• Member Since 4th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen April 7th

KuroiTsubasaTenshi


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When unforeseen weather disrupts the Winter Wrap Up effort, Twilight is left to fend for herself. She stumbles upon a once in a lifetime experience, but everything has a price to pay.

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Equestria Daily

Note that writing started on this story prior to the start of season 2. As of the season 3 finale, it is no longer compatible with canon.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 39 )

It seems I'm gonna be the first to comment... :yay:

Another comment after I read...

Likes^ Gonna continue on to Ch. 2 and the rest offline. Darn U.S. Cellular with it's data restrictions. Blargh. :flutterrage:

I really liked this story. It read like a MLP super-episode, or a film, or some such. I thought the pacing was a little rushed at times, but the narrative was clear and its progression logical. Good job! :twilightsmile:

Great story, I liked the Dog-Worms, such a nice simple monster. :pinkiecrazy:

Awesome back story of Nightmare Moon and why Celestia had to banish her :twilightsheepish:

This story is great, enjoyed it very much, the history of Equestria - well thought out. Well done!

Just one small thing I'd like to ask:
Why did you Pinkie's perspective so often? I thought that she was going to play a bigger part by the way you kept telling things from her perspective, but she didn't, that kind of made me confused.

Oh, and btw, I suggest that you add Luna and Celestia to the character tags. (just a suggestion, you don't really have to do it), as they played as big (or bigger) role in the story :twilightsheepish:

289524
Would you perchance be able to tell me offhand which parts felt rushed? Even if you only remember 1 or 2 places, anything would be helpful. Thanks.

290870
Part of it was because I wanted one of the most optimistic of the main six to be the outside perspective to keep things from getting too dark. The other part is I wanted to explore how she might be an emotional pillar for the rest of the group, helping to keep them from from falling into total despair after seeing Twi as she was. Although Pinkie's role wasn't as flashy as the alicorns (a tough match for anypony, even Twi) her outlook was important to the group (I guess since you're asking this question, I might not have played it up enough, though). Plus she was integral to the conclusion of the final battle.

290875
I did consider this (well, technically still am as of this writing), although I've been debating with myself whether or not it might be a bit spoilery. I was more or less split right down the middle, erring toward not doing it simply because it would have the least impact. With you having mentioned it, though, I'm starting to lean toward putting them in.

291157 I think that some instances when Pinkie was not doing something of consequence you could have switched the perspective to 'them', if the elements were together, for example 'Pinkie looked around her' --> 'They looked around'. Because actually if they were doing similar things and you only mentioned Pinkie it would seem like only Pinkie was aware of her surroundings etc.?

It's not necessary though, as I think you handled the story quite well already. :twilightsheepish: I've recommended this story in my Twilight is best pony group, cuz I rike eet very much~:twilightsmile: Keep up the writing :raritywink:

I like it. What's gonna happen next?

The mystery deepens...

Six samples? It can't be. Can it?

Great. We're dealing with the REAL Nightmare Moon. With Twilight's body! This won't end well.

I'm about 20 weeks late but this was a nice little story. Not too long and didn't overstay it's welcome. The ending was a bit sudden but I can deal with that. My only question is what exactly did Twilight 'do' to the Nameless? Did she just trap it in her mind or did rebinding it and forcing it to be purified again kill it?

947386

Hehe, that's okay, I was several months late getting an account here to mirror the story (original copies are ye olde GDocs and were finished end of 2011). In any event, I believe feedback can never be too late to be useful in some way.

Did the whole ending feel abrupt or was there a more specific point that made you feel that way?

As for your question, I was trying to imply that when Nameless realized it was being harmed during the confrontation with Nightmare Moon, it was able to escape partway through the attack, merely leaving it wounded. Whereas with Twilight, it almost got away without being harmed at all (having learned to bail out earlier) and Twilight rebinding it was what caused it to be hit by the full power of the Elements, which was indeed enough power to vanquish it.

958236
By sudden I mean more that the aftermath of the fight didn't really give any, hmmm.... closure, finality? I'm not sure how to explain it actually. It just seems, to me at least, that it was missing a final paragraph to wrap everything up. It was more a feeling than anything.

