, separating himself from his enraged wife. “I am s-sorry honey, b-but it was P-Pinkie’s idea, not mine.”
Cadence frowned, “But you were the one who launched me like some sort of missile!” she stomp her bare hoof, “Do I look like ammunition to you?”
Discord ate more popcorn as he watched in amusement at the shield which started to break under the assault of the angered alicorn who was quickly showing who is the more powerful in the family.
“Let me show you what a living missile is capable off,” Cadence shouted before levitating Twilight out of the way and diving at Shining Armor, who just screamed and ran as fast as his hooves would let him.
After a short smirk, Discord stood from his comfortable sofa and walked towards the royal sisters, who looked upon the battle that raged outside. He smirked at them the moment they turned around to face him, confused expression on their faces.
Celestia’s eyes quickly widened before saying defensively, “You would not dare.”
Discord cleared his throat before answering, “Try me.”
“The capitol is open for an attack and the guards have retreated, time to claim our victory my proud warriors,” a griffon general spoke, pointing his talon towards the damaged castle. “Charge! Put the princesses to their knees!”
The army of griffins dashed towards the castle, changelings ready to avenge their Queen alongside with a group of determined and hungry dragons joining in, only for strong beams of yellow and blue magic to strike two dragons, knocking them out in mid air.
The general looked down upon the falling dragons which crashed into the Canterlot streets, though all the ponies had already evacuated and were safe. “What is the meaning of this!? Who dares to resist my proud unbeatable army!?”
Much to his confusion and horror, an abomination flew from the window, the proud alicorns now held in his hands, while two more hands grown from behind its back and grabbed the princesses’ tails. Before his brain could comprehend what was happening, a huge rain of magic started to shot from princesses horns, knocking out his army at alarming speed. When it stopped, Discord blew the smoking horns of the princess and said, “Groovy.”
Minutes passed as his army was already on retreat, while the poor general’s wing was incinerated. Resisting the pain in his wing, he tried to stand, only for the abomination to approach him, armed with the princesses of doom. Wanting to die with dignity, he spoke proudly without fear in his voice, “I do not know what kind of being are you, but you and the princesses have bested my mighty army and I accept my defeat.”
Now glaring at Discord, both princesses’ horns aimed at his chest, he added, “It was an honour to fall against such powerful opponents, now finish me and please, make it quick.”
He closed his eyes and expected the killing blow, only to feel a soft mass of cake make contact with his face. “W-what is the meaning of this?” he asked while he cleared his face with his talons, only for the spirit of chaos to laugh in his face.
“If I knew that saving the world was so much fun, I would have given up on being a villain millennia ago.”
Celestia frowned, “As much as I am grateful that you saved my kingdom, would you please release me? It is really embarrassing.”
Discord shook his head, “Awww, and end our fun already, nah, I think I will practice shooting from my newest princess gatlings on cotton candy clouds.” He quickly turned his attention towards Luna who was surprisingly silent for the past few minutes, “What do you think oh princess of the night, what is a better target for our little practice, cotton candy clouds or sunglasses with wings?”
Luna slowly raised her head while aura of darkness started to envelop her. Discord and Celestia blinked in confusion before the night princess spoke in ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’, “Thou shalt pay for embarrassing and using us as if we were but a mere toy!”
After a few minutes of calming Cadence down, Twilight walked towards the hole in the wall, looking upon the destruction over the proud city, while Discord and the princesses ended up saving the day for a change.
“Are you okay sugarcube?” Applejack asked with concern in her voice.
“You seem quite worried. Is everything alright, darling?” Rarity asked while sitting next to Applejack. “I understand that today was full of surprises… I would even say more crazy than usual, but please, do not worry so much.”
Twilight look upon her friends, a weak smile on her face, “I know, but it’s not the craziness that I am worried about.”
“Then what may it be? Please, do tell,” Rarity asked, even more concerned than before.
