Twilight and her five friends decide to spend a night together in her house in a sleep over and of course the book worm naturally pulls out her sleep over book to make sure it turns out to be the second best sleep over ever!
Ks. Other than being beyond peeved on the Dash chapter. I mean seriously, you set her up to be a filly fooler then went with Big Mac of all ponies. I mean that pairing makes no sense. You could've done literally any other pony. Thunderlane for instance (they were in the Academy together and Flight School (probably) that'd make more sense.) But her being straight was just f'd up, rant worthingly, but I'll avoid venting all that I want to say on the subject. Although you had so many more realistic prospects, and you had to pick a pony that makes no sense at all. Other than that this is a good fic. I could honestly see that stuff happen.
A little let down that Twi isn't Bi, or Gay. But the set up was nice, and piqued my interest when we get to her. I'm going to fav this and follow it.
4616870 Y'know, I actually could see the snarky, mature Spike of season one doing that, after a few years of being yanked around by his balls and nothing coming of it, then finding out that he's working his tail off to pay for Rarity's Diamond Dog gangbangs. After a certain point, fucks are no longer given.
"A familiar voice erupted suddenly just before Fluttershy's mane began to float off her head(punctuation?) until in a flash of magic Discord appeared and swiftly put out the ember which was now on his tail before snapping his finger which caused Fluttershy's mane to reaper on her head unscathed." (That's a really long sentence!)
Sorry, that was bugging me ^^; Good read though. Not sure how I feel about spikes uh...lets go with assertiveness. But still a interesting read!
Drop me a PM if your really interested in proof reading this fic, the last one I had got a little busy with other things and couldn't proof read for me anymore.
4619616 As much as I would love to (and I mean that genuinely. Proofreading is lots of fun), I simply don't have the time. I barely even have time to read at all these days. Really sorry.
4619667 I Wumbo, you Wumbo, he she me... Wumbo? It's first grade.
It's not a big nitpick. It's just you set up a pony for being lesbimare, ontop of AJ. You build it up, and then at the climax you kick the readers in the crotch. Heck then you match her up with a pony that has no way that it'd happen. They literally have nothing in common, no reason to get together, and it is literally the worst pairing you could give her. I mean seriously what the ever loving hay? That chapter was the greatest let down / disappointment I've ever come across in any of the fics I liked to read.
And that's including when RealityCheck became a giant douche bag and banned me from his fics for having an opinion that countered his. And I was right. Even though I loved the rest of his fic / writing. Anywho ...
Yes you do make realistic fics, and do a good job. Which is why I'm so ranty - enraged about that chapter. I mean here I was with a title like you made, and the epicness of the previous (And after) chapters. For it to be amazing. To see the mare that she banged. Since from Chapter 1 you set it up for her to be a fillyfooler. And heck even the Kiss scene was looking to be adorable. I mean the truth spell didn't effect dares, just truth. Even her friends didn't believe her.
Then you had to go with Big Mac. I mean any male would've made me peeved, but I would've at least read it, and grumbled that it was unbelievable, and it would've ruined the fic with me slightly, while hoping to see her admit that she's really gay and is hiding her feelings to prove her bullies wrong from her past. But BM, I couldn't read it at all after I saw that. And yes I've been wanting to rant about that but I didn't yesterday. So I feel accomplished.
Anywho as I said other than that, this is looking to be a good fic, It has good characterization great scenes, other than Dashie believable sexuality / sex scenes, realistic writing for the most part, and I love it for the most part. Please though for the love of Faust, have Dash come out of the stable already. Vindicate the only problem this fic has please.
Edit:
RC wasn't a douche for blocking me. He was one for the parting comment he left before he did. Seriously still p1553d about that one.
