Manly stallion
My breath kept hitching every so often. There was no way for me to calm down.
A near-death experience. I had had a near-death experience at the hands of a cartoon villain.
I just wanted to curl up on myself and forget everything, past, present and future. I would have too, if I was not so scared of falling asleep doing so.
“Never mouthing off Discord ever again…” I muttered, shaking uncontrollably.
Never again.
Never.
Just the idea that he could reach inside my chest and squeeze my heart… it was making me physically ill. Steadily, the pressure grew inside my throat, even as I was taking deep breathes with the hopes of somewhat getting better. The images just kept coming back…
The cold claws… they squeezed!
I jumped out of bed and dove for my wastebasket, tripping on Giantonio in the process. Not a second too soon as my stomach rebelled.
‘There goes my appetite for the day…’ I thought between two bouts of sickness.
Time ticked by, but it was somewhat hard to keep track of time with your head in a trash can. I had the impression that hours had gone by by the time my nausea had subdued. It certainly was bright daytime outside, at the very least.
I did not stand up right away. I preferred to lay my back against the wall, my vision fuzzy with flashbacks to my previous experiences.
It was usually in time like these that my cat decided to use me as a giant warm pillow, but I probably scared Giantonio with all my retching, because he was nowhere to be seen now. Good thing too, I really did not want to serve as a napping place when there were still scratches on my arms and face.
Eventually, I got back to my morning routine, with the exception of preparing for class. It was Saturday after all… if Discord hadn’t messed up with my perception of time! However, when I looked it up on my laptop, it was indeed Saturday. The whole thing had gone by like a drea- nightmare! I purposely avoided my bedroom for the remainder of the morning.
During lunchtime however, I received a phone call that changed my mind a little.
“Hello?” I answered politely, actively chewing the last of my ham sandwich. “Who’s speaking?”
“Hi, my name is Jacynthe Dubois, secretary at University of Montreal,” a woman replied with formal seriousness.
Oh crap…
“Yes…?” I sat down on my couch, getting the distinctive feeling I was going to feel weak in the knees soon.
“First of all, I would like to confirm your identity and your status as a student of our faculty,” she went straight to business. I would have appreciated that under different circumstances.
Ignoring the growing coldness I was feeling, I honestly answered every one of her questions about myself and my studies.
“Very well,” Mrs. Dubois finally said. “Now, Mr. Tremblay, the dean of your program, would like to schedule a rendezvous with you to discuss behavioral issues that stem from yesterday’s events.”
“…Okay…” I nodded quickly, mentally steeling my resolve. I had to do this, I certainly deserved it. I blew up at one of my teachers…
“Would Monday, this week, at four o’clock, be acceptable to you? We have checked before and there are no scheduled exams or activities during that time frame.”
My response was like that of a robot: mechanical and stiff. “Yes, sure...”
“Then I will tell Mr. Tremblay to expect you. Have a nice day!”
“You too…” I replied, before closing my cellphone.
I stared right ahead of me, head empty.
I knew it was coming. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I had screamed at a teacher and said one or two mean things about his immediate family. Yeah, like I could have gotten away with it…
So, not only was I going to completely flunk one of my courses, I would have to face disciplinary measures if I wanted to stay a student there. Just fantastic. I dropped my head into my hands.
Urgh! I really needed a break from all this crap. Why did Discord have to be right? At the moment, my only desire was to jump into bed and hope for the best.
Unfortunately, I knew it was not going to happen, if only because I was not that narcoleptic. Sleep never came easily to me.
“…I probably should watch more episodes of ‘My little pony’ then, couldn’t hurt to get to know that world better.”
Amazing how one’s afternoon could fly by when one took the decision to go through a marathon of cutesy children’s show.
Evening was amazingly dull in comparison, what’s with me trying to memorize some of my school material for my last finals. There was just no end to it and my heart was just not in it anyway. Fortunately, it had the very opportune effect of boring me to death and thus making sleep that much faster to come.
I slipped into bed earlier than usual, torn between fear and excitement. I had no doubt that Discord would try to screw me over, but perhaps I could make the best out of it…
“I better be a stallion this time…”
I blinked.
