As they make their way out of Canterlot, Sunset wonders just how much Wallflower remembers of her.
Made for the Angst category in the A Thousand Words Contest
Many thanks to daOtterGuy and Dewdrops on the Grass for pre-reading.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 19th Oct, 2015
- offline last seen 9 minutes ago
The Sleepless Beholder
I just headbutt the keyboard till my ideas spill out into writing. Sometimes it works.
The Sleepless Beholder
Joined 19th Oct, 2015 ·
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This was well worth the read when I pre-read. Very good, short, sweet, and poignant. Really tugs at the heartstrings.
Do you remember ~
The 21st night of September? ~
sorry not sorry
So they’re in some sort of war?
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Yes, they are.
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Love was changing the minds of pretenders ~
While chasing the clouds awaaaaaaaaay! ~
Darn it you beat me to it
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Is this gonna be explored?
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Sorry, no. This is a one shot. The war is just the background of the story.
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Oh ok
Wow, that was fyaying amazing
I was not emotionally prepared for it
Oof. A lot left unsaid, both in the background and possibly by Wallflower herself. I can think of few pairings that are more appropriate for a story that leaves so much of the past vague and mysterious. Dash's presence at the end raises all kinds of questions. All told, a devastatingly effective portrayal of the horrors war can inflict on even the most idyll circumstances. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
yay, pony Wallflower! already love this.
ooh, great way to introduce the ominous background exposition
oh, so not ponies! ha, should have checked the tags
i hate it too, argh, that is a frightening state for Wallflower to be in
dangit, these details get even more darker and more ominous!
and oof, very, very grim
i mean so many of these lines do the job in implying horrific past events in few words, but i especially love the spareness of this one
augh, am i to be happy for this little moment of stolen joy, or find it even more heartbreaking as a reminder of the good times there once was, and the contrast with their current situation? is it both?
how dare you do this to me
and oof, what does it mean that they are using Winona like this? it just keeps getting worse!
oh no... not Of Mice and Men vibes... oh no...
the previous paragraphs are just me going "how dare you do this to me" over and over. just everything beautiful and good in an entire SunFlower relationship compressed into three paragraphs, and augh, it was so good and makes this so much more heartbreaking getting to taste what had been lost.
and of course Sunset had to be denied the answer that she wanted, but that doesn't matter. she is giving the answer that matters, the only thing that matters, as her final words and the final line of the story.
and augh, that is just perfection. just really excellently done here, perfectly crafted for that poignant emotional punch at the end, just that despairful mental image of all of it ending so horribly. but argh. the love and joy that they had being the last thing Sunset remembers, even though she couldn't make Wally remember the same. i think if i write more it'll just be incoherent repetitive rambling, just know that i really loved this
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I absolutely love seeing how your mind worked the story as it read it. Thanks Bike friend!
Hello! Have a review. Even though AUs aren't often my thing, I got invested in this. Have a like. And ouch ouch ouch, Winona... Well done on the Bronze Medal!
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Thank you! glad you enjoyed it!
I loved it!
It vanished.
Meant to comment on this earlier, but this is a very good bit of shortform storytelling that paints just enough of its haunted, war-torn world to really invest you and make you feel for Sunset and Wallflower's plight on a gut level. The strategic use of names we recognize in shockingly unfamiliar roles really adds to the effect. Great work.
UPDATE: I wrote an extension of this story! You can find it here: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/387377/199/never-the-final-word-vol-2/eileensayshis-white-aster-the-sleepless-beholders-do-you-remember
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Thank you! I'm surprised on how well this one ended up considering is a 1000 word story. Hitting the tone was the hardest part since I didn't want to be too vague, nor overstep the drama and make it a tearjerker. The names helped expanding the story a lot since they hint to things not being just what it's told.
Thanks for the comment!
Made it here through FanofMostEverything's snippet, and I found a beautiful and heartbreaking story. Well done!