• Member Since 20th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 minutes ago

Alphamon_Ouryuken


"I am the Aloof Hermit, the Lord of the Empty Seat. I am the Alpha and the Omega"

Comments ( 10 )
Comment posted by ZerOAimi deleted Apr 30th, 2016
Comment posted by Peppy Greyskull deleted Dec 9th, 2013
Comment posted by Arzoo deleted Dec 9th, 2013
Comment posted by Sagacity deleted Dec 9th, 2013
Comment posted by Jusey1 deleted Dec 9th, 2013

So much fetish appearing out of nowhere, but beside that it's a good story overall

Nice story, but there's some stuff you may want to edit. First, is the villain's name Nadira or Alecto? You seem to go back and forth on that. Next:

She giggled as she moved behind her and began to lick her hoof's, causing Daring to giggled slightly before she unhinged her jaw and began to stuff the mares back-leg's into her mouth.

That should be "hooves" and "back-legs" respectively.

your body ssshall be wracked with orgassmm after oragssm...I want you to cum buckssss of your deliciousss cum to fill my sssstomach...

I'm pretty sure that should be "orgassmm" and "buckets", based on the dialogue.

She said as her coils forced her to look up just as her tail mouth raised higher into the air before slamming down and quickly swallowing her up to her knees in a few large gulp.

And lastly, that should be "gulps". I really look forward to more.

aw, a tail mouth? it feels like a bit of a cop-out, especially when she demonstrated that her normal mouth is perfectly capable of doing the job.

all that being said, hurray for more vore!

This was pretty great. There are a ton of typos but otherwise I see no issues.

The ending sure cries out for this fanfic to get a sequel.

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