- Member Since 9th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2018
Zpothu
If I ever saw a therapist, he’d leave the room saying: “That guy’s creepier than three Draculas, two Count Choculas, and an Alucard.”
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I hate that I loved this.
This is definitely a much stronger story than your last, and why I decided to follow you. You focused a bit more on the carnal side of things, analyzing it without making the analysis the focus, and made a rather entertaining story as well. I do think a few details could have done with a bit more focus (the entirety of the aftermath is relegated to two short paragraphs at the end, for instance.) I was never quite sure whether the plant was a pitcher type of plant or a venus flytrap, and, as a matter of personal taste, it's a shame Rarity didn't wet herself when she actually died, and again the bit where she did wet herself could have used a bit more more detail. I didn't quite get the foot fetish parts (not my kink, personally) but I feel like they might have been a bit lacking in detail as well.
Which actually brings me to a point about the character's voices and characterization. Rarity is mostly on-point, though some lines (“I was gonna come by and visit you before I left.") certainly sound a little off. Fluttershy by and far gets the short end of the stick here, but she's very strong at the start of the story. Explaining it away with her psyching herself up a bit more, and doing so audibly, would've also helped.
All in all, pretty good story. I especially enjoyed Fluttershy's snuffy talk, and especially when Rarity started getting into it too, I feel her coming around to accept it was handled very well. You can tell Rarity's trying to approach it a bit like a romance novel.
8157875 Thanks for the little review and character analysis. I would definitely say it's not a Venus fly trap nor is it exactly a pitcher plant, though I guess it could be? Regardless, I added the words tube-shaped to the first paragraph.
I was originally going to have it that Rarity cummed herself when she died, and in fact hit Fluttershy in the face with her projectile cum, but I figured that might come off as a little too perfect lol, though you can imagine. If you mean pissing herself upon death, then yeah that's sounds sexy to me too. I'm probably not gonna change it, but I actually think that's the route I should have gone. Although this is less my fetish, she can shit herself too. I can imagine that being a huge relief.
8158074 I wish your link wasn't broken so I could see what you're trying to express. EDIT: I kinda like that meme. Thanks for sharing.
10/10
No comedy tag?
8159249 No comedy tag, but this probably has a lighter tone than the average darkfic. If you found it unintentionally funny, then I think I can understand where you're coming from. I display my love of death in unusual ways.
8159371
vorarephiles gonna vore, i am not one to judge
Not as good as the one with Tree Hugger and Cheerilee, mostly because Rarity was more into it (and in a very wishy washy sort of way for a while) and it led to her and Fluttershy essentially doing "verbal masturbation" repeating that Rarity was going to die, which overshadowed a lot of the actual physical clop material. As for said actual physical stuff, it would've been better if Fluttershy had not covered up Rarity, allowing somepony to come in and have their way with her, and would fit more with what the two said on the matter.
At least it went without the minor drag that was Cheerilee's class. Having fewer characters established a much better focus, and Fluttershy was better written than Cheerilee in the other story. It's also nice to not have that (technically optional, but was put in the actual chapter) end bit like the other story had, with Celestia coming in basically to deus ex machina and flip flop everyone...
Compared to Draconic Desires, this is and the other story are a huge step backwards. That story had buildup to characters wanting to die, and spread things out across chapters. The very sudden nature of everything in this, with it all wrapping up in a chapter and characters flip-flopping on the spot, makes things feel inconsequential and confusing, which distracts from the clop.
Also, on a technical note about the mechanics of it, penetration of the brain through the forehead is instantly fatal and consequently painless, and that is how captive bolt pistols (little air pressure guns used to kill cows humanely) work.
8160785 Thank you for your input Nebbie.
I looked up an article on brain injuries.
There's statistically a 5% chance of totally surviving your brain getting shot and of course a higher chance of surviving it for a minute. Also, look up Phineas Gage. I would say that the vine in my story does not go as quick or as deep as pistols and is less jarringly efficient. Being primitive, it thrusts around blindly, possibly missing the most vital parts of the brain for a little while.
It wasn't easy for me to describe what Rarity was going through, but I wanted to emphasize that it was both scarily final and erotic. It's up to you guys to sort out what it meant to you.
