• Member Since 30th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 6th, 2020

Dream Volt


T

Silent Sky is the captain of the Moon Guard. They are the personal guard of princess Luna, and strangely enough were never disbanded. Now they are meeting their princess for the first time and finally returning to their ancient duties. Of course Luna has her own ideas about what she wants from her guards, and there is also the matter of why Luna is talking so weird. Luna also wants to get the elements to like her, but this could be complicated by something odd going on with the six mares.

Chapters (25)
Comments ( 17 )

Episode 0 huh? WAT? I NO UNDERSTAND!

Well done! A different, deeper take on Luna than I have seen previously. I like it! :twilightsmile:
I also like the understated approach to the whole "Elements as Immortality" concept.
Of course, since this is the beginning of a series for you, there are a lot of directions you could take this...

If you haven't already written them, may one of your readers offer you a piece of advice?

Stay subtle. I (personally) think it fits, not only the characters of the Mane 6, but your own style as a writer far better than would some overblown story about all six of them suddenly blooming into alicorns one day/week/month/year.

I realize it's not my place to dictate others' plots, but that's what I would like to see. This is a wonderfully-crafted story on its own, and I would hate to see it damaged by over-the-top OOC-ing in future installments.

Again, wonderful work!

The idea of Celestia making Trixie join up is actually too funny for words. Trollestia strikes again! :trollestia:

I wonder how long it will take for Luna to shout the Night Guard into shape? She won't mean to shout, of course, she'll just get excited and... well, you get the drift.

Twilight has just had a bookgasm, I think. :twilightblush:

I'm finally understanding what this extended prologue is about. When they took up the Elements, the Mane Six actually became infused by each Element's power. This is inducing changes in them, biological as well as magical. Slowly, they are all beginning to mutate into... well, something else. Maybe even demi-gods that could only be matched by an alicorn.

So, Luna and Chrysalis were buddies (or at least associates) once, hmm? Well, well... That might explain the Moon Princess's absence at the battle at the wedding. If she were bound by magic not to interfere in Chrysalis's activities...

Interesting suggestion that Discord might have been (at least partially) responsible for Nightmare Moon. The old monster always had too much talent at finding a Pony's weaknesses and exploiting it. Why should he not have managed it with Luna, if only in a very small and subtle way?

Poor Luna! She does seem to have the Misfit Squad as her personal guard, doesn't she?

I'm pretty sure that Time Mare Derpy's clock might be something that has locked away certain of her powers so she can better integrate and hide on Equestria. Unfortunately, it didn't work properly (or there is a proximity effect). But, yeah, maybe she should talk to Celestia about it." :derpytongue2:

"We hope our sister didn't overdo one of her pranks again." Said Luna

Oh she did, Luna. She really, really did. And she didn't have a problem in roping the Elements into this one either.

Trollestia strikes again! :trollestia:

You mean there is an Equestrian equivalent of Star Wars? :yay: :rainbowlaugh: :derpyderp1:

Yeah, I doubt any of the Night Guard have seen flame!Twilight but, if I'm right, she's got an emergency upper power level reserve that could probably flatten a mountain. The best thing to do in that situation is to offer her a book, a really, really old and one-of-a-kind book and hope that this is more important to her than killing everyone and everything that has caused her pain. Worse yet, if she goes Nightmare for a good reason? Then she might not be stoppable, especially as Lesson Zero showed that she can reprogram Ponies' minds en-masse with very little effort.

So, thus it is revealed.

If Luna is right, then the Six are not normal ponies. Indeed, there is reason to believe that they never were normal ponies, even if they are ponies at all. At best, they are roughly pony-shaped physical containers for a magical power so ancient and old that no-one, not even the Celestial Sisters know of its origin. Does that make them a lie? No, they are sentient, sapient and have a clear individuality but the power of each specific Element defines their every choice and action. Twilight is Friendship, Rarity is Generosity and so on.

They are not the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony... they are the Elements of Harmony. They are aspects of one of the fundamental forces of the heart given physical form.

Y'know... I wouldn't tell them. I'd guide them in the right direction and let them find out for themselves; then I'd be there for them to help them handle the new paradigm of their lives. Nothing else would be right and nothing else would truly convince them of the fact.

