• Member Since 4th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen Aug 31st, 2021

Paulli


Current user and of Criticizer (Dec, 25, 2018-present) Former user (April, 4th-Dec, 25, 2018) Not joking. It's true.

Comments ( 269 )

8906330
I'm gonna add music from God of War III when Kratos kills the Storm King.

I'm not gonna downvote, but, thanks for putting freaking spoilers in the short description. :ajbemused:

8906367
Then prepare for your death, Ape (Storm King).

Ok, let's give this a shot. The adventures of the Dad of War, Smugtreus, and Mouthmir.

8906395
Mimir: Very funny, ya son of a bitch.

8906367
Spoilers? How is this any different from the other clones?

A crossover with Dad of Boy(Damnit, Jackscepticeye)? Why not?

Alright, I'm interested, Can't wait to see more.

What do you guys think of chapter 2?

8906496
It's pacing is decent, Mimir's perspective seems really interesting a bit less sass then i was expecting from him but yeah fairly spot on portrayal. Kratos & Atreus are in character for the most part. Atreus seems less willing to help people in need and Kratos is not really reacting much at all to the Greek Mythology MLP had, though this is only Chapter 2 so i shouldn't really be expecting much. But yeah so far so good, congrats on making it to the Feature Bar (Or whatever it's called).

So I was listening to the god of war theme while reading this. Right as Kratos walks out of the smoke the chanting started it was amazing.

This is a really good story so far and I can't wait to see more.

8906496 i like it. The characters are accurate the pictures give you detail and something to picture in your head AND it got featured i am most definitely keeping track of this one

Always like Mimir, always a funny lad!
As for you, good sir/madam, keep it up! This story is amazing so far!

Hopefully Atreus/Loki doesn't get any ideas from this place. *Cough* Sleipnir *Cough*

Why would you put spoilers in your description like that? Come on, man. I'm not gonna dislike or anything, but seriously. Not cool.

I was waiting for someone to finally make a GOWxMLP crossover. Hopefully it's a good one. 'Bout to dive in and find out. :rainbowdetermined2:

Liked the opening credits gag.

That was epic! I already favorited it even before I read it.

Can’t believe this is your first story it looks like you have been doing it for years

Kratos' gonna give Tempest Shadow a lesson a thing or two about trust.

8906768
Hey, the story's the story, this one takes place after Dad of War kills the enemy, shuck it. Don't bother reading unless you watched the game.

Hi, I'd like to offer my perspective and what is hopefully some constructive criticism.

The story being told from Mimir's perspective is presented a bit strangely, it seems to follow a noticable formula of Mimir telling us what events are about to occur, the events occurring and occasionally being told what just occurred. I found it created a sense of repitition and even felt like I was reading the same sentences and paragraphs twice, even though they are actually different.

Simillarly there are a lot of instances in which the narration is acting as though we the audience don't know what it's talking about and overly explaining things. Whilst I personally am both and MLP and GoW fan and am thus familliar with both source materials, it did seem to be overly explanatory even for people who are not familliar with one or the other.

My final note is where the story is constantly presented from Mimir's perspective, yet he narrates what feels like it should be other characters perspectives, particlarly notable with Fluttershy in chapter 2. We are getting Mimir's observances and descriptions of events and it feels like it's playing out his assumptions and beliefs about the other characters. We're told what Fluttershy is probably experiencing from her point of view, but the entire sequence of events plays out like the reveal is meant to be a massive suprise to the audience, when in reality it is only a massive suprise to Fluttershy, as both Mimir and the audience know exactly what happened. It doesn't play across Fluttershy's sense of hope, curiosity and awe as well as it might told from her perspective.

We get that she doesn't know whats happening, but we still get the sense of mystery despite every reader is sat easily able to piece together "It was Kratos, Kratos threw the axe, what else could have possibly happened in that instant?"

This is of course just my perspective on things, some might agree with me, some might not; I just hope this feedback can help you develop your writing in a positive direction. I'm still looking forward to seeing what comes next even if I do find the format to be a tad jarring.

Ég finn þetta móðgandi, miðað við að ég hata Kratos af augljósum ástæðum, en það er samt frábært. Eins og í framúrskarandi.

Also, the summary is a giant run on sentence and that infuriates me.

I have only one tip.


Less. Commas. There are so many commas in this story, making almost every paragraph one long run on sentence. It makes it a little hard to enjoy and find pacing in the story. It feels like Mimir, the Narrator, is always talking as fast as possible and without ever pausing. Otherwise, this could be an interesting read.

Like I said, I already expected criticism from you, but I'll try to improve, I'll try, if I can. First attempt, first try, remember.

Ok, finally go the time to read this. Not bad, but... you really need some help with punctuation. Cut down on the comma use, use more periods instead of commas, and I think it would help if you added a horizontal line break in certain areas, just to help with he pacing a bit. Also, maybe I missed it, but what why exactly did they not just leave? Is there something preventing them or is it just them exploring. Either, I'll track this for now to see where it goes.

8907326
I was also concerned a bit about the damn pacing, but I don't know what to do with it.

8907326
I better do something with the commas in the next one.

k. I am not a God of War fan, and know s**t about it. But this is good!!


I wish you would do one thing besides fixing punctuation.



If possible, please make clop in this story. If not, its ok. I mean it. It will be ok.

8907401
dude no that's just weird but i get where you are coming from

I'm surprice it took so long for someone to do this story.

Comment posted by Bubbler deleted May 6th, 2018

First story and it’s trending! Good job, friend!

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