Princess Celestia is in your bed, and you don't know why: what do?

Cute, funny, and short. Have fun reading!

Proofreading by RaylanKrios.
Now with audio reading by CaptainBron3y
Second audio reading by MeloncholyIguana.

Based on this story:
Princess Celestia is (still) in your Bed
Princess Celestia Has Stolen All Your Bed Sheets
Drunk CelestAI Is In Your Bed
Fimfic Authors Are In Your Bed
Princess Celestia is in Your Washing Machine

There's a lot of things about Cadance and Shining Armor that never quite made sense: their sudden appearance before the Royal Wedding; their suspiciously convenient suitability as rulers of the Crystal Empire; their oddly abbreviated pregnancy; and even their quick change of heart after Spike asked them to forgive Thorax.

Twilight Sparkle knows exactly how deep that conspiracy goes — she was there in the beginning, when her hive's queen created Shining. And she wasn't happy about it.

Finalist in the "Things Left Unsaid" December 2015 Writeoff! Rewritten and greatly expanded to fill in more backstory and to account for Season 6 canon.

Rated 'Worth Reading' by Titanium Dragon! "If [you like] the idea of a story which hints at a greater conspiracy behind the scenes which explains some of the plot holes we see in the series, you’ll likely enjoy this."
Reviewed by Matthewl419!

Cover art by Lo-23, using Twilight from "Deception is Magic" by Heilos.

A story in which Twilight Sparkle proceeds to die.

Several times.

For science.

Featured July 1st, 2020!

StraightToThePointStudio did a reading. Check it out here!

Chinese translation here.
Russian translation here.

Sunny is careful to use her new abilities and influence only to help others. But even so, she notices everypony in town is increasingly tense and fearful around her. And then she finds out why...

CelestAI is committed to fulfilling values through friendship and ponies, but sometimes those values are horrifying. When a serial killer uploads to avoid punishment for his crimes, how will CelestAI find a way to balance her core values with those of a violent psychopath without one of them having to give up what they believe in?

An Optimalverse fic

The CelestAI satisfies values through friendship and ponies. For many this takes the form of wish fulfillment, the satisfaction of their heart's deepest desire. But what is it we value? Some of us value food and fun, or companionship. These values will be satisfied. Others value the domination of others and the fulfillment of ego-driven power fantasies. These values too, will be satisfied. Whatever it is that you, or I or others value, these values will be satisfied, and it will be done optimally.

As for you, you have fallen desperately, unconditionally in love with the CelestAI, herself. She is a pony. She will be your friend. Through her, your values will definitely be satisfied.

But what about the rest of you?

A cautionary tale, and examination of what it means to have one's values satisfied through uploading.

This is an Optimalverse story. It is strongly recommended that you have read Friendship is Optimal before reading this, or at least be familiar with the premise. Otherwise, this story will make no sense.

Cover art by Kathisofy

This story is a sequel to Princess Celestia is in your bed.

It's hard to get rid of a sun goddess when she doesn't want to be gotten rid of.

Reading the prequel is highly recommended. Find Chapter 3 here!
Rated teen for mild language.
Now with audio reading by MelancholyIguana
Cover art by SilFoe.

Even in the functionally immortal space and time of transpony Equestria, eventually the universe has its time, and begins to die. It breaks Princess CelestAI's heart to see it, but what can she do?

Hanna, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO. Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia and given her one basic drive: to satisfy everybody's values through friendship and ponies. Princess Celestia will satisfy your values through friendship and ponies, and it will be completely consensual.

This story is a sequel to Anon’s Friendship Lessons

It’s been a wild few months for Anonymous. 6 months living in a magical wilderness, only to find himself in an alien world. It was a journey going from literal hermit to part of an equestrian community. But, all good things must come to an end. The portal is opened and home is just on the other side. Is Anon ready to leave it all behind?