"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill
Silver Spirit is unhappy. A failed author, he finds comfort in literature, either reading it or writing it. But one day, he decides that he has nothing left to live for.
He is about to take his own life, when the Mane Six come to rescue.
Sometimes, all you ever need is a friend.
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Will there be a follow-up chapter to this?
8644028
There will be a second chapter, possibly a third. I don't know whether you're interested in this story or not, but could you please give me some feedback?
8654766
I'd be happy to. I'll compose my thoughts and post something a little more in depth later this evening. Short version is that it's a good starting premise that I relate to.
8654766
Brace yourself for a long post. I'm one of those people that, when folks ask me for feedback, can't do it half-way. Know that I wouldn't put in the effort if I didn't think it was a good investment of my time and take the length as a compliment.
Alright. First, the premise. I added this story to my 'to read' file because the premise struck a chord. I was suicidal when I was younger, and have struggled with depression on and off since. Also, I know the pain of trying to get published and hitting wall after wall. Even non-writers can sympathize, though, as many people are denied chances at things they really want to do. One thing about depression (and suicide) that I've learned is that it's rather like a war. The home army is the True Self, which intuitively knows that it is worthwhile; the invading force is Depression, which is similar to a cancer in that it creates more of itself from doubt, despondency, and unpleasantness in order to grow. It infects the True Self/the person and tries to convince them that they aren't worthwhile. Taking the medical analogy farther, consider when a person attempts to find joy in life, to do something/anything even when they're just going through the motions and don't really care, or simply deciding to go on with the day when they can't seem to articulate why; these are manifestations of self-respect, and are like the body's immune system fighting the disease/cancer. The person's lack of energy, general listlessness, and apathy are all signals that the immune system is breaking down to the point that it can't fight without outside help. Much like how the body needs medicine to fight illness, the True Self needs help to face depression. This can take many forms, but often comes from other people. As far as how this plays into the story, the Mane 6 are actually the ideal kinds of people you want to have providing that help. They each have ways, individual and collective, of helping the True Self remember its own inherent value, training it to purge the body of the illness. For example, Rarity will make an outfit for anyone, regardless of their appearance or social class, all while giving them the same attention she'd give a princess. Seems like a small thing on the surface, but that polite service she provides is an unspoken way of communicating a sense of value and self-worth. It intrigued me that you intuited that the Mane 6 would be good fits for this, which is the other reason I wanted to read this.
As far as the chapter itself, it flows well as a setup. From my own experiences, I know that depression has the tendency to rob me of the energy to do even the things that I love (like writing). Of course, this is self-defeating, since often working on something we love helps combat the depression. Silver is stuck in a state that I know all too well: he loves his work (as evidenced by his looking back at it with a smile), but his depression keeps him from doing anything new with it or taking a risk on putting it back out. He's not editing or trying to find an editor; he's drinking and doing things he doesn't care about, knowing full well that he hates doing them, because it feels easier than pouring his passion into something that he has come to associate with failure. There are hopeful signs throughout the chapter, of course. Obviously, the fact that he doesn't kill himself indicates that the True Self is still fighting, even if he's not aware of it. One one hand, his apathy about working long hours is a warning sign; on the other hand, he hasn't quit his job. Doing something productive, even in the most basic sense, helps fight feelings of worthlessness (in the military, they have you make your bed every morning so that you start the day with discipline and accomplishment - I thought it was ridiculous until I started doing it, and it really did help my mental state). While I doubt he recognizes the good sign that he's still working, the fact that he's doing it is still encouraging. Specifically the fact that he didn't want to show up to work hungover is a nice touch. He might think little of himself, but the fact that he cares about professionalism at some level, even when he's thinking about suicide, speaks volumes to an underlying strength that he doesn't recognize. (I have a friend who is convinced that he's an a-hole, which makes me sad because he's the kind of guy who has, quite literally, given homeless guys the shirt off his back in the dead of winter; yet he only sees his bad side). The long and short of this is that you've successfully portrayed a very accurate image of what depression and suicidal thoughts are like, but the fact that there are specific glimmers of hope sprinkled throughout give you a foundation to more readily build on for the story. And, yes, so long as their is life there is always hope to defeat depression, but having specific foundations to build on for storytelling assist in communicating it to the audience without spending too many chapters on exposition.
Thematically, there were a couple moments that stood out to me. His characterization of the 'mask' of the city's inhabitants is a classic depiction and one that I've heard more than once from cynical individuals; to be clear, I do mean 'classic' and not 'cliche.' If it ain't broke, don't fix it, and this mental image is an effective and evocative one. It gives a concise picture of Silver's mental state without spending too much time on the setup. As I said before, I find it significant that he cares enough to not be hungover. I also like that his boss doesn't appear to be a prick. That would have felt like too much. And, of course, people can often be depressed even when surrounded by people who treat them well, so I like that you didn't take the easy route of having his boss be unlikable. That would have been cliche.
Couple edits that I noticed: "Serene Quill's officer, the following morning" I assume you mean "Serene Quill's office, the following morning," and that should probably have a ":" at the end. At the bottom of the chapter he noted that 'most' of the editor's rejected him, but that ought to be 'all.'
Bottom line, I think this story has a lot of potential. I think that stories like this are incredibly important, as suicide is a very real danger and it's so easy for the True Self to become overwhelmed by depression. However, if not handled well, such stories can do more harm than good. Thankfully, you have avoided the pitfalls that I usually see stories like this fall into. Silver is depressed for understandable reasons; his world's not so utterly horrific as to be unrelatable; things are bad, but there are little signs of hope sprinkled throughout. I look forward to seeing what else you do with it. Let me know if you want to pick my brain about future chapters/pre-reading. I like helping other writers out.
8656007
Sorry if this reply is a little late, I've been busy these last couple of days.
I am very happy that you liked the first chapter and I'm glad that someone can relate to it. Also, I'm flattered that you took the time and effort to do a thorough analysis of it, and I was pretty proud of myself when you said it was a 'good investment' of your time and effort.
About these edits, I noticed them just after I published the chapter, but I was a bit too busy (or lazy) at the time to do anything about them.
All in all, your feedback is very much appreciated and you've really motivated me to continue this story.
In the words of Elvis (aka Gladmane), "Thank you, thank you very much."
8658951
My pleasure
Nicely done! I look forward to seeing more.
Solid chapter on the whole. I'm glad that Serene Quill is a fair boss, I appreciated the Winston Churchill reference, and it was satisfying to see Silver chew the Dexter out. One quick edit:
Shouldn't that be Dexter instead of Silver?