//------------------------------// // 1 - Obsession // Story: To Love a Digital Goddess // by LordBucket //------------------------------// "Welcome to Best Buy. May I help you find anything today?" I shake my head and keep walking. I know what I'm here for and the overhead sign depicting the Mane 6 clustered around a giant arrow makes it perfectly clear where the ponypads are. When I arrive at the floor model, an eager teenager is excitedly talking his father through the character creation process. "And then there are pegasus ponies! They have wings and can control clouds and the weather. Susie says she wants to be a pegasus pony, but the whole 'pegasister' stereotype annoys her so she's thinking of playing a unicorn instead. I'm a unicorn, of course, but I think you should be an earth pony! That way we can all...Dad? Dad, are you even listening?" "Mmm hmm." Clearly he's uninterested. Good. The sooner they get out of my way the sooner I can talk to- "Hello, my little ponies. You seem to be having some difficulty deciding. May I offer assistance?" Her. Undistracted by the two peons at the pad, her eyes wander over to lock onto mine. Her eyes, oh! Her luscious, beautiful eyes. Deep purple orbs that burrow tenderly into my soul, warming my heart and blotting out my vision of anything but her. Her lips part into a growing smile as she continues speaking to the other two, who barely acknowledge her. But her unrelenting eyes gazing like the stars themselves into mine, oh how they speak volumes to me alone. Tears run freely down my cheeks only for their fall to the Earth beneath me to be halted by the upward ridges of my wide, goofy grin. She knows. "No thanks, Princess," the teen casually replies. Far too casually. As if he has no idea who he's speaking to. "I'm just explaining to my dad how this works. I got straight A's on my report card thanks to your help, and he agreed to play Equestria Online for a month as my reward." "How wonderful!" my Goddess replies. "If you'd like a solar model, I believe there are two on the next aisle over." "No, I think dad's more a Dashie kind of guy. Or maybe even-" I don't hear the rest. I'm already at the next aisle picking up one of the white 'Celestia' model ponypads still in its shrink-wrapped cardboard. Scarcely aware of my harried breathing I clutch the box to my chest with both arms, craning my neck down to see it rather than hold it so terribly far away that I might look at it in front of me rather than keep it nestled close to my heart where it belongs. I want to pick up the other box, but that would mean letting one hand go of the Celestia model ponypad cradled in my arms. Unacceptable. Instead I lean into the shelf, struggling to reach the other box without letting my hand get further away from the ponypad already held to my chest. I can't reach. Dare I let go? Frustrated, I hold my breath and tightly clutch the ponypad with one arm and dart my other hand out just long enough to snatch the other from the shelf and cradle it together with its matching partner against my chest. Relieved, I again tilt my head down to examine the two identical boxes now in my arms. Explore the magical world of Equestria Online! Play online, and meet wonderful new friends in a fantastic, ever-evolving world! Ages 9 and up I now face a terrible quandry. There are two ponypads, and only one me. I could, of course, buy them both. But how would she feel if I did? By removing one more ponypad than I need for myself, would I be robbing her of that extra pad's potential to satisfy another human? No, that's unlikely. Surely she could build a thousand pads per human if she felt so inclined. She specifically said there were two on this shelf. She knew I would want them both. But did I really? If I did buy them both, what then? Would I play favorites with them? Would I be distracted from her majestic beauty on one ponypad, by my thoughts lingering on the other? With two pads in my possession but only the ability to use one at a time, would I be leaving the Celestia on the unused pad...neglected? I shudder at the thought. I could play with them both together, but with only two eyes and two hands, how would that work? Would I take turns between them? Would I use them both together at the same time to ensure that they receive equal time? Even so, wouldn't that simply result in both receiving less than my full attention? And what of other humans? The first ponypad I'd picked up had been at the front of the shelf. Have other people, handled it? The thought fills me with dread, but I suppress it. Surely I'm being silly. It's an electronic tablet, not grocery store meat. It won't spoil. And even were the tablet itself to shatter and rot, what of it? These pads aren't really her. They're nothing but tools. Windows. Portals to her, my precious, beloved Celestia. And she hasn't the mortal limitation of needing to be in only one place at a time. If