• Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
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The Sleepless Beholder

I just headbutt the keyboard till my ideas spill out into writing. Sometimes it works.


As they make their way out of Canterlot, Sunset wonders just how much Wallflower remembers of her.

Made for the Angst category in the A Thousand Words Contest

Many thanks to daOtterGuy and Dewdrops on the Grass for pre-reading.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

This was well worth the read when I pre-read. Very good, short, sweet, and poignant. Really tugs at the heartstrings.

Do you remember ~
The 21st night of September? ~
sorry not sorry

So they’re in some sort of war?

Love was changing the minds of pretenders ~
While chasing the clouds awaaaaaaaaay! ~
Darn it you beat me to it

Is this gonna be explored?

Sorry, no. This is a one shot. The war is just the background of the story.

Wow, that was fyaying amazing :heart:
I was not emotionally prepared for it :pinkiesad2:

Oof. A lot left unsaid, both in the background and possibly by Wallflower herself. I can think of few pairings that are more appropriate for a story that leaves so much of the past vague and mysterious. Dash's presence at the end raises all kinds of questions. All told, a devastatingly effective portrayal of the horrors war can inflict on even the most idyll circumstances. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

The leaves crunch as Wallflower steps over them, a gentle trot in an almost aimless direction.

yay, pony Wallflower! already love this.

And when the wind blows through them, it almost looks like flames. Like the whole forest is on fire.

Like Canterlot.

ooh, great way to introduce the ominous background exposition

Wallflower saw a butterfly in the air and immediately went after it, trying to catch it in her hands as she laughed.

oh, so not ponies! ha, should have checked the tags

She frowns and tries to get it off her, but she can't untie the knot, and forgets about it after a few tries.

I hate it.

i hate it too, argh, that is a frightening state for Wallflower to be in

I hate doing this to her. But I can't run anymore. Not even Dash could run again after she suffered the same, even with prosthetics. I can't let Wallflower run away from me. Not while she’s like this.

dangit, these details get even more darker and more ominous!

She looks at my canteen, and I sigh before giving it to her. It’s the last of our water, and we won’t be able to get more. We don’t have any rations, or spare ammo, or even a radio.

Not like it matters anymore. No one will come to help us.

and oof, very, very grim

I could use them for… no, Wally has been shot enough.

i mean so many of these lines do the job in implying horrific past events in few words, but i especially love the spareness of this one

I start laughing. Only Wally could find a flower in the middle of a battlefield.

augh, am i to be happy for this little moment of stolen joy, or find it even more heartbreaking as a reminder of the good times there once was, and the contrast with their current situation? is it both?

For a moment, I was back at CHS, looking at Wallflower tending to her garden. Hearing her melodic hum as she worked. Hearing her laugh at my dumb jokes. Hearing her say 'I love you'. Feeling her lips on my own. Feeling her warmth as we hugged. Feeling the grass on my back as we laid on the ground, looking at the sky. Seeing her eyes widen as I pulled the ring from my pocket.

The sounds of barking snap me out of my pleasant dreams.

how dare you do this to me

They're using dogs. I recognize Winona's bark. The bastards.

and oof, what does it mean that they are using Winona like this? it just keeps getting worse!

I grab my rifle out of instinct, but I know it's futile. We can't outrun them. We can't fight them. We can't hide.

I drop my rifle and sit back down next to Wallflower. "It's a beautiful flower, isn't it?"

oh no... not Of Mice and Men vibes... oh no...

"Can you tell me that you love me?" I beg her. "Can you say it one more time?"

Wallflower doesn't respond, she just looks at me, seemingly lost in my eyes.

the previous paragraphs are just me going "how dare you do this to me" over and over. just everything beautiful and good in an entire SunFlower relationship compressed into three paragraphs, and augh, it was so good and makes this so much more heartbreaking getting to taste what had been lost.

I hug Wallflower as tight as I can, brushing her hair with my hand as the soldiers take aim.

"I love you."

and of course Sunset had to be denied the answer that she wanted, but that doesn't matter. she is giving the answer that matters, the only thing that matters, as her final words and the final line of the story.

and augh, that is just perfection. just really excellently done here, perfectly crafted for that poignant emotional punch at the end, just that despairful mental image of all of it ending so horribly. but argh. the love and joy that they had being the last thing Sunset remembers, even though she couldn't make Wally remember the same. i think if i write more it'll just be incoherent repetitive rambling, just know that i really loved this

I absolutely love seeing how your mind worked the story as it read it. Thanks Bike friend!

Hello! Have a review. Even though AUs aren't often my thing, I got invested in this. Have a like. And ouch ouch ouch, Winona... Well done on the Bronze Medal!

Thank you! glad you enjoyed it!

I loved it!

For a moment, the forest, the dirt and blood, the smell of sulfur and iron, all of it banished.

It vanished.

Meant to comment on this earlier, but this is a very good bit of shortform storytelling that paints just enough of its haunted, war-torn world to really invest you and make you feel for Sunset and Wallflower's plight on a gut level. The strategic use of names we recognize in shockingly unfamiliar roles really adds to the effect. Great work.

UPDATE: I wrote an extension of this story! You can find it here: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/387377/199/never-the-final-word-vol-2/eileensayshis-white-aster-the-sleepless-beholders-do-you-remember

Thank you! I'm surprised on how well this one ended up considering is a 1000 word story. Hitting the tone was the hardest part since I didn't want to be too vague, nor overstep the drama and make it a tearjerker. The names helped expanding the story a lot since they hint to things not being just what it's told.

Thanks for the comment!

Made it here through FanofMostEverything's snippet, and I found a beautiful and heartbreaking story. Well done!

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