• Member Since 4th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 22 hours ago

KuroiTsubasaTenshi


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With a research paper due date on the horizon, Twilight Sparkle recruits Rainbow Dash to help her unlock the secrets of the princesses’ Everfree castle. The further they go, the more it seems like they’ve stumbled into a Daring Do novel. They must escape before they drive each other crazy. Or fall victim to the traps.

(A revision of one of the Hearth’s Warming Care Package stories for Kiki.)
(EDIT: R.I.P. Kiki.)

Beta Reader Special Thanks
Sessalisk
Clever Pun
Meta Four
Japanese Teeth
Fox_E
Gawain Victor Royale
Curious Black Cat
Invidlord
Kegisak
Kayeka
Sereg
The Librarian/Quarter Note

Without their help, this story wouldn't be nearly as refined as it is.

Also note that the old version is still up as a courtesy to my older readers.
EDIT: Change of plans. I have been informed of a way to archive the old version, but still keep it on FIMFic. So if you're looking for the old version, it can now be found here.

Equestria Daily
Equestria Critics Society

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 21 )

Jolly good. Have a thumb. I must admit, I didn't see the ending twist coming.

Dashie can find adventure in any situation (except for Butterfly Migrations I guess). :twilightsmile:

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Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

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At least not without doing something that might have upset Flutters.

this story was wonderful... a great read!

Excellent. I want to know more. And I want to read the entire Daring Do story. And... and THINGS.

welp I think you fleshed out the whole story quite well. I remember reading the original and I can see the similarities and changes. Good job.

Found this via Authors Helping Authors. Characterisation's spot-on, but it was over a bit quickly for my liking.

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name: Treasure
Grammar score: 10/10

Pros:
- Twilight’s and Rainbow’s personalities were spot on.
- The story flowed nicely.
- The action and suspense was well written.
Cons:
- Absolutely no cons at all.

Notes: This was completely brilliant. Normally with chapters over 5,000 words I find myself skimming over parts however you had me reading every word, and I thoroughly enjoyed each one. Have you thought about sending this to Equestria Daily?

If it’s not too much trouble, could you please find time to have a look and my story The Lion and the Unicorn.

Yours sincerely
- Feather Book

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Thanks, I'm glad you (and the other commentators) like it. I went pretty hard editing this, so I'm happy the effort is paying off. :twilightsmile:

As for Equestria Daily, I did, in fact, send this over there. No word back yet, though.

“No, I don’t. But I have a sister too. And it didn’t take hundreds of years to find out we don’t always see eye to eye.”

I see what you (possibly) did there. :derpyderp1:

You made it! You’re on Equestria Daily! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

lol Lunar wrote Daring Do
btw why Twilight will go into the sisters' old home, walk around and think that drawing a map, writing a report about it will please one of the sisters?

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For the same reason many other students will write a research paper for a prof who is an expert on a topic: to show off how much they've learned to someone who is an expert on the subject.

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:twilightsmile:

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if twilight find out some secrets of Celestia, she's going to the outter space
:trollestia:

This has been reviewed by the Equestrian Critics Society

Story: Treasure

Author: KuroiTsubasaTenshi

Reviewed by: Quillbit Marelor

In some ways, a true adventure fanfiction may be hard to come by. Some lack the delicate balance between action and exposition, unrealistically leaning towards one or the other. A writer shouldn’t thrust a hundred catastrophes at their readers at once or leave them devoid of any suspenseful events. Action/adventure is a tricky genre to deal with, though not impossible to handle. KuroiTsubasaTenshi’s story, Treasure, is a prime example of how this balance can be done right.

Full Review

Score: 9.5

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Thanks so much for the detailed feedback. :twilightsmile:

Hiya Kuroi! Congratulations, you've made The Equestrian Critics Society's May Fic of the Month! Enjoy the spotlight. :raritywink:

Not bad. Have a thumb.

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