4620923 Sorry pal but Even Ashleigh Ball confirmed on Instagram that Rainbow Dash is a lesbian
Even if its outside the show canon it make sense for her to go full lesbo in fanfiction. Just look at how she react toward Discord in tv show or other males in comics. She is only friendly to her female friends, Daring Do and such. Its OK for fanfic writers to assume shes into mares. It was my first thought when i watched the show for the first time in my life. My first thought on RD was "wow rainbow hair like LGBT logo, i wonder if shes lesbian or something........OK tomboy personality.....unsecurity and need to become loved by society...... im pretty sure shes a lesbian"
THAT 'S WHAT I SAID! She's a lesbian. I was complaining about that. If you read my rant. I was disappointed that the author made her straight even though (s)he led up the whole lesbian thing. Only to drop it on the drop of a hat.
I was even more disappointed / ranty that it was Big Mac that was used when that is the most unreaslistic of males that could be used since it makes no sense. Even though Dashie being not straight makes it even more unbelievable. Read the comment in whole before commenting please.
4621425 Oh i must have misread it based on you previous comment and the fact that i missed Rainbow Dash in this chapter, i thought that you were dissapointed that she wasnt straight xD
Read the Rainbow Dash chapter "When Games Go Wild". She's straight in that chapter. Even though she was built up to be gay all the way up to that chapter. All in all while the rest of this fic is solid, strong, and well written. That chapter was horrible, unbelievable, and rage inducing. I literally couldn't read it when the big reveal of her sexual encounter was with. If it wasn't for the Rarity chapter and the one other chapters. It would have ruined the entire story for me.
As is it's only 55% ruined. With a hope for recovery if the author has her coming out of the stable ... or deletes that chapter and does a Rainbow Dash sex chapter fitting for this story's writing strength, believably, and over all awesomeness.
But yeah I love gay Dash. She's my fav. She has Rainbow Pride Explosions of Awesomeness. LGBT FTW!
4621821 yeah i thought that author is building a clop with all kinds of sex styles too Fluttershy- straight one on one Pinkie- Threesome Rarity- gang bang, submission and that either AJ or RD are going to explore lesbian sex Or at least Twilight with Celestia
Same here. Although Twilight said she was into Stallions in I think it was the first chapter [I'm thinking Incest with her with how she said they can never know]. But although I know AJ's gay in this fic, with all the lesbian jokes, acts, and build up for Dashie I thought it'd be a shoe in as well for a lesbian as well.
thank luna for cooler weather now we get more great reading ^^ I can defiantly see rarity in this kinda fetish just to let go of her lady like ways and cut loose. even spike being the dominate one since he's basically being subservient to her desires. I wonder now since this has been revealed by the group if she'll now stop searching out the dogs and wasting her gems on them and just stick with her strong spikey wikey since she can now enjoy her fun safe at home.
also discords been flutters tail for a while now hmm? she must be good he cant bare to be more then a few inches from her pussy at all times hehe. can't wait to hear his damning secrets to make em all all blush ^^
The ending was really great, it made up for Rarity's weird, awful secret... The weird fetish, and Diamond dogs... i.imgur.com/BXFV3NN.gif I did like seeing Spike take charge, but even that went a little too far.
I am very interested to see where things go with Discord though.
4621265 Um no. She never confirmed it, she just posted a picture of Rainbow marrying Applejack for #worldpride. From what we can assume she ships that, but for it to be canon it has to be presented on the comics or Show .
4628917 Hmm... I don't see that happening. Although with the higher more adult audience there is sill a kid demographic and audience. I think maybe the whole lesbian this could be a little too adult for them. They did show kissing and Big mac and Cherilee, but that's male female. Which kids are use to since it's in the majority. From what I see the kids could have questions as they only know of Male Female and they're seeing female female. It takes a higher understanding for one to comprehend the whole gay thing. At least in my opinion. Although if it was accepted by Hasbro, I can't think of ways to present it. It would be too big of a topic to be short and probably would take an entire episode. Would Rainbow Dash say she prefers/likes mares over Stallions and her special somepony would be AJ? Or would AJ say it? Or would Twilight walk in on them having Intercourse? From my point of view it would take alot.
