Endgame
Lights. I was supposed to avoid lights!
Struck by a genius idea, I dove into the closest closet, twisting my body to fit in alongside my new best friends: Mister Broom and Madame Bucket.
‘Guys, I don’t think I’m going to make it…’ I thought, breathing as silently as I could.
‘Oh no!’ Madame Bucket gasped.
‘You can’t give up!’ Mister Broom yelled, prompting me to make a hurried shushing gesture at him.
‘Are you trying to get me noticed?!’ My eyes twitched, a clear sign of how aggravated I was.
‘Dear divine janitor! I would never!’ My sanitary device shaped friend protested.
I did not pay much attention to him though, as my focus was grabbed by a grunt.
I shrank down on myself, curling up next to Madame Bucket. The monster was near… If it heard me, I was DOOMED!
‘Don’t worry, my poor boy. We will protect you from Alexander and Mr. Face.’ Madame Bucket’s sweet soprano voice soothed me, almost to the point of falling asleep. Which, I vaguely remembered as being a very bad thing.
‘We will?’ Mister Broom asked, incredulously.
‘Of course we will,’ she replied, hopping closer to her wooden friend. ‘In fact, why are you still here? You should be fighting for our friend’s safety right now!’
I could feel the poor broom’s stress at the idea of facing terrible monsters all alone. That wasn’t something I could blame him for. Why, Mister Broom had always been a perfect gentleman and pal. Who was I to ask that he sacrifice his great life of sweeping in favor of beating a grunt to death?
‘I-I will, of course. Just give me the time to warm up. Wouldn’t want to get a muscle wound, right?’ His voice wavered.
‘You do not have muscles, darling. You are a broom.’ Madame Bucket said.
Wow, this was fascinating. It was like my philosophy classes all over again!
Luckily for Mister Broom, in spite of the darkness in the closet, I could make out a weak source of light through the small opening between the closet and the doorframe. It was a flickering and moving source, circular and floating in midair.
W-was that a monster behind it?!
‘NOW, MISTER BROOM!’ Madame Bucket shouted, forcing me to cover my mouth not to shriek in shock.
‘W-we-well, I feel a little weak, darling. Perhaps you would like to take my place…’ The poor guy fumbled, trying to make an excuse.
‘OH! How could you?!’ Madame Bucket sobbed. ‘I thought you loved me!’
‘GUYS, SHUT UP!’ I finally shouted, mentally of course. How else would I communicate with them?
Besides, I didn’t want the monster to hear me. His footsteps were getting dangerously close…
My heart was beating like crazy, deafening me with its strength. Eyes wide open, I was staring at the light, flinching every time it hovered in my direction.
My hands were shaking, even as I tried to stay as immobile as possible. The presence of that strange creature so close to me, with nothing but a broom to protect me – and even then –, was unnerving to say the least.
It did not notice me.
Slowly, the light started to fade away, carried by the weird bipedal monster that made its way to the end of the hallway. When I was sure the creature was too far to hear me, I pushed the door of the closet open, careful not to make it creak.
Leaving behind my friends, I peeked through the opening, as a last second precaution, making sure the monster was truly gone.
Not quite…
I had to use both my hands to cover my mouth this time around. If I hadn’t, then I would have started laughing really loud.
I-I mean, that m-monster was wearing a nurse’s outfit!
How’s that for a joke?!
Silent and stealthy as a ghost, not the screaming kind, mind you, I walked on the tip of my toes, going along the walls of the haunted hospital. I knew it was haunted because there were those weird creatures that dressed like nurses everywhere. I was so thankful for closets.
Anyway, I had a mission here.
I had to get to the pharmacy and find some medicine to make sure I never sleep again.
Brilliant, no?
I had tried so hard to think of a solution. I knew it was important. I was guilty, really guilty, about what I might have done to a world that did not deserve it. I just wanted to take a vacation; that was more than enough for me. Knowing my failure to find a solution would doom Equestria (maybe) only made it a tiny bit more stressful.
‘You crack under the pressure, don’t you, Brain?’ I thought.
‘You said it, partner,’ he replied.
