Bonus- Deleted Scenes/Author's Notes
Scene #1: Full Nightmare Poem
“Oh, deary,” it answered. “It’s what I live for! To help poor, misunderstood fillies achieve the greatness that they so richly deserve…”
The magic drew itself up on its hind legs, stretching its forelegs to the sky.
“Some call me desire, a passion deep within
Some refer to me as simple lust
Still others think I’m a putrid sin
And their rejection is a must”
Diamond Tiara looked askance at the singing apparition. “When did this become a musical?”
The spooky shade grinned. “Don’t knock it ‘till you tried it.
“There once was a day when in simple mirth
I deemed to come down to this earth
There were many a pony whose lives lacked
I sought to give their self worth back
“It worked for a little while
I brought many a smile
As I gave ponies a chance to see
How powerful they could really be”
“Okay,” Diamond said. “But what are you?”
“They referred to me as a Living Dream
A creature of magic rarely seen
Without a pony to call home
I would feel so very much alone
“I sought to help the needy
Whose lives I’d improve completely
I soon gained a name of snappy depiction
‘Twas that of the greatest ambition!”
The living Dream knelt down before Diamond Tiara. “And you, my dear, are the next pony I want to help.”
“But…” Diamond Tiara hesitated. “What can you do?”
“What do you want?
What do you need?
I can give everything you plead
“Phenomenal power?
Personality shift?
I can heal an emotional rift
“’Cuz I’m here to be your courage
No need to get discouraged
I’ll guide your hooves through history
To set your truest wishes free!”
The shadow drooped down low. “Of course, it wasn’t all fun and games…
“It’s true what they say in history books
Princess Luna I overtook
I felt a needy soul that mourned
Because by subjects she was scorned
“I revealed the awesome power
That lay beneath her heated collar
And if she wanted the sun eternally black
Can I really be blamed for that?”
“You…” Diamond gasped. “You’re Nightmare Moon!”
“Just Nightmare, please,” Nightmare answered. “The ‘moon’ was all Luna.”
“What do you want?
What do you need?
I can give everything you plead
“Phenomenal power?
Personality shift?
I can heal an emotional rift
“’Cuz I’m here to be your courage
No need to get discouraged
I’ll guide your hooves through history
To set your truest wishes free!”
Nightmare pulled Diamond Tiara to the window. “I can grant you power,” it said. “I can give you the power to do anything you want. To take anything you want…”
Diamond looked out at the stars as the ghostly alicorn went on. “I can give you ponies to serve you, to do you bidding…”
Diamond Tiara’s picture from earlier passed before her eyes. “I can give you everything you ever wanted.”
Scene #2: Alternate Ending
“Enough!” The two fillies started as steam poured out of Filthy Rich’s ears. “You two quiet down and go to bed!”
“But daddy-” they pleaded at once.
“No buts!” he commanded. “Good night.”
Diamond and Nightmare crawled into bed with sour looks on their faces. “Okay…”
Filthy trotted away, feeling quite proud of himself. It was only as he sat down to read the newspaper that he did a double take.
“Wait, Diamond Tiara’s an only child.”
He pushed open the door just as Diamond Tiara and Nightmare fused once more. His eyes widened as the apparition transformed his daughter into a wicked princess of the night.
“Hello, daddy,” Nightmare Tiara said. “You forgot to tuck us in goodnight.”
She turned to the window to look upon the world that would soon be her's. Outside of the window stood six mares of varying colors and talents, all wearing jewelry powered by the magic of friendship.
“Aw, grape nuts.”
For the second time that day, Nightmare Tiara was blasted by the Elements of Harmony. She dropped to the floor kicking and screaming as a small tendril of dark magic scrambled across the floor. A jar flew through the air and covered the strand, sealing it inside an unbreakable barrier.
“That should keep the Living Dream from coercing any more ponies.” Twilight lifted the jar and screwed the cap on tightly. “This is one night that’s not gonna last forever.”
“I told you!” Nightmare screeched as she twisted into the shape of a miniscule filly. “That darkness stuff was LUNA’S IDEA!”
“Amazing!” Filthy Rich shouted through the window. “How did you know that Nightmare Moon would return?”
“I said my name’s ‘Nightmare!’” the tiny pony screamed.
“We didn’t,” Twilight shrugged. “We were just passing by when we saw the evil magic glowing from your daughter’s bedroom.”
“That’s convenient.”
Filthy Rich brought his daughter to the window. “Diamond Tiara, what do you have to say for yourself?”
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I was amused.
2695521
I think you give Filthy Rich too much credit.
2695545
I couldn't ask for more.
2695551
What if I told you that Tom Bombadil was one of my favorite LoTR characters?
2695602
Maybe, but I haven't read the comics yet.
Soon, says I.
The two worst things that exist in Equestria, in a good story. Nice
Heh. Alright, added to Twilight's Library. Your next task, should you choose to accept it, is to write about Nightmare Spoon...
2695737
Well, maybe the two scariest things in Equestria.