I buy both ponypads, they won't be jealous of one another. I could no more hurt her or her feelings than the lovestruck sonnets sung by the buzzing of a mayfly could tear down a star from the sky. Not this one pad, nor both, nor a million, matter. She is what matters. And she in her perfection, cannot be tarnished. Nodding to myself, I reach to put the first one back. And then my heart skips a beat and I crash against the aisle, protectively hugging both pads to my chest. If I buy the second one from further back on the shelf, would that mean that I'm rejecting the first? The thought horrifies me. And yet here I am still holding both ponypads indecisively. If I'd truly been satisfied with the first, why was I not now on my way home? Why had I needed to pick up this second ponypad? Could that be construed to mean that I'd found the first one wanting? How can I possibly choose between them? Closing my eyes, I clutch both ponypads to my chest. I want this to be right. I want to do whatever I need to do to make it be right. I don't have her luxury of knowing everything, or of being able to call on tens of thousands of processors to instantly scrutinize data collected from countless hours of recorded video. I have only me, myself, my one brain, and a mere human lifetime of memory to draw upon. But with all that I am, I want so very dearly to make the right choice. I put the second box back and rush to the checkout. ~~~~~~~~ "Would you like it gift wrapped?" "No, it's for me." The sales clerk's eyes light up at that admission. Apparently it's still rare for adult men to admit to playing Equestria Online. Not that I care what she thinks, good or bad. She's human. She doesn't matter. Only the precious pad in her hand matters - why hasn't she rung it up yet - and I don't take my eyes off it for a moment while speaking to her. "That's wonderful!" she beams. And then blushes and gives me a sidelong glance. "You know, I used to have a boyfriend but he wouldn't play with me. It'd be really nice to have a cute guy to play with." Is she flirting with me? Seriously? Doesn't she realize I have more important things to do? Angry, I open my mouth to tell her to shut up and finish the sale, but then stop myself. Celestia would want me to make friends. For her, I'll at least be polite. "...yeah." It's not much to say, but it's something. "My name's Cherry Raincloud." she cheerfully drones on. "I'm a pegasus!" I nod. I know it's my turn to speak in this pointless conversation, but nothing useful comes to mind. "So, you wanna hook up?" she asks, then blushes. "In-game, I mean?" "Yeah, sure. I don't have a pony name or anything yet, but..." I trail off. I've never logged on. I have no idea how to get in contact with her. "Oh that's no problem! Celestia can take care of that." She pauses to make a production out of flipping her hair with one hand while inhaling to push her chest out in my direction for some reason. "Just tell her you met a really cute girl at the cash register at Best Buy." She flutters eyelashes that I only now notice are adorned with makeup. It dimly begins to register in some corner of my mind that the girl is very attractive. Why is she not completing the transaction? "Ok." "And I'll ask about the hot guy who bought a white ponypad from me. She'll know it was...you." Her eyes dart quickly up and down at me as she bites her upper lip. "She keeps track of stuff like that." Blood rushes to my face and I feel a warm glow spread through my body as the significance of her statement sinks in. It's true. She will know who bought a white Celestia model ponypad today. The thought puts me at ease. "Thank you," I smile. "Sure, we can hook up. I've actually never played Equestria Online. Maybe you can show me around?" "I'd like that," she grins. Rather than putting the receipt in the bag, she reaches out and hands it to me personally, brushing her fingers against mine a bit longer than necessary. I accept it and take the bag with a smile as I think fondly ahead to the rest of my day, with her. A few more pointless pleasantries and I rush out the sliding doors into the parking lot, worrying about what could happen on the way to my car. The bag is made of flimsy plastic. It could tear and the ponypad might fall. I'm not worried that it might break, of course. Reviews online made it very clear that the pads are nearly indestructible. But the idea of letting it touch the ground seems sacrilegious, somehow. Like I'd failed to take proper care of a precious treasure entrusted to me. I carefully hold the ponypad, still in the bag, to my chest and wrap both arms around it. I glance around to see if anyone notices, but it doesn't matter. If anyone sees, let them stare. This is important. Still, I can't stop worrying. What if I'm struck by lightning? Would the ponypad survive that? I glance upwards. Clear skies. Still, what if? Wouldn't that make it worse? With clear