Twilight learns a lesson about immortality from Luna, and how to remember her friends after they are gone.
Story by 'red Sage
Coverart by Isa-Isa-Chan
Inspired by too much coffee late at night, and the wonderful music of Aelipse.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 21st Jun, 2012
- offline last seen February 11th
Vermilion and Sage
The first step to getting better is admitting you have a hobby.
Vermilion and Sage
Joined 21st Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Vermilion and Sage · 1.7k words · 369 views
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Excellent work. Amazing imagery, well focused characterizations. I enjoyed it very much.
Rather Splendid.
Very Enjoyable.
That was really nice. Well done.
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Thanks! I'm really glad you all enjoyed it enough to drop me a line!
-Sage
'and sleep would sure to be elusive for a while yet.'
was
'Together they spoke of the night, one above, one below, an endless plain of stars and darkness.'
; (after below, if the color is a bit hard to see.)
'It made sense-Princess Luna would not have left her stars out at random.'
A comma, semicolon or period honestly fit better here. Dashes are rarely used to indicate a pause in this manner and it confused me for a second before I realized what you were intending.
'It was all she could to do stare in amazement.'
do to
“Ah...so you do see them.”
Generally you add a space after an ellipses. Just a small nitpick, really.
'alpenglow'
Thanks for the new word, 'Sage! I'll have to remember that.
(In the Author's Note) 'don't spend too hard looking for a deeper meaning.'
long, perhaps?
Really nice, 'Sage. It got me thinking about times and people, past. And how every single one of them continue to have an impact in my life today. Thank you for reminding me to take the time to do that. Everyone needs to just reminisce every once in a while. Keep up the great work, man. Got another like and fave from me on this one.
Little note about the title. Pacem is for direct objects and such, in a title or a standalone phrase, you usually want pax.
Also, nocte is 'at night', where noctis is 'of the night'. Both perfectly fine, of course.
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I might have to come to you if I need help with Latin in the future.. I'll definitely keep you in mind.
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I guess I meant to use the genitive, making the title 'Night of Peace', but it's been over four years since I had a class in Latin
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Thanks for the checks. I might have finished this at 3 AM
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I know how it goes. But it never hurts to have a second pair of eyes to look things over. 
No problem!
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Oooh... in that case you want Nox Pacis. If you're ever having a hard time remembering how a word declines or conjugates, Wiktionary gives a full list for every word, including irregular ones. It's really handy.
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I have a dictionary handy, but I'm afraid I'm getting stupidly rusty. I really appreciate your help with it, I wouldn't want to butcher it
Awesome, you get a thumbs up, a favorite, a follow, and a smily face.
This seems a bit flat to me--the lesson is very plain and simple laid out there and nobody really has to overcome anything.
Regardless, I like your style of prose, and I also like it when people write stories about alicorns being able to remember their friends in positive ways. The old cliche of going emo over your friends dying started to annoy me very quickly. They're smarter and stronger than that.
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Awesome! Smilely faces are hard to come by these days!
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This really is a pure archetypal story, and your trope link nails it. But, well agreed. This wasn't meant to have a sad feeling ending, but a positive peaceful resolve.
4152770 I actually stopped halfway through that sentence and didn't realize it.
Anyway, yeah. The story falls a bit flat, it's got very little struggle to it and only a little bit of change between beginning and end.
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This type of story isn't ment to have a struggle in it.
_____________________________________________________________
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Loved the story! It really made me think.
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You're both right
Honestly, I have several war-stories on this account, and they have more than enough struggle, challenge, conflict, blood, sweat, and tears for me. Once in a very long time something peaceful is nice.
And Dustin, I appreciate it man. Hope it was the good kind of feels.
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It was the good kinda' feels. Like a reminder of the loved ones who have passed feel.
A lovely little piece of writing, to which the music that is its catalyst it does justice.
The feels....
P.S.
"They all have their story, "
Stylistic choice: "their own story" or "their stories"?
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Thank you! I would up just looping the song for two hours while I wrote it.
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Thanks for catching that
I can be such a derp sometimes.
A wonderful story. I hope to be as good as you one day
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My philosophy on that is the same as Mark Twain.
'There are six rules to being a good writer:
1.Read
2.Read
3.Read
4.Write
5.Write
6.Write'
Don't neglect any of them, and you'll be fine
And thanks for the read!
-Sage
This is easily one of the most beautiful short stories I've ever read. Very well done! I envy your talent, but admire it as well.
>> Vermilion and Sage
I love Mark Twain quotes, they're number two on my list (just under Churchill)
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I just realised how badly I messed up trying to reply to you, sorry about that (I'm still learning my way around this site)
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No worries (because I didn't notice)
We were all new at one point or another, and no need to be worried about it.
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Thanks, bro... ny
Wow. Very deep. I came expecting another story about Twilight mourning her friends, but that wasn't the case and I'm glad it wasn't. You took it in a more broad direction and I think that allowed it to be so much deeper.
A thumbs up and a fav from me!
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Glad you thought so! Though this story was little more than what you saw in the story. I had a large cup of coffee right before finding out that my project was fifteen minutes from done. So I wrote :P