Yeah…
So, after a small brainsplosion, he provided me with the great idea that since narcolepsy was a medical condition that made me sleep, there had to be medicine that could give me the opposite condition where I could not sleep. This way, Discord would not win. Plus, I would get the chance to pretend I’m a ninja.
Oh, I just had to say it again. ‘Brain, you’re a genius.’
‘Aw, shucks, sugarcube.’
‘You even sound like Applejack!’
My brain was awesome!
Aaaaand I was now standing in front of the hospital’s pharmacy. There weren’t any monster in the staircase so that made it very easy. Of course, there hadn’t been any staircase, it was a clothing chute. Good thing I played a lot of Assassin’s Creed.
Humming happily, I fiddled with the door of the pharmacy, which to my lack of surprise, was unlocked. Score one for dumb luck!
“Now…” I whispered, furtive as a cougar. “To find the pills I need to stay awake… forever!”
I made my way to the first medicine chest I could identify in the dark. For the sake of my stealthy mission, no light bulb would be lit from a current of electricity.
Sure, that meant I had to squint my eyes just to make out the names of the pills I was looking at, but minor details like that never stopped a ninja.
“Let’s see… Donormyl 25mg, Ativan, Sublinox, Nembutal, Eurodin…” I scratched the back of my head. “Hum… they all sound awesome, but I have no idea what they do…”
Holding a box of pills inches away from my eyes, I did my best to decipher the labels.
“Take one every four to six hours… side effects may include… against insomnia… do not exceed recommendations… toxic in high doses…”
Wait…
C-could I use these to…?
The world stopped being a game again. Fun ideas had all but deserted my brain, with a very somber thought piercing through the insanity.
“Overdose?” I whispered.
I stared intensively at the little box within my open palm. Its weight seemed to have increased, making harder to hold. Inconspicuous in its deceptively simple appearance, that was nonetheless Pandora’s Box. One I was wondering I could open.
I-it was a way to make s-sure Discord wouldn’t w-win, right?
My breathing turned shallow, even as I tried to wrap my mind around the idea. Trembling that wasn’t due to the cold temperature started to seize my limbs, my arms especially.
I was scared.
Did I deserve this? S-should I do it? Was it my punishment for desiring a little bit of fun and peace?
This was so unfair…
But it was unfair to ponies too. They hadn’t done a single thing wrong. Heck, they could be put under Discord’s rule because a being from another dimension had seen them and made a mistake.
Fingers uncertain and unsteady, I slowly started unwrapping the pills, putting them all in one larger pile on the closest counter I could find.
Hysterical laugher bubbled up inside me, as I contemplated this crazy idea with dead seriousness. Sometimes, when you watch a certain kind of story, you start to tell yourself that the great and heroic sacrifice would solve every problem ever in the conflict and it seems like the author is ripping you off by having the characters refuse to acknowledge the option. But every living being has the will to live and I was not an exception to this.
Even knowing how this could protect so many innocents…
I… I wanted to keep on living…
Tears started to fall down from my cheeks, splashing my trembling hands. No, no, no! This was not an option! Fire burned through my veins in the realization that, even if it was the crappiest, the shittiest, the absolute worst the Universe had to offer, I’d still take it.
I threw my head upward and screamed the single most important truth about myself I ever recognized.
“I WANT TO LIVE!”
For a staggering moment, I felt a weight fading away, leaving my body, leaving me… refreshed.
Perhaps the most obvious truths are the one that need to be told the most.
Like how a scream gathers attention in the middle of the night.
“What are you doing here?!” Someone asked, just as I heard the soft click of the light switch.
I whipped around toward the source of the voice, but lowered my eyes to the ground in pain with this overwhelming amount of light filling the room too quickly. Even as I blinked repeatedly, trying to chase away the temporary blindness, I could hear hushed whispers about “Security!” and some static.
This was bad!
Without thinking, I grabbed every unpacked pill on the counter, backing away from the male nurse.
“What were you doing here?” He repeated, frowning and eying the broken box suspiciously. The way I was holding those sleeping pills close to my chest confirmed his fears completely. “Put those back…”
I took another step back, probably looking like a dear caught in the headlights. I simply couldn’t think of a proper response to being caught red-handed like this. For God’s sake, I was in a manic pixie-like state when I made that decision!
