“Rab-ble! Rou-ser! Rab-ble! Rou-ser!”
The audience had been chanting his name for ten minutes now, the crescendo of their clapping and whistling building steadily. When they finally reached a fever pitch, he burst through the curtain, throwing his hooves up into the air.
The crowd erupted as he trotted back to the microphone. “Guys, I gotta sleep sometime, you know,” he said, laughing. This was his third encore and the building manager was beginning to look a little worried. Rabble Rouser had been told in no uncertain terms that this was absolutely, positively the last five minutes he’d have.
His roadie trotted out with a fresh guitar. “Y’all love your rock ’n’ roll, huh?” Rabble Rouser nodded as the crowd roared. “Yeah, me, too. Thanks for comin’ and hangin’ out with me. You know, they’re tellin’ me backstage that y’all gotta get on up outta here, but that don’t mean we can’t rock this joint one last time!”
He took a swig of cider while he waited for the crowd to rein themselves in. He could feel the seconds ticking by, but it didn’t bother him any. He’d leave the stage when he was good and ready, building managers be damned.
“So I—” Rabble winced as feedback squealed from the speakers. “Hey, Sound Check? Can you bring my levels down a little? Yeah, that’s good.” Rabble took another swig of cider, shrugging. “Anyway, maybe some of y’all read about it, but I spent last summer on a boat. I wanted to know what it was like for them sailors out there on the water all the time.” Lifting his guitar, he slung it over his shoulder and absently strummed out a few chords. “Learned a lot. They got knots for their knots, and I ate all kinds of seaweed that I didn’t know existed. I told ’em they could keep that. Gimme a hayburger any day.”
The crowd laughed, eager for whatever it was he was building to.
“But I did take somethin’ from ’em,” Rabble said, striking up a jaunty tune. His speaking voice began to slowly fade way, becoming more and more melodic as his strumming intensified. “Those sailors had a song that they’d sing when they were workin’. Seems they’d been the crew on this amazin’ voyage. ‘Cursed’, they called it. Well, y’all know what comes next. I had to have ’em teach it to me, and now I’m gonna sing it for y’all.”
Oh, come gather ‘round mates!
And I’ll sing of bad dates,
On a voyage, cursed and dark!
It’s the tale of one mare,
And her life lived unshared,
Who wanted to feel love’s spark.
But she found with a grin,
That a trip she did win,
She leapt for joy with a shout.
T’was a romantic cruise,
She had nothing to lose,
Waving good-bye, she set out.
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
Meanwhile six strong stallions,
Boarded the galleon.
Searching for love of their own.
Oh, their futures seemed bright,
And the timing felt right.
They would have run if they’d known.
’Cause Cheerilee followed,
And the sea soon swallowed,
The one that returned her wink.
For the wind rocked the ship,
And his hoof, it did slip.
Then o’erboard into the drink.
The crowd groaned, some throwing out some light-hearted boos. “Aw, don’t gimme that!” Rabble growled, frowning theatrically at them. “I didn’t write this stuff. Go take it up with the sailors!” He waited for them to stop laughing before launching into the chorus.
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
Well, lad two thought he knew,
What a stallion should do,
To win the heart of the lass.
For the love of this girl,
He would fish up a pearl,
To show her that he had class.
So ’neath the waves he went,
’Til his air tank was spent.
Still not an oyster in sight.
So he pried at a clam.
‘It’s as big as I am!’
Were his words ere it did bite.
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
Date three took a chance,
When he asked her to dance.
At dinner their second night.
The pair shimmied and swayed,
While the band played and played,
The music let them take flight.
But the sultry singer,
Was quite the dead ringer,
For beautiful Rarity.
When she started to sing,
He called off the brief fling.
Jilted was poor Cheerilee.
A high-pitched awwwwww rose from the crowd. “I know, I know, ladies!” Rabble said, shifting between a few neutral chords as he talked. “But seriously, have you seen that unicorn? Hoo-ey, she is mighty fine!”
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
With the next she did flirt,
So he wasn’t alert.
Blissfully dreaming of love.
Hungry seagulls did see,
A fine morsel in he.
They swooped down on him from above.
