- Member Since 21st Jun, 2012
- offline last seen February 11th
Vermilion and Sage
The first step to getting better is admitting you have a hobby.
Vermilion and Sage
Joined 21st Jun, 2012 ·
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Sequels2
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Vermilion and Sage · 43k words · 13 0 · 313 views
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Vermilion and Sage · 3.1k words · 123 views
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2191139
Ok, upon further work, I think there is a little thing about what exactly makes a marysue/gary stu. I will say he is NOT faster than Rainbow Dash, but SPOILER so not saying more.
I didn't intend for the hoof color to be in any relation to that. It was meant to be kind of subtle, and a hint at character development, not a a shot at making him look cool. Ideally, it would be thought of as ugly, to have an off-color appendage. The sonic boom thing is admittedly overdone, but I suppose I can't say why. The whole point is to not say anything as to why of yet, but if I don't, it's all mary sue. Rock and a hard place
I'd appreciate your thoughts if you want to take it to pm, but I'd rather not say more here
2191139
Having read most of the story so far [including the parts that havent bee posted yet] I can say that Shadow grows to be quite an amazing character, and that giving up on the story because off a mary sueish appearance straight off isnt the right way to go about this fic. it gets damned enthralling.
also, LAP, I look forward to finishing our co-lab and getting more of my other fics written. can I count on you to edit?
2193313
Yes you most certainly can.
2333544
I hope you're asking for more story and not more Dashie
because she doesn't have many parts after this point 
however there is a lot of story left. These three chapters were more or less the intro/setup.
2338941
i was really happy for Dashie 
yes i want more of the story 
2485162
Thank you so much, it means a great deal to me to hear that
this is much better than I thought it would be when I read the description and saw the tags, I originally thought it would be some sort of grimdark wonderbolts thing, but this is a very welcome surprise. Quite well written indeed.
2632300
Always better over-tagged than under-tagged. I wouldn't want someone squeamish to read this and freak out. And my hopes are that a reader can get to chapter three (which I'm guessing you did) and then judge it
Thanks for the favorite and I hope I can keep it up to your expectations!
2632934
It's going to take a few notches down in intensity for a bit, hope you don't mind =)
2633540 oh, honestly, reading the first two chapters I thought that Rainbow was gonna end up murdering the coach, though I do have to say that Rainbow's sonic rainboom, before she actually does it she is already going mach 5(according to the angle of the cone which formed in front of her which only forms at supersonic speeds) and after she performs it she doubles the speed to at least mach 10 so... just a tidbit which I think you should take into account in the future.
2633590
That's interesting, I'm going to have to check out the math on that. You a physics geek too?
And honestly, considering the fastest in-atmosphere objects (using in-atmosphere loosely) have barely broken mach five, and the sheer heat generated is incredible. I'm pulling headcannon that Dash is going from Mach 1 to 1.5, with the excuse that a magic pony may have special properites 
2633618 yeah, with the heat I was just assuming that it's a magic similar to the speed force used by the flash to keep himself and those he touches from dying at those speeds. my theory about it is also that Rainbow uses magic passively when she performs the rainboom to reduce or even come close to nearly eliminating drag, basically forming a slipstream beginning in front of her by a few feet, reducing the overall effort she would need to perform the rainboom.(also, she performed at least one rainboom going up[the wedding]) and as it is a cartoon, with dramatic time dilation and no referent for distance, using the standard d/t formula for velocity will not work. and sin(-) =vsound/vobject (the mach cone's (-) was around 12 degrees assuming around 340m/s for vsound we get her speed being 1635.31m/s before the rainboom and her speed appears to double afterwards.
A few things I would classify as "mistakes" or "derps" but an enjoyable read overall.
Great stoy. I'm really enjoying it. Keep it up.
3421497
Thanks for the motivation man! This close to the end, it's practically writing itself.
3421537 NP man. I featured this story on my user page because its one of my favs. And its a lot better that either of my storys.
