During a stormy night, Starlight notices Trixie carrying a bloody, pony-shaped bag. Just how far will Starlight go to protect her friend? Does Trixie actually needs to be protected?
Chapters (4)
Chromentazol
Joined 18th Apr, 2023 ·
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A decent read. I'm hooked.
Nice start for a interesting story. But I think the lines:
kill a lot of potential for drama, comedy and shenanigans to come.
I am going to go and said that what I think it is in the bag is a ruined dress on a mannequin and that as for she, Trixie is referring to Rarity.
11712158
Thanks for the feedback! I actually went back and forth a lot with these lines, since I wasn't sure if they were worth to include or not, but in the end, I thought this chapter would have felt too "heavy" without them. Admittedly, I might be wrong, but I thought that these lines helped "set the tone" I wanted to go for with this story. I do understand that they can 'take away' from the potential for drama and hijinks, tho
11712259
th.bing.com/th/id/R.472036cf31610c0a873142286440f75b?rik=tf5F7rO%2bXtjgrg&riu=http%3a%2f%2fwww.quickmeme.com%2fimg%2fcb%2fcbc1a9e09fb3e68e9a840a9ca28b4db413b5ed3f93b9a98405239179dcb417cc.jpg&ehk=2qkz2eXbGbjgsHQ2eV6UmxyS1ANy%2fJnXXTgkdGC0ZzU%3d&risl=&pid=ImgRaw&r=0
Alright, this story is good, and I had fun reading it. Can't wait for more chapters.
she didn't kill anyone, they only died after they got buried so technically starlight killed them!
11712259
That bot is not Sweetie Bot !!
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/642404/clarkjenifer
Into the "Sin Cleansing Bathtub" with you.
11712158
We never saw what was in the bag, did we...?
Keep going, dear author.
You have our interest
11713382
No we did not, but the clues point that to be the case.
1.- large bag, pony-sized bag.
2.- the thing inside the bag was stiff.
3.- We know there is a "She" that Trixie does not want to face.
4.- We may speculate that "She" is from Ponyville, for the way Trixie speak.
5.- We know that "Her" is, at the very least a close figure to Twilight.
6.- Unless the autor is baiting us hard, and in this story Trixie is such a sociopath, that because it was an "Accident" (even if she may had caused it), she belive in fact that she did not "had killed somepony" and that is why she is acting like it was not a big deal, then, we may conclude that whatever is in the bag is not a body.
Mind you, that's just me speculating.
I believe that what's in the bag is Twilight back up spaghetti
Oh, poor Starlight. Now she is going to have to deal with the stress of believing that her mentor and friend caught her blatantly lying. Plus the fact of thinking that the princess, an authority figure, is aware of the terrible crime that she believes her best friend committed and that now she is an accomplice of.
I love how Starlight puts so much effort into looking and acting mundane and cool-headed, but absolutely everybody around her can instantly see what a frazzled, anxious mess she is.
Well, well, the mystery gets even more mysterious, and I am all for it.
Twilight? I thought Starlight was the one rousing all the suspicion...
I'm loving watching the pieces of this disaster fall into place, poor glimglam is just not equipped to handle this kind of situation.
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Oops- dunno how that went past proofreading lol, correcting it asap
Just gonna comment here before i read any further. This is a fun start and i am looking forward to learning just exactly how this is all a misunderstanding. (In the worst case, if Trixie had to kill sompony in self defense, Trixie should know that we all have her great and powerful back on this.)
100% A++ on 'Overthinking' and 'Panic'. Just exactly WWTD.
Oh goodie! ( /me checks story rating) Nevermind.
Starlight’s sanity is going downhill at this point. Poor thing.
What a cathartic ending. I don’t know what it is about taking a character like Starlight and emotionally torturing her til she’s about to pop that’s so entertaining, but I definitely got my money’s worth out of this fic. The escape sequence was definitely the highlight of the whole thing for me, absolutely hilarious.
It was nice to have all the puzzle pieces fall into place at last - it would have been fun to structure this more like a mystery the reader could have solved on their own, but I suppose if you gave us any more detail than you did, it would have spoiled the final reveal.
Very fun fic, thanks for sharing it with us!
He, he, he. I knew it!
This really felt like the script for an episode of the cartoon. Great job!
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Thank you! It was a lot of fun to write, I'm glad to see people enjoy reading this story!
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Thanks! And yeah, you did figure most of it out by the end of the first chapter, which was a bit surprising, ngl lol
You wrote your Trixie well.
It was her little mannerisms like "Rude, much?"
And her quips, like how Twilight's hair conditioner is wasted on her mane.
Your Review:
My little Review & Feedback
Hello! You know I reviewed this recently, but here's a (belated) Fimfiction courtesy note. Some nice character work, and comedies of errors like this are fun. A bit too long for what it is, and a few too many minor technical errors (at review time, though I understand some of those have been cleared up). The final scene is pretty YMMV, I will freely admit.
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Once again, thank you for the review!
If I had to redo that story today, there's a lot of things I would've done differently (especially based on a much more scathing review I received by someone else), but I can't get better if I don't make mistakes first :p
11898510
A great attitude, one which I try to keep hold of myself on the rare occasions I actually write something these days! Again, you're very welcome.