Rainbow Dash absolutely loves the Daring Do series, and she's aware that other ponies have written their own Daring Do stories. Once Rainbow Dash had finished the series, she needed something else to read. Perhaps some of the many fanfictions out there would be a good read, right?
Warning: this story contains explicit language and may upset certain viewers. Rainbow Dash gets very frustrated. Read at your own risk!
Submitted for the 31shotober challenge!
3/17/23
This piece has received a very nice reading from
TheLostNarrator!
Chapters (1)
Abuizotl and Daring Do part!
Genius!
Well, if there is a silver pencil, all we need to do is get Mr. Turner to get the silver pencil sharpener.
Rainbow Dash is spelled wrong. Rather this was just a mistake, or the best subtle joke I've ever seen
Rainbow Dash discovered this story.
0/10
3254106 so, nothing constructive to say?
3254109
I don't give constructive reviews to trollfics.
3254115 Aha, that's okay, just thought I'd ask. :3
Exactly my feelings when I began reading this one fic where the EOH tuned discord into a filly draconoques (I hope I spelled that right). It would have been a good story but the writing was terrible. And don't get me started on this one clopfic I stumbled upon, I don't even want to divulge the details
Actually, in the Daring Do audio series, there's mention of an artifact called the Pharaoh's Toothbrush. But I think a story based on that would be better than the tripe Dashie subjected herself to.
Anyway, this was alright, I guess. I felt that it would've been stronger if we were reading what Dashie was reading. I get the feeling you were trying to get that across through Dash's reaction shots, but it really wasn't enough. It's one thing to have RD tell us a story is crap. It's quite another to actually show us the craptastic story.
Still, I'm always one for meta antics, and on that front, it was able to deliver. Plus, Dashie's comments did get a few chuckles out of me. So, in the end, this is not bad. Not really good, but not bad.
3254140 I did not write this expecting people to like it, nor did I write it with a lot of care. I'm glad you enjoyed it somewhat.
PLOT TWIST
guess who wrote it
It would be so easy to transition that last sentence into a shitty TwiDash clopfic.
Not terrible. Saw a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but I've seen much worse.
I do agree with 3254140: if you wanted to improve it, adding a few actual excerpts from what Dash is reading would help the reader share Dash's pain and thus make her reactions much funnier.
Another place to improve would be your ending. The way it's written now makes it looks like a scene transition, and I as a reader am left expecting you to go on into a second chapter where we see Twilight helping RD detox from fanfic poisoning. You had a good ending going at "from that day forward..." because at that point the reader is left with the lesson RD learned and there aren't any more loose ends to wrap up. When you go on after the dashes, you've started the action up again by giving RD the need to find somepony to help her recover. It also introduces lose ends by discussing the questions Twilight has about RD's grumpiness, which we in turn expect to see her get an answer to. As it stands now, you might remove the bit below the dashes or move it to a chapter 2 and complete the scene. Either way would make the ending much stronger.
Finally, you can make your scene transitions look better by replacing the dashes with:
<what happened this morning>
*** <----(align this line center)
<what happened this afternoon>
This way looks much tidier than the line of dashes you have now (and is faster to type out too
)
I think with a little work, you could clean this up into an above average story.
This is hilarious.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130405221913/mlp/images/e/e1/FANMADE_Luna_I_see_what_you_did_there.jpg
Good stuff.
i.minus.com/i4e3BBVilxM33.gif
Derp.
I promised a review, so here you are. This story captured the feelings of the fan when they want more and turn to fan fiction, only to be repulsed by the shit they find. You succeeded in that sense and your writing is pretty good, but ultimately, this wasn't very funny. To me at any rate. Well, save for this-
Favorite Line:
Rating:
and a half/5
Final Verdict: Twilight wrote the bad fanfiction.
But it wasn't in the actual story, so now it's just HeadFannon.
...That's a thing now.
She really needs to get Twi to read this thing.
This was pretty funny
I can only hope that Twilight can lead Rainbow Dash to fanfiction that isn't eye-vomit.
Primarily why I tend to have a reason to stray away from things that have bad ratings in it.
I bet Twi wrote it.
Heh.. Um... About that....
That line is especially hilarious since other fics actually have RD ship the two of them.
Dashie, remember what Celestia said about fantasies?
The reading turned out great for the first part!