Rainbow Dash's been feeling strange lately - more than usual. Creeping thoughts invade her brain whenever she isn't actively trying to keep them away. It's so much easier to ignore the problem than figure out what's really gone. That is, until a new pony visits Ponyville. A new pony with shocking new information to share with Dash. This new pony, and the little things quickly stacking up that Dash's been having a harder and harder time ignoring, leaves her with a realization that changes everything.
Chapters (1)
Good first chapter, although it's not "pegasis" but "pegasus"
This makes me think of this
https://www.deviantart.com/tristanjsolarez/gallery/36168546/trans-ponies
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/cd93a15f-300f-4c60-99d3-ab4d45e98bed/d5zj8qr-44f15fd6-03d5-4aad-9e6a-87e9967b2e39.jpg/v1/fit/w_828,h_1068,q_70,strp/trans_ponies_page_39_by_tristanjsolarez_d5zj8qr-414w-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTMyMSIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2NkOTNhMTVmLTMwMGYtNGM2MC05OWQzLWFiNGQ0NWU5OGJlZFwvZDV6ajhxci00NGYxNWZkNi0wM2Q1LTRhYWQtOWU2YS04N2U5OTY3YjJlMzkuanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMjQifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.RhhUZPJcta3agsF1OUIEsocgmJouBeo7KW3j6j4bzAM
i hate biology
I recently commented on a story that I don't like when tomboyish characters are made trans in fanfics and what does live give me? More tomboys made trans
11768417
trixie and rainbow dash both being made trans by uninspired people:
imgflip.com/s/meme/Epic-Handshake.jpg
11768417
No one is forcing you to read anything you know.
I've noticed a lot of hate, how about you guys just try to appreciate the writing and how it's narrated instead of ignoring all of it just bcus of a generic character choice to being trans.
Like you think the writer considered appearance to make this history, which could be, you're ignoring the story itself because of appearance, ik it's generic but doesn't deserve this hate.
11768530
I read it. It starts in present tense, then halfway through switches to past tense, but that's about it, when it comes to technical issues. Plot-wise, it runs through the standard ponyfic plot points (cupcakes, new pony in Ponyville) like it was written in 2012. Also, there's that:
Please tell me it's not a trans flag. A common pitfall when it comes to writing LGBT characters (but also disabled characters and so on) is making their gayness/transness/disability literally their only character trait. If "being a trans activist" is this pony's special talent, then it's so on the nose that it's making it hard to breathe. I mean, a skilled author can probably pull it off, but I wouldn't even try that (and I wrote trans characters before).
11768417
some of you people need to fucking chill. no one is taking anything from you by writing trans rainbow dash stories. if you wanna get more tomboy rainbow dash stories, you can just. Write Them. no one is stopping you.
tomboys and trans people are not enemies, in fact they are kissing, sloppy style, squishing pecs together, etc etc.
stop being buzzkills because someone wrote a story with themes you don't like. if you don't like strawberry cakes don't spit on them, just go get your lemon cakes or whatever.
11768617
this applies even if the story makes the awful crime of not being written by Shakespeare. let people have fun even if the story isn't Perfect or whatever. people write mid shit all the time on this website, and i don't see a hundred comments telling the umpteenth HiE self insert story author that they're writing cringe and being lazy or whatever.
let beginners be beginners, let people writing from the heart write their cringe beginner teenager wishfic. being mad at mary sues and imperfect writing for a beginner's story obviously written from the heart and for fun isn't appropriate or constructive, it's mean. it's teenage mean girl shit. it's stuff I would have gotten up to when I was 17 and pedant about stuff I didn't like, because my tastes were soooo refined. but if beginners aren't allowed to write bad cringe shit you're never going to get anymore experts. also it makes a young author that excitedly shares his macaroni art with the world miserable. do better, actually.
11768659
Someone complains without reading: bad. Someone reads it and still complains? Also bad. Either it's now verboten to criticize things or someone has too much fun moving the goalposts.
Also, keeping tenses consistent is a basic writing thing and English isn't even my native language.
11768709
yeah, maybe you shouldn't complain at someone trying to write a story for being a genre, or having stuff that you yourself don't like because of... not liking when people don't write characters the way you want. not everything needs a "critique" like it's some kind of published commercial work that wants to be the next hit in YA fiction or whatever.
i'm not a native english speaker either. you're not special.
also, you're dodging the point: the issue isn't that your writing a critique, the issue is that you're being a dipshit. the problem isnt that you didn't like the chapter about a thing you already weren't going to like, the issue is that you're publically being a piece of cock about it. go complain about it in a private discord server like a normal hater. leave a downvote and join the silent mass of fimfic users and bots irrationally mad about M/M pairings and trans people. stop being a piece of cock, man. grow up. i know you're acting your username right now, and it is sooo funny and sarcastic. you're funny. congrats. but you're also being a dick! no one asked for your needless criticism! i know "don't like don't read" is a decades-old saying that sometimes is needlessly waved around like a staff to ward off all criticism, but in this situation, it is relevant.
again, if you want more tomboy characters, go write that yourself. don't go to the soup restaurant and complain that there's no pizza there.