Twilight sighed before pointing towards the city, “From the day I arrived in Ponyville, a lot of crazy events started to take place with us in the middle of it. Back when we were element bearers, it was us who had to save the day. It just feels odd that somepony else did it for a change.” She quickly gave battered Shining Armor and Cadence an apologetical glare, “Sorry.”
Rainbow Dash quickly landed next to her friend, her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, “I know what you mean, but we can’t always get the spotlight. I think the other princesses deserve to have their five minutes, especially after what happened half a year ago. And besides,” she smirked, “you and Pinkie blasted those changelings and griffins all over the place. It was awesome!”
Twilight sighed before giving Rainbow Dash a cheerful smile, “You have a point, Dash. Equestria is our home, and every pony should do their best to keep it safe. I guess I just got used to bearing Equestria’s safely on our shoulders so much that I forgot that we are not alone.”
Twilight slowly turned to Princess Luna who was flying towards her, “To keep our home safe, we should not just protect it as a group of friends, but as a community, and there will be nothing we cannot overcome…” she failed to finish her monologue as Luna grabbed her in an instant, much to everypony’s confusion.
“Luna, what are you doing?” Twilight asked, only to scream in panic, “Nightmare Moon!”
“You are correct, Twilight Sparkle, but worry not, I do not have any malicious desires, nor I wish to hurt you or your friends, nor your mentor,” Nightmare Moon spoke with strength apparent in her cold voice.
“If it’s not about revenge,” Twilight asked, still glaring at Nightmare Moon in disbelief, “then what do you want?”
Nightmare Moon chuckled darkly before pointing her hoof towards Discord who was flying towards them, Celestia still in his hold, “I am here to give a certain Spirit of Chaos a lesson of a lifetime.”
Twilight shook her head, trying to process whatever was going on while everypony just looked at Nightmare Moon in confusion, unsure what to do; at least, everypony besides Pinkie who just sat on the sofa and ate some popcorn, a green unicorn with a lyre cutie mark sitting next to her.
Twilight’s attention quickly shifted towards Celestia, who look at Nightmare Moon with hostility in her eyes, “Relase Princess Twilight and give me back my sister this instant, Nightmare Moon!”
Twilight felt as her tail was pulled while her horn lit in a powerful magic, only to hear a cold and serious response from Nightmare Moon, “Not until we teach Discord a lesson about respect.” Twilight’s horn was aimed towards the spirit of chaos, who aimed Celestia back at them, “Get out of the way Celestia, I have your student, and I am not afraid to use it.”
Twilight was speechless, unable to find a single word to say before releasing a deep sigh, This is going to be a loooong day.
“Has Equestria fallen?” a dark voice shouted through the air as the griffin general landed in front of the malicious pony shaped creature, trembling in fear, “Has it?”
“N-n-no,” he replied in fear, but quickly gathering his determination to speak back. “You lied to us. You said that Equestria is defenseless without the elements of harmony, you said that the dragon, griffin and changeling alliance will crush it. But those princesses have crushed us!”
“What!?” the dark stallion shouted, pointing his hoof towards the shackled crystal ponies, “I regained my physical body, created an alliance to crush Equestria, and took over the Empire the moment their ruler and her dog left it with their army, only to find out that my victory won’t last long just because you failed me!”
“It was your fault you never told us that princesses could be used as weapons!”
“They were what?”
Unnoticed by the griffin and Sombra, two ponies advanced stealthily towards them, climbing down from the crystal tower. As seconds passed, the dark one finally spoke, “Remind me, how did you manage to convince me to do this in the first place?”
The earth pony inside some sort of a spy uniform and goggles on her head look back at the dark alicorn, replying cheerfully, “Oh, that’s simple, you silly. After you finished playing with Discord, I just offered that we could have some fun by pranking the one who is behind this whole mess.”
Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes, “If not for the fact that Twilight was so kind to Luna during the Nightmare Night, I would never agree to cooperate with those who blasted me with elements.” Her attention quickly focused on Sombra, a malicious smile appearing on her face, “Lets do this.”
In a flash of magic, a dark force enveloped both Pinkie Pie and Nightmare Moon, only to vanish as two transparent mares emerged. Pinkie look upon herself as she could hardly see her hoof. “Invisibility spell, neat. For a moment I thought you can be the dark templar, but I think that playing as ghost will work much better.”
Nightmare Moon blinked in confusion, “How can Twilight stand you? We have been working together only fifteen minutes, and I am already going insane.”
Pinkie just giggled before grabbing Nightmare Moon and aiming towards Sombra, and much to the dark alicorn’s surprise, a small red beam of magic flew towards the floor of the balcony Sombra stood on.
“HARMONY LAUNCH DETECTED”
Sombra and the griffin officer started to look around in confusion as the odd noise echoed through air. “Who said that?” he asked, only for the odd red runes on the balcony to capture his attention.
“What is going on?” the griffin officer asked in confusion while looking around, only for a whiz to capture his attention as he looked up. Out of reflex he flew off the balcony as quickly as his wings could let him.
“Where are you going you coward!?” Sombra shouted at the escaping griffin, only to hear a whiz as well as it was getting louder. With a slow turn of his head he looked up upon his demise. Caught off guard and almost speechless, Sombra left out a deep sigh and spoke the first words that came to his mind, “I should have build an additional Pylon,” before the projectile made contact with the balcony he stand on.
“One more cider Applejack,” Rainbow Dash ordered as Applejack look at her with worry.
“I know ya like the cider an all, but this is yer tenth. Ya should really give it a break, Dash.” Applejack said while everypony celebrated the victory, though finding it odd that Pinkie and Nightmare Moon were absent for the time being. “If ya drink too much, ya may wake up where ya would not want to wake up.”
Dash frowned at Applejack’s remark, “Pfff, a few cider cups are not enough to get me drunk,” before drinking deeply with her eyes closed as she enjoyed the contact with the glorious liquid, delighting every drop in her mouth.
Once the cup was empty, she let out a deep burp and opened her eyes, “See Applejack, I told you… Applejack?” Dash look around in confusion, only to notice one obvious and terrifying fact: she was falling through the sky.
In panic, she started to flap her wings, but it just made her fall faster as if a powerful force was summoning her to the ground. Dash’s eyes widened as she look upon building made of crystals that were getting closer and closer, before she braced herself for an impact.
In mere seconds, a huge colorful explosion overtook the area as crystals and Sombra’s body started to scatter all over the place while the crystal palace ended up with a very big decorative hole in the wall.
Dash slowly opened her eyes as the world circled around her before murmuring to herself, “Maybe… Maybe I did drink a tiny bit too much,” before falling unconscious in the pile of debris she was in.
With Sombra’s body once again scattered to who knows where, Pinkie cheered while flying on Nightmare Moon’s back, who also smiled, finding it a pleasant change that she was not the one torn apart by some powerful force.
With renewed vigor, she looked at her passenger and spoke, “You know what? You are not that bad when you are not trying to destroy me with the elements.”
Pinkie nod her head before replying cheerfully, “And you can be fun to hang out with too… When you don’t repeat over and over how night will last forward while you monologue and laugh devilishly.” She pat Nightmare Moon’s back with her hoof, “Wanna be friends?”
Nightmare Moon look Pinkie in the eyes for a moment in disbelief before stating, “No pony ever wanted to be my friend before, they always run away in terror from me,” with a deep sigh she continued, “I guess it is worth a try, but I better give control back to Luna before everypony starts to panic.”
Pinkie ears dropped, “Awww… and we just became friends, do you really have to leave so quickly?”
Nightmare Moon nodded while she flew towards Canterlot, the damaged city already on the horizon, “I am afraid so, but worry not. Whenever somepony or any other creature will anger Luna. I will be back!”
