Rise of the Elements Epidode 0: Silent over Time

by Dream Volt

Batponies and Changelings

Blossom and Sweetsong nodded. Song was of course smiling. Blossom smiled at first but now had a neutral look on her face. Luna was smiling brightly having told them the news. Then I felt a certain itch in my wings. While it was anything but common knowledge some of Luna's old texts made it very clear that pegasai could use their wings to sense magic. It was very difficult to even sense anything beyond air currents, and anything beyond the weather magic common to pegasai even more difficult. With time and good documentation I mastered the skill.

I spun to see a faint outline of a pony. It faded instantly, followed by a girlish laugh. Then with a green flash he was visible. A pink stallion with a long black, green and blue mane. He still looked more than a little effeminate with his thin willowy build, but still unmistakably a stallion. Honestly if I didn't know him better I might even be impressed by his sharp features and handsome face. But I did know him. He got a great bit smile on his face.

"Well isn't it lovely to see you ladies again. It's been a long time Luna."

"Nightshade." I said

"Yes, indeed it has." Then Luna blinked, and turned towards Blossom. "I mean…"

"She knows." Nightshade then laughed.

"When you say…"

"Everything. I mean really, she can miss things sometimes, but she's put together an entire section on bat ponies, and Luna wrote a truly excellent guide to changelings."

Blossom blinked. "Wait, you thought I didn't know Song was a Batpony?"

"Yea, Blossom drags my sorry flank home all the time."

Song then changed. She was still a pale purple pony with similarly pale pink hair, and still wearing the beret, but her eyes, wings and ears all fit the bat pony look perfectly now. I could only see one fluffy ear right now, and most of the time she kept both covered so she had one less thing to hide, but I could assume they matched. Luna stared.

"Wait, we are confused. A pink batpony is thy true form?"

Song nodded. "Yep. And before you ask, I was born this way."

"You see dear Luna…" said Nightshade. "We were trying to copy a creature that didn't exist. Apparently without some existent DNA to even guess on…"

"I never did understand what might be doing the guessing." Said Song. "Or why that matters, but whatever."

"The result being the creation of a new species that retained some of our abilities."

Song nodded. "And a few new cool ones too. Well, eventually. Mostly it's just being a little more bat-like in a few little ways though, especially hearing."

"At the time it hardly seemed important and we didn't even question it."

"Now they are their own significant race." I added

"Oh come on."

We all turned to see Trixie appear in the middle of the five of us. I hadn't seen her. Luna looked as surprised as Nightshade. Blossom didn't look surprised, but she had her eyes closed. I noticed Song's ears twitch a bit. I suddenly was fairly sure there was a really good reason Celestia put Trixie in charge of the unicorn stealth force.

"Oh, that's what that was." Said Song "Good job, that was really subtle. Most ponies don't even think about sound. I wasn't even sure if it was just background noise."

"Thank you. The silent and sneaky Trixie clearly knows very little about bat ponies and can only guess at your hearing acumen."

"I didn't see through it." Said Luna

"And of course us mere mortals and semi mortals wouldn't stand a chance." Said Nightshade. "I think it was even better than Breezie invisibility."

Trixie frowned. "Okay, that's another one. Seriously, how many other types of ponies are secretly living among us. Changelings, sea ponies…"

Luna suddenly shook her head. "HALT THY TRIADE APPRENTICE."

Trixie did of course. Mainly because she had fallen over backwards. "TRIXIE THINKS SHE MIGHT HAVE GONE DEAF."

"ARE THOU MOCKING ME?" Luna's eye twitched slightly.

"Your majesty, while I'm loath to say it, I believe you may have simply rendered her temporarily deaf."

"Why would you be loath to say that?"

Song giggled. "Because the bossmare just helped Trixie by saying that."

"TRIXE…" Then there was a pause. "Oh, Trixie can hear herself again."

