- Member Since 12th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Bad Dragon
I write so that one day I may finally stop writing and be free, but these damn new ideas keep finding ways into my brain. I need to write more to vent them out!
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Here’s what AI says about chapter 1:
ChatGTP:
The first chapter of your story is an intriguing tale of adventure, love, and the pursuit of freedom. The bond between the protagonist and their stallion, Spirit, is palpable from the beginning, and the way you describe their relationship makes it easy for readers to feel invested in the characters. The conflict that arises when Spirit becomes restless and sets off towards a dangerous mountain is compelling, and the protagonist's determination to follow and protect Spirit, even at the cost of their own safety, is admirable. The discovery of the mystical doorway at the end of the cave adds a thrilling element of mystery to the story, and the way you tie it back to Spirit's lifelong pursuit of freedom makes it feel like an important moment. Overall, the first chapter leaves readers eager to find out what lies beyond the doorway and what kind of dangers and adventures the protagonist and Spirit will face on their journey.
New Bing AI:
Summary: This chapter introduces the narrator, a female horse who is deeply attached to her stallion Spirit. She follows him as he leaves his herd to explore a mysterious mountain, despite her doubts and fears.
Praise and Critique: The chapter has a strong emotional tone that conveys the narrator's love and devotion for Spirit. The reader can empathize with her feelings of joy, confusion, and sadness as she recalls their past and faces their uncertain future. The author uses vivid descriptions of the natural scenery and the horses' movements to create a sense of realism and adventure.
11538150
I would suggest you to not care at all what an AI says about your story, because an AI has no understanding of the story anyway, as it is an language model.
It will always say positive things about it, unless you ask to criticise it. Want proof? Here is my story:
Here is what ChatGPT wrote about it:
Only when asked to criticise it it pointed out how it lacks detail, apparently has switching tenses (okay, but where?) and no conflict or developed characters. And even then it said that the story has potential.
11538173 You're right.
I pasted AI reviews more as a second description of the story. If nothing else, AI is good at stating the obvious.
Thought I'd just leave you one of the rules on the contest page just in case 😅
11538182 Thanks.
So far, though, the story doesn't warrant those tags yet.
Ok a genuine review: This first chapter, was intriguing. It's honestly rare to see a crossover between MLP and the movie Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron. This has potential for greatness indeed. Keep it up!
That looks like a relatively simple story, so I'm not sure why exactly it warrant so many dislikes
Still, it might better be notorious than to be unknown 😁
I've enjoyed it so far, for what it's worth
11538201 I'll keep it up until this story is complete. A new chapter every day.
11538683 I'm not sure where all the downvotes are coming from either. Don't get me wrong, I love criticism, it's just that I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when I get a downvote. Git Gud?
11538720
Out of eight comments on this story, you wrote four, including asking AI what it thinks about it, which kinda belongs in a blog. I'm pretty sure downvotes come from people who aren't into overgrown egos.
11538150
.
11538173
I don't think the author really cares.
11538829
With all respect, coupled with this blog post, I'm reading in author's mindset exactly opposite actually: lacking of confidence. Therefore, the ai review, to try to sell it better
Anyway, this story so far does a little better
11538829 I might not be a great person, but shouldn't readers primarily be judging stories (and not authors)?
11538844 You seem to have a very bad opinion of me. What am I doing that irks you so?
11538850 I do have to admit that it is a bit discouraging to get more downvotes than views on a story every time I publish one.
What perplexes me most is that I'm not doing anything any differently than I did with my previous stories which did quite well.
I'm starting to suspect that for some reason, I now have a bad rep on this site and many downvotes await in ambush no matter what story I publish. I do hope I'm wrong, though.
So, is this a alternate Equestria where the four unreformed villains ( Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, and Cozy Glow ) won!?
11538884 No. This is 'canon' Equestria after the last G4 episode.
In this story, The Legion of Doom learned its limits, but at the same time are strong enough to be left alone.
11538850
Tryharding too hard, I'd say. I mean, torture AI long enough and it'll tell you whatever you want, so it's really not very convincing.
11538875
Well, yes, but actually no.
11538941 Do you know that feeling when you give fanfiction a chance, but then it turns out to be a waste of your time and you know you'll never get that time back?
I was actually thinking about using AI to filter out some of the stuff. Let AI read the story first.
So I went another step further and saved the readers' time by having AI review right there at the ready. I thought people liked AI. I know I do.
11538891
Ok I was gonna comment something similar, but then I read this reply. That actually makes sense.
Okay Rain. Now your starting to embarrassing yourself here. It's rather pathetic and sad.
I don't know if Spirit himself will like how fallen you are, being for willingly being a slave to these evil villains who'll will obviously rape you.
Ok honestly, this is just getting sad. Like pathetically sad. This isn't Rain. Where's her fire? Where's her determined spirit? Why would she be so willing to bend to the evils's wishes in order to see her mate eventually?!? That's baffling to me, author. Yet I suppose you have your reasons. All the same good chapter.