“I-I…”
“If your medication’s not strong enough, then we’ll talk with your doctor…” The nurse made a first tentative to walk toward me.
I jumped, hitting the wall with my back and causing a burst of pain in the back of my head.
“Whoa, there, calm down…” He said with a calm, relaxed voice.
I opened my mouth to talk, but just as I prepared to spout excuses and top of other excuses, every one of my senses drastically dulled. In a second, I completely lost sight of the nurse, only vaguely hearing him when he said something with concern.
My legs buckled under me, barely leaving me the time to understand what was happening.
I could only say one thing before it was too late.
“Help me…”
For what seemed to be the last time, I awoke to my new body (NOT MINE!) in Equestria.
Awakening would be a rather flattering and enthusiastic way to described how I found myself splayed all over a wooden floor, with nothing but the repetitive and dull tick-tock of an old cuckoo clock for company.
Rapidly, panic took over my once more equine body. This was the last round. If I gave up now, then he would be freed from his stone prison!
And how big were the chances that he would not make this life a complete HELL? My guess ranged from none to negative fifty.
Senses much sharper than during my narcoleptic break, I glanced around, trying to identify everything about this before it all started to cobble me up like a Pinkie Pie on a Nightmare Night.
…So far so good?
Really, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary in this place. If this was my house, then it was clean and proper, with a slightly rustic ambiance. The walls and the ceilings shared the same wooden material, as did most of the furniture. A few items gave out a more modern vibe, but they were scarce.
Five or six photographs rested over the fireplace, filling me with unease.
Just another proof that I had no right to be here, in this body. Pushed by a morbid fascination however, my hooves moved on their own, taking me closer to the pictures. My throat constricted with guilt when I understood what they were.
Family pictures. Again.
There were only two ponies in the photos, of vastly different age groups. One middle-aged unicorn stallion, which, judging by the color of his coat and the locks of mane falling in my eyes, was none other than my victim. The second pony almost broke my heart.
She was such a cute little filly…
Coming from a part of me I didn’t know existed – that may actually not be from me too –, feelings of protectiveness grew and festered within my heart. That was probably the exact moment I realized what this was all about.
She was my daughter.
Emotionally stunned, I picked up the old frame with my mouth, not trusting my extremely flimsy mastery of magic with such a delicate task.
Awkwardly, I sat down, gently putting the frame on the floor, between my hooves. As soon as that was done, I properly took in the more subtle details of her appearance.
She was a little slim, under that golden coat of hers, but her eyes were shining more intensely than those of any other pony I met before. She seemed determined, furiously determined even, to make the most of every bit of fun she had.
I could easily understand the proud grin the stallion in the picture wore.
Assaulted by another wave of guilt, I quickly grabbed the frame with my hooves, only to stumble and drop it. With a yelp, I lifted the precious item from its reversed position. Thankfully, the frame was sturdier than I supposed and everything stayed intact.
Something caught my eyes though. On the back of the photograph… I could make out lines of ink.
‘Summer Solstice Celebration, Year X034, Lemon Glass and Golden Bud.’
I snorted. The idea of being called ‘Lemon Glass’ had something ironic, really.
On the other hoof, Golden Bud had the prettiest name for the prettiest filly.
‘Oh, listen to me, I’m one of those dads.’ I groaned, though there was no real resentment behind it. This was… nice. My heart would swell just thinking about this little life that depended on me. It wouldn’t be too bad to just…
I closed my eyes, shaking my head.
I couldn’t do it. I wanted to do it so badly, it was like a monster, clawing at my conscience and just pushing me to accept this darn deal already. In the end though, when everything was said and done though, I knew I’d had to spend my whole life afraid of mirrors, lest I have to look at myself in the eyes.
Golden Bud didn’t deserve to have her father taken away from her like this, to be replaced by a stranger. Lemon Glass didn’t deserve to be taken away from his daughter, for the crime of being chosen by Discord.
It always came down to this.
With a sigh, I collected myself, shaking off the monstrous desire and letting go of my anger. Emptying my mind was the most reliable way for me to go on. It was a shame I could not do it more often.
Calmly, I resolved to explore the rest of the house, perhaps to catch a glimpse of my daughter at least once.