Having come across this episode after reading episodes one through three, I think I have a fairly clear idea of what this story is now trying to tell. It is epic in nature, as the story of the birth of a new pantheon of gods must necessarily be. Your OCs are compelling and I like what you've done with poor, insecure, always boasting but never believing she's worthy Trixie. She always was meant to be the anti-Twilight, so why should she not be Luna's personal student as her mirror image is Celestia's?

The thing that has caught me is Luna's meditations on the nature of the Elements themselves. If she's right and she's set them on the right path, then the major threats of Season 2 could take on a very different nature. Discord's power is over the mind and he might still be somewhat a threat but I think that the Changelings will have a lot harder a time to get a foothold. I don't want to think of the consequences of the Lesson Zero scenario with an even half-powered Twilight Sparkle who has begun to ascend to become the Lady Friendship.

I'll be looking out for further episodes. This is a fine bit of work and really deserves far more attention than it has been given.

I'm sorry, but I've stumbled through 9 chapters as best I could and decided that I'm giving up on this one.
The story is interesting enough and there are plenty of funny moments and amusing ideas, but the grammar, spelling and word choice mistakes kill it. :pinkiecrazy:

When you have more that 2 characters in the scene talking, you should indicate the speaker somehow. I wound up completely lost in this chapter, mostly because I could only make out when 2 of the 5+ characters were talking. The only reason I knew that many was because Luna talks in old equestrian and Trixy speaks in third person. :applejackconfused:

You should be able to find where you used the wrong word or typed parts of a sentence twice simply by reading the story out loud. This might also help with some of the strange and unnatural phrasing that pops up a little too often. :rainbowderp:

In this chapter particularly, there seems to be some background information missing about past events, the characters and their relationships here. I'd elaborate but like I said, I'm totally lost. I 'think' it just needs more elaboration. As the author you know many details the reader doesn't and you seem to have missed telling us some of the more important ones. :rainbowhuh:

I started this with the intention of reading the entire series, you have a fun little world and some great ideas, but I just can't bring myself to read any more. I finally understand why there are so few votes (Readers won't down-vote because of good content but they wont up-vote because of poor execution). If you went through and fixed it up this story could probably do really well. :twilightsmile:

I'm not trying to be mean, if no one says anything you can't improve. Also on a selfish note, I'm hoping you get spurred on to fix it and I can read it when you are finished. :pinkiehappy:

2182245 Whoo! Criticism.

First off, I try to do my best with spelling and grammar, but if spellcheck doesn't catch a spelling mistake then it's really unlikely I will.

I was taught not to overdo the he said, she said, ect lines, but clearly at least some of the time I'm underdoing it. That's something I can work on at least.

Some of the strange and unnatural phrasing is just the way I talk, and I read it out loud fairly often. I just found one case of repeating myself yesterday editing something, but I never thought I did it that often, and now I'm worried it's much worse than I thought.

I can't be sure all of it is on purpose, but there is a lot of information I mean to leave out. That's one of the things about first pony, you only know what they know, and characters don't always feel the need to discuss things they already know all about. The unfortunate side effect of this is if there is something you should know I didn't mean to leave out it can be hard to tell. Especially since some things I hint at aren't really explained until not just chapters later, but whole other episodes down the line.

Finally I posted this mostly out of frustration because I just can't stand editing anymore and it seemed good enough even if I wasn't entirely happy with it. Of course it's been long enough I don't even remember why I felt that way, but I think it was far more general than your issues with it. That being said you might want to try just skipping ahead to episode 1 and reading from there, I feel a lot happier with it, and it stars Pinkie so it's fun. Also I really hope I'm getting better with time.

"Yes, we said that, but in truth that is a bit bleak. It is more a matter of though we need not fear the ponies about us, it is the smooth flow of society, and protecting ponies from injury of their own selves."
"Or ponies hurting those in the way of their object of affection. The adored and impressive Trixie knows this first hand of course."
-I don't quite get this part. Is the first quote about "well, we gotta keep the raving fanboys away, and if Luna had to do it personally, more of them would get hurt"? The second... rivalries between "stay away from my waifu" types?

Does he not have a good tolerance for teleportation spells, at least at that range? Or is Luna's particularly problematic in that regard? You would think that wouldn't change over the centuries, so she would be familiar with the problem. Maybe it just takes acclimation?

6816322 The second is more Luna doesn't have to worry about what stalkers try and do to her, but those around her could easily get hurt without some security. Not mentioned is said security becomes a target, but that is the job, even if Luna's life isn't the one being protected by their presence.

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