Chapter One
Rainbow Dash has always felt a little different. I mean, why wouldn't she? She's easily the best flier in all of Equestria! She's a pegasus worthy of being a Wonderbolt, an element of harmony, and friends with some of the most amazing ponies in the history of ever!
She's different. In a good way, right? In a way that makes ponies look up to you as their hero. Enough to make a fan club all about you! Right? That must be it.
Except, that doesn't explain the sinking feeling in her chest when she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, or in the reflection of a puddle after a morning of rain. Doesn't explain why she spends longer than she should studying herself - from the feminine curve of her jaw and figure to the long eyelashes flowing over her magenta eyes. Doesn't explain the twist in her heart when she thinks of the word mare or anything that has to do with it.
It's not that she doesn't like mares, either! She's been with plenty of mares, in varying contexts. Stallions as well. Sure, she gets some disproving looks, but it's definitely not that she doesn't like mares. It's just, when it comes to herself...
She can't explain it, but it's there. It's always been there. No matter how much she tries to brush it away or straight out shove it from her thoughts. It always comes back.
She was looking at herself yet again in one of Twilight's castle mirrors - testing out different heroic poses and hating every single one of them - when Pinkie Pie burst into the room, as bubbly and oblivious as ever as Dash shot into the air in a flurry of feathers, red flaming across her cheeks at being caught.
"Oh my Celestia, Dashie!" Pinkie squealed, bouncing around the room in a pink blur of pure excitement.
"W-what is it, Pinkie?" Dash cleared her throat, fluttering down to the ground.
"You won't believe it!" Pinkie screeched to a stop in front of Dash, bouncing up and down in place with a huge smile plastered on her face.
Dash rolled her eyes, a small smile spreading across her own face at Pinkie's usual joviality. "I probably would believe it if you'd just tell me."
Pinkie giggled, a pink puff of hair falling in front of her face as she stopped her bouncing, holding her breath dramatically.
"There'sanewponyinPonyville!" She burst out in a rush, giggling. Dash laughed, grinning less at the fact of a new pony than at the possibility of another Pinky party.
"Wow, how exciting," Dash teased, though Pinkie, who was back to bouncing, didn't seem to notice.
"I know right!" Pinkie exclaimed, head bobbing to some silent music as she bounced. "Her name is Morning Sea and she's the most wonderful pony!" Dash opened her mouth to say something, but Pinkie talked over her, words tumbling out of her mouth a mile a minute. "She likes to bake! She already said she's gonna help out at Sugarcube Corner and baked an amazing pecan pie all by herself when I invited her to come bake with me! I would give you some but I ate all of it already." She giggled, and it gave Dash just enough time to swoop in with her question.
"Are you throwing a party for her?"
"Is that even a question!?" Pinkie gasped when she recovered from her giggling fit. "That's why I came! To tell you about the party. And her. And the party! It's gonna be amazing!" She stopped suddenly, whirling to face Dash. "Oh, right! I wanted to ask if you'd come help me make some cupcakes! For the party, of course!"
"Why don't you ask your new friend," Dash drooped at the process of baking with Pinkie. It was always fun, sure, but she could never do it as fast as she wanted to with Pinkie hovering over her shoulder, insisting on baking everything perfectly.
"Obviously not, silly!" Pinkie said it as though it was the most obvious thing ever. "The party's meant to be a suprise. I can't ask her to make treats for her own surprise party!"
Dash groaned dramatically but agreed, and Pinkie cheered with delight, quickly darting off and out of the room, leaving her to roll her eyes and fly after her.
The next two hours were spent baking not just cupcakes, but a whole array of other various goodies that had quickly filled the counters of Sugarcube Corner. Dash had to admit; He'd had fun. There were more than one play-fights that ended in them both covered in flour and bits of batter, and Dash got to taste test more than she had to bake.
Pinkie had talked a lot about the new pony, though it was hard to make out what she was saying with how fast she was talking. Dash caught little things about the pony, like how she has a white coat, and a green mane and tail. Her cutie mark had something to do with a... megaphone and some kind of flag. That was all Dash heard before she started tuning the pink pony out.