I didn’t.
Really, the place wasn’t big enough to take a long time to explore, though I still managed to find her room last. Go figures.
“Golden Bud?” I asked softly, before pushing the last door and peeking through the doorframe.
I received no answer.
However, the scents in the room were much stronger, much more different than those of the rest of the house. My poor nose was assaulted with frightening vigor by girly flowery perfume.
Backtracking had never been done so swiftly.
For freak’s sake on a hot banana!
…The hay did that come from?
…
Now curious about this strong perfumery, I just knew I had to find out what was going on here. So, I turned around and finally put those hind legs to good use by kicking the door open.
What? I didn’t put much strength in it. There simply would be no way I’d try to go there headfirst. This was almost a terrorist attack. Someone would be getting a lecture about perfume bombs when her daddy would get his hooves on her.
Tying up a random piece of cloth in front of my sensible nostrils, which is HELL to accomplish with hooves, I made my way into my daughter’s room.
Even with the additional protection, the powerful scent still brought tears to my eyes. Sweet Celestia… someone ought to teach Golden Bud about balance.
Careful, I trotted up to her desk, avoiding the extreme disorder plaguing this room, bowls and vials of colorful liquids were littering the floor. Some twisted instinct inside me decided to ignore my own lack of discipline in terms of cleaning my messes and lecture that filly sternly as soon as she showed her cute little face here.
Anyway, I took in the details of the room. Reddish pink walls, well-made bed (one point for her), flowers growing on her windowsill and, of course, her desk, covered in paper.
There, in messy writing, I discovered her goal to become a perfume seller, so that the world could smell good, even the kitchen after her daddy had cooked.
The coincidence made me chuckle. Not that I was that bad of a cook, but on the event that I messed up, I messed up good, Sweetie Belle style.
A knocking sound brought me out of my reverie.
Startled, my eyes left Golden Bud’s desk and I waited in silence. Where had this come from? I was fairly sure I hadn’t imagined it…
It came again, in the form of three repeated noise, from the living room. The urge to facehoof almost took over when I realized that this was just somepony at the door.
My brain was definitely not an overachiever these days…
“Coming!” I shouted to my unknown visitor.
Dropping my makeshift mask, I trotted at a fast pace toward the door, making sure not to think too hard on my leg coordination. Last thing I needed right now was to break a leg tripping on nothing…
With my hooves (what magic? I’m a noob), I twisted the doorknobs and swung the door open.
“Hi, how may I…” My words trailed off at the sight of the shining armors. “…help you?” I finished, feeling faint.
This was it. I could feel it in my guts. This was it!
“Are you Mister Lemon Glass?” The first of the two guards asked stoically.
Mind racing and heart pumping cold ice into my veins, I nodded slowly. What kind of living hell was I about to fall into? Was I secretly a drug lord corrupting the pony world? What about evil sorcerer? No, that would be like giving me importance. Hell forbids Discord does that… Hired goon? Late return of a borrowed book at the library? Tax fraud evasion accusation? That one was always a winner.
Oh, you have no idea how naïve I felt when the guards pronounced just a few words.
My head felt light, as if the world had stopped making sense. I almost fell over, subject to a mind crushing vertigo.
He had said: “It’s about your daughter.”
I stayed completely silent.
The second guard took that as a sign to elaborate, even as I mentally screamed for him to shut up.
“She was found in an alley near her school.” Shut up… SHUT UP! “Her teacher said she ran off when she didn’t see you arrive.”
“You have our sincerest sympathy, sir.”
My legs gave out under me. An invisible force had just punched me in the guts, forcing all air out. I could no longer breathe. Eyes wide, I could only lie down, like a broken puppet. Nothing had ever hit me so hard before.
T-this had to be a nightmare! THIS HAD TO BE A NIGHTMARE!
The guards were already by my side, trying to get a reaction out of me, nudging my sides and checking out for vital signs.
They could go die.
This was just a joke. A bad joke.
Right then, the worst possible being thought appropriate to jump in on the abuse bandwagon.
‘You don’t like my sense of humor?’ Discord’s voice filled my head.
My heart started burning. Every single ounce of my being was redirected toward him and him alone.