The changed had been incredibly sudden, very unlike the first and second trips to Equestria. Was that a sign of the moment Discord’s influence was stronger or something?
I wouldn’t dismiss that possibility just yet, seeing as I appeared to have been transported into a fabulously luxurious suite, filled with exquisite pieces of arts and expensive looking furniture. I was no snob, but darn, this was on a whole new level.
I couldn’t help but grin smugly. Oh yeah, that was precisely what I needed at the moment: the life of a rich stallion.
Wait… I was a stallion, right?
…
Yes, I was.
Good.
Moving on.
‘Did you really think I would use the same trick twice in a row?’ My good old terrifying not-friend rolled his eyes.
‘Oh, hello Discord, I didn’t miss you. And yes, if you thought it was funny enough.’
‘Peh!’ The invisible spirit spat, superbly disdainful of my assessment. ‘You’ll learn very soon that I can be quite creative, but I’m really not a monster. You’ll see.’
‘I can’t wait…’ I thought with as much sarcasm as I dared direct at him.
Going back to what I could only qualify as anticipative silence, the draconequus faded away from my mental imagery, replaced by the scenery that was offered to me.
Awkwardly, I made my way to a leather couch, juggling with four legged coordination. There was just something off about my sense of balance. Not surprising, but still a bad surprise. Common fanfic knowledge had me expecting to pick it up right away. Sure, it had come naturally when I was a filly, but now I was bigger, longer legs and all that…
…Or maybe I was trying too hard.
Sitting down was just as awkward, but at least it was comfortable. I allowed myself a few minutes of relaxation, just basking in the feeling of victory.
The atmosphere itself seemed tailor-made for relaxation. My eyes had trouble piercing the darkness completely, while some red candles were burning and projecting shadows and a general aura of peaceful night.
Maybe this was the one… the round I did not give up…
I snorted. Yeah, right, this was just a game for Discord and I to evacuate some steam, nothing more…
…
Being alone with my thoughts was somehow making me uncomfortable. No idea where that came from, but it was true.
The best thing to do was try to explore this place. Get to know more about my new life.
…
I did it again…
I shook my head. My priorities weren’t sorted at all.
First: exploration of the suite. It was fancy, but I may only have it for the night or something, so I should make better use of my time than to sit on my ponyfied butt. Even if that leather couch was rather awesome.
To my surprise, I managed to trot around the place without much trouble, when I wasn’t thinking about it that is. It was in front of the window that occupied the totality of the northern wall that I stopped to look outside.
It was the middle of the night, no doubt about it. Luna had done a great job in decorating the sky with all those constellations, but what caught my attention the most was the moon. Something about it was… different; it definitely wasn’t Earth’s moon. This one… no, I couldn’t define the feeling it gave me, except that I was convinced there was magic involved.
Uneasy, I looked down below, where the city’s streets were and it finally dawned on me where I was. Manehattan. It had to be. That trip with school two years ago had led us in Earth’s version of this place, without a doubt. Unless there was another city in Equestria that may hold skyscrapers…
“Eh, seems like some things don’t change regardless of worlds,” I chuckled, seeing a couple of drunk ponies stumbled around the street, most likely singing some lewd tales.
The familiar scene made my heart swell with warmth. I just needed a beacon to cling to. I was still wary of Discord’s tricks.
‘What will go wrong this time?’ I asked myself, staring at my pale reflection on the glass.
The dark grey stallion that stared back obviously had no answer either. At most, he smirked at his appearance.
‘Earth pony, this time…’
I looked rather good as far as pony go. Well, to my human aesthetic standards. Hopefully, the joke was not that all ponies thought I was hideous.
I stifled a yawn and had to blink a few times for my vision not to blur. I needed some sleep.
Now, where was the bedroom? I snuck glances around, trying to locate a bed somewhere. There very well couldn’t not be a bed in a hotel’s suite, right?
A faint noise in the background clued me in. It sounded like… water running. Someone else was here?