If one puts their mind to it, even drunk, they can make a stable sentence or thought. It's just that most of the time the effects of the alcohol tend to cause them in a state where they "don't feel like" doing so.
Hmm... I don't see that happening. Although with the higher more adult audience there is sill a kid demographic and audience. I think maybe the whole lesbian this could be a little too adult for them. They did show kissing and Big mac and Cherilee, but that's male female. Which kids are use to since it's in the majority. From what I see the kids could have questions as they only know of Male Female and they're seeing female female. It takes a higher understanding for one to comprehend the whole gay thing.
Yeah, that's BS. Homosexuality is not too complicated for kids to understand. Here's the conversation I had with my (then six-year-old) daughter about it.
"A girl marrying a girl! That's silly!" "Nah, most girls tend to fall in love with boys and boys with girls, but some girls tend to fall in love with other girls and boys with other boys." "Oh. OK." *goes back to playing*
Or, how about this conversation:
"Who's that?" "That's Mr. Joe, Uncle Tom's boyfriend." "Oh. So, should I call him Uncle Joe?" "I don't know, you could ask him."
Clearly her mind was blown by the concept. And boy, were those conversations awkward for me. [/sarcasm]
The problem isn't the kids, it's the parents that either are unthinkingly terrified of conversations with their kids that might even tangentially touch upon S-E-X or are knowingly terrified that the sinful secular society might pervert their children's minds with the idea that homosexuality is anything other than evil, sinful, and perverted.
4631131 Well okay maybe it's not the kids, but from my childhood, my peers were often confused by the fact of homosexuality. I agree, it would most likely be the parents. Of course not every parent would think of homosexuality evil (this part doesn't apply to all Christians, and only Christians as it's the only religion I know of that in their bible homosexuality is a sin) but it would most likely be the Christian parents and then the kid(s) would be raised that way and then kids would think differently of them or think badly of them because of how they might treat people. But that's just a theory a (Finish it!)
Good to see Twilight is taking Spike's... encounter with Rarity well. Or maybe Discord's presence took precedence to Spike payong Diamond dogs to fuck her. Either way, thank Discord.
4632032 Muslims stone gays as told to in the Quran, Christians may think it is a sin but their holly book dose not tell them to kill gays. plus i know several Christians that are ok with gays.
WARNING! Major chapter seven spoilers! Though I suppose since the story has ended, it should be okay...
“No 1.)problem Rarity! I'll have that gem dug up 2.)in time!”
1.) Missing comma. 2.) Rarity did not seem to be timing him, so there should probably a "no" between these words.
Rarity watched the dragon dig deep into the whole for a time...
This is the wrong "hole." (That is what she said!)
She had grown used to this by now but the thrill still caused her to feel this way every single time.
You need a comma here.
The mare stepped cautiously though the damn halls of their entrance tunnels.
Out of nowhere, and for no reason, an odd swear word appears in the narrative.
The large one 1.)barked to which Rarity obeyed by lifting her saddle-pack up with her magic, opening one side up and allowed the gem stones to fall onto the table creating a loud clattering sound as 2.)she rolled along the table, some of which fell onto the floor.
“The pony may go and 1A.)wait in her room now and 1B.)wait.” The thin one 2.)remarked at which point Rarity walked to the left and entered yet another room she knew all too well.
1AB.) I shall chalk this redundancy up to Rover's... limited intelligence. 2.) Missing comma.
It was hardly the 1.)mares ideal setting for what was to come as she waited in this room every time she came 2.)here but she put up with it.
1.) There is only one of her, and it is a possessive, so that should be an apostrophe s.
FOAL-BEGONE!
NEVER LET A WONDERFUL NIGHT BECOME A
NIGHTMARE NINE MONTHS LATER!
The griffons, the manticore, and the cockatrice had to come from somewhere.
The diamond dog wearing a small red coat barked as they entered the room and closed it behind them.
Rover.
In fact, the only way Rarity could tell them apart was by the coats they wore which were 1.)red,blue, and 2.)green.
1.) You need a space here. 2.) Okay, now I am lost... and Rarity is racist.