How dare she! Chrysalis thought, bottling in her rage, the Crystal Empire already in the horizon while the leftovers of her army flying right behind her. First that so called loving couple blasted me and my subjects back to the badlands the moment I lowered my guard, and now that witch of a pony dared to ruin my plans yet once again!
Chrysalis growled angrily while she dashed through the sky directly towards the damaged building, a big hole still apparent in it’s crystal structure. I do not care about the alliance that Sombra formed, I don’t care about taking over Equestria any longer. My subjects and I will feed on the crystal ponies’ love instead and I will have my revenge.
With a swift move of her foreleg, she pointed towards the palace, “Attack my subjects! Bring the crystal princess to her knees. First revenge, and then the feast!”
Upon her command, the leftovers of her army stormed the palace, falling upon it like a rain of green flames. Chrysalis buzzed her wings which kept her in mid-air as she observed the attack in amusement, at least until one of her soldiers was blasted through the wall right towards her.
Chrysalis blinked, caught off guard as the changeling made contact with her face. With a quick shake of her head, she looked upon the palace again, only to witness as her army was blasted away like flies. “Discord!” Chrysalis shouted before diving towards her enemy, “Are you and the other princesses here to keep me from my revenge!? I am going to pay back Cadence even if it is the last thing I do!”
Bypassing her retreating army, she entered the palace by the hole in the wall, her glare full of anger focused on the figure standing in the hall, though it quickly turned into confusion. In front of her stood Cadence, the very pony who compromised her plans over and over. Chrysalis’s attention focused on the alicorn’s left foreleg as a unicorn stallion was attached to it, who just waved towards her with awkward expression on his face. If it was not confusing enough to see a unicorn with shield as cutie mark to actually be a living shield, Cadence held Twilight with horn aimed at her.
“Are you serious?” Chrysalis asked mindlessly, still trying to process what she just saw.
“I am very serious, Chrysalis!” Cadence shouted while pulling Twilight’s tail, causing a powerful beam of magic to strike Chrysalis into her armored chest. “I can forgive you for trapping me in the cave under Canterlot, drained from half of my magic and almost starved me. I can forgive you for ruining the most important day of my life. I would even forgive you for invading if feeding your starving subjects was the only cause behind it.” She paused and grit her teeth, “But give me one reason why I shouldn’t blast you again for hurting those dear to me!”
“You and your special somepony turned my biggest victory into a shameful failure, and just recently you've stopped me from defeating Celestia once again. So keep your pity for yourself because I will have my revenge here and now,” Chrysalis said before shooting a beam of magic towards her foe.
Out of reflex, Cadence lifted her very special somepony as a shield to stop the attack, who quickly raised a barrier to block the attack before it could hit him. Before Chrysalis could react, Cadence counterattacked with rapid fire from Twilight’s horn.
“Double kill” said Pinkie who appeared out of nowhere as two changelings got struck by the beams of magic the moment several changeling’s soldiers rushed to their Queen’s rescue.
“Triple kill, Ultra kill, M-m-m-monster Kill…” Pinkie continued as more and more changelings crashed into the wall or were knocked unconscious one by one.
Shining Armor screamed the moment a beam of magic broke his barrier and struck him, turning his white fur into roast black.
“Shining, are you alright?” Twilight asked with panicked voice as she lied on the floor next to Cadence, horn hot and red as smoke came from it.
Upon noting that Cadence lost her balance and fell on her back, Chrysalis land right in front of her, chunkling. “Well, well, well. It seems that all ponies responsible for my defeat are now at my mercy. Any last words before I will end your pitiful lives once and for all?”
Chrysalis good mood didn’t last long the moment the stallion was levitated in a pink aura, only to strike her. The changeling’s Queen walked backward on her three legs, her foreleg lifted in hope to block the incoming attacks while being constantly struck by Shining Armor.