She loved Pinkie to bits, but if she tried too hard to figure out what she was rambling on and on about all the time, she would have a constant migraine. She knew enough about baking from being recruited by Pinkie times before that Dash could do it well enough without listening to the instructions Pinkie shot at her between random bits of anything that popped into her brain. But the occasional shout still broke through the fog in her mind whenever she did something wrong. It didn’t happen too often, but it happened enough.
Pinkie had shooed Dash out of the shop as soon as the baking and decorating was finished, spouting something about 'decorating before the guests arrive'. Dash wasn't sure what to do now that she was out of Pinkie's hold and just flew lazily around until she spotted an orange mare pulling a cart of apples through town square. She glided down towards her, landing with enough force to send up a puff of dust.
"Hello, Rainbow," Applejack greeted without turning to look at her, not slowing down as the apples bounced along behind her.
"What are you doing?" Dash trotted along beside her, wings fluttering impatiently as her restless body ached for something to do.
"I'm taking these here apples into town," Applejack replied, shooting Dash a look. "Why're you askin'?"
"Can I help?"
Applejack turned to face her, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You never ask to help. Is this some kinda elaborate prank you and Pinkie're pullin'? 'Cause I really don't have time for this today, Rainbow."
"No, no!" Dash shook her head fervently. "I really wanna help!"
Applejack eyed her for a moment longer before shrugging, turning back and continuing along her way. Dash grinned, following her. Applejack didn't say anything more as they walked, and Dash followed her lead. The earth pony's company was enough to ward off the onslaught of invasive thoughts that Dash was trying so hard to keep at bay.
Dash's gaze wandered as they walked, and she saw no sign of the new pony, though she wasn't looking too hard. She did see Lyra and Bon Bon, who were eating daisy sandwiches on a bench outside of one of the shops, as well as various other ponies going about their normal lives. Lyra and Bon Bon. How long have those two been together again? Pinkie would know. She always kept up with all of the relationships in Ponyville - romantic or not - far better than Dash could ever. She had a hard enough time remembering anything actually important, and the only thing that ever stuck in her brain longer than fifteen seconds after she heard it was flight manoeuvres and which Wonderbolt did what.
Would Dash ever meet someone she loved as much as Lyra and Bon Bon loved each other? She'd never loved anyone before. She'd slept with ponies, and plenty of 'em had caught her eye, sure, but nopony had ever... really seemed to get Dash. It felt like she didn't really know herself most of the time. How could she love somepony, and let somepony love her, if she didn't even know why she felt half of the things she did?
Dash, lost in thought, nearly crashed into Applejack as she stopped but leapt back just in time, wings spreading to balance herself, shaking her head with a scowl to dispel the thoughts. Stupid thoughts. Invading her mind like parasites.
"Rainbow," Applejack said pointedly, unhooking herself from the apple cart and taking a step closer to her. "What's goin' on?"
"W-what?" Rainbow said, startled.
"I may not be the most... receptive a' ponies," She took another step closer, her voice gentler than before. "But I can tell when one a' my friends isn't doing well."
"What are you talking about, AJ?" Dash chuckled, sounding more uncomfortable than she liked.
"Rainbow. You can talk to me. To any a' your friends," Applejack continued, putting a hoof on Dash's shoulder. "If you have something you need ta talk about."
"Pfft, I don't need to talk about anything," Dash brushed her hoof off, blowing a puff of air at a loose piece of rainbow mane hanging in front of her face. She puffed out her chest, spreading her wings and flashing a grin. "I'm Rainbow freaking Dash. You think I have problems that I can't fix with a flick of my tail?"
Applejack sighed, shaking her head. "We all have problems we need help with, Rainbow. It doesn't make you any less of a "Wonderbolt-worthy pegasus" if you need a little help from your friends. I think we've all noticed how distant you've seemed lately. If we don't help ya, what are we even 'ere for?"
"Nothing's wrong," Dash insisted. "I promise." She flashed a sincere smile, tucking her wings back in. "Would I lie to you?"
In all truth, she wouldn't. But it's hard to convince others when you can't even convince yourself. Things were fine. Would always be fine. If she didn't know what the problem was, surely it wasn't a big enough one to matter. Right?