2696018
Bringing Up Tyrants, or How I Learned to Stop Caring and Enjoy the Empire.
2696112
1) Right you are.
2) Yes, but that one was actually an accident. Go figure.
2696786
Thank you, thank you. It was a pleasure to entertain.
2696948
You may consider subtracting those Internet Points(tm), considering I was actually referencing a show that had referenced the song.
Referenception?
Transformers: Animated had a scene where a tutoring robot (long story) was acting wonky. He sputtered out the quote before shutting down completely.
I didn't even think about the song until it was mentioned here.
2697065
Sweet!
Nightmare Spoon? Tempting, I gotta say. The puns could be glorious.
I'm not sure I have the attention span to write two stories with such a similar concept in a row, unfortunately.
2697392
They're certainly an inspiration.
Weird. I'm also writing a story where Diamond Tiara a villain (Albeit as "queen" of the windigos). BTW This story wouldn't happen to be inspired by issues 5-8 of the comic, now is there?
We need a sequel to this!
2698039
The idea comes from the comics, even if the plot is completely separated. Still haven't read those comics yet.
2698646
Don't hold your breath, i'm not entirely sure where else I could take this and still keep it fun.
2700270
Pardon me? I don't think I understand what you mean.
2700375
What I mean is that I liked the story so much that it made me produce some ideas for stories in my head.
2700374 Ah, Yzma's song that never was.
2701312
Hee.
I'm always in the business of defying expectations.
2702623
My personal, unbiased opinion is that she's flipping terrifying. Have you seen my cover art? Chilling.
2702643
Ah, inspiration. It's a wonderful thing, no?
2703480
Sad but true.
It's still pretty magnificent.
2703952 Good as it was, it wouldn't fit in The Emperor's New Groove well.
2702623 I'm going to hug the stuffing out of her!
2704514
Agreed. "Happy, Happy Birthday" was a nice villain song, too.
2705964
Ooh, she gonna be maaaad as a hatter.
2706587
Well, Nightmare Diamond is just plain unwieldy, Nightmare Gem or Jewel sounds like a Wario World boss, and Nightmare Crown seems nonindicative.
Really, the name's the lesser of several evils, so to speak.
2712677 ???
2712718
Okay, that might be a bad joke. But it is a song about a villain...
2712734 Ah, that's what I thought at first, but I disregarded it because I didn't consider it a villain song. Also, Yzma's scream!
2712926
Yup, that joke missed the mark a bit. Should have linked it in right away.
Heeheeheeheehee...
That whole sequence is just awesome. I gotta watch that movie again.
This was silly and fun! I like the direction you took with the Living Dream.
Diamond Tiara stories always make me laugh. Thanks for writing!
2716407
Thanks for stopping by, i'm glad you enjoyed it! Silly and fun are two of my favorite things in the world, i'll have you know.
2719838
Awesome.
I love spreading fun almost as much as Pinkie Pie.
2698039 Um... What?
2712677 How a8out Diamond Nightm8re?
2728984 Ah dang it typo I meant 20%...I was typing to fast when I wrote it.
2728981
Lord of the Rings, a classic no matter how you slice it.
Issues 7-8 of the comic feature a certain favorite unicorn undergoing transformation into the new Nightmare Moon.
It just doesn't ring true if the name starts with anything but "Nightmare." Nightmare Tiara's my choice, and i'm sticking with it!
2729078
Don't worry too much, everyone makes typos...
Which is why it's important to go over everything you post with a fine-tooth comb before you hit "Add Comment."
2729028 If you're talking about the Diamond Tiata as queen of windigos thing. You'll have to ready my story to find out ;P
If you're talking about the comic this, See 2729904
2729904 which comic?
It's always fun to find a story that's intended to be funny and succeeds. If Diamond's involved, it's all the more interesting.
The concept of Diamond taking over Equestria is one I've been waiting to see put into effect, and the frivolous implementation of it used in this story is practically made of comedy. It takes them forever to figure out she's actually got such power, and once they do, no one seems to care. Her class even gets distracted by their own discussion while she's performing her 'hostile' takeover. The only way it could have been funnier is if they never actually noticed her doing anything.
Diamond's characterization fit well with the facetiously antagonistic role she filled. She was manipulative, surly, and haughty with just enough ignorance of her flaws and emotional conflict to seem like a well-rounded Diamond. There was no hesitance regarding taking Nightmare's powers beyond finding out who the creature was, and her denial of the musical number probably took the spot of my favorite part in the story. I also enjoyed Wimpy Filthy. He added that touch of submission that normally falls to Silver. Speaking of her, Silver's quasi-independent personality was skillfully executed, and helped to support Diamond's delusions of power. As far as Nightmare goes, you've definitely got my favorite interpretation of her. The concept of her taking the form of the last person that accepted her power is an nice twist, and made for a splendidly humorous ending.