Cadence smirked, “Did you knew that shield can be used for more than just defense?” she said with amusement as she used Shining Armor as a mace, only grab Twilight as another beam of magic followed, pinning Chrysalis against the floor.
With the roles reversed, Cadence look down at Chrysalis with a smirk, “That will teach you not to mess with me and my family.”
Chrysalis chuckled despite pain in her body as she lifted her hoof and pointed towards the hole in the wall, pointing at her army that once again advanced towards the palace. “I may be defeated but it seems that you have run out of ammo, while I haven’t run out of soldiers.”
Cadence looked upon the pony who was like a family to her, who was now breathing heavily as sweat fell from her body. Slowly she turned to Chrysalis who smiled proudly. Cadence just smiled back devilishly which caused Chrysalis to blink in confusion.
With a quick action, Cadence put Twilight and Shining Armor on the floor, only to grab Chrysalis, holding her in familiar way she held Twilight, “What do you think you are doing fool?” Chrysalis said, only to feel a huge fountain of love to empower her.
Twilight, Shining Armor and even Chrysalis herself stared at Cadence in confusion, as a massive amount of magic and love flew from the princess right into the queen’s horn. The green aura around Chrysalis horn grew bigger by any second.
“What’s that, are you giving up? Do you want to give up all of your magic in exchange for my mercy?” Chrysalis asked with renewed hope in her voice, only to feel a hoof pulling her leg by the hole, “What are you doing?”
Twilight gulped and lit her horn, using her leftover magic to teleport herself and her brother outside. Meanwhile Chrysalis felt as if more and more power was building up, her horn bursting with magic.
In a flash of light, both Twilight and Shining Armor reappeared outside of the palace, their attention quickly shifting towards the army that was now flying inside by the hole in the wall. In mere seconds, both ponies ducked with hooves covering their heads, as a powerful green coloured explosion blew up half of the building, making Rainbow Dash’s nuke look like a firecracker.
After shaking their heads, they got to their hooves, watching in disbelief at the rain of unconscious changelings falling all over the empire. Slowly Twilight turned towards her brother and asked hesitantly “Did she… did Cadence just feed Chrysalis with love and use her as a weapon of mass destruction?”
Shining Armor glared upon the palace for a moment, or rather it is cut in half surface before looking at her sister again, “Seems like it.”
Twilight facehooved and frowned, only to shout as loudly as she could, “Is there any more craziness going to happen at any moment? Is Discord going to appear while riding in a giant dragon, or will Fluttershy turn into a giant monster? Come on, I’m waiting!” Twilight’s mane started to become a mess while her eye twitched, slowly going into ‘lesson zero’ mode, only for a pink hoof to land on her shoulder.
In slow motion Twilight turn around to look upon Pinkie Pie who just smiled at her awkwardly. The alicorn returned it with a creepy smile, “Hello Pinkie, any blowing mind craziness I can help you with?”
“Well…” Pinkie started while looking at Twilight’s twitching eyes, “Discord kind of released all of my clones from the mirror pond, and they’re kind of rampaging around, grabbing unicorns and using them as guns all over the place.”
Twilight looked at Pinkie with a stunned expression on her face, only to hear a familiar voice, “You ponies are completely insane!” as Chrysalis flew right above her head, heading toward the badlands, her changelings quickly following.
Twilight took a deep breath, looking at Pinkie with an insane expression on her face before sighing in defeat, "Pinkie. When did my life became so complicated?" She paused before touching her horn. "Only half a year ago I not only became an alicorn, but was also crowned a princess of Equestria. Not long after, Fluttershy became a monster in a comic and even a mix between a pony and a vampire fruit bat, and just today I, and all of the other princesses, became gatling guns. Will this craziness ever end?"
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It's an incredible concept...
