• Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 11th, 2017

Pizzema Forte


You never know where the green beans are going to land.

Comments ( 592 )

HA, I like how they're all getting revenge on eachother...
4.5 / 5 stars

Oh my God... That ending was PRICELESS!

3541043 oh God, no
It begins

3541111 Yep, that'll teach him to laugh at Pinkie.:twilightsmile:

Comment posted by nickhg123 deleted Nov 28th, 2013

3543353 Thanks, but honestly, I didn't write this to add in any specific shipping pairs. I may do a shipping fanfic off to the side, and a lot of people have recommended AppleDash, so I am considering it. This story itself wasn't man for shipping, but I definitely love and appreciate suggestions. Thanks :twilightsmile: Although, if you're wondering why I put it under "romance" for a category, it's because certain flashbacks have some romance.

3541043 Thanks so much! :twilightsmile: I'm so happy you like it. Getting little positive comments like that always makes my day :pinkiehappy:

I have to know their fetishes

I'm not even into clop or fetishistic stuff, but, goddamnit, I will read a story, and this story I will read!

Well that explains Applejacks reaction to Pinkie licking her hoof.:twilightsmile:

Nice story so far, but I cant help but give Applejack a Cajun accent with the way you worded some of her lines... but no worries, her's is hard to do.

I HAVE TO KNOW TWILIGHT'S. That is the main reason why I'm here. I have to wonder (hope), is it something to do with the Princess?

3543837
Oh wow...I didn't even make the connection!:pinkiegasp:

I don't get it. How's feeding him his own cum "a taste of his own medicine"? :rainbowhuh:
...
...
...
Ah. Right. I don't think like you straight people. :rainbowlaugh:

Interesting ideas very lacking in execution.

The grammar leaves a lot to be desired, certainly, as does the layout. You use a lot of redundant words, explain a lot which is best left to the reader's imagination (The secret of being a bore... is to tell everything. ~Voltaire) and you seem to not really grasp sex or sexuality or... something. I don't know. You seem to be writing about sex from a second hand account because- christ - you thought chocolate syrup makes a good lubricant? Really? Like, even on a fetish level it just doesn't...

Eugh.

And I think the story would be a lot more interesting if you focused on the party itself, too, rather than the flashbacks. Rather than the fetish's history you've got the six friends in a room admitting it to each other all at once. Hell, Pinkie Pie is putting two and two and two together as we speak, how was that not the focus of this chapter instead?

Anyway, I recommend a lot of practice. Like, a lot. As well as some good editors to help get you on your way.

Muah. Muahaha, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I like this. This is a fun story.
Have some 'Staches.
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

“Man, that’s gotta suck… Mah condolences to ya… I hope you find your way to where yer goin’.”

"man"?

Also, Chocolat doesn't work as a lubricant, and lubricant are not needed in 19 years olds, most of the time they are used in people from 40's and on ahead. (Besides, chocolat is sticky, not soft and fluid like an actual lubricant).

cant wait to see Fluttershy's fetish

...I-I did no su-uch thing!

Please tell me one of them has a Bondage and or pet play fet and I will be all ears.. or eyes.. er.. whatever:twilightblush:

3544593 The lubricant idea wasn't coming from me. It was what I thought would come from the mind of a 19 year-old Pinkie Pie's., who was a virgin at the time. Also, it's mostly for the hell of being erotic. Thank you for your constructive criticism, though. :pinkiehappy:

Clearly it didn't occur to Fluttershy to just say "yes" and leave it at that. That answers the question that was actually asked. (Pinkie didn't ask what.)

ok this is getting interesting!

My only real complaint is applejack's hella thick accent.

I liked that. Although the chocolate in the vag was pretty odd.

I'm no stranger to round-table Mane-6 sex-story fics, having written one myself, and this one you have here is......interesting, to say the least. But there's a couple of glaring flaws preventing me from enjoying it as much as I could and stopping it from being as good as it could potentially be.

Firstly you could do with a bit stronger editing/proofreading. I didn't notice TOO many mistakes, but they are there, and one particular instance of verb tense agreement really glared out at me (Mrs cake 'flinch' instead of 'flinched' in chapter 2).

Secondly, while Truth or Dare is admittedly a nice easy plot device for getting characters to start talking about/doing sexy stuff, a common pitfall I see with it, which you unfortunately seem to have fallen into, is getting to the 'sexy' part much too quickly. A couple of easy softball questions/dares and then suddenly WHAM, everyone's spilling their guts about their first times and their kinks and what have you. Like I said, Truth or Dare is a painfully easy plot device with which to facilitate sexy-times, and if you want your story to stand out when you use it, you've gotta MAKE it stand out. Spend a while coming up with fun, creative truths and dares, go all the way around the table once or twice, plant a few more truths/dares that foreshadow some of their kinks (you had a good start with the hoof-licking dare leading into AJ's kink, why stop there?), and above all take some time to work your way up to the pivotal 'Truth' Pinkie drops instead of having her whip it out and blow her load early.