From my perspective, the story's biggest flaw is that it holds back that extra bit of humor that would really make it amazing. I liked the efficient setup of Diamond ruling Equestria with that drawing as a visual, but Cheerilee's genuine teacher response to Diamond's classroom behavior sort of cut into the humor. In my experience, having serious moments in a comedy is either for the purpose of making something trivial extremely serious for comedic effect or creating a moral amid the comedy. This scene didn't really fall into either of the two categories, and I think it could have pushed the envelope and set the tone for the scene to come. Cheerilee could have seen the picture and been upset that Diamond drew her head too big in proportion to her body or maybe the punishment she assigned could have been completely ludicrous like making her wear a suit of bubble wrap all day. Anything to complement the takeover scene would have helped keep the comedy more consistent. The following scene with Twilight fell into about the same category. A little too much lecture without enough punch line. Comedy is all about unpredictability, and when you have a short story with a key focus on something absurd, solemnity only drags things down.
Good work with the editing. I don't recall spotting any errors. All I seem to remember is this sentence:
There's no comma needed between 'day' and 'and' since 'her mind' and the 'kind of fun' make up a compound noun.
I'd call this story a frosted shortcake sprinkled with carbonated candy. It really is explosive, and it's really its own flavor of sweet.
Make the most!
2734606
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, of course! Published by IDW, Hasbro's go-to.
2736956
An excellent point, and one that I will seriously consider in my future writings. I did feel that something was "off" as I was writing, that something was missing, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Live and learn, amiright?
Quite right. I really need to focus on consistent tone. I'm defiantly going to keep your advice in mind while I'm writing my next absurd concept story.
Fixed post-haste. Thank you.
Pop rocks and cake, a winning combination if I ever heard one! I do like that analogy.
Always.
2749715
Whoops! I would have never caught that one. Thank you!
2833717
Thanks! I enjoy causing face-palms much more than I should.
Hee.
I won't say "no," but don't hold your breath. Though, arcum42 did mention something about a Nightmare Spoon...
3115396
Spectacular! I'm sure I missed some grammar faux pas down the line, but it's nice to know that i'm not a total loss.
I quite like the idea. I do, however, have mixed feelings over the notion that Nightmare, a creature based on manipulation, wouldn't give Diamond Tiara, whose talent is getting ponies to do what she want, simple mind control powers. Then again, it would have been too cheap. It's a weird Slice of Life, but enjoyably weird, and it's a nice exploration of what happens when the eldritch corrupting horrors start selecting victims based on their evilness, not their inherent power. There's something about a child being given power over adults that just feels wrong, I guess. Twilight Zone, away?
3164379
Aw, man. If I had thought of that, I'd have totally made it work. Unfortunately, it just didn't occur to me.
Thanks.
I have a feeling that if I were to write it again, i'd have to shift the focus a bit off of the slice of life elements and focus on the comedy, as some readers have suggested.
When you realize that the Eldrich horror brings the power itself, all sorts of hosting opportunities open up!
I think that subtle wrongness has something to do with the concept of "maturity."
I wouldn't doubt that a world run by children dictators would be material for a Twilight Zone episode... "Welcome... to the Nightmare Zone..." Ooo-Eee-Ooo
3391045
My comment was a day old, and I already forgot the premise I was browsing for. You're lucky!
That ending was doubly adorable. Truly, Nightmare Tiara has to be the cutest villain in MLP history.
Nice move with the ending you chose. Filthy dealing with the prospects of that for the foreseeable future opens up doors to much hijinks between them all.
Filthy Rich is so awesome. Whether it's dealing with an ancient evil possessing his daughter to give her unfathomable power, or the Elements of Harmony's Princess Twilight Sparkle and Cheerilee's strong expectant glares, Filthy Rich just knows the right words to use in every situation. Loved how Diamond described him as tricky. We need more stories like this. I don't think I ever once read the overused "blank flank" anywhere in this. This was as close to an episode as one can get with Diamond Tiara. lol
So good to see original story ideas executed like this. It keeps me going in this ever growing saturation of cliche and "Diamond Tiara only has one purpose in life. To call others regardless of species a blank flank!" world of fan fiction.
I salute thee. May we see more creative ventures like this with Diamond Tiara someday once more. You really played well with her character here. I love it!
4866420
Too true! Of course, her competition in that department includes Tirek and Chrysalis, but she still outpaces them by a lot.
Yeah. The story has a lot of room to grow if I ever want to do anything else with it. Perhaps someday!
Filthy has a great deal of hidden potential. I always like to see him used in interesting ways. I need to find a way to use him more often.
I decided before I started writing this that "blank flank" was not gonna be used. There's so much more potential for Diamond to be a little snot in so many other ways.
I almost didn't want to include the Crusaders at all, but in the end they kinda needed to appear.
I've used Diamond two other times. One is in my first story, Angelic Disposition, where she commits the Blank Flank sin you described, but it's used as a springboard into character development. The issue is that the story is kinda hard to read, because it was my first and most amateur story.
The other is Scootaloo Will Fly!, where she is still pretty crabby and mean even as a grown-up. This, too, is just the beginning of character development.
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Okay, so I've spotted reference to...
- The Goonies
- Snowdrop
- Ren & Stimpy