I hated him. I wanted him to die, crushed to death under hot volcanic boulders, torn apart by Timberwolves, launched into the sun and staying there conscious for all Eternity, trapped in an inescapable hell where he’d slowly rot alive, rendered powerless and forced to live as the chew toy of the Universe, assimilate into a machine and being nothing more than a numerical data to be corrected or erased. I wanted him to suffer and DIE!
‘Aren’t you just adorable when you’re equinicidal?’ He laughed.
My vision turned red and blurred.
Literally, as a moment of disorientation caused me to stop with a vague feeling of nausea. The beginning of a headache pressured the sides of my head for a brief second, before my vision cleared up.
I froze.
Right before my eyes, mounted on the guards’ body, Discord’s face was condescendingly smirking at me.
I never stopped to imagine what a pony roaring would sound like. Neither did I ever think I would be the pony doing it, but I did.
It was all lost on me as I launched myself at Discord and socked him in the face.
Cold.
Pain.
Darkness.
I awoke to these sensations permeating my coat, my flesh, my bones.
Bandages covered my shoulder and my right front leg, the latter still dripping blood. Hard and cold pressure restrained my hooves and my horn, though why they bothered with that last one was lost on me. I was a unicorn with no idea how to use magic.
I was a human in a pony’s body.
I was a father with a dead child.
I was a monster rightfully imprisoned in a cell.
No genius was needed to figure this one out. I did not remember the fight, but there was a lingering taste of iron in my mouth. Blood, from whom? The guards, me, who knew? Who cared?
With nothing but stone walls to keep me company, I really did not care. If I dropped dead suddenly, it would probably be a relief. Discord wasn’t a necromancer, was he?
Speaking of which…
I had a score to settle with the motherfucker.
“DISCORD!” I shouted, blood boiling in my veins.
A flash of light later and I was snarling, biting, grunting in pure rage, only restrained by the chains on my hooves.
‘Anypony ever told you that you are outright cacophonic, my dear boy?’ The spirit gave me a flat look. ‘I know my jokes are very funny, but control yourself.’
“THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?!”
I knew that, I knew it already, but my rational mind was completely silent in comparison to my emotions, to my instincts and my morals.
‘What? Didn’t get the punch line?’ He teased, floating around obnoxiously.
“GET BACK HERE!” I shouted, furiously stomping and reaching for him with my hooves.
A sinister grin slowly appeared on the Draconequus’ face. ‘And what if I do? What are you going to do? Buck my sides in?’ With a chuckle, Discord closed in on me, just outside of my range, his body stretched in a twisted position. ‘After all you went through, you still don’t understand how insignificant you are? You will never leave a lasting scar on me, let alone a lasting impression. Why bother?’
…
He had a point. No matter what, I doubted I could actually kill him when he was most likely just a presence in my mind anyway.
I couldn’t even avenge Golden Bud…
That fact created a void within me. Everything I felt... vanished.
After taking a deep breath, I let my muscles relax, slowly being forced back into a sitting position by my restraints. The pain of my injuries made themselves known again, now that the adrenaline and the anger had started to subdue.
‘Now, don’t you feel better being reasonable?’ Discord approved, raising a thumb up at a job well done.
Unbelievable, the bastard was congratulating himself on breaking me.
‘So… what choice are you going to make after all?’ He pulled a hearing horn out of nowhere and placed it against his ear, the narrower part facing me.
‘As if you don’t know that…’ I looked away, bitterness gripping my heart.
The draconequus jumped in the air. ‘YES!’
Déjà vu…
Despicable. Horrifying. Monstrous. Foul. Nauseating.
“You make me sick.” I glared.
‘Why, thank you.’ Discord bowed, sounding extremely pleased with himself.
Fed up with this crap, I found the strength to send an absolutely sincere death glare his way.
“You shouldn’t take this as a compliment, you know.” My expression had fallen into a neutral unexpressive blank. “You’re the one that said I came from a chaotic world, Pretender.”
‘Now wait just a second, boy.’ The draconequus raised a claw, asking for silence, though it was perfectly useless to a mind reader I supposed. ‘Earth might be more chaotic than this world, but that doesn’t mean y-’
“I’ve grown up in a world without anyone responsible for nature. I know chaos when I see it and you’re not on my list.” For some reason, at the moment, I would inwardly be completely at peace, if not for that vague disdain I felt toward Discord. “Poser.”