Curious, I followed what my ears told me, toward a more isolate part of the suite, where a black wooden door was waiting for me.
I pushed it slowly, making sure to be as quiet as possible. It opened on what had to be the masters’ bedroom.
Holy crap… That bed had to be four times as large as I was long!
The noise was definitely much stronger here. It had to be from around here.
Well, I did not need to look for long. On my left, there was a closed door letting light and steam leak from under it. Obviously, someone was taking a shower there.
…Wait…
I frowned, this setting getting familiar now. Where had I seen that before?
‘You would like to know, wouldn’t you?’ Discord said, creepily sounding like he was coming onto me.
That was all the confirmation I needed, but everything started to fit together when I ran into the bedside table.
“Ouch… what the… ?”
I blinked again.
I had apparently bumped (thanks, horse legs) into the placeholder for a bottle of… champagne? Alright, time to process some stuff here. I was in a suite in the middle of the night, where someone else was taking a shower, with some bottles of champagne cooling in a bucket of ice and… oh sweet Celestia, was that a wedding dress?!
No.
No, no, no!
Not happening!
“You have GOT to be kidding me, D.” I groaned, hitting my forehead with one hoof… and promptly falling face first against the floor.
Note to self, no facehoofing until I can do it right.
I had to fight the urge to cower when Discord materialized in front of me. The bastard was floating in midair, typing on an old writing machine. “Well, since you were so adamant in affirming your so-called masculinity, I thought I’d give you the occasion to prove it.”
“There is a fine line between being manly and…” I stopped when my eyes caught a very disturbing detail. “Why did you just write my name?!”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, boy. Just enjoy the night. Or don’t. I’m not picky.” He shrugged and a banana appeared out of thin air. “Hungry?” He extended his arms and one fruit in my direction.
“No thanks. I’m afraid it would turn out to be an aphrodisiac.” I grimaced.
That made him laugh. “Oh, you silly human, you really need to start thinking a bit more. What fun would there be in watching you squirm awkwardly while you try not to give in to the urges to take that stranger to your bed and make little foals because I slipped you some drugged bananas? Does that sound like the kind of things I would do?”
I gave him a flat look.
“Actually, that sounds exactly like what you would do.”
My blood turned to ice as Discord’s expression slowly turned into an evil mockery of Celestia’s usual one. Behind the apparent serenity, I could feel the hilarity he was ‘keeping in check’, figuratively speaking…
“True.” He finally admitted, grinning evilly.
‘Note to self: never accept anything from him. EVER!’
Discreetly, I tried to inch away from the draconequus, which I did with the grace of a fridge in a flight of stairs. I had to work on my limbs coordination, seriously.
“Honey?” A feminine voice suddenly called, followed by some hoovesteps.
Instantly, Discord disappeared in a flash of light and I was left alone in the bedroom. For about three seconds.
Then, a slender blue unicorn mare got out of the bathroom, her coat and mane glimmering in the relative darkness. “Is everything alright? I heard voices.”
“Oh, hum… it’s… huh… nothing, dear.” I gulped down nervously, willing Discord not to appear again. “I was talking to myself.”
She chuckled at that and it was a rather nice laugh. “And what were you talking about?” She asked mischievously.
“Things, you know, stuff…” Impressive how much I could sound so detached when my heart was still beating like crazy.
She raised an eyebrow at that.
“Well, it doesn’t really matter.” The mare flung her mane to the other side of her head, not unlike Rarity. With a small smile, she noticed my staring and, as I started blushing (ponies blush?), rolled her hips with every step she took toward me. “I did not have talking in mind for our first night together, honey.”
The irony was not lost on me when I started to back away, just like I had done in front of Discord.
Because she had said that so sensually, I would have to be a moron not to instantly know what exactly she had in mind for our first night together. It thus made sense that I began to panic a little.
Now, don’t get this wrong, but… HORSE! She was a freaking HORSE! So was I, at the moment, but really… HORSE! That was just plain wrong!
“Don’t be so nervous,” she breathed demandingly.
‘OH GREAT!’ I gritted my teeth together, struggling not to scream and run.
