True Sparkle

by Heartbeat Unicorn

Late Night Contemplating

Midnight used his magic to hold up a photo of himself with his friends, before looking down upon himself. He let out a loud huff, his low, almost raspy voice felt, strange to him. Ever since he came to Ponyville, he began to notice that he felt different. While it wasn’t anything major as far as he could tell, it was still something that nagged at her from the back of his mind.

So many of Midnight’s beliefs and worldviews had been challenged by his new friends, even if unintentionally, yet Midnight wouldn’t have had it any other way. Where he once kept himself locked up on a seemingly twenty-four-seven basis to focus exclusively on his studies, now he’s opened up to creating meaningful bonds outside his comfort zone.

But it wasn’t just Midnight's social skills that his friends had challenged, he felt something else as time went on. These friends became more than other ponies for Midnight to interact with during his free time. Midnight’s friends were there to support him, helping him to overcome his flaws and struggles, and he would do his best to do the same in return. During these many challenges and interactions, he would notice something within himself start to shift like he was feeling something that he hadn’t noticed was there before.

Over time Midnight learned to be more open, vulnerable, soft-hearted, and even intimate in some cases. It made him look back, while he used to be uncomfortable around most ponies, he was especially distant from the masculine, or at least what most ponies would perceive as masculine. While he did feel comfortable and open around loved ones like his father, Spike, and his older brother Shinning Armor, he never felt as though he fit in with other masculine ponies, and detested the stereotypes associated with masculinity. Perhaps it was these assumptions from others that made Midnight want to distance himself from the conventionally masculine, and just focus on himself instead.

She, feminine, mare, gal, why do these words keep coming back in my mind? Midnight wondered to himself. He sat on his bed gazing at the night sky through his window. His raspy voice narrated the thoughts in his head, and it sounded so disappointing to him as if there was some form of disconnect that he couldn’t put his hoof on. Why am I even having these thoughts? Something’s not right with me. Why am I feeling this way? What the heck is going on?

“Midnight,” Spike said as he entered the room, catching Midnight off guard and instantly earning his attention.

“Oh, hey Spike, what’s up?”

“Well, I just finished dusting the bookshelves like you asked, and came to check on you.”

Midnight let out a sigh to relax before replying “Thanks Spike, what would I do without you?” Midnight turned her attention back to the window in front of her.

“Are you alright? You seem… off?”

Midnight paused with silence for a moment before replying, trying hard to decide how to put his thoughts into words. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I feel, weird.”

“Weird how?”

“I don’t know, I can't describe it. It’s almost like something that has been with me for a long time has gotten stronger. Like something I’ve been repressing or something, like a disconnect, those are the only ways I can think to describe it. No offense but you wouldn’t understand.”

Spike slowly walked up to comfort Midnight, lightly patting him on the shoulder. Although he wasn’t fully sure of what Midnight was going through or what he was getting at, he still held sympathy for him. “We all have times where we feel a bit down and don’t always know why. Maybe give it some time and it’ll work itself out.”

“I’m not so sure, I’ve been feeling this way for a long time, almost as long as I’ve been here in Ponyville. Any time I try to figure out what’s happening… nothing, my mind just rejects it.”

“You're probably just stressed, you should try to relax for a while, get your mind off of things for a bit. That’s what I normally do when I’m feeling down”

“Well… maybe your right, I might just be overthinking. It’s probably not all that important anyways”

“Sweet.” Spike began to yawn, tired from the effort of keeping Midnight’s library as clean and organized as he could. “While you do that, I’m gonna hit the sack. Goodnight Midnight”

“Goodnight Spike”

As Spike crawled into his bed, Midnight trotted downstairs to the first floor of the library, looking for a book to read. It was one of his biggest passions, so he naturally figured that it would be just the thing he needed to help ease his troubles, at least for now. He looked through his vast collection, trying to decide on what to read. Despite calling the Library his home, a vast majority of the books were already there by the time he first arrived, and hadn’t had nearly enough time to read through all of them.

Midnight pulled each book out of its place on the bookshelf one by one, trying to find something that suited his mood. As he continuously scrolled through each book, there was one in particular that caught his eye titled; Dysphoria.

For whatever reason he couldn’t grasp, Midnight found himself drawn to the pony on the cover, feminine, confident, proud with a welcoming and easy-going flair. And yet it was a stallion in mares clothing, or at least that’s what the pony on the cover looked like. The muzzle was bulky, nothing like what he had seen on any mare before, and the eyes were considerably smaller than most mares.

Despite these seemingly clashing aspects, Midnight wasn’t weirded out by what he saw, but instead, he felt his curiosity peeked. Most stallions would never be caught with an appearance like that, let alone in that kind of clothing, yet this stallion had a gleeful and carefree expression on his face, void of shame or embarrassment as if he was at peace with how he looked. Midnight couldn’t resist his curiosity and decided that this would be the book he would read to help him get his mind off of things. He trotted back to his room, still carrying the book with his magic. He settled back onto her bed, ready for a peaceful night with a new book.