The red-coated diamond dog remarked aloud.
Rover. However, since this seems to be a third person narrative from Rarity's racist perspective and you got the other two jacket colors wrong, I think I will let this slide from here on. Unless you start addressing them some other way.
The transition was jarring with her first time but she grew accustom to how the diamond dogs wanted to treat her and soon began to enjoy this game of theirs. At least she saw it as a game. She had a feeling they thought otherwise though.
Missing commas.
“Gemstone”
Missing period.
WARNING! This comment may become a little not safe for work from here.
Rarity could taste the precum dripping from the diamond dog's cock now each time she drew back on his member, she knew this one was close.
"Now" is superfluous.
She hopped the blue-coated diamond dog would pick up where he had left off, to push her over the edge.
"Hoped."
Rarity's 1.)attention however was yanked abruptly from hoping 2A.)she the other would satisfy her 2B.)however as the green-coated diamond dog slammed his cock into her mouth, knot and 3.)all and began to fill her throat with his seed.
1.) "However" needs commas on either side of it. 2AB.) "She" and the second "however" are superfluous. 3.) Missing comma.
"...A terrible secret I never wanted you or anypony else to find out.” she replied as she sniffled and wiped tears from her eyes.
This is a full stop, "she" should be capitalized.
Rarity exclaimed 1.)2.)hostilityonly to receive another swat to the hindquarters.
1.)"Hostilely," or "with hostility." 2.) Missing comma.
It was then that Rarity fully realized what was happening. 1A.)“Y-You planned this?!” She exclaimed in shock only to yelp as the diamond dog slapped her hindquarters once again1B.)2.).“Pretty ponies don't talk!” he barked.
1AB.)Two character's dialogue in one paragraph. 2.) You need a space between the period and the quotation mark.
It'll just be me having my way with instead of them now.
Missing "you."
Spike exclaimed with a grin as he saw her folds begin to glisten as he continued to tease her by running his member along her folds partingthem but never edged himself inside.
There should be commas between "folds" and "parting" and between "them" and "but."
“Oh yeah, you like my dragon cock inside you don'tyou Rarity?!”
There should be commas between "you" and "don't" and between "you" and "Rarity."
The 1.)pain of Spike's claws was extremely 2.)painful but this seemed to turn her on even more. Even as her haunches began to bleed due to Spike's claws digging in deep and 3.)racking 4.)a crossed her flanks.
1.) This "pain" is a redundancy and should be replaced by something else. Unfortunately, I am unsure as to what should replace it. 2.) Missing comma. 3.) "Raking." 4.) "Across."
Rarity moaned out at the top of her lungs as thew climax she lost earlier was rushing back ten fold.
I am sure you meant "the."
Spike said with a smirk as he signaled for the diamond dog to turn her around so he was facing her.
Pronoun confusion. This should be "she was facing him."
Rarity had never seen Spike take charge like this before, it was a side of him she had only seen once before but that was when he allowed his greed to overwhelm his senses.
Missing comma.
And to add insult to injury, a stream of his dragon spunk managed its way a crossed the room and landed on the mare's front right leg.
"Across."
The mare chuckled softly at the memory though Spike didn't notice, he was too busy moaning out as he tongue hung limply out of one corner of his mouth.
"His."
“Interestin!” Applejack finished for the cyan blue Pegasus.
Missing apostrophe.
“Yeah, they might be a bit dimmer than us pony 1.)folk but 2.)their still brainy enough to know what 3.)screwin you means.”
Pinkie Pie exclaimed with a wide smile in an attempt to cheer up the sobbing mare only to notice Fluttershy giving her dagger-eyes and giggled nervously to aloud.
Uh... huh? Perhaps you meant "too loudly?"
“No it wasn't.” Twilight confirmed.
Missing comma.
A familiar voice erupted suddenly just before Fluttershy's mane began to float off her head until in a flash of magic Discord appeared and swiftly put out the ember which was now on his tail before snapping his finger which caused Fluttershy's mane to reaper on her head unscathed.
