Twilight lives a comfortable, expected life with the security of being surrounded by her mentors and friends. As she grows into a model unicorn, a dangerous being takes hold of the volatile Brood and drives them to war, breaking a long period of peace. After years of preparation for a higher order, Twilight is chosen to ascend beyond that of a typical sorcerer in a mysterious plan to counter the impending conflict.
During her dark, trying mission Twilight will discover a caged soul and unknowingly set them free, gradually acquiring an affinity for the darkness as a result. As she struggles within deepening conflict, she must push on and fight for what she believes in. With manipulation, deceit, and betrayal storming around, will she be able to contain herself and protect those she loves, or will she succumb to the creeping darkness and abandon everything she stands for?
*Warning: Comments may contain spoilers.*
Shouldn't it be 'speak your piece'? Interesting story btw
wtf just happened? where's the original "the quiet place" ?
673380 I'm posting up from the new revised chapters. I can put up the Google Docs links for the other chapters in a blog post if you'd like.
was ist das?
Oh, okay. and yes i would like that very much. had just finished chapter 18, and it was getting good you see. However i have to ask: these new "revised" chapters, are they the original story line with improvements and what have you added to them? because in that, i'll just have to start rereading from scratch. not that i mind
673388 the gdocs link would be apreciated very much thanks.
anyway i guess now were onto the revised version of this story lets see what happens.
COMMANDER Derpy?! You sir, just won the fucking internet!
Keep this marvelous shit up, son!
Cheers
GM
673420 It won't affect the main storyline. I guess you could say it changes up how some things were chronologically revealed, but it's also better story telling in general (I hope!).
673520 I'll put them up soon in a blog post.
673909 Derpy rocks. I'll eventually explore her knighthood some more. As it stands, Colgate's presence only hints at some of it.
On the other side stood ponies in quaking in fear.
the alicorn stepped slowly began stepping towards them.
They ran until their chests would explode, - Probably would have been better to to say felt like they would
tilted his head up >to< the twilight sky - when I do this >(word)<, it means I've added that word to the sentence.
I'm stopping my nit-picks here because I read through it again and noticed a lot more to be done.
Sorry for this overly critical view at the prologue, but aren't these the chapters that have been improved and edited. I liked the old stuff I and I liked this but the errors are to many for me to find it that enjoyable to read.
If your in the market for an editor, PM me. If you have an editor and they have already gone through this chapter, fire them. If you have one and they haven't gone through it yet, tell them to get off their ass and get to work.
You've had enough of my OCD to be getting on with so I leave you with a fav and be done with it.
P.S. Never meant to sound rude while writing this, but I guess it does seem a bit rude. Oh well.
674464 I think it's the editor's job to be rude. Or at least to be loud. If the writer doesn't listen, he will never learn! So, Author, I think you should have this one as an editor if he is willing, it can't hurt.
Drunk Twilight is best Twilight
My favorite line
So sad for Derpy
For a good minute I was like "Where the heck is this picture coming from? I don't remember fav'ing this story before..."
Then I saw the title and ->
Nice choice of picture. Alicorn!Twilight is best Twilight.
674464 I was getting a bit impatient on waiting for one. The irony is that right after I posted this, it got claimed. I was reluctant with even leaving it up for review because I hadn't decided on what I had wanted to put as the summary since all of this took place before the main arc.
674464 Well, it won't let me edit my previous comment, but I really doubt you could ever top how "harsh" my first review with Seattle_Lite was way back in the day. That kept me off reviews for a long time because it just made him seem way more bitter than constructive.
They were fra,ed with a golden metal to look fancier.
I'm inclined to agree with Dr.Jekyl's comment in the prologue. If you don't have an editor, you need one, and if you have one already, replace them because they're incompetent. The mistake above is the kind that any good editor should be able to catch at a glance, and yet, there it is.
Complaints about quality aside, this is great. It flows much better than the previous version, and things don't happen nearly as abruptly.
Up to this point I like the start of this story a bit more then the previous version.
675508 676177 That's what I was hoping for. I still have a lot to learn in regards to the finer points, as everyone points out.