But I find myself having a hard time getting through all the inserted jokes and references that aren't really needed and that rack up the word count. For a one-shot at nearly 9k words, it's a long read, and the comedy aspect was fading fairly quickly over time. Things like the bit with the cupcake and the guards, the sidestep to derpy's time-traveling delivery service, and the cadence/chrysalis sky-fight-skirmish-thing could be removed entirely and at no cost to the effect of the fic..
That's not to say it isn't funny, as I laughed at the Pinkie monologue, but after that, you kinda dropped the ball as far as the joke was going. I'm not sure what your overall goal was, but it lost steam too fast for me to finish
I'm sorry that I can't like this story, but I feel it does not do the idea/coverart justice
~Dash The Stampede
4465850
My pre-reader suggested to shorten this one-shot story and rewrite it completely, but it would require far too much effort and I would need to have editors work on it from the start.
This story was an experiment of mine and is low priority on my projects list, so I decided to not rewrite it and focus on my other stories instead. I know that this story would benefit from making it short and getting rid of many jokes, but pre-reader Browny Buck have a lot of his own projects and had to abandon assisting me with this.
Few days ago blazikenking offered to edit this story for me, that is why I uploaded the improved version. I know that the story is still long and have too much stuff in it for one-shot story, but I don’t have time to start it over, so best I could do was with help of blazekenking to improve it a bit.
From your comment I take it that the changes were to small to make a difference?
4465892
Life sometimes gets in the way of writing and that's fine, and if you're happy with the way it came out, then that's all we can ask of you.
The changes were probably better for the grammar and reading flow, but as far as structurally, I feel it remained the same. I just didn't wanna be the dick to not explain my downvotes, so that's why I've stopped by.
~Dash The Stampede
4465923
Fair enough. When someone downvote my story, I would at least like to know why, so thanks for being considerable.
4337583
Not the greatest thing ever written, but it delivers on its premise.
Well done.
Oh man, I forgot about this story. Loved it.
4432970
It seems to be that I kind of forgot a few more videogame references in the previous chapter that now I had noticed in this revamped version:
Gunship Paradroop Troops: Battlefield 3
Shining Mario: Super Mario Bros. Series
Pinkie Heavy's speech plus Twilight Gatling (upgraded to Anti-tank/Anti-Aircraft firepower): Team Fortress 2
Supply Droop Team-Kill: Battlefield 2 & 4
Cadance IGLA: Battlefield 3 & 4
Akimbo Gatling-Princess: Call Of Duty Series
Pinkie Fisher and Silver Fox Moon: Splinter Cell Series & Metal Gear Series
Harmony Launch Dettected (Sonic Rainnuke)/Need to build more additional pylons: Starcraft Series
Shining Riot Shield: Call Of Duty Series
NOVA Love Bomb: HALO series
Great Job with the edit, didn't lose its orignal esence and is a lot better than the original.
i saw it was updated but only because i always keep my favorites page up and refresh it every once in a while. i don't really care for that social media feed thing. anyway, on to reading
I did see an update on the feed and on favourites, likely email too.
The rewrite did flow better although most references still escape me. I don't mind that given the fact that I read crackfics with even more references that elude me.
Also, "golden accessory ies no longer on her hooves", the words should together as "acessories".
4466695 4466706
Thanks. I didn't expected it to be great story, so it is fine if it is at least average.
4466749
Woow. You are good at finding references. You even found some that I didn't knew about, and I was the one who wrote this story.
4467324
Thanks for info.
4468319
Check "Wing Zero032" comment for references, also, thanks for pointing out that one mistake.
The writing's rough and irregular, but the ideas...
The image of Discord dual-wielding Celestia and Luna is goofy even by this site's standards, and that was some really impressive revenge for Epic Wife Tossing.
Voted up, favorited, and headcanoned.
While I concur that this might be a bit rough around the edges as some others have said, you get a like and a favourite just for having Sombra as an actual VILLAIN alone! Do... you... KNOW how impossible that is to find that?
Seriously, this is like... the first fic I've seen in two years where Sombra is actually used as a bad guy and not as a redeem-worth/romantic love interest or something equally trite.