11539593 11539739 I doubt anypony else would be able to do what she does. Everypony else would run away, accepting that they shall never see their love again.
There's just one way for her to see Spirit again, and this is what it takes. And even that isn't good enough. Even more is needed of her.
11539764
But, would it be "worth it"?
11539764
Yeah, what 11539794 said. Would it be worth it? Those kinda things stay with a pony for LIFE...
11539833
Rain is a horse. Not everybody has to forcefully turn themselves to ponies to be relevant. But you get what I mean.
11539866
Pardon. That was a small keyboard slip on my end (dang me accidentally shifting my arm).
11539794 11539833 The premise of this story is that Rain loves Spirit very much. Perhaps it would help if you imagine that her love is infinite. That was also implied in the Chrysalis chapter.
Rain can be stubborn if she wants to be. And when she sets on a path to see Spirit again, there is nothing, NOTHING, that she wouldn't endure to make that happen.
I understand that this might not be relatable. After all, who among us has infinite love for anything? But Rain does. The moment she gives up on Spirit is the moment she dies inside.
11539974
Like what? Murder, war, genocide, rape, slavery!?
IF she somehow survived all of that ( Like some insane miracle, and some plot armor. ). THEN, I can somewhat believe what you said.
11540067 She's not looking for a surefire way to Spirit because there is none. What she's looking for is a chance.
It doesn't matter how tough and deadly the ordeals are. If there is but a glimmer of a chance, she will take it.
When there is no alternative, anything goes.
11540076
In the end, I don't think Spirit will approve. That's why I said is it "worth it"?
11540085 Rain is not looking for Spirit's approval. The story starts with Rain going against Spirit's wishes.
What Rain is looking for is Spirit's company, and there is only one way for her to meet Spirit again.
And if there's just one available path toward her goal, Rain will take it.
We've seen Rain run toward the bullets before. She has no problem going against her own well-being. She's even willing to sacrifice herself for the ones she cares about.
In her mind, if she sees Spirit again, it will all be worth it.
Does Tirek appear at all in this story?
11540836 That's a good question.
The thing is, Tirek needs to migrate in order to find new magic to suck on. He may come to visit here and there but is currently not at home.
He also wouldn't have much use for Rain since he couldn't suck her dry. At least not as far as her magic is concerned since she has none.
You submitted this story to the group The Goodfic Bin yourself. What part of "submit other people's work" did you not understand?
11542801 I removed it from the folder.
I was there when the group was formed. It has a self-submit policy then. I see things have changed since then. I'll take note of that.
Yeah, Spirit definitely ain't gonna like this.
11543429 Maybe Spirit will never find out. Rain wants to make him happy.
Something tells me this is not gonna end well....yay!
11546962 Rain becomes immortal and will meet with Spirit in the future. How is that not the happiest ending of all endings (barring everything that transpires until then)?
11547180
It's the
part that has me saying what I said! Oh boy are we [the readers] in for an intriguing time...
11547241 I'm afraid you'll have to write a sequel of your own. As things stand, the rest of the story is left to the reader's imagination.
This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!
I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!
Notes:
-
I wondered if another mare occupied his mind. Was I not good enough?Spirit has a whole herd, lol. If Rain's going to have jealousy issues every time Spirit so much as thinks about another mare, then she's going to be busy come springtime.-
“Tell me, dyke, or I’ll hurt you!”That's a heckin' yikes!- Did it have to be this rapey? The story isn't even tagged non-con!
-
“Let it, Rain!”What version of Chrysalis strikes you as the type to make puns?-
“I just stared at the ceiling not being able to process any of the things that happened to me.”Quite odd that she'd say this out loud...-
I realized I truly was in the new world. Everything was white, even the sky. Pieces of whiteness were falling from the clouds. When I caught one, it turned into water.Rain has surely seen snow before, lol.-
The immortal slave landed before me and grind.Grinned?- This "negotiation" between Rain and Cozy Glow is truly bizarre. Both of them are speaking like emotionless robots.
- For that matter, despite how Rain's motivation here is supposedly entirely emotional, she approaches the problem like a single minded emotionless robot. Her programming says she must see Spirit again, and she follows that programming just like a machine. She has very little emotional response to anything -- just 'If A, then do B, and therefore C.'
- This whole 'only Sombra can grant immortality, and only for a day at a time' setup seems awfully convenient ... like it's specifically designed to force Rain to do whatever the hell he wants. But there are a lot of issues with that. A) Sombra isn't the only one in the MLP universe who can do this sort of thing. Remember how StarSwirl sealed the Pillars away for a thousand years without aging? Or Celestia could turn Rain into a statue like Discord until Spirit shows up. B) Sombra doesn't depend on trickery and negotiation like this to get slaves -- he's perfectly capable of magically brainwashing ponies and forcing them to do what he wants ... it's like his main thing he does. C) If Sombra can grant immortality, how come he's the only MLP villain who actually died? ... It just seems like instead of finding a way to use the rules of the MLP universe creatively, you've just supplanted them with your own rules ... rules custom-designed to give Rain the worst experience possible.
