- Member Since 26th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch
Profile of Retired Writer, Lapis-Lazuli, and his editor, Stitch / Inky. Thanks for the memories, FiMFiction.
Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch
Joined 26th Jan, 2013 ·
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ITS HEEEEEERRRRREEEEE now to read it
At last... The sequel of one of my favorite shipfics is finally up.
Time to stop all of my activities and focus, it's reading time !
The SunLight shimmer will always sparkle ! (yeah, that was cheesy)
A sequel?!?! Insta-fave!
Yay!
Sequel will commense read soon 
My, my. THIS is off to a roaring start.
Not too sure how I feel about this pregnancy sub plot. I've seen this type of thing done before and it honestly makes me confused. I mean, making a magic penis for kinky time fun, sure. Making a magic penis with some semen just for that extra special touch, why not? Making a magic penis with semen filled with living, biologically compatible, fully functioning sperm ? Why? Why would Twilight ever cast a spell that did that?
In other stories it was always, "Oops! Didn't know the spell did that!" Which is silly. Twilight wouldn't cast a spell without knowing what it did(I'm looking at YOU season 3 finale!
). Ahem. Seeing how this is Lapis and Inky doing this story I have faith that if Sunset really is pregnant that they will have come up with a much better reason why than what I've encountered before.
Now, if she isn't pregnant...that opens a whole new can of worms right there.
On to other musings.
I liked that Sunset is in charge of the potions. Honestly, seeing her doing mostly cleaning feels like a waste of her abilities. It would be nice to see, by the end of this, Sunset using her magical talent for the benefit of all and hopefully not be regulated to a glorified maid(and Twilight's chew toy.
)
It's cute to see Spike and Sunset come to a sort of truce. Lapis, I enjoy seeing one of your stories that actually has Spike in it.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
I do feel concerned that Sunset isn't really getting better but is instead moving form one emotional obsession(gain all the power and rule the world) to another emotional obsession(Twilight is mine! No one else can be near her she's all mine!)
I look forward to seeing how this plays out.
I really still don't get what Rarity did. Even after rereading the chapter, all I can see is Rarity pitying herself, and telling herself she doesn't deserve love.
Can anyone please explain what part of the things that Rarity said was bad.
Oh, I am so psyched that this is out. I am already loving this!
Oh myyyy... Sunset? Have you and Twilight been experimenting with magic in the bedroom?
Has Twilight, perchance, wanted to try out stallion parts on an occasion or two?
We all have that person in our lives who will torture us in this manner. Twilight's pain is felt.
Oh way that was great
I do hope Sunset goes and talks to Nurse Redheart 
I also hope she tells Twilight about their foal coming eventually 
But I have a feeling it won't happen 
Untill it is almost to late 
I WANT MOAR SOON! 
If that is alright with you 
I just have to say, damn. I'm impressed with the way you people made this story speed along at a quick yet perfectly understandable pace. I know I could never do that.
4631771 the main incident that caused this debacle happened in the second to last chapter in the previous story
4631771
That end scene with Rarity wasn't all that clear to me either. It was heavily implied that Rarity wanted the same relationship with Twilight that Sunset enjoys now but was never brave enough to go for it. Thus, when Sunset came along Rarity ended up living victoriously through Sunset, what with the clothes, advice, and all that.
Hopefully we'll get a firmer understanding about what the problem is in the next chapter.
WELP
Sunset's preggers.
Commence reading! Huzzah!
She can't be... that's impossible, right? Right?!
He wants it, he needs it, obviously.
EDIT BOT, GO!
...
...
...
...
DING!
Should be three dots for an ellipsis, Lapis.
You've put a full stop after the colon, and left no space.
Hmm. This sentence could probably be re-punctuated as: "Once Spike had figured out she wasn’t there to sweep Twilight away--and Sunset had grudgingly admitted that Spike, like all annoying little brothers, wasn’t going anywhere--they’d come to a mutual truce." That errant ellipsis doesn't quite sit well where it is.
its*
I don't think this needs to be hyphenated. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't.
Needs a comma.
I can tell you, with good authority, that "Oi" is the British call for attention. The word you're looking for as exclamation, is "Oy".
Sauce: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oy_vey
put it*
Nyeeeeehhh... you really shouldn't use parenthesis in writing, it's bad technique. Consider em-dashing this like so: "As she slid back into the lacy violet socks--an art she could finally claim mastery in--she did her best to rationalize her recent snack choices." Or just simply using commas.
