• Member Since 5th Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

SnakeMcGee


"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill

T
Source

Captain Brian Havelock, a decorated special forces operative, finds himself transported, without knowing why or even how, to a land called Equestria. A land dominated by ponies, whose entire culture revolves around peace, friendship and harmony.
Why was Brian transported to this strange place? Who is he? Can he find a purpose in this warm and harmonious world, when all he has ever known has been a cold, self-destructive one?

Please check out Antiquarian, the awesome proofreader of my story. Bless him.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 24 )

Rainbow and applejack are going to Murder him for hurting Fluttershy.

8717120
Indeed it does. Once again, thank you very much.

Your soldier is shit at threat assessment.

8729593
I'm going off the premise that he isn't some POG (Person Other than Grunt), but some form of special ops, given your description.

The level of training and mental conditioning required for that field is high, and one of the many things that would remove you from it is an inability to properly assess the level of threat in front of you. Another problem he seems to have is his lack of control, which is another thing drilled into you during this training.

Take the Fluttershy scene, for instance, no matter how you spin it there was nothing threatening occurring at the time, and given his potential level of training, his reaction to something so strange as talking ponies would be not one of violence. Confusion would be the most likely scenario.

He improperly assessed the threat before him.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, I am a former Marine, who has worked with many Recon and Force Recon Marines (not on missions) in training.

8729629
Well first of all, thanks for your service, even if we're not from the same country (I'm Franco-British btw).

So. I'm pleased that you took the time to elaborate, and I've got to say, thanks for the feedback.

As you probably figured, I'm not a soldier, I'm not a serviceman, and I have nothing really in the way of military knowledge apart from hours of research.

I hold the military in high regard, because I've always considered them to be my personal heroes. And I really, really tried depicting the main character as a realistic soldier, but first and foremost a realistic man, with flaws and weaknesses.

In the case of the Fluttershy-Brian encounter, the reason he lashed out is because Fluttershy's stare rekindles a very traumatic experience.
And I know, there was no real reason for him to be violent in the first place. But I really wanted Fluttershy to cower before becoming aggressive. So it's more of a story thing than anything else.

Also, I get that his threat assessment abilities leave something to be desired, but that's more Brian's character.

I'm very sorry if I offended you or any other serviceman or ex-serviceman.
Nonetheless, I invite you to read the next chapters I'll publish over, in the hope that they'll make up for my mistakes.

All that being said, goodbye, and have a super day.

8729901
Dont worry about offending me, I am made of sterner stuff.

Thank you for not dismissing my concerns, and also explaining yours.

I can see why, from a story development perspective, you would do this. I would be careful though, as things like this make the reader question the character, rather than empathize to get your readers more invested in the story.

I would be happy to help from the authenticity angle, though I dont have as much time as I used to when I was editting.

Excellent so far, there are very few errors, mostly small grammatical issues. "Soldier In Equestria" stories tend to be largely disliked around here, mostly due to clichés.

8779271
Thank you for your feedback, it means a lot to me. But please, could you tell me what these clichés are? Because I really want to avoid them.

8779328
1. Soldier is fighting in a war on Earth, something happens like an explosion knocks him out and he wakes up in Equestria
2. Due to thier experiences, thier PTSD makes them act extremly hostile towards the ponies
3. They eventually become kind and learn to care as well as make friends with them

Ok not really clichés, but people seem to not like them because almost all "Soldier In Equestria" stories seem to follow the same formula, sometimes with little twists, and for many they jusy grow stale.

But you shouldn't try to change these things or just outright leave them out altogether, that would kill the whole story especially if that's basically your main plot.

8779500
I like to think of these as motifs rather than clichés. I suppose my choice for a main character doesn't really help matters. This story started out as a Metal Gear Solid/ MLP crossover, and I wrote about two lines before realizing that writing a crossover limits my creativity too much. Still, there are some subtle (or blatant) references to MGS to be found throughout the story. FYI Brian is actually inspired by Naked Snake from MGS3, and snake is probably the most stereotypical soldier character ever.
But anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to answer.

Even though Naked Snake is a stereotypical soldier’s, he’s still a box freak.

This fic supports the theory that Operation Snake Eater became a simulation.

That means that when you're sixteen, eighteen, twenty, or twenty-five, you can roar thunder through your mouth and expulse lightning through your backside

thanks for this powerful chapter.hope tosee more of this story in the near future. well done to you.

9233942
Thank you for the nice comment! :pinkiehappy:
Was there a line that you particularly liked?

the two parts i liked is when he is in the grave yard,and when fluttershysurprised brain by telling him she understands,after he told his story.

9234764
Ia this like MGS series taking place durung big bisa or something else

9289282
Nah, I started writing it as an MGS MLP crossover, but now it's just inspired by Metal Gear.

9307334
When you gonna release the story itu i nean will it take on solid snake timeline or naked snake timeline

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