He did run to and fro,
Yelling for them to go.
Shouting for help from the rest.
But despite his large size,
They kept after their prize,
Carrying him off to their nest.
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
Number five rolled the dice,
When he tried to look nice,
Sunbathing out by the pool.
‘To entice her I can,
Get to work on this tan!
She’ll love me if I look cool!’
But his skin was too fair.
As they napped in deck chairs,
The redder that he became.
Cheerilee soon awoke,
’Cause he started to smoke,
And then he burst into flame!
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
The last stallion wondered,
How many had blundered,
While vying to win her hoof.
For he’d seen stallions try,
And he couldn’t see why,
The beauty appeared aloof.
So he asked for peck,
As they hid below deck.
For the weather had gone south.
But on that roiling sea,
To their horror did he,
Get seasick into her mouth.
The audience’s reaction hit Rabble Rouser like a tsunami: Laughter, groaning, and retching. “Hang in there, folks. We’re just about through. Y’all know the words by now, I’m sure. Help me out with this chorus!”
And they did.
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
Well, poor Cheerilee docked,
And the crew was quite shocked!
The captain, he couldn't see!
How a right bonny mare,
With her poise and her flair,
Could leave empty-hoofedly.
Seven went on the trip.
But the stallions did slip,
Into fate’s grip, by and by.
As she left with a scowl,
She spat out with a growl,
‘I’ll be alone ’til I die!’
Oh, the fish in the drink,
And birds in the sky!
You can ask what they think,
But they don’t know why,
The unluckiest dame,
To e’er sail the seas,
Well, she goes by the name,
Of Ms. Cheerilee!
“Good night, folks! See y’all next time!” Rabble Rouser finished with a flourish, strumming the guitar aggressively before throwing it to the floor. Still attached by the strap, it spun several times around his body before he plucked it off and threw it high into the air, walking away. He crowd gasped, then broke out into whistling applause as his roadie slid onto stage, catching the guitar at the last second. Rabble shook his head, grinning. “Gets ’em every time.”
So should this be dates 24 to 30 then?
...You know you hit rock bottom when sailors write a song like that about you. Oh, poor Cheerilee.
4003466 I'm considering being on a dating cruise as one date. It's like speed dating. If Cheerilee goes on to a speed dating event, it's not going to be thirty dates. One event equals one date.
4003483 And just consider how far down rock bottom is on the ocean floor!
So, Rabble Rouser sings about six dates, but this only counts as number twenty four. I guess if you tried to make this Date Twenty-Four to Twenty-Nine, people would call shenanigans.
This was quite a fun limerick chapter to spice things up a bit. But I've got one question. Technically, two of the would-be suitors didn't die: The one who ditched her for the singer, and the one who threw up in her mouth. So, why was Cheerilee the only pony left alive, exactly?
4003545 Oops, you're right. I'll have to go back and edit that. I wrote that final verse before I was done with the others.
Wow, six unlucky dates in a row?
4003545
There was a LOT of throwing up.
Cheerilee still can't believe that whole femur fit in her mouth.
4003545 Okay, fixed! Thanks for that catch! I've been too deep in lyrics all day. I lost track of what I was doing.
4003575 Cheerilee breaks new ground everyday in the field of terrible relationships.
A sea shanty? I wanna sing along, but I can't think of a good rhythm.
4003500
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100306142133/spongebob/images/3/36/Rock.jpg
memecrunch.com/meme/1FZZT/advanced-darkness/image.png
4003682 Yeah, it has a definite rhythm in my head, but I don't really know how to convey it.
4003500
4003682 This isn't your every day desperation.
This is advanced neediness.
I could imagine that song being done in the style of Johnny Cash or Flogging Molly.
4004004 Johnny Cash is who I had in mind when I wrote that.
4004030 Nice.
Otherwise the chapter was awesome. Looking forwards to the next one.
4003545
I don't know, I think we're probably going to need some shenanigans if we want to have any kind of chance of actually reaching a thousand dates.
4004039 It is my hope one day to release something without typos. It is my Everest.
4004181 You just need to be dedicated to reading my story for the next ten years. Take the long view, man!
I hope Cheerilee got a refund...