I did not want to have sex with a pony. No. Way.
She was cute and all that, but cute in a “oh look at that puppy” or in a “see the majestic flight of that eagle” way. To a normal stallion, she probably would have appeared sexy. To me? Not so much.
‘So much for the manliness…’ Discord sighed, disappointed, as if I had failed to meet up with one kind of twisted standard.
‘Shut up! This isn’t manliness, it’s bestiality!’ I replied drily.
‘It doesn’t count if you’re a beast yourself.’
Right, like I would suddenly lust after ponies the second I arrived in Equestria. If he wanted to see that (EW!), he would need to give me that freaking banana.
‘YES, IT DOES!’
‘Very well, prove how manly you are by refusing to sleep with your beautiful willing wife. I’m sure that’ll impress your buddies back at home.’
…Argh, no use talking to a crazed thing like Discord. I was just getting a headache and a lot more frustrated. Especially since he wasn't supposed to sound logical.
“Hum… dear?” How to gently let her down about this on our honeymoon? Headache? I had one, but that may not be good enough. ‘I’m tired’? She’d propose a naughty massage or something. ‘I’m gay’? That would not only be offensive in more ways than one, I doubted she would buy it. Plus there would be no telling what Discord would do with that.
“Hummmm?” She nudged my neck, sending a shiver down to my spine. Worse still, she seemed satisfied from my reaction. She probably would cry if I told her the real reason…
Alright, I had to say something, fast. She just stroked my flanks!
Just as I opened my mouth, I heard Discord clear his throat.
‘What?!’ I hissed mentally.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt you – not that there is anything to interrupt, it seems –, but there is something I would like to read to you.’ Discord then appeared silently, rendering me speechless, holding an open book and wearing reading glasses. ‘It’s my new best-sellers!’
I stared at his extravagant cheer, my emotions boiling.
‘Now’s not the time!’ Oh, I had to find a way to punch his teeth in. I had to.
‘I’m sure you’ll change your mind in a second. It’s my favorite passage.’ He cleared his throat again, taking a deeper, more suave voice. ‘The foolish human turned down his hot wife’s reasonable demands for some sexy action, breaking her heart and enraging her father, head of Manehattan Pony Mafia. Then, he was killed. The end.’
I froze. At that, my ‘wife’ looked up questioningly.
“Honey?” She asked, concerned.
‘There is no such thing as a pony mafia.’ I mouthed with complete disbelief.
‘Oh, there will be such a thing in a few seconds.’ He assured me, moving his claws in a position that implied snapping them together.
‘Y-you…’
‘Of course, that scene only tells of a possible ending.’
I turned my head slightly, locking eyes with the mare that was apparently my wife. Fittingly, she seemed confused and worried. Her eyes even widened a bit, giving her airs of a pretty doe.
Part of me felt bad for my aversion to her, a small part, because she did not deserve a husband that did not love her… I hoped.
Forcing back a grimace, I put on a – fake – smile.
“It’s… it’s nothing dear.” I nuzzled her neck for good measures, but while she seemed reassured by my gesture, I was starting to truly freak out.
“I love you…” she whispered.
I would never know how, but I managed not to wince at her loving words. I was starting to get sick again, from more than physical reticence.
This whole scenario screamed ‘WRONG’! Blackmailing a guy into sleeping with a girl he is not attracted to while she is oblivious to his distress?!
…Discord was such a bastard.
“I… I l-love you too.” God, I had to at least give her that…
Unfortunately, she was much less dense than I originally pegged her to be. She picked up my slip up with so much ease it was embarrassing. A blue aura of magic grabbed my chin and forced me to look her straight in her eyes.
“Tell me, what is wrong with you?”
I wanted nothing more than to scream at Discord that he was what was wrong with everything so far, but that would not fly, with either that mare or the draconequus himself.
Alas, I could not doze off so easily. Her hooves were quickly on each side of my face, gathering my attention again. “You know you can tell me, honey.”
Everything about her told me it was the pure, unaltered truth.
…I could not do that to her…
“It’s nothing.” I whispered and, before she could protest, added. “It’s not important. I swear.”
