TheInfamousFly
Joined 19th Dec, 2022 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Hoofprintz · 5.9k words · 67 0 · 1.7k views
- Bad Dragon · 6k words · 13 27 · 454 views
- Seismology · 4k words · 17 1 · 597 views
- AleximusPrime · 22k words · 70 1 · 3.6k views
- Holocron · 1000 words · 50 11 · 1.9k views
- bookhorse125 · 12k words · 65 5 · 1.8k views
- Conglomerate · 19k words · 72 0 · 715 views
- DILLYbOd · 97k words · 51 5 · 1.1k views
Featured In17
Pony Warfare1,532 stories ·2,304 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,382 stories ·3,071 members
Twilight Sparkle12,292 stories ·4,756 members
Badass Twilight = Total Domination1,234 stories ·4,259 members
Shining Armor and Cadence1,011 stories ·762 members
Villains of Equestria3,420 stories ·1,809 members
Starswirl the Bearded183 stories ·234 members
Badass Shining Armor170 stories ·249 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.223 seconds
Total duration
947 users online
324,761 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is a truly excellent story! I can't wait to see where it goes!
As yes, good intentions. Would love to see how all this plays out. Always felt Twilight was a bit OOC in the movie, and can't wait to see how this Twilight acts when she gains a (pyrhic) victory, or defeat.
What the hell did Twilight turn into? Almost sounds like a kirin.
11587984
I have a lot of issues with the movie, but I thought Twilight's character was mostly normal. Tell me, what did you think was OOC for her?
11588079
I interpreted the power of the Pearl as being one that could not only change your species but could also just modify your body. At the moment, Twilight's form isn't that of a creature which currently exists, but an amalgamation of traits that would be useful for battle.
11588169
Pretty good for somepony who just got their hooves on the Pearl and only had what Novo did as anything to go by. Element of Magic or not, feels like Twilight was winging it that she understood the Pearl's magic well enough to pull it off.
Which honestly is the biggest drawback of her plan from the Movie. Even if she had gotten the Pearl, she had no idea how to use it. Novo never explained it in detail if I remember right.
11588160
It just seemed to me she was a bit too quick to give up her connections with her friends. Then again it has been a while since I watched the movie so maybeI am wrong. Still thank you for the story
Nice, I always wondered what the others might have been doing during all this. And that chill is an Omen of what taking the Princesses down.
11588267
In the movie, after her attempt at stealing the pearl failed and they all got banished from Seaquestia, they had this huge argument on the beach which ended with her angrily telling them she'd have been better off without friends like them.
Sure, she immediately regretted it (and so did her friends when Tempest took the opportunity of them leaving her alone to capture her), but here, because her theft was successful, she has an easier time convincing herself that she's in the right (and even then, she can't help missing them a little).
Cadence. Candice is from another story
You damn idiots! Twilight, why the hell didn't you turn back to yourself!?
Twilight realizing she didn't plan this very well
.
*Looks back to the tags* Oh no..
You got that right. The "Tempest's Tale" comic has Tempest discuss Equestria's lack of military preparedness with Princess Cadance, only to be brushed off in favor of the standard "power of friendship" message. Never mind that on top of the Storm King, both the show and the comic featured villains that couldn't be defeated by making friends with them. Putting a modest amount of effort into national defense could have spared a lot of ponies a lot of grief.
11592621
The non-militarized nature of Equestrian society, while the rest of the world remains fairly dangerous, is a big point which I wanted to explore with this story. Although there will come something of an explanation for it later on.
A victory, but at what cost?
I... are you serious? AFTER ALL THAT HAPPENED, THIS IS HOW IT ENDS?! I... IS IT SERIOUS?!
What the hell did Twilight turn into? That thing makes my brain hurt just trying to visualize it. And now comes where Novo literally rips her to pieces methinks. Not that Twilight would stop her now I feel.
All of this is her fault.
11593437
One more chapter to set things right...
Ugh, this taking-the-high-road stuff again. Killing Storm king is not just revenge (and even if it was, there would be nothing wrong with it anyway), it's a logical thing to do. He is a threat that needs to be neutralised permanently.
11593481
Agreed, he doesn't deserve to live anyway. And I doubt he will "reformed".
11593485
Even in the movie they end up killing him. By accident yes, but kinda shows that he wasn't going to be reformed.
11593481
Eh, if he's locked up in Tartarus sans magical gear, how much of a threat is he really?