Thirdly, I found myself annoyed that you establish a boyfriend for Pinkie Pie in her flashback and then the second the sexy-times is over with, he vanishes entirely. No mention is made of him in the next chapter, none of her friends are curious about him at all, none of them ask what their relationship was like or where he is now or why they're not together anymore; they just move right on back to investigating each other's fetishes. I feel like, as Pinkie's best friends, they'd be a lot more curious about somepony who you specifically stated she was in love with and dated for over a year. But no, he just vanished from the story once the sex scene was over, making it read like he was literally there just to be an anonymous OC cock for Pinkie to play with.

Lastly, I really didn't care for some of the in-between dialogue after Pinkie's scene but before AJ's. I understand that people can be embarrassed about their sexual fetishes, particularly if they're sharing them openly, but the language you're using to refer to them feels inconsiderate and unbecoming of a tight-knit circle of close friends who are there to support each other as they share about a deeply personal subject. They talk about it with phrases like "a heavy weight" inside them, like it's something to feel guilty about or ashamed of. One of Twilight's lines in particular was especially irksome:

“It’s okay, Applejack….” Twilight encouraged. “I’m sure somepony in this room has a worse one than you. Just let it out and I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

Emphasis mine, because that was really, really awful. This more than anything makes it read like kink-shaming, as if some kinks are inherently better or worse, or are less socially acceptable than others, when in reality, as long as all parties involved are legally consenting, there is no such thing as one kink being "worse" than any other.

I'll keep an eye on this one still, because it's still an interesting premise, but it could definitely use a little more thought and detail and cleaning-up.

--CG

3544883 i have seen womans sucking dicks of their partners when they are showered in chocolat, however.

Um....*clears throat as reads the ending* *Finishes reading the ending and bursts into laughter and tears* WHAT THE FUCK?! That has to be one of the weirdest things a horny Pinkie Pie could do. XD

3545406
Substantial reviews in fanfiction are a lost art.

3544315
I wish I could remember the name of that other sleepover-themed story. The idea was Rainbow asking who the Mane 6 would have sex with if Equestria somehow hung in the balance ("maybe you have to sexually exhaust Discord so we can hit him with the Elements!"). Things got weird and serious pretty damn fast, it was not fetishy at all. Seems more like what you wanted out of this one.

Oh god, the infections... :pinkiesick:

And worse, straight ponies, with obligatory OC... :rainbowhuh:

3544593

Um, your ideas are a bit... wrong. Lubricant is pretty much always useful, for anal especially, and there are plenty of girls that don't self-lubricate.

3545360

Thank you. I hate kink-shaming, because I love kinks. :heart: I found myself agreeing with much of your review. As for the boyfriend, that's because he was an anonymous OC cock. :trixieshiftleft:

3544315

Agreed.

>infections

3546076

That story I read, and it was excellent.

Fluttershy: "Oh, yes, I'd have sex with Chrysalis..."

Other 5: "WHAT?!"

Fluttershy: "Uhh... again, I mean..."

Other five: "WHAT?!"

It focused a lot more on the character dynamics than it did random cutaways, it was well thought out and had a lot of good foreshadowing that you hint at in the first chapter with Pinkie licking Applejack's hoof... but don't follow through with when nopony else remembers how she reacted to that earlier.

As an aside;
What, nobody else here is curious as to how Pinkie Pie is reacting to that revelation? Pinkie Pie has a boyfriend? Rainbow Dash questions Pinkie Pie's food fetish as opposed to the fact that she just lost her virginity to this guy?

I mean... come on.

3546136

Pinkie's boyfriend sure seemed like a cock alright...

I was listening to this while reading this chapter.

3546162
I remember that story as well, and it was definitely better. Not perfect by any means, it had its own issues, but better.

Totally missed your review a few posts before mine, but you are spot on. Chocolate sounds like an unpleasant lube. XD Glad I'm not the only one on this site writing essay-sized reviews still.

This one was actually my favorite chapter so far.

I hope one of them is into watersports. ;_;

3546076 That was Social Lubricant, I think...

3544593 [Remembers Molestia molesting Mrs. Cake]

"No pinkie, and no chocolate syrup.

"WE'RE GOING TO FIX THAT!"

MOAR!:flutterrage: um if don't mind that is.

Oh my. If Rainbow's dad ever makes another canon appearance, I don't think I'll ever stop cringe-laughing :rainbowlaugh:

Thank you sir may i have another!....no seriously i want another chapter right now. :rainbowhuh:

Can't wait for Twilights! More please! :D

Boy I hope Rainbow doesn't suddenly get very aroused while flying. That wouldn't end very well at all.

What my fellow readers said. More....

Allthough I have a hunch what Flutters fetish is... or at least I expect this fetish being used in this story too. Time will tell if I am right and if that particular one goes to Fluttershy.:twilightblush:

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