Lovely quite lovely indeed, I cannot wait to see where you take this.

As another writer of a Dashie-in-Fallout fic, I'm very interested in seeing what you do here.

There is an indent tool built into FIMFiction's chapter editor. Use that.
Grammar. From the first three paragraphs I could see that while you have an idea, it needs a lot of polish to make it easier to read. Seriously, get a pre-reader.

Not something you should do, but it helps. Put another empty line between each paragraph. Otherwise the text becomes a wall.

3615239 Thanks didn't really know about the indent tool! I don't really have a pre reader but i'll try to get one soon, also I didn't really notice that it walled on me. Guess I might want to look it over a bit more when I copy and paste it from Word.

3615254
Getting into the practice of adding the line as you type it up is a very good idea.
And to make it easier for an editor/pre-reader, I suggest Google Docs.

3615268 Alright, thanks for the tips!

Dio would approve....

Nice Ronnie James Dio song reference