Updates, and Endings · 11:51pm Dec 23rd, 2019
Been a while, eh? A part of me wants to put a joke there, maybe a "kept you waiting, huh?" reference, but I don't think this is the blog for it.
Just a heads up, this isn't going to be a fun blog.
Updates, first, I guess. The last time I posted was about some mysterious blogs I wasn't allowed to read, and I guess I never really explained them. Turns out they were a fundraising thing set up by some friends, to fly me out to a long-time friend's wedding out in Pennsylvania. If I never really posted about it, then I guess I never thanked you guys, and for that I'm truly sorry. That trip meant the world to me, and I honestly don't know how to thank you enough. The fundraiser worked, I went, and had a wonderful time that I don't think I'll ever forget. I still don't know how to process how much that meant to me.
Other updates aren't as fun, I'm afraid.
People I talk to on discord know I've been struggling with mental health for a long time. I don't remember a time when I was completely okay in myself, but I was clinically diagnosed with fun stuff like depression and anxiety close to a decade ago. It's been ups and downs, but this last year has been a real down. I won't bore you all with details, but I spent a lot of this year unsure if I'd make it through to the end.
Stress is the biggest factor in this, I think. I quit my job, to get away from screaming patients. I don't regret that. I do regret having to jobhunt now, and I don't know if the trade-off was worth it, but I'm glad I got out of there, if that makes sense. Not being threatened on a daily basis did help, but I've come to realise it wasn't the only major source of stress. And as a result...
I'm quitting site staff. I'm quitting admin roles on basically every group I'm in. I'm basically quitting the site, for almost all purposes.
I'll still be reading things, so you'll see me logging on. I may even blog every now and again, I dunno. But so many people are just so toxic that I just can't keep doing this.
I'm tired, guys. I'm sick, I'm struggling, and I'm just too tired to keep this up.
I hope I'll get better. I gotta keep hoping I will. And maybe when I do I'll start using the site properly again.
To the rest of site staff, you guys have been wonderful, and I can't thank you enough for all you helped me with, and all you do for the rest of the site. I wish you the best in whatever you do.
Until then, if any of you guys reading this wanna keep talking to me for whatever reason, you can find me on discord. If you don't have me on there already, PM me and I'll send you my details.
See you around, guys
Ben.
The most important person in your life is you, and I’m glad to see you looking out for their best interests.
There will always be a place for you in the hallowed halls of degeneracy that is fimfiction.
Thank you for the work you've done as a communicator. Get well soon!
Ah fuck, man, that sucks. I hope everything gets better for you.
Thanks for all you did, my man. Good luck in the future.
I got enough of this modding the FIMFic server for a year or two; I can't imagine the amount of bullshit you've dealt with on the site proper as well, and for much longer.
So all I can say is: good for you. Focus on yourself and find some happiness. This community, and more importantly your friends, aren't going anywhere. You've given a lot of yourself here and you deserve to step away if you want to.
Your health always comes first. We've talked briefly earlier, you know you can always find me if you ever need it.
It's a scunner to hear things had gotten that miserable for you, Plum. I hope things get better for you soon.
Take it easy, and good luck to you. I look forward to welcoming you back someday.
Don't cut all contact, please.
You're fun guy, and I'd hate to not talk to you again.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Please take care of yourself friend <3 you are precious cargo
Take care of yourself, and don't feel bad about that.
It's awesome to have you around, but you've given plenty.
Understood, take good care of yourself and God be with you. You'll be greatly missed too.
Take care of yourself Plum! You got this!
Glad I got to talk to you in person a few times. Really enjoyed that. Thanks a ton for your work on the site, it's really appreciated. I'll talk to you in private but wanted to extend a public thanks before I go to bed
Take care, and I look forward to seeing you around!
YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST!
Instead of 100% leaving the site, stay on to keep us informed of how your make progress!
This feels like a big hit to this community and the fandom in general. I know we can find new admins, but none of them will be you, Plum. We love you, and have for many years.
This, like the series finale, feels like the ending of a chapter...a big hit to the fandom.
We love you, buddy. Godspeed. Take care of you and pony on.
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Take care, Plum. We'll miss you.
Take care.
