Trixie's life has been sweet. After the magic duel with Twilight Sparkle life has been great for her, she has a job as a succussful magician, a new home, and let's not forget a wonderful family that cares about her. Life really has been peachy but what if Trixie wants a little bit more?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting idea, the grammar needs some work. If you want, I'll point out the grammar mistakes to the best of my ability.
It isn't so bad! The storyline is fine, and it's an idea that isn't overused. However, I would suggest getting a proofreader. There are grammatical errors that need to be fixed, and overall, if you did get them fixed, it wouldn't detract from your story.
One thing is, always start a new paragraph with every new speaker. There are instances where you have Twilight Sparkle and Trixie speaking in the same para. Always give them their own para.
There are a lot of places where commas should go. Sometimes, you won't catch those. But I think if you went over your story more thoroughly before posting you might catch some things you missed, such as a spot where a period should have been or where something should have been capitalized.
The story isn't so bad at all! I certainly hope you continue to write it, and keep improving as you go along!
- Church
Faved.
Cute chapter, keep up the good work.
Faving! Keep it up.
Thank you everypony i will try and do another chapter tonight!
Good concept. A little sloppy in it's execution, but let's see where it goes....
This is getting interesting. Though I'm a bit confused as to Blueblood's behavior here. Maybe we'll get more into that in a later chapter. Rarity must have done one heck of a job to make Trixie stand out from all the other mares so much that Blueblood is THAT interested in her after the first second he sees her(A little far fetched, but hey, so are all Disney princess movies). I'll admit, I'm a little disappointed the mane six aren't going to the ball as well. Hope to see more of this soon.
You fricking CLIFFHANGERS!!!
Loving this so far.
I thought Blueblood said nobody knew about his curse. Then how come Celestia and that guard knew?
What the--?
What's with the Cinderpony bit?
Okay. I'm caught up. I eagerly await the next chapter.
I don't understand Blueblood's curse. Why would you punish someone by turning them into something that has the ability to disguise itself as its original form? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?
oh dear...
The poo has hit the fan.
Again.
Moving a little fast there aren't you Blueblood?
I have to say something. At the end of chapter 15, Chrysalis says "Let's make a deal" to Blueblood after he demands that the curse be lifted. However, at the beginning of chapter 16, there is no mention of that. She tells Blueblood that the curse can not be lifted.
What happened?
So Trixie got bit by a Changeling. Is she going to turn into a Changeling now? Then her and Blueblood could be together because they are both the same then.
Congradulations! Excellent series.
Very sweet.:
:
Um... So Blueblood is still cursed? Huh, I wonder what the foals will look like. Also, I don't think Twilight could just invent a seventh Element of Harmony like that, so the one they gave Trixie is obviously just an ordinary necklace with no powers. But still, it's a TrixBlood story, so I love it. Eagerly waiting for the sequel.
the story has a great concept though there were some moments that left me saying 'wait what?' due to some problems and minor plot holes. i think you need to fix it up abit, adding more into it and making more sense at certain parts.
GAH, even when you say your grammar is off you say i Instead of I
Wtf no offense but what's with the random animals attacking a ball in the middle of canterlot ANSI never remember hearing anything about being back before midnight
I have to say, Trixie and Twilight seem to have become very close very fast.
I think Trixie's thinking about kissing a frog prince... It's gonna be cute!
Aw... How sweet! Trixie's becoming another Fluttershy!
Trixie, you look so beautiful!
So Trixie has gone from Fluttershy to herself, and then back to Fluttershy again, and back to herself again!
Trixie just saved Rarity from an awkward situation and she's as hyper as ever.
Ooh... I think Blueblood has found the mare of his dreams.
Well, Trixie's getting off at an okay start with the Princess and everypony else.
Wow... Blueblood saves Trixie from a cockatrice. That's pretty new. He really is a Prince Charming.
Wait a minute! How did a timberwolf get into the palace?!?
Aw... Trixie's blushing.
Nice Cinderella ref, there!
Way to go, Rarity...
Poor Trixie...
Glad to see that things are good on the papers. Now Trixie can find her Prince Charming again.
Trixie appears to be eager in meeting with Blueblood again.
Blueblood? A Changling?!? That's pretty new.
I think there's only one way to break the spell.
I'm glad to see that Trixie is helping Blueblood to be brave. A little kiss is all he needs.
Ooh... Twilight disobeying Princess Celestia. That's something I never saw in the show.
They're gonna pay Chrysalis a visit?!? I thought it would be a simple Frog Prince kiss!
Trixie and Blueblood disguised as Changlings... Reminds me of this:
How's Twilight gonna get in?
Prince Blueblood actually saving Twilight all this trouble by showing himself. How thoughtful.
This is gonna be good...
I knew Chrysalis was cruel, but THIS?!?
Trixie. Just. Killed. Queen Chrysalis. For. Blueblood.
I can guess who said that...
So now they'll both be Changlings???
Aw... Trixie and Blueblood are getting married!