4003682
Me too. I have been trying to
singread the lyrics out to a rhythm. Not much success there (mainly because I am about as musically inclined as a cinder block).4004030
So more Rockabilly as opposed to Folk? Now I really want to hear those lyrics to music...
Also, tangentially related folk song: Great Big Sea - The Mermaid
(This is what was going through my mind as I read this chapter)
4003682
4004245 Yes, more Rockabilly, but not the barn burner kind. More mellow. Kind of that old country and western style where they were telling a story and just barely singing.
I can sing the song on my head, but I'm not the world's best lyricist. My poetic beats might just kinda suck. Music is hard to write well. Notes that you'd end up holding so that the lines sound right don't translate well when written down. I did my best.
It also might help to think of the verses having one rhythm and the chorus having another. I sing them differently in my mind. The chorus is much more rousing. It's slightly faster.
I was expecting Cheerilee to make an appearance after pushing through the crowd.
Six stallions? SIX stallions!? She really IS the unluckiest!
4004004 I was thinking Dropkick Murphys would fit nicely as well.
You...
You actually made a song...
I have no words...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Someone needs to do a recording of this.
Congratulations for your work at thinning the herd of Equestrian stallions even further! Six in one chapter! Poor Cherilee; I t think that the time has come for her to see Twilight and Zecora about whether she's been cursed!
4004861
I agree with Juggernaut, Johnny Cash's style would be the best way to go.
4003499
Oh no. Discord himself couldn't hope to cause the chaos that would ensue from Cheerilee going speed dating. I hope for the sake of Equestria this never comes to pass, and yet I have a certain morbid curiosity...
Also, I was greatly amused that Rabble Rouser and the sailors recognized Rarity to be the hottest thing on four legs. Makes me wonder how in the hay Trenderhoof passed her up in favor of that filthy mud pony.
Great work on the song, by the way. It was kept in meter pretty well, so I was able to sing it in my head.
I wonder if there's a rumor going around amongst the stallions that if you go on a bad date with Cheerilee, the next mare you date will be "The One."
Oh, poor Cheerilee, you'll never find someone it seems. Why don't you try Berry Punch? (Yes, I'm that girl!
4005952 Just so that you know, someone is working on that.
Well, at least she is famous.
I hope we eventually get a thrill-seeking stallion who has heard the rumors/the song and wants to experience a Cheerilee date firsthand.
I believe you meant chance here.
4006476 Yes. Yes, I did. Correcting now, and thank you!
4004426 I thought about that, but I decided that it would be too unrealistic.
Not sure why I'm worried about realism, but if Cheerilee shows up, then she's going to have to do something, and that means a whole bunch more plot.
4004786 She's unparalleled in her field. She's Equestria's romantic disaster expert!
4004861 I could see that. It's still Johnny Cash in my head, but I could see the Dropkick Murphys doing it if they sped it up.
4005066 Yeah, I don't know, man. I just type and shit comes out. I don't know where this ridiculous crap comes from. I'm just happy that people enjoy it.
4005301 Well, she did try to see Zecora...
4006154
finally my wish is coming true! I have been suggesting that, like, forever and a half!
4006537 Shame. I was expecting her to yell at him a little for singing a song about her miserable experiences and then punch him in the face.
4007174 I expected that too. Glad to have my expectations disappointed. :)
I found only a few minor typos:
"Sailor" should be plural unless you meant for Rabble to say it that way. :b
"Than" should be "that".
Dialogue would sound better if "they got" was "they've got", though I think the current version is okay too.
Anyhow, this was amazing! It must have been difficult writing rhyming lyrics to tell a story. (I kinda really sorta hope someone will build an instrumental around it and sing it) It turned out splendidly; I thought about a cruise story, but I didn't imagine a presentation like this! It made a more common date scenario into a very unique one.
I also liked the new character Rabble Rouser, and Cheerilee is now renowned for terrible dates!
You are great with these sudden reveals.
i skipped it, i dont read song lyrics on this site.
I was hearing the song as sung by Celtic Thunder. Not sure which singer in particular, as I'm not good with their names,