674464 Since I got claimed for TTG, I'd like to wait and hear what the reviewer had to say, too. If you'd like to become my editor (as I do not have one), I'd be thrilled. I know you offered a long time ago and I declined (expecting to have already had 2 at the time).
This is like an extended Prologue so far... it interests me.
673909 Actually, I can add icing to that cake. Take your pick of these Glorious Derpy Pics.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-4ylDpAj6rSk/TouBRbfiaNI/AAAAAAAANOw/3qXQBmff3Kw/s320/general_derpy_by_equestria_prevails-d4bt6pg.jpg
4.bp.blogspot.com/-xsevYyxpfMM/T1VZtq1vaMI/AAAAAAAAhis/czMj0SZ2WAs/s400/143737+-+armor+artist+ponykillerx+badass+derpy_hooves+epic+Epic_Derpy+sword.png
4.bp.blogspot.com/-98G2VLujMk8/T7090e_DRZI/AAAAAAAAqrE/gzLFfQGXXRU/s400/190237+-+artist+ponykillerx+badass_as_unholy_fuck+blood+derpy_hooves+Epic_Derpy+explosion+rainbow_dash.png
Well that's interesting... so much repressed shippery that even Derpy fell to it? Yeesh...
Awe so the revised version has totally replaced the old one i see.
676349
I'd be happy to be your editor.
And sorry for the late reply, FIMFic didn't notify me of your replies to my comment.
I will warn you now though, if I notice the diction or your habit of writing many short sentences getting in the way of the flow, I will use a heavy handed edit to fix it.
I have to say that it is better than the old version. Explains alot of things that happen later in the story.
688046 Hehe. I very much hate run-on sentences and repetitive sentence structure, but I've never had a set feel for how long I like my sentences. I tend to make compound sentences too long and simple sentences too short.
677070 The first is a vector from Equestria Prevails (who has a lot of kickass General Derpy art) and the second is PonyKillerX (who has a lot of badass anyone-that-he-draws art). I didn't care for the eyepatch thing personally when imagining Derpy as a knight as it was used a lot around the time I started getting into the throes of this story.
677680 The old stuff is linked to in a blog post. Much of it will be recycled for later use, but I'm not sure how I want to approach scenes regarding Aurelius's interaction with the Brood before the first arc. I intend to pick apart the old Prologue, but its flow was scattered intentionally. My current plan is to mesh it in with other chapters after going over it.
690149 The changes to the chronology makes it easier to work with a character's past, but the linearity isn't as fun to write. I liked making things a bit of a guessing game. The strongest example was whether Rainbow Dash had a relationship with someone. I set it up so that you never knew until way later and just kept wondering.
As a general reply, sorry I haven't been around to respond. I lost internet about 20 minutes after my previous reply due to some bad luck... This bad luck has caused a great deal of problems over the past several days. This, and not having my net straightened out will unfortunately put any writing stuff on hold until everything stabilizes a little. Hopefully not too much longer.
*cough* lord of the rings *cough* :D
one gem to rule them all? XD
uhm... from this chapter i'm guessing that nightmare moon and luna isn't same pony, as i got a feeling that luna is getting shipped with someone else here... and whit this being a moonlight ship and all... that would either end in a tiresome threesome or with NMM and Luna just not being the same pony... i guess...
700930 You could say she's experiencing a feeling of "I always wondered..." when it comes to her dark side. In a later chapter when she fights she demonstrates a full grasp of her dark powers and takes pride in them. While she's alone in her part of the forest illusion she says "our power," but is referring to her and Nightmare Moon, rather than royally just herself.
I have to say i somewhat dislike the huge
x
and 
x
ship that set sail in the beginning of the revision.
But i can take it if that means good world building and better story flow. And it's starting to get back on track to.
so aynine i'm sorry but i shall wait a bit and hold off reading your glorious new chapters untill you get to the point you were at in the earlyer version sorry anyway i still love this story so till then cheers.
733584 The general understanding of the old one raised too many questions, I guess. I still want to shape some of interactions a bit more, but they're on the right track. I still prefer my method of telling the story before, occasionally revealing the past. Unfortunately, it left people feeling the characters were too OOC from the get go. I liked leaving their past open to imagination until the time came.