“As observant as ever I see princess.”
There should be commas between "until" and "in," "magic" and "in," and between "see" and "princess."
“Th-That's 1A.)enough Discord.” Fluttershy stuttered 1B.)softly at which point Discord snapped his finger and the neon sign disappeared in a flash of magic.
“Well, it looks like this game is 2.)over, Discord's obviously tampered with Twilight's spell in some sort of way.” Applejack remarked with a glare.
1AB.) Missing commas. 2.) The comma should be a period.
“In your most perverted 1.)dreams Discord.” Twilight remarked with a glare as she used her magic to make the 2.)crown,robe, and cane disappear and teleport to the ground.
1.) Missing comma. 2.) You need a space between these.
“We're dating of course!”
Missing comma.
You updated this a lot during the three weeks I was gone. I see you even made a sequel. I have a great deal of work ahead of me. However I am up for it. Although it may take me a few weeks, I will get through it all.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Rarity's story was very sexy. As a reward, I present you with a Rarity ahegao.
Oh yeah, double Fluttercord experience in this fic
4616130
hehe,
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5061-1338151941529.png
Not really up my alley, but canna ney say I didn't enjoy the majority of it.
I-I don't think Spike would treat Rarity like that... This kind of makes me sad.
This went from upsetting to hilarious way faster then should be possible. And possibly sooner.
EITHER WAY, more stories! What better than from Best Princess?
th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/130/c/d/discord_is_best_princess_by_aleximusprime-d7ht093.png
fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/122/f/4/best_princess_wallpaper___1920x1080_by_grievousfan-d63woc9.jpg
Son of a bitch!!!!!
Horse / Pony pregnancy lasts eleven months.
____________________________
Ks. Other than being beyond peeved on the Dash chapter. I mean seriously, you set her up to be a filly fooler then went with Big Mac of all ponies. I mean that pairing makes no sense. You could've done literally any other pony. Thunderlane for instance (they were in the Academy together and Flight School (probably) that'd make more sense.) But her being straight was just f'd up, rant worthingly, but I'll avoid venting all that I want to say on the subject. Although you had so many more realistic prospects, and you had to pick a pony that makes no sense at all. Other than that this is a good fic. I could honestly see that stuff happen.
A little let down that Twi isn't Bi, or Gay. But the set up was nice, and piqued my interest when we get to her. I'm going to fav this and follow it.
What else is going to happened, AJ doing it with a manticore!?!?
4616870
Y'know, I actually could see the snarky, mature Spike of season one doing that, after a few years of being yanked around by his balls and nothing coming of it, then finding out that he's working his tail off to pay for Rarity's Diamond Dog gangbangs. After a certain point, fucks are no longer given.
From the description:
Twilight + five friends == six.
Unless one of them wasn't enjoying themselves.
"A familiar voice erupted suddenly just before Fluttershy's mane began to float off her head(punctuation?) until in a flash of magic Discord appeared and swiftly put out the ember which was now on his tail before snapping his finger which caused Fluttershy's mane to reaper on her head unscathed." (That's a really long sentence!)
Sorry, that was bugging me ^^; Good read though. Not sure how I feel about spikes uh...lets go with assertiveness. But still a interesting read!
4617864
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8911-seriously.png
I know I try to make my fics realistic but come on, don't nitpick
4616870
Ehhh...I agree with you but for the sake of creative licensing I'm just gonna say:
"Roll with it."
4619022
You wanna proof read this?
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1680-1317917092.gif
"PLEEASE!?"
Drop me a PM if your really interested in proof reading this fic, the last one I had got a little busy with other things and couldn't proof read for me anymore.
4619616
As much as I would love to (and I mean that genuinely. Proofreading is lots of fun), I simply don't have the time. I barely even have time to read at all these days. Really sorry.
4619667
I Wumbo, you Wumbo, he she me... Wumbo? It's first grade.