8160900
Brain injuries mean the penetration is pretty limited in the scale of the destruction. I know well about Phineas Gage, he got a railroad spike through at a very odd angle very quickly (speed matters, slower speeds can actually cause more damage, a very quick pierce will leave less secondary damage). Bullets are very hit or miss, and are actually quite limited in damage, mainly causing bleeding if they miss hitting the right spots.
Something with even a moderate width will utterly destroy essential parts of the brain needed for consciousness and reasoning, and this seemed to be what the plant was going for. If it uses a very, very thin tendril and snakes it around the head more, that makes the outcome make a bit more sense, but it's still rather crazy Rarity was aware for so long given the choice of entry point; the areas of your brain that are less vital are in the back and sides.
8161353 Okay, your stance may or may not be more realistic, but we cannot know for sure what this kind of death would feel like subjectively. I posit that our brain getting penetrated feels very dramatic because ever since we were born our brains have been powered on uninterrupted, even as we sleep, so we've always been comfortable in our own brain chemistry. Having our most intimate space penetrated would be more dramatic than an alien invasion or the most powerful psychedelic, whether it happened quickly or slowly. In this story, I was thinking Rarity lasts twenty to thirty seconds.
People who've had near-death experiences report that it was intense and that's because the brain lost control. Conversely, just getting knocked unconscious only feels like blacking out because the brain is still in control. You're proposing that the vine knocked Rarity's brain out of commission right away, but that may be exactly where the intensity is; she may still be feeling something.
Death by any means would cause us to feel our control slipping away on a very deep and noticeable level, even if it happened in our sleep. There is no such thing as a humane death, that label is completely meaningless. I'm of the position that death is not comparable to sleep at all; it's the erotic merging back with the void and non-existence. Of course we don't have to continue debating this, it just comes down to the primacy of your own experience.
8161353 I'm sorry for being long-winded.
The idea I was going for was brain tentacle rape, which is a known fetish. There's a different fetish for instant brain death that is sexy too, like if I wanted to use a high precision nail gun to snuff Rarity out instantly, which my intuition tells me would work. My story just happens to be the former and not the latter which may be unrealistic by real life standards.
A bit light on visual descriptions and heavy on dialogue, but I like the idea, however silly it is. When one really thinks about it, why would the plant keep its catch alive by going through all the trouble with preserving air when it only wants them dead anyways? But alas, killing prey by destroying their most precious and vulnerable part - the brain - is hot, so have an upvote.
8179804 Hey ViperBits, thanks for the upvote
You have a point there, so I'm going to make a small edit to the story. I never meant to imply that the plant was keeping oxygen at safe levels for the prey's sake, but rather it maintains a kind of homeostasis that it needs for its own metabolism. Of course that may be a silly premise as well, but you helped me see the humor in it, so thanks.
Good story.... I think it was done well... I would not mind seeing more of something like this.
8239495 Great. To be honest, I had been wondering if you'd read this fic. You usually comment on my fics. Sometimes I'll look at my follower list and see if they've been online. I know, stalker much.
This one was pretty experimental and I'm not sure I'll write one quite like this again. This fantasy was quite a love affair for me to be sure, in my head Rarity's death was as romantic as Aerith's death in ff7. At this moment I think Pinkie's Bake Sale captures me best for being the most fun, but again I'm not easily defined. I write an average of one or two fics per year, but no guarantees.
8239847
Lol yeah sorry about that... I have moments where I dont want to read this kinda thing and then the mood strikes and I go looking around for new stuff lol....
8239888 That's the best way to do it.
8239900
YEP!
That was an interesting story, now I'm wondering how it would be with derpy.
8698489
sexy
8701729
I just have to ask, are ya/could ya make a sequel to it being Derpy, I can't get it out of my mind now
8702798
Nah, I’m not up to it, but I did masturbate to Derpy just this morning. I bestow cannon upon whatever you are fantasizing about so you can pretend that I'm right there with you appreciating your style.
8702994
I wouldn't be able to make it work, and I was just curious about it
For some reason I keep masturbating to fluttershy cumming all over the grass
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I read this and your soul altar story one after another and it fucking decimated me. Never before have I felt such visceral terror.