- Why is Sombra so keen on 'negotiating' anyway? From what we've seen of him in MLP, he's really not the negotiating type. He just takes what he wants.
-
"This is awesome!" said Cozy Glow. "You will do all the chores for me and I will be free and immortal. Of course, I'll never want to grow a day older so I'll never actually pass the daily blessing onto you. This is really great for me."And now we get into issues with Cozy Glow's character... Her saying things like this is absolutely against her canon character. She should be far more manipulative than this. She should be pretending to be a good pony, pretending to be on Rain's side. She should be promising that immortality blessing all the time ... in order to get Rain to do absolutely anything for her ... but then never actually give it. But you've taken this manipulative, lying, and scheming character and you've turned her into a straightforward filly who always says exactly what she's thinking in the most on-the-nose way possible.-
"I understand that this arrangement may not be ideal for me and that I may not receive the daily blessing of immortality as I had hoped," I said. "But I am still willing to accept this arrangement, as it gives me the opportunity to serve and be a part of your life. I will work hard, regardless. And even if I am not able to receive the daily blessing, I’ll live without regret of missing out on the potential. This is the best deal I could get, and I’ll try to be grateful for it."This is completely ridiculous. Do you see what I mean about her acting like a robot? And not even a smart robot. We're talking Roomba-level intelligence here. Even from a purely robot logic standpoint, it makes no sense to waste away her life as a slave when she's just been blatantly told that she will not achieve her goal that way. Just because it gets slightly closer to achieving her goal, in theory? Close doesn't count!- Is this story going to have any sex scenes that aren't straight-up rape? It isn't, is it? At this rate, if Rain ever does meet Spirit again, I'm guessing it will somehow end with him raping her.
- Is there anybody who gets turned on by Rain being tortured by wool bodysuits? I guess there must be, but I'm having a hard time imagining it. Torture and abuse seems to be the point of this fic, and it only features clop begrudgingly. Like ... not even fetishized torture and abuse ... just torture and abuse for its own sake.
-
Maybe if I showed her my obedience first, I could then convince her to cut me out of the enwrapping prisons.Does she even remember why she's here at this point?- Wait ... that's the end? It just ends there? This fic definitely feels unfinished. What was the point of all this? Absolutely nothing is resolved in the end ... and it doesn't even end with a climactic gang-bang scene with hundreds of stallions, either. It just ... stops. No indication of whether everything she's gone through will allow her to meet her goal of finding Spirit again, not even a scene of Sombra having sex with her, which is where I thought this was surely leading to. Or maybe Rain could finally get fed up with all of this and leave. Or maybe it could have led to Rain being fully corrupted and outright evil ... but it didn't get to that part either. (And there was room within the maximum word count. It could have kept going and reached some kind of conclusion...)
- Honestly, overall ... this fic just strikes me as really bad. I'm having trouble imagining anybody who would actually enjoy reading this. I guess someone who's really into mindless rape and torture (mostly torture). But even then, those aspects of it weren't really played up or depicted in fleshed-out detail. What got the most attention in this fic is the bizarrely emotionless and mindless 'negotiations' with each character blatantly announcing how much they like or dislike each individual 'deal' and mostly just talking in circles until Rain eventually just accepts whatever they want from her. A lot of word count was dedicated to that sort of thing.
Scores:
Provocativeness: 30
Progression: 40
Payoff: 10
Pacing: 30
Personality: 5
Prose: 55
Total: 170
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.
11552257 Thank you for this lengthy review, I appreciate it. I'll wait until 2023.05.04 when the judging ends before implementing fixes to the problems you pointed out.
Edit: Fixed.
My Little Reviews & Feedback I did your review.
11566721 Thank you, I appreciate your review.
Factual Error:
The Cimarron does receive snow; so now, Rain should know about it.
11578001 Fixed.
11578035
I saw a movie featuring uplifting today:
I saw the new Guardians of the Galaxy. Marvel has a multiverse, so it can try different things (in most universes, Drax is a robot). This movie showed the uplifting of Rocket Raccoon. In this continuity, it was brutal and torturous. The uplifting of Rain is much better.
11578297 Knowing that Rain achieved immortality sure sounds uplifting.
11578321
In this context, uplifting refers to increasing the intelligence of animals. In the movie, as in some of the universes of the comics, the process was extremely painful. The 1st word of Rocket Raccoon is "¡Hurt!"
Comic books invented the concept of the multiverse before physicists.
The uplift of Rain is painless and rapid.
ChatGPT help write this.
Cozy Glow is a Pegasus.