Now the draconequus was starting to look angry. Gone was the false debonair air he tried to give off. It was just a mad god getting… mad.
‘Be careful with that pretty little tongue of yours, boy. You wouldn’t want to say something you’ll regret.’
I almost burst out laughing right then. By the look on his face, he knew it too.
“Why would I regret it? You think I’m scared? I’ve gone through the grinder, not a damn to be given anymore, too late for that.” I snorted with derision. “Oh right, because you’d be a poser and pretend to be chaos.”
‘I am giving you a fair warning, boy…’
“Skip the crap. Provoke an earthquake and make this place crumble all over me already.” I rolled my eyes, raising a front leg in the air and mimicking the motion of the ceiling falling down. “But honestly, that will not change the truth. I’ve seen through your game of ‘make believe’, D.”
‘You little…’
“What? There’s a reason nobody likes you, Discord.” I dropped down on my knees, grinning madly. “And it’s not because the whole world lacks a sense of humor. It’s because you’re an unlikeable evil monster that likes to pretend he represents Chaos.”
Before I could make my next statement, I was suspended in midair by an invisible force, right at the level of Discord’s seething face. He looked just about ready to start foaming. ‘I AM Chaos and Disharmony, you insolent little man!’
Unfazed, I wiped my cheek of his spit with disgust. “You’re just pure evil, Discord, that’s all. You get a sick kick out of seeing living beings suffer, that’s all there is to it and that’s not chaotic. That’s borderline orderly.”
Seeing the draconequus with steam flying out of his ears at high speed should have been scary, but I only laughed.
“Cliché on top of everything? Gee, D. Recycle your act a little.”
His voice dropped several octaves, his eyes went completely black and his fangs seemed to catch on fire. ‘HOW’S THIS?!’
Would you believe I cracked up? Seriously, this was hilarious.
“Yeah, yeah, D. I get that you don’t like being a has-been as much as the next guy, but Chaos is not your thing. Chaos is all about doing the unexpected. It’s making someone trip on the sidewalk, then giving them a five thousand dollars check. It’s looking at two undesirable options and choosing to eat cake. It’s looking at a series of standing dominoes and not tipping them off.”
‘DON’T PRESUME TO KNOW ME, CHILD!’
“That’s the problem, D.” I smirked. “I know what you’re going to do. It’s going to be horrible. That’s predictable.”
My face met the ground. Painfully.
I certainly hadn’t expected to be dropped so suddenly. I figured he would try to squeeze the life out of me.
When I looked up, I was treated to the sight of a speechless Discord.
“You’re just evil. Face it. Chaos? Not your thing. You deserved to spend a thousand years stuck in a stone statue and so much worse.”
His eyes, back to their normal yellow state, narrowed at me, his focus having returned.
‘Now you are ju-’
“What’s wrong, D? Don’t like the truth?” I tilted my head to the side, wearing an absolutely glorious shit-eating grin. “…A lie… would be easier to take?”
His eyes nearly flew out of their orbits at that.
A beastly cry of triumph grew in my guts. Finally, watching the show had paid off, for once. With serious interest.
I wanted this. I wanted more of this.
Laugher erupted in my mind, when I was hit by just what I needed to send him flying over the edge.
Discord’s face contorted with rage. Mind reading wasn’t such a nice thing anymore, was it?
“What’s wrong, D? Everyone’s always laughing at you,” I stated as a matter of fact, chuckling. “Why aren’t you laughing?”
Aaaaaand he had now crossed into complete rage breaking point. He was shaking with anger.
“I’d say ‘you’ve been kind far too long, time to be cruel’, just to rub it in, but really, you’ve already done that more than enough, Poser.”
I didn’t see it coming. It happened way too fast.
Pain erupted in my back, spreading in an instant to the rest of my body, as a wave of suffering. My poor battered body was almost embedded into the solid stone wall of my cell.
I could feel blood bubbling up my throat.
The draconequus loomed over me, eyes glowing with power. ‘Do not think that it will end this easily, you miserable little worm.’