Thank you for this deep, gut-wrenching story. I had a wonderful time reading it.
11599905
I'm so glad I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for all the comments and feedback.
Make another version where Twilight go on her quest to subjugate all threats on the planet please.
Let's the windigos win first. The ponies then expanded and pillage all artifacts to use in finally battle and kill the windigoes once and for all.
Edit: I will add my thoughts on these later.
Hmm, not sure if the ending closes the book or calls for a sequel.
11600106
I definitely left it ambiguous. You are not the first person to request a sequel though, so chances are I may come back to this.
This raises the question of whether it's possible to reassemble a broken statue. The "Siege of the Crystal Empire" comic had a reformed Sombra express his intention to try that with Radiant Hope, but we never got to see him actually try it.
First off, thanks for giving the Storm King a punishment he deserved. I was hoping he'd be put down permanently, but Velvet's idea is much better.
And while I prefer the character who actually did the hard thing tell their critics where to shove it, I'm glad some folks were willing to do it on Twilight's behalf.
11600768
I don't think it's in Twilight's character to defend herself, even when she is in the right. One of her great flaws is her lack of confidence, a trait only exasperated by the events of the story.
I too imagined a scene where Twilight chewed out Novo about the way she treated her and her friends and while that would have been more cathartic, it also would have been fanservice, not good storytelling.
Thank you for this wonderfully written story, it’s helped me get back into the wonderful world of pony fiction, and it’s an emotional, entertaining piece itself
11592621
11592630
Robert Heinlein said "The most expensive luxury in the world is the second best army. The one that's good -but not good enough to win.".
Sun Tzu said "In warfare, mere numbers alone confers no advantage. Quality will always beat quantity."
"Quantity has a quality all its own."
Stalin's explanation for how Russia was able to beat the German army.
What a moving, fantastic.
Just binge read this whole story and i have a few comments and friendly corrections which i will unleash all at once.
Disclaimer: there may have been sections where i was too caught up in the action to notice spelling/grammar issues.
(just in case it is not clear: i wouldn't bother to put all this together if i ha'n't enjoyed this very much except for one little bit, you are not supposed to feel bullied or picked on)
Ch1
In that moment of clarity, she realized what she should have when Pinkie made her little announcement in Klugetown.
...should have done? ...should have said?
The parrot crew, who he'd just explained pleasantries with
exchanged pleasantries?
...the Sonic Rainboom which had drawn the Storm King's ire
eh, that's not quite how i remember it; it attracted Tempest's attention. The Ess Kay was probably busy picking his nose.
It would balm the irritation of the past three days nicely.
nice. Rarely see that word used as a verb.
It was Twilight Sparkle. The Princess of Friendship. But it was also...not her. For a start, she was twice as large as she had been the last time Tempest had seen her. Her whole body in fact seemed bulkier, more muscular. But those were merely the most cosmetic of changes. Her feathered wings had been replaced with scaled ones, like that of a dragon. Pieces of chitinous armor now encased her throat and forehead. And her horn...it curved like that of a minotaur. In one hoof, she held a glowing orb of constantly shifting color.
Squee!
"Ready to tell me now?" Twilight asked, her eyes burning with unused magic.
Break her legs, Twilight, break them ALL!
...she'd gladly bring the Pearl back and face whatever punishment Novo deemed.
Deemed appropriate? Deemed just? Deemed sufficiently cruel and unusual? Deem it, we need to know!
Ch2
Sobbing broke out in the crowds and a few of the adults dared to try to the younger ponies.
try to help? try to shield? rescue, comfort?
...his subjects...
he's just a consort, not real royalty
It was Starlight Glimmer, his sister's greatest student.
Yay Glim-Glam!
It...it was his mother.
Super Yay! This is fun!
...level 5 sheild spell...
shield
"By the way, how come you and Twilight never introduced me and Sunburst to your mom? She's way cooler than you."
LOLOTH!
"If we can't figure out how to get Cadence out of the petrification...you have to help me steal one of those airships." He said.
Woot!
He was intelligent for his age. But he was still so small and she had nearly allowed him to be too many times already.
to be what too many times...
Tempest had better be right about this whole, "princess magic" thing, or he was seriously considering tossing her into the Endless Maelstrom from whence he'd emerged.
well, since he plans to betray her anyway...
This whole place was starting to give him the creeps.
good! up yours, Ess Kay!
Ch3
...consult Livery d'Eibon.