This should be comma'd, like so: "and perhaps the most tedious, yet mentally demanding, of her chores."
There's those dreaded parentheses again. Em-dashes all the way, brother. "If it had a different color or something special in it--potions had never been Sunset’s strong suit in studying magic--there was likely a clipboard Mistress had for it.
Set the picture down*?
Liking so far. Very, very nice.
Alright, on to chapter 2...
You've been featured!
twilightscratchbassmasterpichost.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/feature-betweentwomore.png
4632020
I know that, and I reread the first fic in preparation for this one and I don't get it.
Heck, I even opened that chapter as I was reading, so I could reread the specifics and I still didn't get it.
For a couple of months, I drew the conclusion that Rarity wanted what Sunset had, being a sub to Twilight. Either I'm right, and Sunset is just exaggurating A LOT, or I'm still wrong
4632126
The way you describe it, with Rarity living through Sunset, now that makes much more sense. Thanks a lot
Odd food cravings? Check.
Random mood swings? Check.
Rarity back in town? Check.
Strap in boys and girls, this ride is gonna be a good one.
Enjoying so far. Still disappointed in how vague Rarity and Sunset's relationship is.
If this is jealousy, then damn, it's serious. Jeeze. 
Oh boy...
I get the feeling that someone might have a, ah, bun in the oven. So to speak.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Second chapter in and shit already went south.
Nice.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Maybe I'm not just in the know about "fungeons", as it were.
Also, it took me so long to figure it out. Between the mood swings and unusual cravings, I just couldn't piece it together. Until about 15 seconds ago. Congrats, Sunny!
Commence read!
...
Done!
WOW! Twilight's discipline was a pretty intense scene, nice going there, Lapis.
EDIT BOT, GO!
...
...
...
...
DING!
Holy run-on sentence, Batman!
Again, this is a prime candidate for em-dashes. "The fact that Rarity had come to the meal wearing an incredibly sharp working suit--one that would’ve been more suited to a high-profile Canterlot business tycoon, than the usual flights of fancy her friend indulged in--had set the tone for the evening."
1. clambered*
2. This is kind of a personal preference thing, really, but I would recommend "onto", here. Whilst you sit "in" a chair, you don't really climb into it, if you see what I mean.
Ok, I have to admit, the hyphen is throwing me off a bit, but I feel there should be a comma where I've highlighted. Or another hyphen.
in*
You might want to consider some emphasis on one of these two words. It'll add strength to Sunset's emotion.
Either slap an extra comma after "inexorably", or ditch the first one.
Should really be "any".
Should either be: "Go see to her." or "Go see her."
Hm. I take issue with this, mainly because I don't think this is something Twilight would actually say. Should really be "and is" to keep her in character.
Better wording here would be "and".
Umm... you've already mentioned that Rarity has been back a few days by this point. Pick a point in time, fella.
Needs a comma.
deserved it*
Clunky. "up in the room she shared with Mistress"
Comma.
Again, somewhat clunky wording. Perhaps "especially given how creative Mistress could be" might work better?
Three dots, my main man.
You're interrupting speech, here, no full stop needed.
Comma.
This isn't the best way you could have written this. Aside from using yet another ellipsis, it doesn't carry the kind of weight you're looking for, in my opinion. An improvement would be: ""Hush," Fluttershy scolded. It was the firmest voice she'd ever heard the pegasus use."
Something you need to be wary of is using ellipses in close proximity. It can cause flow to falter and looks generally messy, even if used in dialogue where characters are pausing lots. I say this with the best will in the world, but using them outside of the dialogue as well as inside it, really just craps everything up.
Er, do you mean: "yanking her back leg away"?
I was going to point out your tense slip (highlighted in purple), but then I noticed you have more pressing issues, with regards to both sense and brevity.
First of all, you've not specified with what her words are replaced.
Secondly, this is way too wordy for its own good. Consider: "She blindly descended into muttering the word over and over again, until the repetitions blurred together and she began nervously rubbing her hooves together." Or something to that effect.
Lapis, what am I going to do with you and all these ellipses? :P
You really don't need this here. Emphasis on "quite" works just as well.
Again, you don't need an ellipsis here.
Comma.
Despite the ellipsis, this doesn't read as though she's taking a long pause, neither do I think anyone would naturally pause for a great deal of time here, either. Just use a comma, in this instance.
There's dem parentheses again. Consider: "She was not going to yell or scream--even though she sincerely felt like doing those things--and she wasn’t going to pull an Iron Will either."
