Midnight Dusk can't help but contemplate an odd feeling that he can't make sense of. Ever since he came to Ponyville and began to make new friends, he's felt different. But after doing a bit of reflecting, he begins to believe that perhaps his identity is clashing with his physical body.
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Loved this!! Trans Rarity is a personal fave HC of mine, and the idea that Twilight would go to her first makes so much sense. Love that you used the Ascension as the transition, it really ties the themes together!! For a first fic it's genuinely wonderful!!
And don't take the thumbs downs too personally. Some "fans" of the show don't take the kindness lessons all that seriously and so act pretty hatefully to any fic with trans stuff. They'll never comment so they can't be moderated off, but that's just cause they're cowards who hide behind anonymity while trying to make others feel bad.
But for real!! Really enjoyed this and hope to see more!!
11664803
Aww, thank you so much for the kind words :)
This was cute. Sad how trans stories got voted down on this site.
11664909
Aww thanks, and yeah that's pretty annoying.
11664914
As a trans woman, I'm always looking for good transfemme stories.
11664915
Well I'm happy I could provide
This was a fun story! It's always good to see more trans representation on the site. While I can't give much in the way of definite critiques, I did notice you using the wrong "you're" from time to time. Overall I did really enjoy this story, and I hope you continue to write more like this in the future!
Giving this a thumbs up for good effort, although I do think they are somewhat minor issues with it. Main thing is grammar mostly, I see "your" used when it should be "you're" sometimes. I was also confused at the mention of Twilight coming out to Pinkie despite Rarity being portrayed as the first one to know about her problem during the conversation with Celestia. This stuff can easily be fixed by just taking some time to reread your story, being careful to pay attention to your timeline of events even if mentioned in passing. I like it though, good stuff
Cute little story, nice work! Sad, though, how heavily down voted trans stories get on here. Hope you continue to write fun works like this!
This is a very cute work. It's kind. It's hopeful. I love it!
11664924
Aww, thanks, and I'll definately try to keep that criticism in mind for my next story.
11664932
Aww, thanks, and thank you for the critique.
11665031
Aww, thank you so much :)
This is a great story.
This is pretty good for a first fic, definitely better than my first fic.
Although I do have some problems with it.
At some points it's hard to get a good picture of the scene in my head, as it is become walls of just dialogue and exposition, with no actions or environmental descriptors at all (maybe this is just a personal taste thing tho) At least for me, it is a little boring.
As for the overall plot, I think the plot goes too smoothly for Twilight. Hate against the LGBTQIA+ movement is mentioned by Celestia once, but we never actually see any of it. No upset parent figure, no shocked public, everyone around her is overall supportive, and caring. For Twilight this is good, but from a plot, and realism I don't think it works. Since there is no friction or conflict it does cheapen the plot, and the alicorn reveals a bit, and unfortunately, her experiencing no friction is not very realistic. At least from my personal experience, I know if I came out as trans tomorrow (not saying that I am), I'd lose half my family overnight, people whom I really care about, and would be devastated to have those relationships soured. And I know a trans friend who has been suffering for years due to them living in an extremely religious household, that is not very happy about her identity.
I guess the way to put it is, it does not feel like she discovers it, rather, it feels like she finds out she is trans if that makes sense. She is able to learn and accept it without much internal resistance, is conveniently introduced to the information by a book, and even has a trans rarity to help her out. The story does not display much internal or external struggle. I guess this story is the ideal scenario for a trans person, where everything goes right and they have all the support they need. But everything going right can be boring at times, and as I pointed out before, unrealistic (As can be displayed by the amount of downvotes on this fic) Unfortunately even in the more accepting communities there still will be many who are unwilling to accept people for who they are.
I am happy that you are writing more trans representation on the website, It's been a hot minute since there has been a trans fic in the box, and for a first fic, this is really good. I liked many of your descriptions, particularly her dissatisfaction with her lower-toned voice, and I liked the ending quite a bit, it connects with how she canonically became an alicorn very well. I was initially put off that this was a fic where instead of a character changing their canon gender, they instead changed to their canon gender, but upon further thought, I think for putting the reader in the shoes of the character doing it the way you did is actually better. We are not used to Twilight being male, and therefore we as the readers are just as jarred seeing a male Twilight, as she would be being identified as the wrong gender.
I think you have a lot of potential as a writer, and I encourage you to write more. I hope this comment does not come off as an attack on the story, or yourself. I intended this to be a critique, not an attack, hopefully, I got that across.
I wish you a good day, and good luck with your future literary ventures
yesss more trans fimfiction
we must conquer the website and banish all transphobes lol
11665215
Thanks for the critique, that really helps. I'll definitely keep these things in mind in my future fanfics.
11665699
you're welcome
This was the first trans fic I ever read and I love it! Keep up the good work!
11665748
Aww, thanks
Contrary to whatever nonsense people spew, transphobia isn't always the reason these kinds of stories get downvoted. I've never seen a single story without at least one downvote, so there's that.
There's also the fact that not everyone likes this kind of story. It doesn't matter if it's been written well or not. If your first idea of why is transphobia... Then there's something wrong with you I feel.
11667115
you say that and yet another story that's actually pretty decent has the same treatment because the main point of the it was scootaloo discovering they're nonbinary. I don't think you realized this place's audience at most is 4channers, thus making certain stories such as this not welcomed.
11665277
Yeah do that
Trans Raity is not something I thought I would've wanted but I love it anyways
While it might have a good message about acceptance and such. It still hit the same gneric transgender story checkmarks ever.
You could switch MLP:FiM to any random designed-for-queer fantasy world and nothing will change.
And where're Twilight's parents? They are loving family and should come to meet her.
I'm starting to realize the more the story goes on, the more the story keeps calling him a "she" or "her".
Interesting....the story or Arthur explained to the readers that "Twilight took a moment" rather than "Midnight took a moment" before he/she even came up with the idea to call herself Twilight.
The story is also still calling Midnight/Twilight a "she" sometimes while still being a "he".
I'm not sure if this is perhaps explaining something.