My lips twitched upward and I chuckled, even as it sent new waves of pain in my ribs.
“Hey, D. Here’s something else I won’t regret saying…” I took his death glare head on with the most arrogant grin I could muster. “UNCLE!”
The first thing I noticed was my incapacity to speak. It simply hit me like a truck when I did not gasp in an over-the-top way as soon as I was sent back on Earth.
The second was the fact that I was still in Equestria. The cutesy flashy colors of a garden were sprayed in front of me, so it wasn’t hard to deduce.
Now this was an intriguing thought.
The fog of unconsciousness fading, my first reaction was to stretch only for it to appear impossible.
Instinctively, I tried to blink the stupor away, but this new task proved impossible to execute as well.
The light started to delve on me, as more tests with my – upright, I realized – body went wrong. Not long after those, I recognized a tall structure not too far away on the horizon: Canterlot’s Castle.
With growing horror, I realized my skin was harder than it should be… much harder.
‘So, do you like the bonus round I threw at you, boy?’ Discord’s voice echoed around me. ‘I was originally going to send you back on Earth and let you live the rest of your miserable existence with the knowledge of what you could have had, but I changed my mind. Since you seemed to know me so well and wanted to know me better, I figured I’d let you experience the same thing I did.’
Anger flaring in my chest, I turned my attention to him, ignoring my predicament without a care in the world.
‘Reusing somepony else’s idea? That’s your idea of a good payback?’ I mentally rolled my eyes.
‘I believe you’ll come to appreciate the irony of suffering the fate I was condemned to.’ He shrugged, his obnoxiously calm behavior having returned. ‘Not to mention I added a little twist.’
‘I can’t wait to find out.’
‘Really?!’ He shrieked enthusiastically. ‘Then I must tell you all about it!’
I was suddenly visited by a deep lack of damn to give to anything in the world. Listening to that guy was just painful.
‘Time is distorted!’
Well, crap in a nugget basket.
‘Yes, to give you proper time to contemplate all about your new existence as a human mind stuck in a fake statue of me, I twisted your perception of time so it slows down when you’re all alone.’
As if I didn’t have enough of that already…
‘Don’t worry, this place is very calm. Hardly anypony ever visits. You won’t be disturbed.’ He assured me with a paternal tone. Why, I would almost believe his concern was sincere if not for… EVERYTHING about him. ‘Enjoy your Eternity, boy.’
With that, his presence disappeared completely.
There was not a trace left of him. After so much time having the bastard lurk in a corner of my mind, I could tell he was truly and well gone.
I was all alone in the gardens.
As Discord’s statue.
With nothing, and I do mean literally nothing, else to do, I pictured his face when I told him off.
I chuckled.
“Worth it.”
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-reading the last parts- Geez, this is freaking hilarious! Trolling the troll like a boss! Finally Discord gets a taste of his own medicine! xD
-Gets to end- YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS OR-
-Author's note- *sets down pitchfork and torch* Well played...
Was about to say, "There better be a sequel." But you beat me to it.
NICE! great story
I'll be watching you...
No, really, I'm going to watch your page so I know when the next story comes out.
I have to say this is definately the best way this story could have ended. When faced with impossible odds? Snark. If ya can't hurt them physically, hurt em in their pride.
I look forward to the next part!
1973786 1973911 Yeah, I saw the pitchforks coming, so I went with a preemptive strike. There is more than one way to be genre savvy! (not to mention the
just when he was being screwed over by Pinkie were a real good hint)
1973942 Thanks!
1974075
...I'll be watching my back then...
1974975 Oh wow, thanks. I'm really glad you liked it. This guy goes by "snark till death do us part". Not to mention that, at the end of the day, Discord's only got his pride left.
Next part is coming... I dunno, maybe next week? I'll see how it turns out.
Frankly if I had to choose between an eternity as a sentient statue alone or an eternity of listening to Discord gloat about himself, I'd choose the former. Definitely worth it. And the fact there's a sequel planned makes it all the more bearable.
1989407 Yes... it was all because of the gloating... only the gloating...
If I was in this scenario, it would be a lot more than a chuckle, and yes, it was totally worth it.