Ahhh I see. I thought had something to do with destroying The Nameless but I was a little confused because I thought it was "banished" from Luna as opposed to willingly escaped from her. So I thought if that was true and The Nameless was banished from Luna, then being banished from Twilight and then Twilight drawing it back to be banished again wouldn't make sense. An error in comprehension by me :P

wow, that was a bit for chapter 1.....going to be interesting for the dark element here, how far will twilight have to go into destruction magic to survive......she is going to need a long talk with the princess afterwards isn't she

it totally is isn't it.....the larger issue may be what's up with Twilight, memory loss=not good, is she now possessed by said weapon:twilightoops:

well......that's problematic:twilightoops::twilightoops::twilightoops::twilightoops: still a clever scheme.....but come on Celestia, you've been alive for over 1000 years....surely you have something that can help

...........:twilightoops: hang in there Twilight

wow....nice victory and nice reset back to Twi original promise to help Misty....looks like she was in there after all waiting:twilightsmile:......also:rainbowlaugh: yes, screwed by the very spell it taught Twilight:rainbowlaugh: wonderful

Some of the exposition or lack thereof felt weird, but otherwise it was a very enjoyable read. After putting a bit of thought into it, I realize it feels strange because we only ever really know what Twilight or Pinkie know. So when Nameless went out and gathered some magical artifacts, we don't have omniscient third person perspective to show us her thought processes like 'These are powerful magical artifacts that I can drain to make myself more powerful.' All we know is that we don't see Nameless for a bit and next thing we know it's stealing a vase from the Mayor's office, and we really have no clue what's going on there until Nameless later talks about siphoning magic and the other Elements try to destroy them.

1837335
I get a little nervous when I write something that is or starts looking like an info dump (I'm sure you can guess which chapter made me cringe a bit as I wrote it), but the concerns you and a few others have expressed have convinced me that I've gone too far toward the opposite extreme and lean too heavily on implications. I'm loosening the reins, so to speak, bit by bit, so maybe one of these days I'll find that perfect balance.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. :twilightsmile:

I really enjoyed this; it was like MLP:The Movie. It could have stood to be a little longer (it seemed like everything resolved a bit fast), and maybe a little epilogue would be nice.

1994874 I agree that the story seems a little short but I am glad that it was.:yay: I got to read a great story that didn't have 50+ chapters. :twilightblush: But it does yearn for another chapter explaining a little bit what Twilight will do after this whole ordeal. You could put a scene where you see how much Celestia cares for Twilight (since Tia cared for Twilight so much that she couldn't bring herself to kill her) and explain what will happen with "Nameless" now that she is bond to Twilight. overall great story and I will be expecting that last chapter.:twilightsmile: :rainbowderp:

3749103
The binding actually allowed the final killing blow to be struck by the Elements. But I can see how you might miss that since my writing from way back then is a bit sparse and shaky. It's for that same reason that I don't think I could write an epilogue chapter. They'd be like two different writing styles now and trying to mimic my old faults would be rather painful. However, if I ever do a rewrite, I'll definitely keep your words in mind. :twilightsmile:

Well, that was an interesting little arc. In a way it was refreshing to not have the possession go on for too long, not to mention Twilight knowing her friends would forgive her instead of wangsting about it. And that ending:pinkiehappy: Looking forward to seeing how Dusky's further adventures (tangientally) tie into this.

I liked it. Though I definitely liked chapters 1 through 3 more than 4 through 5. After the reveal I felt like the story was simultaneously too rushed and that not enough happened. The story became predictable, and far less interesting, after the reveal than it was before it. Still, looking forward to reading The Necromancer's Ambition.

7468229
Thanks for the feedback!

Yeah, this story really kind of shows my inexperience at the time. I had a lot of big ideas, but had some trouble with the execution in places. If I were to do the same story over again today, it'd like be at least 2-3 chapters longer with more attention paid to the tension of the final confrontation (among other tweaks). Glad you still found it enjoyable, though.

Very engaging. Feel bad for Misty. Nice to see Pinkie cheering everybody up. Exciting fight scene.

Exciting chapter. Quite the twist.

Creepy. Very engaging. Love how Twi's friends are taking up for her.

Nice seeing Twi getting support by remembering her family and friends. Luna is awesome. Intense scene there with Dash refusing to leave Pinkie.

Lovely. Twilight triumphed with the power of friendship.

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