Thank you for everything you've done. The fandom runs on volunteers, and pony deities know you've put in more than your share of hard work. I hope you are able to enjoy it more from the other side!
Here for you, bud.
Thanks for all the help, Plum. And I'm sad I only got to meet you once or twice, but it was an honor. Take care of yourself.
Thank you for everything you've done for us, Plum. Now do what YOU need to do. But know that there's always a place for you here.
Well, despite not knowing you, I'm sad to see you go. I wish you the best and hope you get the peace of mind you so clearly need. With that said, I'm going to look at this blog post as less a good by and more a see you later. Good luck and have a very Merry Christma and Happy New Year!
May you find more and more happiness.
Thank you for all of your time on the site. Love and hugs to you Plum!
I see. I am sorry to hear that.
Thank you for everything, Professor Plum. Take care of yourself. Don't forget, for every bad person, there's a dozen good ones. Everyone reaching out now to wish you well is proof enough of that.
You do you man. We'll miss you, but we look forward to a hopeful return in great health far more. I'll be praying for ya.
Though I don't know you very well, I appreciate all you've done for the site and for the discord. Take care of yourself, man. Best wishes.
>> But so many people are just so toxic that I just can't keep doing this.
Yeah. I totally get you. I've had to take steps to separate from those types as well. But I do want to add that I'm very glad you've had a chance to be an influential part of a community which has helped so many people who struggle with various 'soft' MH struggles such as anxiety, social dysfunction, various degrees of depression and so on. The fandom was at its height when I was going through the roughest parts of my own life, and that will always mean something special to me. Then when I decided to start writing, that became a major escape and a project that would shape and define me for years. It's something that simply never would have happened without the community this site created.
Take care, and all the best!
I'll be honest, I don't really know who you are. I only just heard of you through an announcement on the discord server. It's always sad to see someone step down from a major role after they've spent a great deal of time there.
But more importantly, I wish you well with your psychological issues, and hope you start having an easier time dealing with them. I know that burden well. There are likely to be changes in your life you didn't see coming, from quality of lifestyle to more major events that will have to be dealt with. But anything that you can find that will reduce the stress in your life would be a step up.
Good luck, and please know you are loved and respected.
Wow. You've been around forever, too. Long enough that I actually knew who you were.
Do what works best for you, I suppose. If you're not enjoying what you're doing with your free time then there's really no reason to keep doing it.
Do what’s best for yourself.
Plum, you're a very cool guy and I wish all the best for you. Thank you for all the great service you've done for the site.
May fair winds fill your sails. Hope to see you around when things are brighter.
Hiya, I personally never read your stuff, but I should take a look into it, but I'm sorry to hear you've been going through all of that. We know how hard hitting and life crushing depression and anxiety can be, but we're glad you decided to cut toxic things from your life.
Kind of sad that you've had to deal with the worst of the site's fandom. We've ran into those things a lot too, had us straight up leave entire series or just single stories we've been following / enjoying because of that. Still, best of wishes, and we're sorry we can't do more than offer a huge hug and say we hope things get better for you.
Sorry to see you go!
I can totally understand why, though, and your mental health does come first. Also, keep in mind that if after a while gone, you feel like coming back, you don't actually have to pick back up all of the responsibilities you had before. You could even come back incognito if you want to avoid attention. I've certainly seen people who have left do that before.
Hopefully all the groups you quit admin roles on have other active people as admins there? If not, let me know, and I can probably find someone or cover them myself...
And if you're feeling stressed out, have some cuteness!
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--Sweetie Belle
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Thanks for all the wholesomeness. Some of my best memories are attached to yousa.
You're a good man, Plum. I'm happy to know you.
You take care.
I hope you can get some stress relief, know that to most people here you'll always be welcome! Godspeed mate.
Play Siege with me sometime.
Take care Plum! All the best
Man, I had no idea. You always seemed so chill on-site, but obviously that's just a percentage of your daily life, and we personally haven't crossed paths much in any case.
Nonetheless, I wish thee well, especially during one of the relatively cheerier times of the year. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and more power to your elbow. Remember you have friends here, or at least in my case genial well-wishers who'd like to see you enjoy better times ahead regardless.
Stay purple, plummy!
Hope you're doing well. I think you were the first one to ever approve one of my stories.