Yeah, you definitely don't need the hyphen here.
on*
Comma.
Get rid of this comma and replace it with an exclamation mark, because...
...this is a no-no. Again, interrupted speech does not require punctuation besides the hyphen. Also, no space needed before the hyphen, either.
Doesn't "kid gloves" refer to gloves made of the skin of goat offspring? Not gloves made specifically for handling young children?
Comma.
I think this should be "lifted".
1. Comma here.
2. Possibly emphasis here to add weight.
back to*
off*
the*
Oh, hello errant bbcode tag! One too many square brackets there, Lapis.
owning up to*
I'd emphasise "all", personally.
at*
Phew! That was more work that I anticipated. I think you need to give Inky a very hearty smack across the back of the head for letting so much slip by.
Seriously though, my poor little Edit Bot nearly crashed!
EDIT: Congratulations on the feature, that lad! Brohoof for you! /)
4632949
Can someone remind me what's up with Rarity?
4632316
4632314
But seriously though, if one of the two writers could pitch in and clear things up, that'd be very much appreciated
random ass brackets invading the sentence? Yeah, I know that feeling.
4633014
Inky here, I don't want to spoil a lot of the plot tension, but in essentials, Rarity 'intruded' in Sunset's eyes on the relationship between her and Twilight. I don't wanna go into the motivations and thought processes behind this, as they are integral to the story itself. Read on! All shall be revealed!
4632983 it's awful. Awful play on words and you should be ashamed of yourself.
4633032
We have no shame my friend. We lost that writing the first story. (And I, Inky personally was born without shame. 'Tis awesome.)
4633038 that sounds awesome in a surprisingly unhealthy way.
4633025
Wait, so you want us to read about Sunset being mad at Rarity, without knowing exactly why she's mad?
Seriously though, if you'd just tell me what I'm supposed to get from the scene in the second-last chapter of the previous story, I'd be grateful
We her, me you
IT RETURNS
Though I do have ONE little complaint
The whole thing with Rarity at the party REALLY confused me
Like... I didn't have a single clue of what was going on
Now I know it was something very very bad.
4632560 stop beating around the bush and lets just say it!
REALLY?! A PREGNANT SUNSET?! WERE GOING DOWN THIS ROAD?! WELL THIS CAN'T END BADLY AT ALL CAN IT?!?! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!! THE SHIT IS ABOUT TO HIT. THE. FAN!!!
~Eon
P.S. to much?
4634196
4633056
Without going into plot spoilers, the very basic idea was that Rarity hadn't been wholly honest with Sunset about how she felt about Twilight, and when Sunset found out Rarity might've had feelings for Twilight, she had an epic-level freakout thinking Rarity would try to take Twi away from her and Rarity fled the scene because of it.
4634267
Oooooooohhh okay
...
4634284
No one ever said emotions were rational, and Sunset has some seriously strong emotions and instability.
4634259
Might want to tone it back juuuuust a little.
I stand by my comment on the first chapter about the shit hitting the fan.
Huuum, not the track I was expecting at all.
*grabs popcorn*
Still good though.
I'm calling it now Sunset is pregnant.
am i right? P.M. me the answer if you feel like telling.
Edit: I'm not the only one that thinks that, it seems.
24.media.tumblr.com/8535a906fb81c0687cf1d53f24e9f1c1/tumblr_n0hxvvtJkZ1sqry8zo1_500.png weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
I went back and tried to read the party scene, but, for the life of me, I can't remember exactly what Rarity did. From what I can piece together, she was in love with either Twilight or Sunset...
I am terribly confused. Any chance someone could fill me in?
Didn't you mention that Twilight was considering making sure Sunset saw a shrink. I can definitely say that she needs to see one ASAP!
go spike only one action and thinking like a adult in my book
4635508
4633056
Read the reply to the other comment that linked here
YEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!! THE SEQUEL IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!!
4635508 She's in love with Twilight, but Sunset's pissed at her because A. Sunset saw Rarity as a close friend and figured Rarity would have told her if B. Rarity was living through Sunset because she loves Twilight but couldn't work up the nerve to do anything about it except C. Dress in Twilight-colored Sub clothing that would surely have been noticed by one of the pair and potentially damage SunLight's relationship.
4632949 Fungeon. A fun dungeon. See: King Candy, Wreck-it Ralph.
4631799 Yea, there was that part in the last chapter of the last story where Twi magiced herself some stallion parts. That's probably what did it. Wonder how long til she starts showing?