4620255
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3007-7CQXS.gif
4619616
It's not a big nitpick. It's just you set up a pony for being lesbimare, ontop of AJ. You build it up, and then at the climax you kick the readers in the crotch. Heck then you match her up with a pony that has no way that it'd happen. They literally have nothing in common, no reason to get together, and it is literally the worst pairing you could give her. I mean seriously what the ever loving hay? That chapter was the greatest let down / disappointment I've ever come across in any of the fics I liked to read.
And that's including when RealityCheck became a giant douche bag and banned me from his fics for having an opinion that countered his. And I was right. Even though I loved the rest of his fic / writing. Anywho ...
Yes you do make realistic fics, and do a good job. Which is why I'm so ranty - enraged about that chapter. I mean here I was with a title like you made, and the epicness of the previous (And after) chapters. For it to be amazing. To see the mare that she banged. Since from Chapter 1 you set it up for her to be a fillyfooler. And heck even the Kiss scene was looking to be adorable. I mean the truth spell didn't effect dares, just truth. Even her friends didn't believe her.
Then you had to go with Big Mac. I mean any male would've made me peeved, but I would've at least read it, and grumbled that it was unbelievable, and it would've ruined the fic with me slightly, while hoping to see her admit that she's really gay and is hiding her feelings to prove her bullies wrong from her past. But BM, I couldn't read it at all after I saw that. And yes I've been wanting to rant about that but I didn't yesterday. So I feel accomplished.
Anywho as I said other than that, this is looking to be a good fic, It has good characterization great scenes, other than Dashie believable sexuality / sex scenes, realistic writing for the most part, and I love it for the most part. Please though for the love of Faust, have Dash come out of the stable already. Vindicate the only problem this fic has please.
Edit:
RC wasn't a douche for blocking me. He was one for the parting comment he left before he did. Seriously still p1553d about that one.
4620923
Sorry pal but Even Ashleigh Ball confirmed on Instagram that Rainbow Dash is a lesbian
Even if its outside the show canon it make sense for her to go full lesbo in fanfiction. Just look at how she react toward Discord in tv show or other males in comics. She is only friendly to her female friends, Daring Do and such. Its OK for fanfic writers to assume shes into mares. It was my first thought when i watched the show for the first time in my life. My first thought on RD was
"wow rainbow hair like LGBT logo, i wonder if shes lesbian or something........OK tomboy personality.....unsecurity and need to become loved by society...... im pretty sure shes a lesbian"
just chill
4621265
THAT 'S WHAT I SAID! She's a lesbian. I was complaining about that. If you read my rant. I was disappointed that the author made her straight even though (s)he led up the whole lesbian thing. Only to drop it on the drop of a hat.
I was even more disappointed / ranty that it was Big Mac that was used when that is the most unreaslistic of males that could be used since it makes no sense. Even though Dashie being not straight makes it even more unbelievable. Read the comment in whole before commenting please.
4621425
Oh i must have misread it based on you previous comment and the fact that i missed Rainbow Dash in this chapter, i thought that you were dissapointed that she wasnt straight xD
4621519
Read the Rainbow Dash chapter "When Games Go Wild". She's straight in that chapter. Even though she was built up to be gay all the way up to that chapter. All in all while the rest of this fic is solid, strong, and well written. That chapter was horrible, unbelievable, and rage inducing. I literally couldn't read it when the big reveal of her sexual encounter was with. If it wasn't for the Rarity chapter and the one other chapters. It would have ruined the entire story for me.
As is it's only 55% ruined. With a hope for recovery if the author has her coming out of the stable ... or deletes that chapter and does a Rainbow Dash sex chapter fitting for this story's writing strength, believably, and over all awesomeness.
But yeah I love gay Dash. She's my fav. She has Rainbow Pride Explosions of Awesomeness. LGBT FTW!
