- Member Since 14th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Mar 22nd, 2023
Yosh-E-O
I am aspiring author who enjoys writing various works of fantasy in which have a cutesy touch
Yosh-E-O
Joined 14th Sep, 2013 ·
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Yosh-E-O · 1.6k words · 110 22 · 5.5k views
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Although there were a few instances of spelling and grammar issues, I like it so far. Made me chuckle once or twice.
Keep up the good work!
•Pip
Spike is pretty OOC here. He's acting the way Merriwether Williams would have him act: about 4-5 years less mature than he behaves in every other episode. I highly doubt Spike is so ignorant in these matters. Perhaps you should have established his story before the pilot episode while the two of them were still living in Canterlot. It would have accounted for Spike's confusing immaturity and Twilight's reluctance to help him out (since she hadn't learned about friendship yet, and was very careless with him at the time).
And Twilight should have been prepared for these kinds of questions. Whoever raised Spike is nowhere in Ponyville, which makes her the closest thing to a parent he can turn to. And she's a terrible parent at that. Not only is she remarkably inattentive in the show, but in this fic she just up and bails on her closest friend while he's trying to answer some tough questions about himself.
3263981 you are so right.
3263981
Unfortunately, I have to agree with this comment. Both Twilight and Spike are kind of OOC right now, especially since you are placing this at least after Season Two (Shining Armor).
I find it a little hard to believe that Twilight wouldn't know anything about male anatomy--since she's so studious, she probably knows about it from a very clinical, objective point of view. I'm sure she'd be more than willing to share that information with him, if only to boast that she knew about it, at the least. Not only that, but Spike's a little too mature to be experiencing these signs of puberty for the very first time, in my estimation. Granted, I'm not a male, but it's likely from my understanding that he's probably already had this "problem" for a while (but he's a "baby dragon," so I could be wrong).
It was kind of a funny read, but could've been done better. You get an upvote for effort!
3264206 Your words do not sound natural when read with the Bronclyn accent in my head. Just thought'cha aughta know.
And I wouldn't put much stock in the "baby dragon" thing either. Spike hasn't been referred to as a baby dragon since season one.
3264337
And yeah, that's a good point. Hmm.. guess he's no longer a baby dragon now?
this could cause some chae's... we need discord a.s.a.p!!!
All I can think after reading this is about the bris episode of South Park. "It's called a fireman."
You mean Twilight doesn't want to give him a lecture on male anatomy? Weird story, seemingly OOC for Twilight.
3265039
You know, after posting it and talking with a friend, I realized that, quite honestly, Twilight probably would not find the discussion awkward at all. Though, unfortunately, this is after the fact. *Shrugs*
It is fun to try and write within the world of "Friendship is Magic". However, I do have much to improve upon if I am to keep every pony "In-Character". Practice makes perfect, right?
3264906
My goodness! I could only wonder what Discord could do to make this potential situation even more awkward.
Thanks for reading. And thanks for adding some additional insight that could advance a tale such as this.
3264374
Well, I figure if he's old enough to do things like take his own baths, travel to Canterlot, and watch over a whole library, he certainly must be old enough to start wondering more about himself beyond being Assistant #1.
Spike was really the character that got me into the show. So, I like to try to think more "Outside the Box" about how he must feel being a young, non-pony male who knows the world so much through a female perspective that he would be lost in figuring out his Dragon / Male feelings.
3263826
Thanks, Pip! The whole point was to make a comedy out of what could potentially be an "Awkward Moment" for Twilight.
Will continue to work on the spelling and grammar, too.
3263981
I'm finding that I definitely need to work on "In Character" when it comes to pony fiction. I largely go by my interpretation of the show coupled with known parodies such as "Friendship is Witchcraft". Knowing there is more to know only encourages me to continue to see what I can do to create "Unique" situational stories.
The work I'm most proud of, with FIM Fiction, is my "Celestia's Chosen" where I create a different story arc. One in which proposes the possibility of there being more than one pony who has a dragon assistant and is on a "Special Mission" for Princess Celestia.
And, yes, Twilight is an awful parent figure. If Spike were truly a "Baby" or "Young Boy", she'd get nailed hard for how she largely uses him as her secretary over doing much activity to try and "Parent" him. Oh, well.
3264206
I appreciate the critique and thoughts. I'll keep at trying to keep characters "More in Character". Or, at least, keep things interesting.
My apologies if I'm answering things in a "Backwards" sort of way. I'm visually impaired and I often miss things until people point them out. Please bear with me as I continue to understand this site and how my "Accessibility Tools" can work with it.
3267000 More than one, pony-dragon team eh? That's an interesting proposition. If Spike and Twilight ever discovered this and wondered why they hadn't been told, Celestia would just be like: "You never asked."