Oo, nice. (okay technically not nice, as that is oh so not a nice book, but nice touch including it) If fimfiction.net had a tag for 'Eibon', you and i might be the only ponies to use it!
I can tell your wiped out.
you're
And Starlight, given that she was the most powerful magic user in Equestria.
Again, yay, Glim-Glam!
Do you think it's a coincidence you and your sister both ended up in the Celestia's court at a young age?
Nice, Tee Vee has a mysterious back story!
Still, he was relieved that at the very least the Storm Creatures appeared to be unconscious, not dead.
Why? This is a war, not a tea party...
He almost believed it could happen to.
comma too
But not through brute force.
Sometimes brute force is elegance...
Ch4
Even the friendliest in their member were alienated by the foreign customs of this familiar land.
members, i think you mean
forced to dote on faceless bestial soldiers
to dote on them? like show devotion and addoration? really?
"Your liege, I apologize for the lateness of my arrival...
err, "your highness", or "my leige"
She had been electrocuted before, she remembered experimenting with a light bulb when she was a filly.
Twilight, you dork, i love you.
Then, with the Pearl in hand, he charged.
Expletive bucking deleted.
Ch5
Applejack and Rarity's sister
sisters
She watched them twirl above her horn, until she was too tired to use her magic any.
any more?
[the entire description of Twilight's ultimate battle form]
Oooo, sexy!
"You have to stop!" Spike pleaded.
Why does she have to stop? (Rhetoric. I assume you will fill in whatever 'reason' that she should stop soon...)
toward the Storm Lord
has he been demoted from king? soon he will be the storm schmuck, and after that, merely a storm lacky?
You're better than this...Ah know you are.
bucking hippy. i want the Ess Kay dead. Dee Ee Dee, Dead.
...friendship would die.
And the windigos would win.
good grief, this sappy bs is a problem. enemies is for killing.
Ch 6
Then her gaze landed on him.
Kill him, Tee Vee, just bucking kill him. I'm weeping for you, kill him.
"Now...now it's over."
Hel yeah
Maybe he'd been killed in when the gunpowder went off. Or better yet, suffocated from smoke inhalation and not been conscious for that final, definitive crash.
Meh, not a lot of sympathy lost on Grubby. She did what she could to give him a chance, when she could have just killed him to keep him quiet. What price a mook?
Every day, I wake up and I have to stop myself from stealing from the hoards of my subjects.
Lol! That's dragons for ya, good one, Ember
It was time to talk to Celestia about her future.
This whole bit, i'm really not sure if you blame her for everything that went wrong, or if this is just her depression talking. I guess there is half a chapter left for me to find out.
with half Twilight's friends in toe
tow
in brainwashed ponies for years
'I', not, 'in' ?
a pose of adjuration
err, point for you. i was only familiar with the imprecatory sense of this word, not the deprecatory usage.
What are they going to do, make her pick up seashells?
Lol, my Lord Discord, you so funny
[Princess Skystar's speech]
Nice one, you're not just a ditz after all!
"Excuse me, madam. But I am not a pet."
Says you, m'lord
Your student and friends, Starlight
friend
I really can't continue reading this story. The story is alright, but there are issues with the grammar. I'll drop a critique for you.
Too many brackets. After a while, I started skipping all those large sentences inside brackets. I know you are trying to fill in the missing lore, but there are better ways to do that.
Those that I hadn't skipped, I had read them. They can exist on their own; outside of those brackets. I don't see any good reason why they should be bracketise like we're doing maths. Most stories I've read never used brackets when filling in on lore stuff. Even sub-par stories.
This feels like you've published the story without finalising the draft.
The next egregious misuse is all these commas. The only time I could overlook them is when the characters are thinking or speaking in this way. But when it is just whole paragraphs with random stops for no apparent reason, it kinda sucks me out of immersing in the story.
"As she stood up unsteadily, she recognized..."
The issue is that the flow of the story is entirely written as if the story is verbally reading to us. Too many awkward pauses. If this story was entirely first person or following a character's thoughts, this... would still have some issues, but not as much as it currently is.
It isn't clear what were lore dumps and expositions, and what were the character's thoughts. That line is blurred.
Also... why was Starlight suddenly randomly crying? She was completely vindicated. There wasn't any hint that something was off. Maybe the next chapter would explain, but I like I said, I can't. I need to clear my backlog of stories, but your story did appear intriguing enough to catch me.
Good luck with your future endeavours, Wordsmith.
11700735
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the story but there's no need to be mean about it.