4621821
yeah i thought that author is building a clop with all kinds of sex styles too
Fluttershy- straight one on one
Pinkie- Threesome
Rarity- gang bang, submission
and that either AJ or RD are going to explore lesbian sex
Or at least Twilight with Celestia
4621840
Same here. Although Twilight said she was into Stallions in I think it was the first chapter [I'm thinking Incest with her with how she said they can never know]. But although I know AJ's gay in this fic, with all the lesbian jokes, acts, and build up for Dashie I thought it'd be a shoe in as well for a lesbian as well.
thank luna for cooler weather now we get more great reading ^^ I can defiantly see rarity in this kinda fetish just to let go of her lady like ways and cut loose. even spike being the dominate one since he's basically being subservient to her desires. I wonder now since this has been revealed by the group if she'll now stop searching out the dogs and wasting her gems on them and just stick with her strong spikey wikey since she can now enjoy her fun safe at home.
also discords been flutters tail for a while now hmm? she must be good he cant bare to be more then a few inches from her pussy at all times hehe. can't wait to hear his damning secrets to make em all all blush ^^
I'm giggling with excitement!! HahahahaHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA!
I'm concerning my mother too...
Well, this is certainly a thing.
The parings though didn't really turn me on. I was tempted to skip though the clop and get back to the story since it was a lot more interesting.
The ending was really great, it made up for Rarity's weird, awful secret... The weird fetish, and Diamond dogs... i.imgur.com/BXFV3NN.gif
I did like seeing Spike take charge, but even that went a little too far.
I am very interested to see where things go with Discord though.
4621265
Um no. She never confirmed it, she just posted a picture of Rainbow marrying Applejack for #worldpride. From what we can assume she ships that, but for it to be canon it has to be presented on the comics or Show .
4627241
haha. frankly I'm hoping they talking this in a future episode.
4628917 Hmm... I don't see that happening. Although with the higher more adult audience there is sill a kid demographic and audience. I think maybe the whole lesbian this could be a little too adult for them. They did show kissing and Big mac and Cherilee, but that's male female. Which kids are use to since it's in the majority. From what I see the kids could have questions as they only know of Male Female and they're seeing female female. It takes a higher understanding for one to comprehend the whole gay thing. At least in my opinion. Although if it was accepted by Hasbro, I can't think of ways to present it. It would be too big of a topic to be short and probably would take an entire episode. Would Rainbow Dash say she prefers/likes mares over Stallions and her special somepony would be AJ? Or would AJ say it?
Or would Twilight walk in on them having Intercourse?From my point of view it would take alot.Something that is a little strange is that Twilight is intoxicated but here her mind seems very sharp.
4630488
If one puts their mind to it, even drunk, they can make a stable sentence or thought. It's just that most of the time the effects of the alcohol tend to cause them in a state where they "don't feel like" doing so.
4630516
okay, I don't drink so I don't know what it feels like.
4630337
Yeah, that's BS. Homosexuality is not too complicated for kids to understand. Here's the conversation I had with my (then six-year-old) daughter about it.
"A girl marrying a girl! That's silly!"
"Nah, most girls tend to fall in love with boys and boys with girls, but some girls tend to fall in love with other girls and boys with other boys."
"Oh. OK." *goes back to playing*
Or, how about this conversation:
"Who's that?"
"That's Mr. Joe, Uncle Tom's boyfriend."
"Oh. So, should I call him Uncle Joe?"
"I don't know, you could ask him."
Clearly her mind was blown by the concept. And boy, were those conversations awkward for me. [/sarcasm]
The problem isn't the kids, it's the parents that either are unthinkingly terrified of conversations with their kids that might even tangentially touch upon S-E-X or are knowingly terrified that the sinful secular society might pervert their children's minds with the idea that homosexuality is anything other than evil, sinful, and perverted.
4631131 Well okay maybe it's not the kids, but from my childhood, my peers were often confused by the fact of homosexuality. I agree, it would most likely be the parents. Of course not every parent would think of homosexuality evil (this part doesn't apply to all Christians, and only Christians as it's the only religion I know of that in their bible homosexuality is a sin) but it would most likely be the Christian parents and then the kid(s) would be raised that way and then kids would think differently of them or think badly of them because of how they might treat people. But that's just a theory a (Finish it!)