11768731
I have one tomboy story in the works, but I'm a notoriously slow writer, on account of not giving a fuck.
Also, how many more food-based metaphors do you have?
11768417
11768429
The quiet part is that these people hate trans stories on principal because they believe that the honor of appearing in fiction should be reserved for people who they consider worthy of being human. 'Lack of Creativity,' and "Bad Writing' are smokescreens to justify themselves. Their lack of providing quality criticism unless their forced to give it is because they don't actually have anything of value to say to LGBT people.
11768738
Bruh, I'm bisexual and wrote trans characters before. Sorry for not being a part of the hive mind.
11768659
So first off, full disclosure, I have not read the fic yet, I've just been reading through the comments to see what reader opinion is on it.
So going off solely that...I think the issue here is a little less that the story is trans-themed and a bit more that it's not very well written as a story, regardless of its themes. And to that, I agree that one shouldn't hate blindly, but I would still expect commenters to give criticism for what the story's problems are so to alert the writer as to what they are and give them motivation to address them, improving both their skills and the quality of the story altogether.
And who wouldn't want that, really?
11768774
I'm sure having trans characters in your foalcon was very sexually satisfying for you.
11768777
Wrong story, try harder.
Also, I preferred the previous guy. He didn't resort to ad personam.
11768776
yeah i haven't taken the time to read it either honestly. i want to, i've just been doing something else for the last few hours (and have been called here by the atrocious ratio on a story with a trans flag in the cover.
that being said, i the few paragraphs i've skimmed seem fine. no obvious orthograph or grammar problem, decent prose. idk, maybe it's my standards, but it's okay. the point of my rants is that it's getting hell treatment not because of its quality but because a bunch of whiny babies can't stand the thought of a story like this existing on this website, so they have to give seven thousand Haute Takes and be very mad and very angry and very rude in the comments. there is no reason to assume good faith in their criticism- quite the opposite.
that's the point of my rants, honestly. this comment section, like half the comment sections with m/m themes or transgender ponies or any kind of queerness a portion of the userbase on this site deem unacceptable will get downvoted and shat on, regardless of how good it is otherwise. that's kind of the point behind this year's m/m contest giving bonus donations to queer orgs based on the amount of downvotes in the comment.
please read the fic to know whether the fic is good or not, because I couldn't tell you, and I wouldn't trust this comment section to tell me or you, either.
and it sucks that this comment section has to get turned into a warzone over it. it sucks that the comment sections of a lot of stories with similar themes on this website have to turn into warzones because of a few queerphobes that won't let stories with themes they don't like exist in peace.
11768783
if this is an accident please read my bio, if this is on purpose, honestly, fuck you.
also, i see where you're coming from with the ad personam comment, but I called you a douche like five different ways. I stand by it, too. There was no reason to write your sniveling little rants, and there is no reason to keep doing it and being a nuisance. I have as many food-related metaphors as I need to make this point. If you want meat, don't go to the vegan restaurant and then throw a temper tantrum because they don't have your chicken nuggies. Certainly don't write an angry review on Google about it. This fiction is the vegan restaurant; this very website has plenty of omnivorous options to choose from. Go read and comment on them, instead of spewing bile here.
I've just been sitting here off and on, watching as the comments come in and the like/dislike ratio grows and grows.
Leaving aside the contents of the story and everything, a couple of points to raise:
First, legitimate criticism and feedback based on the shortcomings of the writing style/structure in a story, isn't the same thing as unjustified hate. The fact there are people who can't differentiate between the two is a sad state of affairs for us to find ourselves in.
Pointing out basic things, like how the flow is rushed and the tense keeps changing with no rhyme or reason, is in no way the same thing as telling the author they deserve to die and should never write again. I'm looking at those
sixseveneight folks who downvoted Boopy Doopy's comment for having the audacity to point out an obvious spelling error.Second, the Disney approach to doing business is a poor way to go. Rule Number One of any production is you don't attack the intended/prospective audience and blame them for the product failing to sell or otherwise be well-received.