To Dominic Allen Everson I could say I like your story and could be done with that. But I feel like I should explain why I like. Your characters are real in fact I know some people like that. You try to mix in the real world with the fictional. Any main character is now Mary Sue because he constantly being challenged this is believes, don't believe me check out this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnokGcoUOmE . as for me I look forward to your future stories and taking influence to write a story that I'm working on. I'm not personally a big fan of military but I can understand their sacrifices for keeping the peace. but for now I'll be waiting for your next story, by way good fortune is coming your way.
3466280
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what you think and why. Hearing such things always makes me feel warm inside, and a little more motivated to keep writing. Let me know when you get your story done, I'll want to read it.
Just finished reading chapter one, and I can say that I really feel for Rainbow Dash.
Also ,this Shadow pony is interesting to say the least.
3864779
Well, I can only hope you continue to enjoy it
Finally finished! Great stroy btw, I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Markus/frogstud
4197729
Well thanks!
I always appreciate feedback of any kind.
I'm in the middle of writing the sequel to this baby, though things in life (like modern physics) always get in the way!
-Sage
So much for being able to read through all of your guys' stuff in one night.
Definitely so glad that I took the time to read this through, and even though I may not be military (Yet. Still don't know what I'm doing so far.) it was funny to catch all the little quips and references.
Really can't wait to see what else you've got planned for the prequel and sequel, Sage. And if you ever need another hand with editing, don't hesitate to yell something obscene in my direction and I'll be happy to help out.
4246144
Well, I did warn you! And yes, glad you picked up the few bushes of mil-specific humor
Just keep in mind while you read it that the story is undergoing a ton of re-work right now (and chapters six and seven are only up until I can completely re-write them, and then they're going in the fire).
The prequel/sequel is 3 chapters in...and the sequel is mixed brain vomit. All of that text sums up to 'Thanks for reading, Midnight!'
-Sage
4246656
That has to be the most creative way I've heard that put.. Lmao.
And you gotta love rewrites!
well, I'm going to read this again.
4349167
I'm re-writing chapters 6-7 to be something entirely different in the next few months. When you see me post a 'bonus chapter, old ch 6-7' or something to that effect, that's when they're done. But thanks for letting me know you liked the story enough to come back a second time-made my day
-Sage
4349353 who said this was the second time? Ive read it like 4 times because there isn't enough spitfire
I notice you haven't decided what a length is. Why not just make it a yard? Then, a length would equal 9 hooves, right? Just a thought.
4357317
It's noted in the author's notes that a length is a meter, and said before that all unspecified units are to be their nearest metric equivalent
4358118
Well, there's a great big "? meters ? feet" next to it in the "Appendices and Author's Notes" so you can't blame me for my confusion.
4358512
Aww shoot! I'll fix that now, thanks!
Hay-k 47?
How do you get that from Harley flock 47?
4366005
HArleY flocK
forty-seven -> 47
It's an AK-47 pun.
-Sage
4366196 b-but... They're gryphons. Hay doesn't feature in their diet...
Didn't the ponies adapt the guns from the clawed or handed creatures?
4366204
True enough, but anything for the pun, right? And honestly, that's for humor's sake, in the middle of a novel that take's itself too seriously. Though if it REALLY bothers, you, I'd love to hear about it and why.
4366209 nah, not really, sorry man. I'm on painkillers right now and have nothing to do. Was just pointing out that the reference is hard to spot.
4366240
No worries
And that's one of the easiest references to spot in this story. Bonus points if you can collect more. And thanks for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it!
-Sage
I'm glad I found this among my 13 pages of unread favorites.
I'll just keep this open in my Vita's browser, so I don't lose it again. I gotta go to bed, though.
Awesome so far, and holy shit! Shadow is faster than Dash? What is this sorcery?
4971115
Haha, uhm...it's the kind of sorcery that gets a logical explanation a story and a half later, which tends to piss off a lot of people (glad you're not one of them)
-Sage