This was followed by a sigh of relief so obviously strong I felt it should be reserved for far more important things. Like learning somepony is still alive after being poisoned by a manticore. Or the pony in the building you just demolished was really just a mareakin. Or that you haven't finally succumbed to the curse you suddenly were a little less sure of being real, and just had some bad mushroom soup. I know it isn't fair but I will always consider organic, magic free, food to mean food grown by brain dead hicks too stupid to separate the poisonous fungus from the normal, yet still cut it up in such a way to make identifying the difference for anypony else impossible.

"Seriously, Trixie would like some explanations. The deductive and observant Trixie may be the greatest sleuth the world has ever known, but even she cannot work with nothing. Explain all this bat pony nonsense."

"I too am curious. Clearly you have a changeling's sharpeshifting…"

"I wish." Said Sweetsong.

"It isn't quite as good. Most bat ponies can't even do anything other than pegasai. Though they can do any pegasus they choose."

"And more importantly we can't change our cutie marks."

"Or rather." Said Nightshade. "They have cutie marks, unlike changelings. Also their natural form is rather more pleasant to the majority of ponykind."

"Hmmm, yes, we suppose so. We like the little fluffy bits near the ears especially. We always felt that especially adorable. So changelings can just create new species?"

Nightshade laughed. "I suppose. Its not like we've tried since, and some enchantment in the armor might have been involved as well. Or simply some lingering magic of Nightmare herself. It's hard to say."

"So is that really the big secret you're badly trying to hide from Trixie? That all the ponies with the obvious transformation magic are bat ponies, the two with slightly less obvious magic transformed sea ponies, and the subtle ones changelings?"

"Wait." Nightshade was staring at her. "You can see through our transformations?"

"I hardly need to but yes, of course Trixie can. She is not some little foal unlearned in the ways of magic."

I frowned. "You somehow got a changeling to specifically teach you, didn't you?"

"That's impossible." Said Blossom.

I rolled my eyes. "Clearly you know far more than I thought, but it's not even that hard. I figured out how to do it from a book."

Then I looked up to see Blossom, Song, and Nightshade staring at me. Luna just smiled. Trixie of course turned her head up, nose in the air. I never even thought about seeing Nightshade's real green slitted eyes, or any of my girls with the same. Then I had a sudden thought. What if that's not what she meant? Changelings have to use illusions to hide their eyes since it's the one thing they can't alter, but what if Trixie means seeing some distortion in the magic itself. Celestia and Luna can't even do that. I then shook my head. What a ridiculous thought. Then Luna turned to Trixie, and her brow furrowed.

"Hmm, though I suppose that is a quandary." Said Luna "The answer seems obvious enough."

"Ignoring somepony's vague mumblings for the moment, I still haven't got my answer. Also Trixie still wants to know how many other tribes of ponies there are beyond the obvious three."

"Counting all three types of fey as separate breeds…" began Blossom

"Which you should." Nightshade and Song echoed

"There are six hidden."

"Six?" I asked

"Yes, though I am in truth not sure a single Kirin remains in Equestria."

Trixie laughed. "Ha, that's ridiculous. Trixie may have missed one but clearly you are all sadly misinformed. Trixie can think of at least 17. Trixie must be going now."

Then there was a cloud of smoke and she was gone. Except I couldn’t see her fleeing in any direction, or any hint of a disturbance anywhere around us. If she has an invisibility spell so perfect not even the master of the moon and illusions herself can see through it, then why in the world does she use the smoke bombs. For that matter even if she did require them to vanish properly, why does it so rarely work right?

Blossom sighed. "Ugh, thinking about this is giving me a migraine."

"Well, at least it makes things a little easier. I mean the changelings under Trixie will be happy to…"

"That reminds us." Said Luna "Nightshade, we are still a bit surprised to see you here. You said you would not waver but…"

"I said those under my command would serve you faithfully forever more. A few have had their forever end one way or another but we don't age."