Now, the author hasn't posted anything here that would come off as attacking people in the comments, like calling them idiots for not loving the story. But it still has to be pointed out. Because if it's wrong to leave criticism on a particular work for how it's written, then it's equally wrong to be attacking and criticizing people for not liking the work, and writing them off as being nothing but haters.
11768851
this is not "identity politics", this is people like me existing and having lives and challenges and experiences. we're allowed to write about our experiences. it shouldn't be this controversial. you're the ones making it political. most of us want to exist publicly and not having a mob of angry people after us.
no way you're for real
11768828
So read through the chapter now, because I felt like I owed it that much at this point if I was going to jump into these comments, and got a feel for how it's approaching its subject matter. And...yeah, I think there is a problem with how it's been approached.
In grammatical terms, yes, there's not any glaring issues that I saw, at least no more than is the standard for any fic on this site, but I wasn't so focused on that, it was the prose and characterization. Starting with the prose, the story gets where it wants to go successfully, but it lacks depth. Sort of just skims the surface of its subject matter by touching on really only the obvious points everybody would think to hit upon in a fic like this, regardless of their own orientation. I myself am straight, and will confess in struggling to relate to LGBT matters, which is why I typically don't write on the subject, because I know I couldn't do it proper justice. But the prose for this fic feels like how I myself would try to tackle the subject, by hitting upon all of the points I've heard supporters talk about but without going into any real detail on any of them because I don't actually understand those points sufficiently to give them the requisite detailing.
Which is a problem, because as the author's note makes clear, this fic is inspired by real-life events they've experienced, suggesting they would have way more perspective on the subject than I would, so the fact it doesn't feel like it at a glance...is somewhat disappointing.
But the bigger issue here is the characterization. I'm sure you're quite familiar with the concept of a Mary Sue character, yes? Well, right off the bat, Rainbow feels like the trans version of that, a character so perfectly fitting all of the usual trans stereotypes that it almost feels too perfect, and it hurts its believablity. And we haven't even met the "new pony" of focus here, but already first impressions suggest she similarly hits all of the checkpoints of a "perfect" pro-trans character too, and worse still, very clearly exists in the story solely for the purposes of fulfilling that duty but that's her one and only defining trait. She exists purely to deliver the pro-trans message but has no further depth beyond that and...that's uninteresting for a character, feels glaring as its like one's trying to hit one over the head with that message harder than it needs to be to work, and isn't realistic and thus difficult for a reader to be able to relate to. And if they can't relate to the characters delivering the message, how can they be expected to relate to the message itself, you know?
So in conclusion, the author has good intentions here in writing a pro-trans story, and I for one will wish them the best of luck moving forward regardless. But the presentation so far feels like it needs a bit more time thinking it through, with more consideration given on how it wants to deliver its message. Because I'm not sure it's current method will work for readers and that's part of why they don't seem super enthused by it. I agree that there are many who are hating just because it's trans-themed and nothing else, which is a problem. But I've noticed in the past that if LGBT-themed stories such as this are still written well enough to successfully convey their intended message with the oomph and impact wanted, then the upvote/downvote ratio will still balance out, if not resulting in the upvotes eventually winning out in the end anyway. So the fact this doesn't seem to be happening here suggests to me there are genuinely readers who just aren't wowed with the quality of the premise, regardless of whether it's trans-themed or not, and I think the two points I've discussed are probably why.
Some (hopefully helpful) thoughts from an outsider looking in.
Based story.
I had to really think about this one because I didn’t want to just come off as either a contrarian, or some kind of jerk, as my intent is not to shame or dissuade you from writing as that’s never my intent. I should want to encourage you to do your best and aid in pushing you to success.
That being said: I don’t think being a “predictable” character to be LGBT is inherently the problem. It’s more that you didn’t pick one you’re passionate about it seems, or at least we can’t see that passion.
Making statements like “don’t like it, don’t read it” are kind of flippant too. It’s a publicly posted story, and there really isn’t a viable excuse to not try and make it quality.
Take some time to really think about the issue to yourself. Dig deep, put your real feelings on the page when you’ve thought hard about them and you’ll have a story that is both personal and moves people.
I can sense you have what it takes, now you just need to apply that. :)
11768880
This. Actually, quite a few trans stories suffer from that, but if you point this out, everyone loses their mind.
11768841
Far/faer? Do you identify as a goddamn elf and why would I even take you seriously in that case? (not that I did before)
11769187
The only folk tween cares for are those who are childlike and molesteble
11769435
Always funny to find on a writing site: an individual so devoid of imagination that they can't separate fiction from reality.
The amount of Transphobia on this site is depressing.
People ought to learn their bigotry is counter to both reality & medical science and suh concepts were hidden and destroyed by bigots of the past.
