The global dust storm of a century, the dying message of an indomitable robot, and a unicorn who just can’t let go of a mystery.

(Now with a dramatic reading by Skijaramaz - Tone Shift.)
(Russian translation available at ponyfiction.org.)

A lawyer doesn't always want to know what really happened. It's a tightrope walk. Whether or not the lawyer believes in his client's innocence is not the issue. It's his duty to defend his client - no more and no less.
— Ferdinand von Schirach

Proofreading done by Dancing Mop, Sevenofeleven, Setokaiva and N4.
Credit for many images goes to N4.

Now also featured on TvTropes.org!

Nearly one year has passed since Australian pilots discovered Equestria in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

Now the world watches in awe as, with the Princesses' blessings, one of the most ferocious and dangerous tyrants of the equine world - none other than Chrysalis, the Queen of all Changelings - is marched before one of the highest courts of law of the human world - the International Criminal Court in The Hague, the Netherlands.

But the Queen is wrathful and determined, still one of the planet's single most powerful creatures.
How can mere humans, who know next to nothing of her mystical home, achieve justice for the Equestrians?

Alexander Estermann is a conceited defence attorney who will have to wade through a quagmire of vengeance, racism, manipulation, lies, hearsay and self-deception to get to the core of the affair.
Seemingly the whole world is working against him - up and including the Queen herself.

Rated teen for liberal swearing and gore for minor gory descriptions and pictures.

Disclaimer: This is not a story that is meant to reflect reality. Several things about international law have been changed to accomodate the scenario and make it, well, readable. If that should offend you for any reason, I wish to apologise in advance.

Princess Celestia has been planning for this day for years: the return of Nightmare Moon, the restoration of the Elements of Harmony, and the ushering of Equestria into a new age of friendship and love. Now that it's finally arrived, all she has to do is wait for Twilight to get to Ponyville, make some friends, hunt down the Elements, and save the...

Wait, what'd that letter say?

She didn't get on the chariot?

She went to whose party instead?

Oh. Oh, this could be bad. And more importantly, it's gonna need some hooves-on interference from Celestia to get her master plan back on track. But it'll probably all work out in the end. After all, how big a deal could one party be?

Third-place finalist in Aragon's "Comedy (Is Serious Business)" contest

After decades of war, the Crystal Empire is finally on the verge of defeat.

On the eve before marching upon King Sombra’s last stronghold, a lone night ranger stumbles upon a strange unicorn, a mare who claims to be the cause of all their pain and suffering.

Set only a week after the banishment of Princess Luna to the moon, the realm of Equestria is in a state of upheaval. Celestia's royal guard attempt to regain control over the vast empire once ruled by dual monarchs, and the young alicorn's actions as a ruler have become a subject of scrutiny after her sister's attempted coup. Two factions have risen in the turmoil: The Knights of the Sun and The Bright Moon.

Far away from the political infighting and sword rattling exists a small mining town on the outskirts of Equestrian territory. Where once the royal guard would have no trouble fending off raids from bandits or other criminals, the panic of the capitol has caused a withdrawal of military forces to more essential cities and trading ports. Completely undefended and without a spell or sword amongst them, this town was soon overrun by a band of bi-pedal canines calling themselves the Diamond Dogs. As brutal as they are lazy, the Diamond Dogs have forced the local population to work until collapse to collect gems from the town mine.

Outraged by his inability to fend off these bandits and thieves, a young unicorn named Bone Marrow tries with all of his might to find his purpose in life - his cutie mark - and hopes that it will be enough to drive off the invaders of his home. He will soon discover that his special talent is far more than he bargained for.

((A Sequel will begin for this story as soon as I finish I Am a Pet Changeling. Stay tuned on Discord! https://discord.gg/nDXd3AB ))

Stop me me if you heard this one: I have been sent to Canterlot High on a personal quest. Now... Wait. Isn't this supposed to be the Nightmare Night Special? Why is my Nightmare Night Special stuck in Equestria Girls? That's not scary! Wouldn't it be better if I was in... You know what? I'm okay with this. At least that doesn't mean some demonic, evil entity wants me to be her slave... Oh yeah, that's right. Sunset Shimmer.

Anyways, my name is Woundsalt.

Thanks to Spirit Shift for this lovely little cover.

And for those you don't know... You better hip to the jive.

Stop me if you heard this one: I have been sent to some dumb party. Now I'm stuck here with some little rich colt who just doesn’t shuts up, his dad giving me some looks and I apparently need to make a good impression on both of them so I can try and win some competition I didn’t even put myself in for. And then there’s some grey filly crying in the bathroom for some reason. It’s going to be a miracle to make me happy about this!
Good thing it’s Hearth’s Warming Eve… miracles happen on Hearth’s Warming Eve, right?
I hope so… My name is Woundsalt.

This is a Christmas story prequel thing for my original series on this site. You might want to check out the OG before reading. Just sayin’.
And a humongous thank you to Midnight Sonare for this cover and to all the folks who somehow gave Woundsalt a whole lotta love this year!

This story is a sequel to School of Hard Knocks

Note: This is a sequel to School of Hard Knocks, and contains many spoilers for that story

Nightmare Night comes to Hoofington. Kids go door to door, looking for fun and candy. A fog rises, adding to the ambiance and bringing with it an otherworldly chill.

My heart is pounding, and it's not because of the sugar. What do these mists conceal in the dark, cold night?

A new adventure for Plum Pudding and Cinnamon Swirl!

You'd think that being trapped in stone would mean that, if nothing else, I could get some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, it seems that Celestia has other ideas.

She has appointed these ponies... these 'Keepers', as she calls them, to keep me entertained during my incarceration.

Honestly? I'd prefer the boredom.

Cover art by matrosha123
Spanish Translation by SPANIARD KIWI found here

For years, Twilight Sparkle and Queen Chrysalis have been at each other's throats. Both have experienced victory over the other, and both have experienced defeat. Out of all the creatures in Equestria, none despise each other the way the pony Princess and changeling Queen do. They seemed destined to remain locked in battle forever, or at least until one is finally dead at the hooves of the other. The cruel insults, the vicious loathing, and the powerful spells that have passed back and forth between them at each meeting have become the stuff of legend.

Imagine Twilight's surprise when she finds out changelings consider this dating.

And now they're married.

***

Sequel: Pony Courtship Rituals

***

Some beautiful fanart of the end of chapter three was done by Dmann892; you can see it here.

More awesome fanart, this time from chapter one.

Now with a TvTropes page (obligatory TvTropes warning goes here).

If you want a Russian translation, you can find it here.

There is now a reading of the story on Youtube, which starts here.