Udahyas
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This guy's trying to achieve Heaven
The magic system is interesting.
Ok, it's wierd that they think a random creature is the secret weapon that they need without any info about it.
Is he a werewolf or something?
11355146
I agree that this is a very stupid moment, but now I'm thinking how to give it more logic in the future
He's not a werewolf, I just decided that the uncontrolled use of dark magic should look like madness and lack of humanity.
Join the changeling, it will kick start economy, griffin changeling attachment
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For example, make them be curious about the new creature and after they meet and some build up you can show that he has talent for war magic or something plus the more aggressive nature of humans.
It would be good that Luna and Celestia teaches him about warfare and magic before giving him a position in the military.
So they can ascertain about his nature, talent and personality. No monarch would give a important position without careful vetting.
Am I missing something? Aren't Twilight and the girls the only ones who saw him and know about him? How does that equal pony-kind as a whole? Since he is still largely unknown there should still be hope for Celestia's plan. Just let Twilight and the others in on it and continue as before. Capturing him is really unnecessary when you think about it, but ok whatever.
The reason for attacking the Dragon is strange. For example you could change it to something more understandable.
He goes to investigate the smoke and encounters the Dragon sleeping and tries to sneakily steal gold and jewels because he read in a book about enchanting material and reagents. The dragon wakes up because they have a 6th sense for when someone is stealing their treasure or something and they fight.
The treasure can be used to cast more advanced magic that needs higher control easier, for example transmuting stuff into clothes that he needs, or using that to practice enchanting for equipment that can help him channel magic easier etc.
The last part where he kills the dragon is strange too. Having a cold, pragmatic and calculating MC is not bad, but he seems more crazy than anything.
You can make him kill the Dragon because magical creatures are nice reagents, catalysts or enchanting material, and the dragon is on the top of the list of most useful magical creatures.
It is very important to make the MCs reason understandable and logical so that the reader can understand them.
Greed and ambition is something that all humans understand so it's easy to explain that way his actions.
Nice chapter! The fighting scenes are well done.
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Thanks!
The "test of will" mechanic is interesting. It's the first time I have seen it.
Celestia been burn
Is this a crossover?
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No, it's not a crossover
Would it be more efficient to use unicorns as a garrison? if they manage to push through the defense you can use your garrison to bombard them while you either stall for reinforcements or retreat.
The jokes don't quite work, due to the difference in languages. The second one may seem pretty offensive to some people in English, while in the original language (which I assume is one of the slavic languages) it is less so.
The first one doesn't work because it's not a joke that is a Cerified Classic in English-speaking communities.
This is the first time I see someone so unironically chuuni and edgy on a MLP fic and I fucking love it.
Ese es un Brandon
You repeated this twice.
11422121
Thank you for noticing the error. Now fixed
Man looks like he looks up to cell quite a bit. Just hope he doesn't have to fuckin eat one of the three tribes for pony perfection lol
Si
Si
Why? With malicious intent, he just attacks? He kills just because? I need help understanding this. Can someone help me understand why the main character just up and kills other creatures so violently without warning?
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He is trying to obtain HEAVEN
11446007
Oh...that makes complete sense...
Does his attitude get better? I'm asking for a friend.
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So far, I don't plan on a big Mane Six involvement in the story. So because of the small number of interactions, the attitude towards them from the main character will not change.
Murray Christmas y’all
Look like it's a no...
My cought of arms is "A stick and a rock and we had to share the rock."
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Understandable. Have a great day.
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Then where did you get the idea for the White Sphere from? Unless it's a snowball, I don't think the show has ever had anything like that in it.
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The white sphere is in fact just a means that was supposed to transfer the main character to Equestria. Like the Twilight spell or similar things in other fan fiction. The white sphere just happened to be the first thing I came up with.
Me reading the title and description:
I loved this Tia Burn
Praise the Emperor for the new chapter
Now this is one hell of a story. A rather nice mixture so far, nice job.
Civil offensive.
Lead singer nickname: Legor Yetov.
Is Ctumer meant to be spelled that way? It doesn’t even come up on my spell check.
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The plastic world has lost
Oh-oh my offensive
Ooooh no....
Changeling, you made a huge mistake.
I hope he finds Ponyvill soon and befriend Ponies.
Because he will get into a lot of Drama that he does not need at all.
Noooo.....
BUCK!!!!
He could had live a normal life bit Nooo!!!
That DAMB QUEEN!!!
DAMB HOMIE!!!!
BRUTAL!!!
Bruh....
I hope he does not destroy Equestria
Damb OK then.
Did he eat the Meat 🍖 Raw or Cooked 🍳?
I'm glad BlueBlood is not a Bad Pony in the MLP Comics bit in this Fanfiction Version of him....
What a B*tch!
Oh that's nice.