3266953 3267027
Very true. Spike is a good character and needs more love. And no worries! The site is difficult to navigate for beginners sometimes. Especially since it's updated so frequently. Keep on writing!
This story besides being widely out of character for parties involved, made me chuckle.
3266922
Yep. I was joking there a little but it's still a good story regardless. I mean thinking of a sibling being intimate and that your mentor is giving him tips.
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MFW i used to call my dick a 'thingy'
3269152
Well, then, it means I succeeded! Yay!
I appreciate you letting me know how "Out of Character" my FIM works are. I largely write original works of my own, or do works where I am given a lot of creative freedom. As such, your comment shows I have room to grow as a writer in getting better at properly conveying other characters in which are not mine and/or those I am allotted creative freedoms.
I'll see if my next work can do better. I'm enjoying the opportunity to experiment with various subjects. Especially as, honestly, my strong point is cutesy, fantasy tales geared for younger kids.
3269967
*Nods* I heard "Dinky" a lot growing up and, as a result, thought it'd be funny to use it in Spike's case. Especially with the way 'Dinky Dragon' kind of rolls off the tongue and sounds like something Celestia would tell him it was in a case where she raised him as a hatchling.
All my works in "FiM" revolve around the concept that Celestia raised Spike until he was ready to be Twilight's assistant post her graduation from the "School for Gifted Unicorns".
Don't you mean Dragonhoods?
3273430
<LoL!> You know, I actually thought about that when I wrote that.
In the end, though, I decided it was easier to just make it singular instead of plural.
Thanks for reading!
Love it you should make a part 2
3338881
I've actually given some thought to a sort of "Sequel" to this. I think it would be interesting to see what happens when he'd meet up with Shining Armor for a "Guy's Day Out".
Thanks for reading!
3350093
<LoL!> I suppose that pretty much sums it up.
great premise but just too short to get a feel fro the idea ya know
3436254
I do believe I'd have to agree with you.
This, like all the stories I've written here, aside from "A New Kind of Magic" and "Celestia's Chosen" have all been experimental works to see how well I could potentially pull off a topic outside of my "Comfort Zone". As such, I do apologize for the lack of proper length to play out the whole concept.
Thanks for reading and commenting. It's all very appreciated.
Spike was helping Rarity at the boutique , He leaned over the sewing machine with Rarity threading the bobbins with his claws, She smelled of vanilla & sweat ,Her muzzle nudging close to his snout.
His eyes met with hers and a growing warmth caught spike off guard, 'Oh Gosh NOT NOW!' he thought. Spike had to get out quick of face the wrath of his Hay Puff mare friend
"Ah Rarity somethings come up, I gota go!" Spike turned to go but his feet stumbled on a bolt of fabric, 'CRASH" "THUMP" Spike was spralled on his back his not so little Drake out for all the world to see,
Rarity looked down at the chaos on the floor "Spikey poo are you all riigghtttt,,,?" Her words sunk to the volume of butterflys Spike looked up "I'm sorry Rari.." SPIKE! You know it's rude to hide such a fine gift from a lady!" Spike just didn't know what to say or do. "Of all the stalions who wished to gift me and failed".
She cooed "Your the first that's worth the trouble" Rarity looked into the eyes of her dragon "Some gifts are worth waiting for" She picked Spike up to his feet and peeked at the sight below.
Spike laughed "I'm happy to see you too" They giggled like a couple of fools till a voice was heard at the door "Spike? I need to send an emergency letter to Celestia !?"
4990202
Awesome! Way to build tension with a cliffhanger to keep that tension burning as the two try to make things work out where Twilight is none the wiser.
Once again you flatter me with your addition to my writing. Truly I could not ask for a better comment than a delightful personal interpretation.
You're perhaps the first one I've met on here who has had such fun with my works in Pony Fiction. Normally I get folks who just don't like the effort due to its content. It's nice to read a comment in which not only makes remarks but also adds to what has been presented.
I can only add to a well built foundation,
Your work is well crafted,Light & fun to read.
I like Sparity , Those two players are well canoned and even the Cakes had twins with less interaction.
Too bad the writers at DHX have to bow to Hasbro and have a limited creative (STIFELED?)flow with unlimited resourses.
Keep that scroll & quill going.
Thank you.
interesting with how it is written, makes you want to find out what happens next
6375380
The inspiration for this story came from how Spike is always surrounded by females with no real canon male role models. I truly believe only the two colts of Snips and Snails have ever shared time with Spike.
This story is kind of a way of seeing, through experimental writing, how Spike would come to learn about himself as a boy. Twilight doesn't strike me as the maternal-type, so I feel she'd be very uncomfortable and/or frustrated if Spike ever brought up what makes him a male.