Yet other cultures for centuries have accepted trans people. Hell, the Romans even had and accepted trans people, and there is evidence of gender nonconforming people in the "viking" cultures.
However, the quality so for of your work isn't great. It needs more polish and depth as it's coming across as shallow
When a story has a lot of downvotes, there is always some drama in the comments section and I’m all here for it 🍿
The fact that comments like mine which were constructive, not attacking the story for the fact that it features trans characters and even telling the author they should keep going and not give up get downvotes echoes a bigger problem, and I’m going to say it:
There is a real disconnect when it comes to certain topics used in stories. I know people don’t want to hear this but: if you can’t disconnect your emotions from a topic to the point where you get upset at people for even trying to help you improve, you need to not write about that topic.
The fact of the matter is you’re putting a story out for others to read. This isn’t some personal wish fulfillment that you kept in your closet, you put it out to the public and that means people will read it and give their thoughts.
I’ve seen many people give very constructive feedback and the ratio of flagrant hate out of bigotry doesn’t appear to be the majority, but even though giving anything beyond praises are being lumped in with the haters. This is no way to improve yourself; and I know no one wants to hear this either but: this only ADDS to the hate that subject matter like this story addresses. No one and I mean no one is going to think positively about a group of people who can’t handle criticism. When trans stories become taboo to criticize even in talks of quality, it makes people hate them more. Hiding behind a shield to deflect criticism only makes people roll their eyes when such stories come up.
I’m all for LGBT people, anyone who has read anything I’ve put out knows I have used gay characters, lesbian characters and characters with gender dysphoria. I’ve even touched upon non-binary a tad. So if you’re going to just lump me with the bigots, you need to really read the room and realize you’re pushing Allies AWAY. Not every criticism is because people are bigots.
It is when LGBT content becomes taboo to even critique that people start to hate seeing it. Don’t contribute to that problem.
It’s so easy to cover your ears and brand everyone who has something not 100% positive to say as a hater, but good writers never did what was easy. They put in the work and listened to feedback. They take the good with the bad. They don’t just tell people that if they didn’t like a story that it’s on them or that they’re some kind of bigot for not liking it. This is a reality some might not like to hear: being about LGBT stuff doesn’t inherently make something good. It can still suck. If you can’t wrap your head around that, you have no business writing or reviewing.
Free speech means you are not exempt from criticism. This is a growing problem with the LGBT community and it needs to stop: branding everyone who is not uttering 100% praises as a bigot or enemy. It needs to stop. It isn’t helping anyone. It’s creating more division and turning more against the community.
When people talk: LISTEN to what they’re saying. Many people here have voiced how they want this story to be better, to do better, that doesn’t sound like unanimous unrequited hate to me. These people are cheering for your success, they WANT stories about trans characters, they just want them to be GOOD. I really hope all who downvoted my comment before and those who are just dismissing every comment that isn’t blind praise as hate really read this and ask yourselves: what kind of ally are you being?
Are you being the kind who builds the community up and encourages others to be allies? Or are you the kind pushing allies away and reducing the strength of the community?
Like come on, it’s a site about fan fiction for ponies. Do you really want to lose potential allies for THIS? Like is this the hill you want to die on?
There’s enough hate in the world, don’t add to it.
God bless everyone here.
11768738
Friend, you can not just dismiss all criticism as illegitimate and claim it’s really just a smokescreen for hate without backing it up with SOMETHING.
You are not doing trans people a service by doing this, you’re only going to make people dislike them more because you’re giving the impression that they can do no legitimate wrong and anyone who tries and critique is just somehow a bigot.
so true
oh is this lightly homonormative Equestria? exactly how i imagine Equestria myself, always love to see it
Pinkie does have a point there. Dash is not very good at figuring out how to get out of doing things!
it’s easy to read the narrative voice as reflecting Rainbow Dash’s own perspective, so i can read this as Rainbow Dash subconsciously gendering themself as male in advance of consciously recognizing it, haha
aww that does not sound like a fun experience, understandable for Dash to want to get out of doing it
oof, blunt as always AJ, love it
yes very neurotypical probably
and given the farm chores episode, Applejack herself is well-positioned to recognize that tendency in others
definitely, for sure, Rainbow!
i do hope you continue to get further along Rainbow's journey that's just starting to be set up here. will be here when you do!
oh god... it's like finding the remains of a bombsight. (The comment section, not the story)
Like Jesus, calm down folks it's just a story about cute ponies who happen to want to be another gender, it's not that big of a deal. Like and Dislike it based on the quality of the story.
Ouch.
If you shave just 10 words, the wordcount will be the same as the registry# of the USS Enterprise NCC 1701.