Rise of the Elements Epidode 0: Silent over Time

by Dream Volt

Author's Notes

Check out http://needsmoarg4.tumblr.com/

I pretty much stole her character designs for Firecracker Burst and Blossomforth and her Sweesong pic inspired me as well, though that is much harder to tell. I was looking for a better reference for Firecracker when I stumbled upon her (maybe I should not keep assuming I got the gender of somepony on the internet right?) neat tumblr. She did Bumblesweet too, but I already had a clear idea for her when I stumbled across this.

Yes, Dream Volt is my self insert OC. I also practically wrote him out of this version of the story, so I don't think you even know enough about him to hate him. If you do, eh, whatever. Nothing I can do.

The first version of this story was told from Luna's perspective, but that drove me crazy trying to write from her perspective without things sounding very emo. Silent Sky was always Luna's captain, but her name and cutie mark were originally going to match one of the blind bags. I then decided I was being dumb trying to force a cutie mark and coloration on her instead of what I really wanted, so bam, full on OC.

Azy I plucked from something else I wrote and ponized her. Part of her character is that she really stands out in a crowd, much to her annoyance obviously. Also zony is just fun to say, who cares if there is no such thing in RL or not.

This is still not perfect, but I'm sick of editing this and if I keep going I'm pretty sure if I kept going I'd drive myself even more insane, and I really don't have that much further to go. But this thing was acting as a roadblock for the other stories I've already written, since they all flow from it.

Which means yes there is a reason it says Episode Zero up there. My intent is to make it series like. I was going to cram the episodes together in a few stories on the site, but then realized they're all long enough by themselves, not just this one, and they could really use their own separate tags. They will all be first pony, and most of them from this point on about from the point of the mane 6. The first one will be Pinkie. That was interesting to write.

Comments

[Aegis Shield]

Hmm...

[Umbra Dator]

Episode 0 huh? WAT? I NO UNDERSTAND!

[Storyteller27]

Well done! A different, deeper take on Luna than I have seen previously. I like it!
I also like the understated approach to the whole "Elements as Immortality" concept.
Of course, since this is the beginning of a series for you, there are a lot of directions you could take this...

If you haven't already written them, may one of your readers offer you a piece of advice?

Stay subtle. I (personally) think it fits, not only the characters of the Mane 6, but your own style as a writer far better than would some overblown story about all six of them suddenly blooming into alicorns one day/week/month/year.

I realize it's not my place to dictate others' plots, but that's what I would like to see. This is a wonderfully-crafted story on its own, and I would hate to see it damaged by over-the-top OOC-ing in future installments.

Again, wonderful work!

[BenRG]

Having come across this episode after reading episodes one through three, I think I have a fairly clear idea of what this story is now trying to tell. It is epic in nature, as the story of the birth of a new pantheon of gods must necessarily be. Your OCs are compelling and I like what you've done with poor, insecure, always boasting but never believing she's worthy Trixie. She always was meant to be the anti-Twilight, so why should she not be Luna's personal student as her mirror image is Celestia's?

The thing that has caught me is Luna's meditations on the nature of the Elements themselves. If she's right and she's set them on the right path, then the major threats of Season 2 could take on a very different nature. Discord's power is over the mind and he might still be somewhat a threat but I think that the Changelings will have a lot harder a time to get a foothold. I don't want to think of the consequences of the Lesson Zero scenario with an even half-powered Twilight Sparkle who has begun to ascend to become the Lady Friendship.

I'll be looking out for further episodes. This is a fine bit of work and really deserves far more attention than it has been given.

[Dream Volt]

2182245 Whoo! Criticism.

First off, I try to do my best with spelling and grammar, but if spellcheck doesn't catch a spelling mistake then it's really unlikely I will.

I was taught not to overdo the he said, she said, ect lines, but clearly at least some of the time I'm underdoing it. That's something I can work on at least.

Some of the strange and unnatural phrasing is just the way I talk, and I read it out loud fairly often. I just found one case of repeating myself yesterday editing something, but I never thought I did it that often, and now I'm worried it's much worse than I thought.

I can't be sure all of it is on purpose, but there is a lot of information I mean to leave out. That's one of the things about first pony, you only know what they know, and characters don't always feel the need to discuss things they already know all about. The unfortunate side effect of this is if there is something you should know I didn't mean to leave out it can be hard to tell. Especially since some things I hint at aren't really explained until not just chapters later, but whole other episodes down the line.

Finally I posted this mostly out of frustration because I just can't stand editing anymore and it seemed good enough even if I wasn't entirely happy with it. Of course it's been long enough I don't even remember why I felt that way, but I think it was far more general than your issues with it. That being said you might want to try just skipping ahead to episode 1 and reading from there, I feel a lot happier with it, and it stars Pinkie so it's fun. Also I really hope I'm getting better with time.

[Dream Volt]

6816322 The second is more Luna doesn't have to worry about what stalkers try and do to her, but those around her could easily get hurt without some security. Not mentioned is said security becomes a target, but that is the job, even if Luna's life isn't the one being protected by their presence.