• Published 19th Dec 2013
  • 8,472 Views, 296 Comments

Some Secrets are better left untold... - Deathsia



Twilight and her five friends decide to spend a night together in her house in a sleep over and of course the book worm naturally pulls out her sleep over book to make sure it turns out to be the second best sleep over ever!

Comments ( 13 )

Aww, I was gonna make that blue joke.:ajsleepy:

You forgot to mark the story complete.
Make sure you tell us when the sequel is out, I like the laughs you gave me.

4698870
:rainbowlaugh:

Would you believe I read this comment JUST AFTER I went to mark the story as complete?XD

Can't wait to see the Sequel to this. Btw, is Whom the Belle Tolls 2 ever going to get updated?

Dammit, I was hoping that it wasn't going AppleDash.

really funny scenes but i agree they would of killed the romantic and deeply bonding vibe you finally went with.

Well, I just finished reading this story... It's currently 1:17 am where I am, I need to be awake in less than 5 hours... but I promised you a review, so here it is.

Overall, this is a well-written story. The characters didn't deviate much (that I could tell) from their set personalities. As I mentioned in my other comment (On Chapter 5) I personally am not into clop, and only realized that this was a clop-fic after I was into the story. And once I get into a story, regardless of content, I have to continue. I only spotted some minor typos and grammatical errors while reading this, but for the most part, it was well done.

I personally thought that the sexual discovery by Rainbow Dash was a bit unnecessary, and it distracted from the main story with Twilight trying to determine Discord's Fertility. This story would have been no less enjoyable if you kept Rainbow Dash's sexuality ambiguous, or left it as straight. Unless you plan on expanding on it in the sequel, (Which I now also have to read) it would have honestly been better without those scenes. As I said, it's an unnecessary and distracting side-plot.

Even with the sequel promised, I find myself a little disappointed at the open-endedness of the story. The only closure was, again, the side-plot which was not established until late in the story. I would have much preferred that that be left open, and Fluttershy's pregnancy and the fertility of Discord to be resolved in this part. Even if this isn't the intention, I can't help but feel as if the Apple-dash was just an afterthought that you maybe spent a little too much time working on, and it distracted you from the already established plot points in the story. I can't say this enough, it was unnecessary to have resolved it in as few chapters as you did, and it's my biggest problem with this story. I feel that you could have expanded on this if you didn't restrict yourself to it, and because there is closure and the main plot problems with Rainbow discovering that she is in fact, Bi-Sexual now resolved, that this will only cause problems for you in the sequel.

As for the other aspects of the story, like I said earlier, I enjoyed them. You are a fairly decent writer, and despite that I know there will be clop aspects in the sequel, I do look forward to reading it.

Overall, I give this story :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:.5/10

Read the whole fic, had my laughs and at the part where RD turned down the dare to kis AJ I was like hnnnngh, and I must say I was happy you wrote the AppleDash part at the end to be so emotional, it was very touching!
Serious question though...even though your fic was quite graphic with the sexual content, is it wierd for me to never for a moment be even slightly turned on, but instead I just immensely enjoying the story?
For that matter, is it wierd that no clopfic so far turned me on?
I seriously enjoy the sexual ventures the characters go through, but it just doesn't get me going!
Anyway, awesome fic, I'll surely give a shot to the sequel, and if it's half as good as this one was, I'll certainly have a great time reading it!
Try to smooth out the grammar issues or get someone to proofread it for you! Your English is very colorful, and has a great variety to it, but the frequent mistakes betray your work deeply. I often had to double back while reading because I was confused as to what you wanted to convey, but never really got lost in the end!
All in all, you did a great job with this, and as I meantioned I'll be reading on!
Keep up the good work, and stay awesome!

This....This was a really great read.
Liked and faved.

4700880
Thanks for the warning. I'm kind of disappointed that no FlutterDash emerged from this scenario.

I thought Rainbow's joke was funny:rainbowlaugh::raritywink:

I've heard that this story is a head trip. Figure I'll give it a go.

Login or register to comment