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmm
Loved it.
Discord chapter now? Or is it done?
4655281
Oh don't worry, the story will begin focusing on the two soon enough but without giving too much away, expect a sequel.
With that said, this story has a good 4-5 chapters left in it.
Good to see Twilight is taking Spike's... encounter with Rarity well. Or maybe Discord's presence took precedence to Spike payong Diamond dogs to fuck her. Either way, thank Discord.
4632032 Muslims stone gays as told to in the Quran, Christians may think it is a sin but their holly book dose not tell them to kill gays. plus i know several Christians that are ok with gays.
my 2 cents
FOAL-BEGONE!
NEVER LET A WONDERFUL NIGHT BECOME A
NIGHTMARE NINE MONTHS LATER!
A horses gestational period is Eleven months not Nine
Not trying to nitpick just wanted you to know
Chapter seven: Rarity's Dirty Secret:
You were doing so well up to this point.
WARNING! Major chapter seven spoilers!
Though I suppose since the story has ended, it should be okay...
1.) Missing comma.
2.) Rarity did not seem to be timing him, so there should probably a "no" between these words.
This is the wrong "hole." (That is what she said!)
You need a comma here.
Out of nowhere, and for no reason, an odd swear word appears in the narrative.
1.) Missing comma.
2.) Unless Rarity got up on the table with the gems and started rolling around on top of them, this should probably be "they."
Also:
Rover:
animationsource.org/sites_content/my_little_poney/upload/fanchars/pic_detail5343a87c184bd.png
Fido:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130708223427/mlp/images/4/44/DD_Fido_ID_S1E19.png
Spot:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130708223438/mlp/images/7/77/DD_Spot_ID_S1E19.png
1AB.) I shall chalk this redundancy up to Rover's... limited intelligence.
2.) Missing comma.
1.) There is only one of her, and it is a possessive, so that should be an apostrophe s.
The griffons, the manticore, and the cockatrice had to come from somewhere.
Rover.
1.) You need a space here.
2.) Okay, now I am lost... and Rarity is racist.
Rover. However, since this seems to be a third person narrative from Rarity's racist perspective and you got the other two jacket colors wrong, I think I will let this slide from here on. Unless you start addressing them some other way.
Missing commas.
Missing period.
WARNING! This comment may become a little not safe for work from here.
"Now" is superfluous.
"Hoped."
1.) "However" needs commas on either side of it.
2AB.) "She" and the second "however" are superfluous.
3.) Missing comma.
This is a full stop, "she" should be capitalized.
1.)"Hostilely," or "with hostility."
2.) Missing comma.
1AB.)Two character's dialogue in one paragraph.
2.) You need a space between the period and the quotation mark.
Missing "you."
There should be commas between "folds" and "parting" and between "them" and "but."
There should be commas between "you" and "don't" and between "you" and "Rarity."
1.) This "pain" is a redundancy and should be replaced by something else. Unfortunately, I am unsure as to what should replace it.
2.) Missing comma.
3.) "Raking."
4.) "Across."
I am sure you meant "the."
Pronoun confusion. This should be "she was facing him."
Missing comma.
"Across."
"His."
Missing apostrophe.
1.) Missing comma.
2.) Wrong "they're."
3.) Missing apostrophe.
Uh... huh? Perhaps you meant "too loudly?"
Missing comma.
There should be commas between "until" and "in," "magic" and "in," and between "see" and "princess."
1AB.) Missing commas.
2.) The comma should be a period.
1.) Missing comma.
2.) You need a space between these.
Missing comma.
You updated this a lot during the three weeks I was gone. I see you even made a sequel. I have a great deal of work ahead of me. However I am up for it. Although it may take me a few weeks, I will get through it all.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Rarity's story was very sexy. As a reward, I present you with a Rarity ahegao.
KBO.
Should be eleven months later, since they're feral ponies. And I'm using feral to mean not anthro or human.