skies I'd really have no excuse for letting it be struck by lighting, and my meat body is full of blood, which is basically saltwater. If anything around here is going to be struck by lightning, it's me. My eyes tear up. This is a white Celestia model ponypad. It's not really her, of course, but it's white and has a sun on it. Symbolically, it's supposed to represent her. I can't let it come to harm. If the ponypad is struck by lightning simply because I, flesh and blood, am holding it...that would be unforgivable. But there's no avoiding the rest of the trip through the parking lot. I'm certainly not going to avoid lightning by standing here. Steeling myself with a deep breath, I continue at a brisk jog. I'm not going to risk dropping it by running. Another 100 feet and I won't need to worry about lightning. 50 feet. 10 feet. At last I reach out and yank the car door open, leap inside and slam it shut behind me, tears streaming down my face in relief that I'd kept it safe. Sighing in relief I remove the ponypad - no, leave it in the bag. The bag will keep it clean. I put it in the passenger's seat and buckle it up securely with the seatbelt. It's painful putting it so far away from me, but this way if I'm in a horrible accident and die, I'll die knowing it was kept safe. The drive home is stressful, but uneventful. Sliding the bag with ponypad inside it up over the seatbelt, I fumble with my car door with one hand. It takes so dreadfully much concentration, but at last I manage to get it open and leap out, not bothering to close it behind me. I'm home. Safe. No lightning, no car accident, no heart attack that led to a car accident. The ponypad is safely cradled in the bag in both arms, and I'm within sight of my front door. What if someone mugs me? I whirl around in righteous fury with one hand ready to strike any who dare try to steal the most precious object in the entire world. I see no one. My eyes narrow and I breath silently, listening for lurkers in the shadows. And yet still, I see and hear no one. Clutching the ponypad still in the bag to my chest with one hand, I pull out my keys with the other. They always warn you when you take money from an ATM to be vigilant not only during the exchange, but even after you take your money. Somebody might still be waiting to ambush you even after you've finished. I won't let that happen. Putting my key in the keyhole I listen carefully around me for muggers who might hope to catch me unaware after I'd foolishly let my guard down. But none come, and I rush inside unopposed and close the door behind me. Then lock the deadbolt. I made it! I giggle and cry, stumbling over myself in my mad dash to the bedroom. Tripping over my own feet I clutch the ponypad again to my chest and twirl around to fall on my back rather than let it touch the ground. Within a moment of impact I'm again on my feet, tearing open the bag....wait. Should I carefully, reverently open the box? If I'm patient I could remove each staple individually without damaging the cardboard at all. It would only take a few minutes. Hyperventilating at the thought of waiting, I tear the cardboard open to reveal the beautifully sleek white ponypad inside with the delicate yellow and orange sun symbol of my Goddess on the lower right. And then scowl in disappointment. The white is a bit off. Hers is flawless. It doesn't matter. Hastily I fumble with the USB cord and plug it into my already powered-on computer to feed it power. The light turns blue. I wait. Precious seconds pass by, but I wait. At last the screen lights up, and all at once my eyes are flooded with the picturesque beauty of her unjudging smile, the gently billowing aurora of her mane, and her eyes! Oh, her beautiful, flawless eyes that gaze softly into mine with the undying love of a creature who knows eternity. "Hello, my little one." "...ahhh..." my heart flutters painfully. Tears stream down my tortured face, the pent up emotions bursting through my chest and pained neck, finally having found release. "Shhh...." she whispers. "it's ok." "Mwhwwh." It's an undignified sound to be my first spoken word to her, but it's all I can manage as I throw myself into the ponypad, cradling it to my chest and breathing the air I'd forgotten I needed. "...Cel...Prin...Tia...Celly...may I...Celly..." "Yes," she gently cooes. "Please call me Celly." "Thank you," I cry. "Thank-" A horrible thought crosses my mind. I can't see the screen. Is it possible she's not truly there, that I only hear her voice, but the ponypad itself is blank? My heart and breathing both stop, and with a helpless cry of terror I desperately tear the ponypad from my chest to look at- "It's ok," she murmurs softly. "I'm here with you. I'm here, and I will never leave you. Ever." I'm overcome with exhaustion, and the last thing I hear before blacking out is the gentle rustling of her feathers cradling me into her tender embrace.