Of course, someone had to put his two cents in. ‘Beautiful. I would not have lied more convincingly than that.’
Not that it mattered, I completely ignored him. Instead, my eyes locked in hers, I leaned closer. “I love you.” And for the tiniest moment, it was entirely true.
Our lips met.
Nothing could have broken the magic faster than how weird it was to kiss a pony. My very human mind and past experiences put that straight into mind screw levels.
‘I-is that fur on her lips? Ew…’ She moved more forcefully, maybe a little too much. ‘Ugh, this does not feel right… How are our jaws working here? Wait, don’t tell me- oh God, she’s slipping her tongue in. That’s too long! Can’t do this! O-oh buck, where is she moving her hooves?! That’s my hind le- GAH!’
I broke it too quickly, but it was all I could take.
She looked up with wide eyes, confused and a little wounded, it seemed to me. Her breathing had accelerated slightly as well, making her seem all that more vulnerable.
“S-sorry…” I muttered.
Then…
“Uncle!”
“GAH!”
Was I ever going to wake up peacefully after a trip to Equestria?
Not that I deserved much sympathy here…
My heart was stuck in my throat. I had strung that poor mare along in Discord’s sick scheme. Then again, who knew how big of an influence he had had in creating that situation?
Soft purring filled my ears. Giantonio was contently using my second pillow as his bed. Not even my semi-serious death glare could make him stir.
“I bet my problems don’t make you lose much sleep, eh, you fat fluffball?” I stated, grateful to have at least an anchor in my reality.
I was starting to hate the idea of going to Equestria. With D pulling the strings, it was bound to end badly, but I had hoped I could get some enjoyment out of it. In lights of recent events, I doubted even that. Thinking back on what had happened just served to make me sick.
I hugged myself. “This was just wrong…”
I felt almost dirty. It was twisted, so very twisted.
Giantonio rolled around in his sleep, letting out a content ‘meoooow’.
“You’re not going to let me hug you again, right?” I did my best to smile, but it fell short. “Yeah… didn’t think so…”
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Awww you took my ramblings and made it a chapter.
or did you have this planned out already and i'm just a good guesser?
Anyway nice touch with the pony mafia XD
1874843 You're a good guesser. Really, I spent a good three minutes staring at your comment with my mouth open the first time I read it.
)
Man, I was so tempted to tell you how impressed I was, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise.
(oh, and thanks, the pony mafia is such an understimated tool
Alright let's see if I can make lightning strike twice.
The Protagonist wakes up to find himself in the middle of a high pressure sales pitch for an important company that he knows nothing about
Nope. Nice idea though.
There is one element you predicted right though and that will be rather important later.
Every bachelor's worst nightmare… finding yourself in a room with a female, a bottle of wine and a wedding dress. *shivers*
Wow this guy needs to man up, just play the role as awkward as that may be.
In all honesty this was the best scenario he was in so far.
Not gonna lie; not liking this.
For one, I'm not a fan of malicious portrayals of Discord. He's the Spirit/Embodiment of Chaos and Chaos isn't inherently evil.
Second of all, the main character is giving up too easily. I'm not finding the story interesting in part because of this, the scenarios pass by so fast there's no substance.
He's wasting his liiives..
Really, he seems to be hanging on to his perception of humanity. Aside from that first round, he could have rocked those scenarios if he really tried...
8622169
To be fair, I'd freak the fuck out if I ended up in a situation about to turn sexual with a hot wife I'd never met or didn't even know her name. And that's assuming I'm a human and so is she. He's dealing with being a pony when he's barely able to move the body with any coordination (he has improved), and then his ideas of sex got mashed with the differences with a pony's...
Yeah, I'd probably call uncle on this one too.
7092726
To be fair it’s a complete stranger and he was in a sexual situation in a body that didn’t belong to him . He was just overwhelmed
I'm just realising that if these ponies bodies he's borrowing are real, he has the real potential to cause awful problems for them. I mean, you gotta feel bad for that married couple. He probably ruined what would have been one of the best days of that stallion's life.