You Don't Remember

by The Sleepless Beholder

The Missing Pieces

I stand on the wooden floor of the school's gymnasium, wearing my uncomfortably tight sports uniform. I still don't get why humans insist on having clothes for every little occasion. It's time consuming and frustrating and I can't let others see I still fumble a bit with which side is the correct one. And having to move around in this Diamond-Dog-body isn't any better. I really want to blow off this class, or at least make it more fun somehow. And lucky for me, I see [/////////////////////] trying to skip P. E. again.

"Miss Spitfire," I call out loudly for the whole class to see. "[//////////////////////] is escaping again." I point at the [/////////////] and smile as Spitfire quickly goes over to [///], ready to scream and make [////////////////////////////////]. Serves [/////] right. If I have to suffer through this dumb class, then [////] should too.

Sunset pulled the geode from her forehead, taking a deep breath as the memory she had dug up faded back into her subconscious. It had been so long ago. When she was still learning to act like a human, not being one. Not till the Fall Formal.

Twilight had said memories were never perfect. That the brain tries to recreate them as best it can and never in the same way. But if that were true, why wouldn't her brain fill out the missing pieces?

Not wanting to think about it right now, Sunset pressed the geode to her forehead again.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your English homework, [///////////////////]." I say with a smile as I hand back the papers.

"[///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////]"

I place a hand over my heart, mockingly. "Oh, sorry, I thought you just gave me a copy. You really should've thought about making backups."

"[////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////]"

"Now now, making such assumptions will not do you any favors. You want me as a friend, right? Because otherwise..." The [///] cowers, and says [//////////]. "I thought so. See you later in biology class!" I say happily as I walk away, leaving [//////] with a well earned and learned lesson in trust.

It was sickening, in a way. To see morals she held so high now being abused like that. Had she really been like that before? Could she be making it seem worse than what actually happened?

Trying to think through the fog the Stone had left in her head was hard, to say the least.

But was it even the Stone? Why would her mind, every time, fill in the gaps with the same horrible, disgusting...

"One more..." Sunset told herself, knowing she was lying. Like pulling out a scab, it was becoming a morbid habit, even if it hurt her.

"[///////////////////////////////]" [///////////] shouted as hard as [////] could, turning herself red with anger and with [///] [/////////] face filled with tears.

I do my best to look neutral. I did not expect this kind of reaction. I did not expect her to just ambush me in the middle of the hallway in front of everyone. Shit, even Vice Principal Luna is here. "I don't know what you mean?"

"[/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////]" [///] kept screaming like a [/////////////].

"I did not! Why would you think I would do that? That tree must've just died from not being cared for enough." I try looking at the vice principal, hoping she would stop what should be clearly a fight about to happen with how angry [////////////] is. But Luna just crosses her arms and gives me a 'you deserve this' look along with a smug smile.

Reminder to key her car on the way out. The b-

"[//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////]"

"I-You're right. So why would I've tampered with it? And why are you so angry about it? You were gonna lose anyway," I say firmly, crossing my arms and digging my heels. Hopefully [///////] just goes away when [///] realizes I won't take any responsibility.

However, her reaction is something I'll never forget.

All the rage, all the anger and cries, suddenly stops. And instead of that, it's as if the [///////////////////////////////////////////////////]

[////////////] says [////////]. [///] marches off. Leaving me in the hallway with my thoughts. The rest of the students awkwardly and uncomfortably walking away.

Have I... crossed a line?

Disgust felt like too tame a word to use to describe her reaction to that memory. The implication of her having driven someone to those extremes. To the point even that Sunset had felt regret and wrongness. It threatened to make her cry.

But that would be an insult to her victim.

So, instead of that, Sunset went for her notebook, searched the pages for the picture of who she assumed, and was pretty sure, was her victim, and added those memories to paper. A ritual she had started since the Memory Stone incident. Since she questioned herself if she had truly changed.

The answer was definitely yes. But that didn't make her past actions any less repugnant.

Finishing her notes, Sunset decided to do some more delving, but after that one, she needed something bigger than just memories of what she always hoped were just strangers.

Maybe it was time for them.

Those five Sunset feared the most to hurt now. And knew she hurt before. Those that she had forcefully separated. Those five that represented virtues Sunset had forced them to ignore. Those five she, in a way, owed her new life to. The ones that gave her her second chance. That she would sacrifice all she was for and had done so in a heartbeat.

She had always feared seeing the full extent of her actions to them. She didn't even need the geode for it. She could just ask. But she knew they would talk down any heinous action. Because Sunset Shimmer was now good. Maybe the best person at school.

Sunset definitely didn't feel like it at the moment.