I found myself sprayed all over a wooden floor.... pretty sure you meant splayed. normally I wouldn't grammar nazi like this, but for some reason that mistake hit me like a shovel to the groin. And then it happened again, about three more times.
Aside from that though, very good story. I loved when he starts insulting Discord.
2632108 Oh, whoa, I never noticed that. Actually, I probably stupided myself in believing that was the correct way. I do that from times to times. Thanks for pointing it out.
Also, I'm very sorry about the shovel to the groin. That sounded painful as all get out.
2645513 It's my own fault really. If I had any sense I would have stopped reading after the first shovel, unfortunately the story was too engaging.
Also I tend to exaggerate.
Me gusta this ending.
Me gusta your character
Me not so much gusta that i put off helping my friends write, but i read half of this in bed so i have a excuse.
Me gusta your character
Me gusta that i can not find better words to describe that ending
Me running out of things to say gusta to....
3085884. I read them. But like soldier stories there's only so much I can take. But I always give a story a chance. Plus when I to to human in equestria I expect to see a HUMAN in EQUESTRIA. Not a human pony.
3093386 Personally, I believe that is quite debatable. The issue of human or human turned something else is pretty much the difference between external or internal conflict in a story. Is it the world adapting to you or you adapting to the world?
T>>3093422 True on all counts. But to me human-turned-pony is over-used. Just like normal human. I just like variety. Why not send him/her to equestria as a dragon? I know Griffin and changeling aren't over-used, but I would still like something different. But I see your point. Instead of making them a Gary stu you give them an internal conflict. Like being changed and having to get used to the new body. In any case its just my opinion. When I go to HiE I want read about a human. Not a human-turned-pony.
Totally worth it. Oh hey look the flying black holes have wings this morning! It's a good thing car wheels are sponges because otherwise they'd have problems on the soapy streets. Looks like it's going to be another chickenpurpleful day.
3093422
whens the sequel coming out!?
3559324 ...it's already out. It's been on the site for months now. Here
Guess what color Discord is in the new episode?
3848621 ...
I didn't even realize that had happened...
4675895 Eh, fair enough. This is probably the first time anyone actually commented on their downvotes on a story of mine. Thanks for that.
5029569 All according to plan.
5193087 so my life wouldn't change at all, wonderful...
Reading this, I at times wondered if it was meant to be a scathing meta-critique of bronies and the sort of wish fulfillment we take part in when we write and read HiE fics. Was that the intent?
5536079 Err, well, not quite a scathing meta-critique of bronies in itself, no. However, I did have in mind that I didn't want the wish-fulfillment to go as planned. It's not wrong to wish for good things for yourself, but to take things for granted, to not think ahead, to willfully blind yourself to issues... it's just going to blow up in your face. I was not in the best of mood/situations when I wrote this for the first time. I just wanted to write something about the logical consequences of these troubles.
5573982 Wow, déjà vu.
But yeah, you're right.5885125 yes well the saying is much more popular i think
I personally hope Golden Bud gets revived through the turning back of time after every trip, and that she and our human protagonist here get together in a sweet romance in the sequel!
Thumbs up just for the discription
This... totally deserved the thumbs up.
This story is an epic level mindfuck, without the typical gory and overviolent crud typicaly found in fanfics. It felt like watching a train wreck, a glorious yrain wreck.
So what I don't understand:
1. The first time he runs into Rarity, before he realizes that he's "killing" real ponies, why doesn't he try to get in touch with the full 6 / Celestia?
2. On trip 9, when he runs into Big Mac, and knows that he's taking over a real pony, why not immediately tell Big Mac "I need to speak to AppleJack".?
For me? If I was in that situation? Once I realized that staying there would be killing someone, and Discord would not let me talk to the mane 6 / Celestia? I'd just say Uncle twice, and let Equestria handle Discord.
Meanwhile, I see the sequel over on the right, so ... next story time.
5536079
Figure this won't be replied to, but I'd figure most that read these stories or thought of this kind of scenario surely have read stories like The Monkey's Paw prior to those and considered these kinds of desires with that viewpoint in mind, no?
I'm pretty sure that's called methamphetamine.
Couldn’t help but think of this when I read that.