736043 Should only be a couple more chapters at most from here. I occasionally chip at a writing scene way ahead in the story because I'm not much for the tamer side of the story. I just love action.
739987 agreed. action is always good. anyway so we'll be seeing the new chapters soon?
739987
Explains why i feel that way, it's how i try to write, but people are really finicky bout their ponies and don't like to dig in their minds and try to put things together by asking. "I wonder what changed her character so drastically?"
740099 Yeah... I really had fun with that stuff, too.
740059 Hopefully. I'm working on the roughs for a couple scenes taking place before the Interludes. I haven't had much time to work on it lately, but it's getting there.
So... was this mis-tagged as a MoonLight ship, or is Trixy really NMM in disguise, or is this gonna be some triangle love thing? Also is Luna into Twilight or is it just me misreading things?
742753 Luna just has a very deep platonic relationship and MoonLight isn't until later. Every time you guys point it out, I have to resist the urge to spoil anything. Teehee. :D
Actual SPOILER for those who did not read as far as the old Chapter 22:
NMM confesses to Trixie her love for Twilight after her soul is ripped from the body they shared. All of the time they are fused after opening their minds to each other left a substantial amount of seamless, unspoken communication. What they communicated at key moments is up to imagination. ;)
743960 well... I'm just a shipper and I don't really read stories that doesn't have my ship in them... so it was more as a "should i stop reading this or not" kinda thing... also old chapter 22 you say? So this is a remake? and does that mean that NMM is inside of Trixie?
752496 I guess that was a little confusing. I was referring to when Twilight and NMM shared the same body. I say "old" for the other chapters because their number will be shuffled up eventually.
OMG
you are making the old story better with these new episodes but 
i will have to wait like a year before you get as far as the old one
it was almost over
i read till chapter 22 and i want to know what happens next
but this story is explaining a lot of stuff that happened in the one you have in google docs
802495 Reordering of the storytelling. I don't like the method as it reveals things I preferred to hang onto longer. It won't be nearly a year long before it reaches 22 again lol. After I reach Chapter 2~ of the older stuff, I'll go over it with my own proofread (...again Dx) and then it'll be much faster since it doesn't need to be typed up from scratch and it'll be ready for Jekyll's editing. I'm not going to rush him, though. :P
804798 Ok then im glad i wont have to wait that long
wow, this is good stuff, like really good.
Twixie with a twist, but still the Twixie that i love, and you write a Wonderful Luna.
faved, tracked, thumb'd up and all that good stuff~
849741 I like to tease my readers with Luna's suggestive (see: totally platonic) dialogue.
850694
ooh right!
im sure this is all in the comments, but im one of those lazy people.
Could you explain what's currently going on with this fic? someone mentioned chapter 22 and stuff, made me really confused.
:3
850718 The biggest complaint most people bring up is characterization, so I've decided to write out something of the precursor times to the main story arc. As a result, the chapter order will change. Chapter 22 was/is the most current published chapter in the old ordering.
While I don't like the linear storytelling, it makes some things easier. The story will catch back up to the main arc in a couple more chapters. The main story won't be altered as a result of this.
Currently, the next chapter is slated for posting once Jekyll is done editing it.
851840
that makes sense, in a way.
So if i understood this correctly, you're more or less rewriting all the chapters and the ones that have been posted here on Fimfiction are the updated ones?
did i get it?
also, what's up with Jekyll being the editor for all the stories i like.
is he a wizard?
851864 I guess you could say I'm updating it again. My writing has evolved very clearly over time, but the early chapters were considered very bad by comparison to the rest. It's closer to adding a prequel than a rewrite.
I don't know how many stories Jekyll edits. He asked me a long time ago and I turned him down, but asked me again after beginning the repost early (I'm impatient). Chapter 5 will be the first to feature his editing once it's complete.
852581 how long till you suspect chapter 5 to come out?
868487 Jekyll's been busy. It's just awaiting his edit.
870794 kk
This is quite the interesting story. Though i hear there is an original version of it on google docs, or whats now called Google Drive.