4504602
Thanks, glad you liked despite its flaws.
4584688
Really?
It cannot be THAT bad.
4590075
Yeah, it really is.
(Which a point of great frustration for me, as I consider Sombra to best the most efficient and (pre-Tirek) the closest to achieving his goal. He didn't waste time showboating or with a flawed plan; he'd set up pretty much ever reasonable precaution (not bad for a thousand years in advance) went striaght for the prize and was only pipped at the post by the narrowest of margins. (And is also the only who was sufficiently evil he warrented blowing up not redeeming/imprisoning.))
Just a week or so ago, I actually did a search for Sombra fics with the character tag and everything was a romance with a redeemed Sombra or a comedy or both. I honestly can only think of about three stories including this one that have actually had Sombra as a genuine villain or antagonist, and one of the other two was in abscentia - more stuff he'd left behind - and the other as a possessing fragment in the Alicorn Amulet. (Granted, a search with the character tags isn't going to turn every story up, but I read fanfic on a daily basis (and have since 2011) and I can't recall seeing any others that spring to mind - and it is something of particular interest to me.)
Mind you, there are also very few stories that have Celestia actually able to go and kick-arse for a change and she's had two years on Sombra, so... Yeah.
4591129
I know. I noticed that in 90% of stories/comics/arts, Celestia and Luna do not do anything, are useless or have their flanks kicked, and it annoyed me to no end.
Finding a story where Celestia would actually do something or be competent during the crisis is very rare, but it is probably because in the show during a crisis, royalty is always useless so main 6 can save the day, or because every author is afraid that letting the royal sisters be competent would ruin conflict in the story, so they seek excuses why they fail (and having royal sisters beaten to show how powerful villain is also crossed many authors' minds, but since it happen so often, it lost its impact for me).
Interesting, absurd, and silly. Very well done. As others have said, not perfect, but when do we ever reach perfect?
The ending note seems a bit flat, like it could be continued rather than 'the end'. But, really, where would you go from here?
In short, the story has a perfect quote already. “You ponies are completely insane!”
Have a like good sir.
4995450 Thank you. Feel free to check my other stuff. This one shot was an experiment, but tiny Twilight stories have higher quality.
epic!!!!!
media4.onsugar.com/files/2014/01/16/189/n/1922398/66bc27f175e7c1bd_Oprah.gif.xxxlarge/i/Oprah-Gave-Lupita-Nyongo-Standing-Ovation.gif
It's not Sasha, but at least it's Twily.
5333285
Eeyup.
And we cannot forget about even bigger ones, Tia and Lulu.
I came here for the action. I came here for the randomness. I came here for the silliness. I came here for the humor. I came here for the Pinkie Pie antics. I came here for the gatling guns. And I came here for some major butt-kicking, courtesy of Pinkie Pie and the co.
And I got all them, and I'm VERY proud of that.
and i,m pretty sure that the sheild and gun thing is based on athena from borderlands the pre sequel
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/steamtradingcards/images/5/59/Borderlands_The_Pre-Sequel_Artwork_1.jpg/revision/latest%253Fcb%253D20141023011850&imgrefurl=http://steamtradingcards.wikia.com/wiki/Borderlands:_The_Pre-Sequel_-_Athena&h=1080&w=1920&tbnid=yYfGQACRjeGDtM:&zoom=1&docid=ZEuofPvtjyS5_M&ei=IMlTVZ-gM9LpoATehoHoCw&tbm=isch&ved=0CDQQMygCMAI
5974329
This is probably one of the funniest stories I've read. But this section:
was the best.
This is glorious!
Okay, what? I don't even...
I don't think there are words to describe that.
I think that was the goal.
Nice TF2 reference, and may the insanity never end
orig00.deviantart.net/12e9/f/2012/060/f/4/heavy_weapons_pie_by_smashinator-d4rg05i.png
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