So, in order to make sure she would never become that person again, Sunset closed her eyes. And thought of Rarity.

"So, you running for the Fair Maiden of the Spring Fling?" I say with internal fury at the competition.

Comments

[Wanderer D]

Ouch. Hope Sunset learns the difference between accepting her past and moving forward with the empathy and kindness she has learned vs using it to torture herself. Kind of sad she's been unable to move forward even up to when she got her geode.

[The Sleepless Beholder]

11611933
Learning to forgive oneself is certainly one of the most difficult things to do.

[Moproblems Moharmoney]

Oooh, painful but necessary.

[Uz Naimat]

Yikes, that hurt.

But great work. Best of luck in the judging!

[Wild Stallion]

I place a hand over my heart, mockingly. "Oh, sorry, I thought you just gave me a copy. You really should've thought about making backups."

I wonder who here victim is here.

"One more..." Sunset told herself, knowing she was lying. Like pulling out a scab, it was becoming a morbid habit, even if it hurt her.

It's nice to see Sunset taking responsibility for her actions.

But Luna just crosses her arms and gives me a 'you deserve this' look along with a smug smile.

Sunset 's antics rendering VP Luna dead inside explains a lot about the way she acts over the course of the series.

So, instead of that, Sunset went for her notebook, searched the pages for the picture of who she assumed, and was pretty sure, was her victim, and added those memories to paper.

Wallflower? The flower sisters?

"So, you running for the Fair Maiden of the Spring Fling?" I say with internal fury at the competition.

Rarity would be the best fair maiden.

Great story. You convey a lot of story a short period of time thoroughly reminding us why Sunset Shimmer is in fact a villain without any melodramatics.

I I appreciate this look into the mind of MLP's most dedicated reformer. Thanks for writing!

[Pete100]

I wish this wasn’t just a one shot. This has such good potential. Not only does it give us more of what sunset did as a bully, but more of the geodes.

[Rewan Demontay]

Quite a concept, trying to remember her victims through nearly purged memories, to reflect and atone.

[RB_]

I think there’s parallels to be drawn here between Sunset’s actions and Luna’s with the Tantabus. At what point does atonement become self-harm?

Very interesting. Best of luck in the competition!

[gapty]

Here is the obligatory comment:

Well, seeing how others got what was going on, it proved how me having to ask per DM what was going on was just me not getting it. I guess always expecting outside source for anything is per se not a healthy mindset, as one should also look if one yourself was the whole cause.

But well, back to the story: I love the concept, something I could see be realisticly happening. With now understanding it, the ending has an even bigger impact, something that could straight up spiral out of control into more guilttrips. Lovely unsettling, and great execution.

[Neko Sunset]

I reeeeaaaalllllyyyyy don't care for the geodes, but I love this story! So have a 👍
I have so many theories on why Sunset did a complete turnaround from her old self overnight that I know many others thought about. Did the elements forceher to experience all the pain she caused? Did they just erase all negativity from her? Did the completely rewrite her personality? Did they banish a dark entity that was possessing her that she attracted when looking into dark magic? No matter what it is, I loved the setup you have here as she delves into who she once was, and I am guessing that since she's writing it down she intends to try and make amends at some point besides remembering who she is.

[Bicyclette]

And having to move around in this Diamond-Dog-body isn't any better.

aww yeah, that totally is what a pony encountering humans for the first time would analogize them to!

Serves [/////] right. If I have to suffer through this dumb class, then [////] should too.

ooh, neat way to show the holes in the memory

"[///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////]"

I place a hand over my heart, mockingly. "Oh, sorry, I thought you just gave me a copy. You really should've thought about making backups."

"[////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////]"

very creepy, i love this!

But Luna just crosses her arms and gives me a 'you deserve this' look along with a smug smile.
Reminder to key her car on the way out. The b-

oh, pre-reform Sunset!

So, in order to make sure she would never become that person again, Sunset closed her eyes. And thought of Rarity.

the Empathy Stone magic seems to be good at pulling together a small selection of relevant memories, but that is different from using it on herself to systematically go through every detail of her past, and at those limits surely strange things like this could happen (and who knows if the Memory Stone ripping away all her memories and putting them back in again did anything to them on top of that?). those events also causing her to feel insecure in her reform and memories in general also makes all too much sense. sometimes having too much of the power of self-reflection can be a very bad thing! love this take, thank you for writing!

[FanOfMostEverything]

As 11613007 noted, this kind of remorseful self-flagellation smacks of the Tantabus. I do hope Sunset’s friends convince her stop dredging up her old misdeeds long after she’s atoned for them. This could lead down a tragic road otherwise.

Good bit of drama, and a clever use of mental static to compress some of the scenes into the allowed word count. Thank you for it.