• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 18 hours ago

FL Brony

I like to write about ponies or something....

Comments ( 47 )

Lovely quite lovely indeed, I cannot wait to see where you take this.

As another writer of a Dashie-in-Fallout fic, I'm very interested in seeing what you do here.

There is an indent tool built into FIMFiction's chapter editor. Use that.
Grammar. From the first three paragraphs I could see that while you have an idea, it needs a lot of polish to make it easier to read. Seriously, get a pre-reader.

Not something you should do, but it helps. Put another empty line between each paragraph. Otherwise the text becomes a wall.

3615239 Thanks didn't really know about the indent tool! I don't really have a pre reader but i'll try to get one soon, also I didn't really notice that it walled on me. Guess I might want to look it over a bit more when I copy and paste it from Word.

Getting into the practice of adding the line as you type it up is a very good idea.
And to make it easier for an editor/pre-reader, I suggest Google Docs.

3615268 Alright, thanks for the tips!

Cmon men! We need to make this story featured

sooooo aplejack knows the loner?

Can't wait for the next chapter it looks good.

3715966 Yup gonna make a little side story about it some time, most likely as I'm writing this.

You may want a serious grammar check here.

3716895 I had a feeling, I'm trying to get an editor and a pre reader so hopefully this will be much better.

not bad glad to see you have tuned down the swearing,

God only knows how many of them i’ve had to deal with.”
Hi. I’m Mark Brown, and i’m the motherfucking Courier.
--Actually, just do Ctrl f "I've, I'm" and that sorta thing Ima stop telling ya, there's too many
Edit: okay, there's actually not that many more, but tablet copy-paste is a bitch to use -end
He then proceeded to get into the mares keeping his big smile the whole time.
What do you mean by ‘pre-war’? The goddess of the night asked the scared pony.
What? What reason does dash have to be scared? Presumably she's seen some shit, and she just got back home.

Really hope that this works! Twilight thought to herself with a mixture of fear and glee, knowing full and well that her friend might not make it.
Needs a designation for thoughts, italics would work, or some people use ' as a type of quotation mark '
Also... I question dash's mind reading powers. I was under the impression that this was 1st person.

most of our names-yes I saw
Try saying this aloud. You'd have spaces on either side of the hyphen, or it sounds really hasty.

There were a few places that got a bit tell-y instead of showy, but pretty good, I can edit, but I have limited access to an actual computer...:raritydespair:
In other news, yay for really hard tablet controls!

Bwahahahahahahahs needs updates! Yes precious, precious updates...:pinkiecrazy *laughs crazily*

3959204 an update should be coming some time soon!

I can't believe nobody's done it so I'm gonna:
No sign of the morning coming
There's no sight of the day
You've been left on your own
You are a Rainbow
Rainbow in the Dark

4296480 hey!........that hurts..........it hurts to be included in this generation(16 years old by the way)....I just so happen to know a lot of old thing,references,and music it just....hard. to be included when you read what kinda things happen with the older generations ya know?
snap out of it kid......you were starting to ramble...
oh....hmmmmmm..........did not relize that....great nother person know I'm crazy....great.....well I'm atleast glad that I was born before 2000.
*slap*....ouch ok I get it!.sheesh when did being crazy become so painful.

4296480 not bad I may just use this as my new alarm clock song.

Cool. Ronnie James Dio (1942–2010) Fronted for many bands including Black Sabbath and his own "Dio". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ronnie_James_Dio
Invented the "metal horns"
also famous for the song "Holy Diver" which is even more awesome and nonsensical :twilightsmile:

So, I'm guessing A.J. saw liberty prime?


4297430 Freindo she saw it in all of its glory.
Praise liberty prime

Will Rainbow Dash be beating anybody up in this story?

4307731 I plan to basically turn her into the NCRs new weapon.

4357846 Yup, but that is a story for another time friendos

4359021 here's the scene the girls a relaxing at twilight's then bam the door's kicked open. sup bitches the courier's here to pary

So far, a pretty good story, but it constantly shifts from 1st to 3rd person. This was a line in chapter 2;

Alright, single file it is. I thought to myself as she got behind Twilight.

She goes from 1st to 3rd in the same sentence. You might want to fix that.

4373867 Thanks for pointing that out! I kind of wrote it in a weird telly way by mistake and i'm try to fix it!

You have my attention, please do continue.

Could she mean… no she can’t. She couldn’t of got sent there.


Is it just me, or dose that flag look like two gay bears?

-Lightning \[T]/

5002863 Oh great now I can't stop seeing it!


I can't believe Boone thinks RD's awesome.

It would be cool to see a story about AJ's adventure in the Capital Wasteland. Twilight should REALLY sign a waiver... or four before testing her teleportation spell.

Nice Ronnie James Dio song reference

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