"Yea, speaking of that. The Captain is fey right?"

Luna nodded. "Obviously. Ponies don't simply stop aging for no reason. Though it's so faint I can't even tell which of the three tribes it is."

I just stared forward for a good long while. Well at least I finally had an explanation. Then suddenly I dashed up to Luna, shaking her with my front hooves.

"What does this mean for my sister?"

There was a chorus of gasps. I thought they were as concerned as I was at first, but then I realized I was shaking the regent of the moon I had sworn to protect. I immediately pulled back, and lay myself prostrate before her.

"I am so sorry your majesty. Any punishment…."

Luna sighed. "Sky, do you really think I would punish you for worrying about your sister."

"That was certainly surprising." Said Blossom

"Worried?" said Song. "Worried about what? That she'll get awesome powers or, that she'll be semi immortal."

"Unaging just means you're doomed to a painful death." Said Nightshade with a smile.

Luna laughed. "Ever the charmer eh Nightshade?"

"I try." He then smiled widely.

I stood up. "I don't mean to impose but…"

"We, aren't certain." Luna then smiled. "The wondrously new situation of the elements complicates everything. Still, your subordinate is right. Worry is not the right emotion, even if it is in it's own way logical to worry."

"So nothing bad will happen to her?"

Luna frowned. "That I cannot promise. Still, I can assure you that while the heritage is clear as can be in her aura it is currently meaningless as far as I can tell."

"But it won't stay that way?" asked Nightshade.

"Perhaps we should call it a night." Said Blossom "Especially since I probably don't even have the clearance for what I already know. Also Trixie hasn't really left yet."

"What? The shocked and amazed Trixie cannot believe you knew."

"I did not." Blossom then smiled.

There was then a brief silence and the distinctive sound of hoof striking face. "The gullible and foalish Trixie cannot believe she just fell for that."

I smiled. "I can."

"We really thought at the time you might have been kidding about insulting Trixie."

"Yes, miss Blossomforth is right. Now isn't a good time. Though I will say there is a certain matter we should discuss in private latter. As in only your loyal captain and yourself. But I need to make a few more inquires to be sure first anyway."

Then he bowed, and vanished into the shadows. The shadows that had become suddenly far darker than they should have been. Nightshade had founded EMI, and written most of their training manuals himself. He decided there were all sorts of ways to serve Luna, not just her guard. Most of Equestria's best spies were changelings. Celestia somehow had no clue. At some point I really need to look into that if Luna doesn't. It's too bad I'm magically barred from simply asking Celestia about it.

Comments

[draconis72000]

I'm sorry, but I've stumbled through 9 chapters as best I could and decided that I'm giving up on this one.
The story is interesting enough and there are plenty of funny moments and amusing ideas, but the grammar, spelling and word choice mistakes kill it.

When you have more that 2 characters in the scene talking, you should indicate the speaker somehow. I wound up completely lost in this chapter, mostly because I could only make out when 2 of the 5+ characters were talking. The only reason I knew that many was because Luna talks in old equestrian and Trixy speaks in third person.

You should be able to find where you used the wrong word or typed parts of a sentence twice simply by reading the story out loud. This might also help with some of the strange and unnatural phrasing that pops up a little too often.

In this chapter particularly, there seems to be some background information missing about past events, the characters and their relationships here. I'd elaborate but like I said, I'm totally lost. I 'think' it just needs more elaboration. As the author you know many details the reader doesn't and you seem to have missed telling us some of the more important ones.

I started this with the intention of reading the entire series, you have a fun little world and some great ideas, but I just can't bring myself to read any more. I finally understand why there are so few votes (Readers won't down-vote because of good content but they wont up-vote because of poor execution). If you went through and fixed it up this story could probably do really well.

I'm not trying to be mean, if no one says anything you can't improve. Also on a selfish note, I'm hoping you get spurred on to fix it and I can read it when you are finished.